Dumb things I didn't need today: The 9/11 inspired rock musical August 31, 2010 5:51 PM | permalink

It's been something of an awful couple of days recently.

August is wrapping up, New York City is hot, boring, and overrun with bedbugs, so I flip on the internet and what do I get? Category four hurricanes, Glenn Beck rallies, and a video of a horrible girl throwing puppies in a river. 

It's gotten to the point where even a series of photos of a smiling cat with fresh produce on its head couldn't cheer me up. So you know what maybe I didn't need today?

Oh, I don't know, how about the news that next Friday, there's a rock musical movie opening in New York City based on, and inspired by the 9/11 attacks?

Yep, it's called Clear Blue Tuesday, and here's the trailer, in case that whole "puppies in the river" thing wasn't enough of a downer for you.

You go ahead and watch it, or read the New York Times blog post about it; I'll be over here, wondering if the vomit I just threw up in my mouth would taste a little better if it was seasoned with the saltiness of the tears I'm currently shedding for humanity. 

Thanks a bunch, everyone involved in this, and by thanks a bunch, I mean THE OPPOSITE OF THANKS A BUNCH AND ACTUALLY I WISH THIS WAS NEVER MADE AND/OR I NEVER KNEW ABOUT IT.

Sex In The City, Ewww? May 27, 2010 12:39 PM | permalink

The reviews are in, and it looks like the new Sex In The City movie wasn't good for anyone.

Of course, I'm a white, male, professional blogger in my late 30's who has a fair portion of the dialogue from Starship Troopers committed to memory, so who cares what I think?

But even among those who might be the target audience for this film, there appears to be dissatisfaction in the ranks. Here's a collection of some of the more vitriolic Sex and the City 2 reviews on the web:

Lindy West, The Stranger.com:

(Sex and the City 2)  takes everything that I hold dear as a woman and as a human—working hard, contributing to society, not being an entitled (explicative deleted)  like it's my job—and rapes it to death with a stiletto that costs more than my car. It is 146 minutes long...an entirely inappropriate length for what is essentially a home video of gay men playing with giant Barbie dolls.

Andrew Hehir, Salon.com

It would have been more merciful for writer-director Michael Patrick King to have rented Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda out to the "Saw" franchise, or to Rob Zombie, so we could watch them get shot in the head or skinned alive by Arkansas rednecks. Instead of that, we get something that's truly sadistic: the SATC girls as haggard specters, haunted by their freewheeling '90s past and stupefied by the demands of work, marriage and/or motherhood.

Kimberly Gadette, IndyMoviesOnline.com:

The tagline for the new movie about Carrie Bradshaw & Co. states that we should "Carrie on." The publicity department almost got it right, but the spelling's off. It needs to be "Carrion" because nothing says putrefying, rotten and vile quite like this sequel. Yes, it's that bad.

Wow- all that kind of makes me want to see it.

This movie is gonna be HUGE!

Big Dumb Movie Review: 3 Idiots January 7, 2010 3:01 PM | permalink

In an old episode of the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Willow and Xander are sitting around watching a Bollywood film on television. The following exchange takes place:

Xander: Why is she singing?

Willow: She's sad because her lover gave her 12 gold coins but then the wizard cut open the bag of salt and now the dancing minions have nowhere to put their big, maple.... fish thing. 

Xander: Uh huh. Why is she singing?

Luckily, In this installment of the Big Dumb Movie Review, my look at the Bollywood hit, 3 Idiots went far better than that. But like Xander, I still wasn't always clear why they were singing. Not like it really mattered.  Here's the review.

Movie: 3 Idiots.

Released: December 2009

Watched: Yesterday afternoon, 2:00 PM, AMC Lowes Third Avenue, Manhattan.

What It's About: Sorry, but there's no Larry, Moe and Curly here. In this comedy (which was billed as "The most anticipated Bollywood film of the year,") the three idiots are given their moniker by the strict, conservative principal at the college of engineering they attended together. As the film makes clear, it is not these three friends who are idiotic, but the ultra-competitive system of higher education, which (along with excessive parental pressure)  is blamed for the tremendously high suicide rate among students.  In case that sounds dull, the film also features singing, dancing and a paraplegic riding a motor-scooter. It's a good time.

Why You Will Dig It:

Did I mention the paraplegic on the motor-scooter? Right. Anyway, another reason to dig this goofy and heartfelt film is how intimately you get to know the three leads, who navigate some pretty wacky material, all while while maintaining a coherent and (mostly) realistic storyline. The film seamlessly jumps around in time, into dream sequences and musical numbers, black and white and color, from comedy to drama to tragedy to romance. This thing has got it all.

Why It Will Perplex You:

It's Bollywood, so you're going to be spending over two hours pretty much perpetually perplexed. However, unlike the movie with the big maple fish thing, that's not necessarily bad. Let me put it this way: In most American films, when someone pulls his pants down and bursts into tears, it's normally not a heartfelt moment. There are like, 75 other heartfelt moments in this movie. And also, BIG musical numbers. And accusations of murder. And mint sauce. Perplexed yet? Amazingly, it all hangs together.

What You Will Learn:

I learned that Bollywood movies can be fun. I honestly was afraid that the whole thing would be so weird and, well foreign, that I would be confused, or worse, bored. I was neither.

Unavoidable Side Effects:

Looking up some of the dance numbers on Youtube.

Why You Might Not Want To Watch It:

You might not want a song called "Zoobi Doobi" in your head for four hours. I'm still kinda loving it, but then again, I'm weird.

Why You Want To Watch It:

Despite being sporadically smarmy with its drama and broad in its humor, the flaws of this film are easily forgiven thanks to the winning performances and just out-and-out fun to be had. If you're already a fan of Bollywood, you'll likely love what's here, and if you're curious about checking it out for the first time, this is  a good entry point. Now if you'll excuse me- I have some humming to do:

Zoobi-Doobi, Zoobi-Doobi Bum-Bah-Dah/ Zoobi-Doobi Bah Dum-Bah!

Big Dumb Movie Review: Surfwise September 17, 2009 10:18 AM | permalink

Introducing: Dumb movie reviews!  What makes our reviews stupid?  Well, the flicks we take on may not be new (we aren't being given tix to premieres, people) and if you want a serious review (that usually gives away too much of the plot anyways) go to a legit source.  That said, our movie reviews will be 100% funner and probably will help you get a better idea of if it's worth adding to your Netflix.

Movie: Surfwise

Came out: May 2008

Watched: Last night on DVD

What it's about: Documentary about Doc Paskowitz, a Jewish doctor and Stanford graduate who, after two failed marriages, drops out of society to surf. He marries a Mexican-American woman and has nine kids, raising them all in a tiny camper. Their upbringing includes travel and surfing.

Why you will dig it: All nine Paskowitz kids were raised with no money and no school and yet, as adults, they are all very well-spoken and absurdly normal.

What will perplex you: They were raised on beaches, spending a good portion of their childhoods wearing no clothes in the days before sunscreen. And yet, the kids are 35-50, and rather annoyingly, have no wrinkles.

What you will learn: A Mexican/Jewish marriage produces some dang attractive humans.

Unavoidable side effects: You will want to learn how to surf.  You will thank Thor your parents weren't that nuts. You will loathe yourself for having a cushy modern existence and non-surf honed flab.  Also although the second half of the movie gets dull, you may tear up for the heartwarming bit at the end.  

Why you might not want to watch it: The official 10 minute teaser on YouTube kind of shows and tells it all.

Why you should watch it:  Ninety-three minutes of ammunition to remind you that kids totally don't need all the attention and crap you give them.