Bride of Chewbacca

80's Video of the Week - In A Big Country

No Talent, But Nice Legs

You gotta think there are some actors, some true thespians, in the English production of Chicago who have worked their butts off for years to get a shot at the limelight. Maybe Shakespearian College, maybe years as an understudy, maybe working 3 jobs to put food on the table while following their dreams. And then in comes the American socialite Ashlee Simpson, landing the lead role through some mysterious channels and making her debut this week.


How she landed it I don't know. But I do know the deal is probably good for both camps (short of integrity I mean) using an American pop-princess to sell tickets while giving her some stage experience. Funny that her only acting roles before were some t.v. guest appearances and the role of Monique in Rob Schneider's The Hot Chick. Not exactly an ideal resume for a lead role. And what about that whole lip-synching debacle on SNL last year? Is she really singing in this production? Or is it all on tape? I'd be pissed if I went to the theatre and every thing was dubbed. What's the point of watching live theatre then? Sir Laurence Olivier is rolling over in his grave.


I've never seen the stage version of Chicago and really haven't been to a major theatre production in a while but I wouldn't mind checking it out. Admittedly I've never been a big theatre fan, I much more enjoy the magic of film, but I'd go see any Fosse-like show where the girls all have long legs and they use them. Ashlee may be short on talent but even her legs look spectacular here. Short skirts, black tights, high heels...that's all I need. Plot is secondary. Dancers usually have great legs (although gross feet, but that's a different story) because they're on those puppies all day long dancing to and fro and jumping and swinging and all that jazz. Lovely. I dig it.














And for all you perverts out there:





See? She's got some great looking legs here. Really well defined. Good for her. She's probably been worked to the point of collapse the last few weeks on those babies. But anyway here's an interesting little thing I found. It's Ashlee on The Charlotte Church Show. Yes, that cheeky, curvaceous Opera singer Charlotte Church. Who knew she had her own talk show? It actually looks pretty funny and blunt. Not what I expected. Ashlee is there promoting Chicago and she looks like a little lost puppy in the big real world. Charlotte seems normal. Ashlee looks really out of place trying to be funny but really just not knowing how to act. Sorry baby but your daddy Joe isn't around. I think that's the whole problem here. She's not a real person. She's just an image, just a name, just a PR thing. Her dad has made both her and her sister into these "things". It's not real. It's so sad. You know she's so hesitant to say anything at all just because she dreads the thought of saying the wrong thing that could destroy her whole fake little world. Just be real honey. You'll feel a lot better at the end of the day and the fall won't be quite so bad when pop-culture gets sick of you and spits you out (coming soon).

Pornstar/Politician

This is good stuff people. It happened just a little while ago here on campus, and before the news agencies and other reporters get the scoop, Matty's Blog has the exclusive. Check out the video I made above.


Mary Carey is a skanky pornstar with no prior political experience other than banging some State Assemblyman. Anyway she is again challenging Arnold for the Governorship of California. I took these photographs of her appearance on campus today taken with my new camera.














This whole event was sponspored by some paper called the SDSU Koala magazine, which is an 8 page satire piece which comes out about once a semester and tries to shock and offend but is really just bland. It's not even funny, which is the worst insult you can give to a publication like that but it's true. A few years ago we had a student zine called "Kiss My Aztec". Now that was damn funny. I busted a gut reading that...open satire pieces to our administration and pointing out their inept spending practices and generally making fun of everything on campus. This new rag is just dumb.


Anyway, Mary won't get my vote. When she laughs she sounds like Bert from Sesame Street. So annoying. She spoke a little bit about some issues...like legalizing pot and not raising taxes but I think she just digs the publicity. But it's great to shock the system and make people aware they have the opportunity to vote each year. Hopefully it raises awareness. Oh, Mary, what are we going to do with you? I'm just glad she can bring something different to the table.

Teacher Fired For Bringing Students to Museum When Parent Complains Her Child Saw a Nude Sculpture

What is this country coming to? Really. A fifth grade art teacher brings her class to the Dallas Museum of Art. Fifth grader points at nude sculpture and tells mommy when he gets home. Mommy calls school, gets teacher fired. What on Earth has happened to the United States of America? Are the Taliban running things? This is ridiculous. How can any sane parent believe that exposing their children to art (any piece in a museum) is a bad thing? Art makes us feel, makes us analyze and communicate, makes us in turn want to create, makes us appreciate beauty. How can that be a bad thing?


And maybe showing youngsters nudity in an art setting will allow them to grow and appreciate the human body, instead of thinking it's perverse and sinful and disgusting and taboo. I'm shaking my head on this one. I feel bad for that teacher, I feel bad for everyone involved and I'm ashamed that the school district will get away with it. And shame on you, mommy. I bet your kid develops a complex now. By the time he's in college I bet he'll have gigs of harddrive space devoted to deviant porn, because mommy says he's not supposed to look at the naughty bits.

Grosser

Man has dead fetus inside him. Oh. My. God.

Gross

From the BBC, "Dong Changsheng, 44, pulls a car for about 10m (30ft) with his lower eyelids in Changchun in Jilin Province, China, one of the stunts he performs with the help of breathing exercises."

He May Die

I've been waiting for this. He's been a grump for the past few years just shuffling around that home.

Southern Hospitality At Its Finest

I had an excellent whirlwind trip to Louisiana and back this weekend and I've been raving about the people I met, the nicest darn people I tell ya. Everywhere I turned there were people just willing to strike up a conversation and listen to where I came from and greet me with a smile and a hello. Charming. Really. I didn't expect it, but people in Louisiana were great. Not to sound like I thought they'd be mean, but I just didn't have any feelings on what they'd be like, and they were so cool.


