It kind of hit me like a bolt on Monday that I'm getting more and more interested in Law. As in maybe becoming a lawyer. Hmmm...maybe it's just a temporary fascination but I've been thinking about it all week. After my final on Monday I was stretching my legs walking along the corridors of the Humanities Building and they had some info and bulletins about various law schools. And I started thinking...maybe that's what I've been put on this earth for.
Let's see, I tentatively graduate with my Masters in Fall 08. So then I'd enter Law School in Spring 09? Seems so far off and probably wouldn't start practicing until 2014 or so. Well at least I'll have time to think about it. Something I guess I'd have to come to grips with is the fact that I have a pretty bad taste in my mouth for the American judicial system. I think. Because I believe in Justice instead of procedure. Like if a killer has a video tape of him raping and killing a little girl, but the video was taken by police officers without a search warrant, that video can't be entered as evidence. I understand we need an objective rule system to protect against tyranny but c'mon, it would be fact that he killed her, no matter how that was found out. But there are cases just like that out there where they have to let the killer walk because of improper procedure, even though it's true that he's the killer. I don't believe Justice is procedure, so I may have a hard time in Law School.
But anyway I'd want to really get my hands dirty. Do pro bono work if I could afford it (probably not), fight for the common man and wage a one man war against institutions that issue unnecessary parking fines. Oh, and I wouldn't stop until Justice is served. Matty Justice. True Justice.
Just some thoughts. Actually when I really think hard about it the thought of having a job where I'm doing law stuff all the time doesn't seem passionately appetizing. Real intimidating too. I'd definitely have to one of those lawyers who seems to get involved in adventures and cool investigative dangerous stuff to keep it interesting. I couldn't hack just being in an office reading all day. Oh, and I remember being at the San Diego courthouse a couple years ago for jury duty and seeing all those lawyers in really nice suits. I was dressed like a bum because I was trying to get off jury duty, but looking around at those 30 somethings with their slicked back hair and expensive suits...made me want it.
Well in honor of my new found interest in becoming a lawyer I present to you my top 10 list of lawyers. These aren't boring people. No, they've all got their own style and really really big, brass balls. Influential, brilliant, beautiful...my top 10 choices of lawyers I'd fashion myself after:
#10. John Adams
You may not realize it but President Adams was one of the most successful lawyers in Boston before the Revolution and volunteered for the very unpopular task of representing the English soldiers involved in the Boston Massacre. While other Patriots were demanding immediate redcoat blood Adams stood up for due process of the law and defended the soldiers' case. That took balls. In the end two soldiers were convicted of manslaughter. As he notes: "The Part I took in Defence of Cptn. Preston and the Soldiers, procured me Anxiety, and Obloquy enough. It was, however, one of the most gallant, generous, manly and disinterested Actions of my whole Life, and one of the best Pieces of Service I ever rendered my Country. Judgment of Death against those Soldiers would have been as foul a Stain upon this Country as the Executions of the Quakers or Witches, anciently. As the Evidence was, the Verdict of the Jury was exactly right. This however is no Reason why the Town should not call the Action of that Night a Massacre, nor is it any Argument in favour of the Governor or Minister, who caused them to be sent here. But it is the strongest Proofs of the Danger of Standing Armies." -John Adams, March 5, 1773
#9. Shark (aka James Woods)
From the best new show on television, James Woods' character is a successful defense attorney who jumps ship and joins the DA's office to help convict all these crafty criminals. The Shark is just as slimy as some of these white collar thieves and murders and Woods really fits in. His mouth is constantly running and he's funny as hell. That's really why he's number 9. If I were on trail I'd want James Woods on my side. He's intimidating and has no qualms about making people cry. And if he has to bend the rules a bit in the name of Truth, so be it.
#8. Lawyer guy from the Simpsons
Supposedly fashioned after the late scumbag Roy Cohn (coincidentally played by James Woods in a little movie called Citizen Cohn), this unnamed Simpson character usually represents Mr. Burns and various other scumbags. I'm not even really sure why he's on my list, except he's all business and gets results, but now thinking about it I'd much rather prefer Lionel Hutz. You know, the idiot lawyer voiced by the late, great Phil Hartman who operates the lawfirm "I Can't Believe It's A Law Firm" in the Springfield Shopping Mall? Not to represent me, mind you, but he just seems like such a nice guy. He also practices law under the aliases Miguel Sanchez and Dr. Nguyen Van Thoc.
#7. Stephen Hudspeth
Yes, familiar to scores of Gettysburg College students as Dave's dad, Mr. H is also a real life retired lawyer. He used to work as a big copyright lawyer in a very big building with a nauseating view of that big library they used in Ghostbusters in New York City. Now he spends his time writing, doing pro bono work, napping and helping the poor. I love this man. And in his office he had a signed photo from Joe Kennedy thanking him for some work he did on some cases. Impressive. Steve used to work 20 hours a day so I can't see myself being that dedicated to Law but he definitely sets the standard.
#6. Danny Crane and the James Spader character on Boston Legal
You've gotta be paying close attention to this show cause the quips come fast and often and both the Spader attorney and William Shatner's Danny Crane are brilliant. Well maybe Shatner's a little less brilliant but it's alluded to that he used to be at the top of his game. Regardless they both have a quality that is a must for any would-be lawyer: charisma. They both sweat charisma in the courtroom. Shatner's best line last week? The lawyer for a skinny unhealthy girl who feels she has the right to be anorexic against her parents' wishes says to him: "You'll see us in court" and Crane says "not if your client stands sideways". Ha Ha Ha!

#5. Claire Huxtable from the Cosby Show
She juggled 5 children and a gynecologist husband as a working mom lawyer while always somehow managing to put dinner on the table. Now that's impressive. I always dug the fact that she was a strong woman and although we never really saw her at work like we'd see in Cliff's basement office we kinda knew she was a badass lawyer who you didn't want to fuck with. I loved that when push came to shove she was gonna grab you and put you in your place. That was her house and her family. Cliff was the comic relief. If only there were more women out there with that kind of confidence and men out there not intimidated by it. Just a thought here but really, how shady is that, that Cliff had a gynecologist office in the basement of his house? Seems shady to me.
#4. Rudy Baylor from The Rainmaker
Matt Damon was great in this role as the idealistic young lawyer right out of law school butting heads against the good ole boys in Jon Voight and Roy Schieder at some big insurance firm. Fighting for a guy who has developed leukemia, Damon is ruthless in his passion for the case even as his personal life is falling apart. This was also Francis Ford Coppola's last movie (to date) and I absolutely love it!
#3. Atticus Finch
I read To Kill a Mockingbird in Middle School and need to read it again but the Atticus I always think of when I hear his name is Gregory Peck of the movie version. So strong and honest and proud and courageously fighting for what's right and true. AFI named him the number one "Good Guy" from American movies this past year. And I think they may be right. I wouldn't want him defending me if I actually committed the crime, cause he'd make me feel so guilty I'd just have to confess, but it goes without saying I'd hire him in a second if I was wrongfully accused.
#2. Matlock
Make fun of me if you want but I grew up on Ben L. Matlock on Tuesday nights on NBC and that sweet dixieland opening music. And he played clarinet like me so I really looked up to him. I still haven't seen a full episode of his old Andy Griffith Show and definitely didn't even know about it back then so for me Griffith was always just Matlock. He had different ladies in the show and I could never keep track of them (a daughter I think or niece or something) but I'll never forget Tyler, the stocky black dude who used to do all the investigative stuff which always entailed throwing punches and fucking up crooks. I just loved that southern charm and how he'd lure overconfident murderers on the stand by playing a bit dumb and then all of a sudden he would stare them down and trap them! And then go for the jugular. And that would be it, case closed, he found that one piece of evidence and the killer would confess! I loved Matlock.

#1. Vinny
As in my cousin. Last but not least, Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny defended his nephew on a murder charge somewhere deep in Matlock territory. When everything seems lost all it takes is street smarts and hard work and even a self taught piasan lawyer who fails the bar 5 times can make good. For the longest time I associated this movie with a girl I made out with during a showing of it at band camp up in New Hampshire one summer, but I've since nearly buried that memory and now I can embrace the movie as a whole. Vinny is my favorite lawyer. Against all odds, the little Italian guy comes through in the end and shows us you don't necessarily need to be born smart to learn smart and make it in this world. But it just might take you 5 times to pass the bar.