The casino was a trip as well. Beautiful, elegant, accommodating, big, friendly. Good stuff.


Now I'm back and my body is about to collapse. As I mentioned earlier it was a ridiculous travel schedule. I left my apartment at 5:30am Friday and didn't pull in to the casino until 6pm (4pm Pacific time). Then we left the casino at 4:30am Sunday morning (Central time) and I got home to San Diego at 5pm. On the way back we took a hotel shuttle 100 miles to the Lafayette airport for a 7am flight, then on to Houston for a 4 hour layover, then connecting in Salt Lake City, and then on to San Diego. Ridiculous. I just didn't even go to bed Saturday night, so I was up all night gambling (and losing) in the casino until it was time to leave.


I have class this afternoon at 4pm, then after that I'm going straight home and cooking some soup and drinking a ton of OJ, cause my throat is sore and I feel my body starting to wear down. I know that feeling and it's not good so it needs some rest. I've already drank 4.5 liters of water today, I think that's pretty good and I'll imbibe another 1.5 in the next hour before class. And a Naked Juice too, that will hit the spot.


Mom and Dad fly in Friday so I need to be well for them and then they and about 10 other friends are coming to see the show Saturday night. I'm hoping we have at least 60 or so in the audience as I know another cast member bringing some people. It's his last show and he's got a bone to chew with another actor so it should be a good ole dramatic theatre night! Our show in Louisiana only lasted an hour but it was the most intense, energetic feeling and just a bomb blast. Chaz likened it to us being pulled like a slingshot with the whole travel situation and anticipation and then when the curtain went up the sling shot just snapped and there we were. We had 500 people in the audience. All high rollers from the casino who were brought in by the casino to have a free dinner and hour of entertainment (us) before being released to go out and gamble their big money on the floor. Our feedback was great and they seemed to enjoy us so hopefully we'll be invited back. I'd definitely go again. But please don't detour me back to Utah.

Rodeo Monkey

Silly Monkey!!! This is so awesome! I would pay $$$ to see this little guy ride around on his little doggie! Sweet!





























And now some funny monkey comics!

Vulva Hall

It's obvious what the architects had in mind. I'm not alone in this because I asked Sara if she thought so too and she agreed. After working here on campus for the past 5+ years the resemblance finally struck me today. No wonder I'm drawn to this building, it strongly resembles the vulva. Ok, not in every specific detail of course but just look at it...see the resemblance? For years people have speculated over the Washington Monument, and countless markers and monuments on the Gettysburg Battlefield and their phallic significance. Well finally, thankfully San Diego, we have our own proud Vulva Hall. You haven't fully graduated until you've passed through her big fat beautiful adobe labias.










Yep, it's a vulva. And it is good.

A Great Big Waste?

A casino in Louisiana has hired my acting troupe to perform our show for their V.I.P. guests on Saturday night. Our troupe has done this before, seems like every two years we get the call from this casino, and this time I get to go along.


I fly out tomorrow morning at 7am. Arrive in Lake Charles, LA around 3:30pm and our show isn't until Saturday night at 5:30pm. Then I fly out early Sunday morning. Now usually our show is dinner theatre all interactive with a wedding ceremony and reception and dinner and dancing and about 3 hours worth of stuff. The casino wants that cut down to just one hour. So, basically, 15 of us are flying from San Diego to Louisiana to perform one hour's worth of entertainment. Since they waited so long to book our airline tickets, it's costing $1,000 a ticket! Rooms at this casino go for $250 a night on the weekends. So they're putting us up at the casino for Friday and Saturday night, feeding us (for the most part I assume), paying the actors (in peanuts, believe me) and getting us across the country at an extraordinary cost, for one hour of entertainment. Does this seem a little over the top to you? It does to me. But I'm just an actor, I really don't have a say in it. I just go where they tell me and do my schtick. As the crazy gun guy in charge of firearms on the set of Master and Commander told me, "you're just a walking prop". So there.

Sexy

UN Speech

Hugo Chavez Addresses the United Nations in New York, September 20, 2006. Read this.

God, I Miss This Guy

He would've solved all our problems.

Drink Beer, Bite Bear

Straight from the Henan province of China, a man by the name of Zhang Xinyan got a little tipsy at a restaurant in the Beijing Zoo and decided to jump into the panda exhibit to pet the beautiful but napping Gu Gu. Well our friend Zhang woke Gu Gu from his slumber and Gu Gu opened up a can of whoop-ass on him. The cute little panda started chowing down on the man's leg and so the dude kicked the panda and then Gu Gu started biting him on the other leg. “No one ever said they would bite people,” Zhang said. “I just wanted to touch it. I was so dizzy from the beer. I don’t remember much.” Note to zoo visitors: Don't jump into panda exhibits and, if you do, don't molest the sleeping panda.


Not to be outdone, Zhang proceeded to bite Gu Gu as well, right on the back, inflicting minimal panda damage but continuing his drunken annoyance. “I bit the fellow in the back...its skin was quite thick.” Zookeepers rushed in to separate man and panda and took Zhang to the hospital where they had to stitch up both legs. Cheers Zhang. You win Matty's Dumbass of the Week award!

Beta Blogger

I've switched my blogger account over to their new version, which lets me (supposedly) adjust my settings with ease. The jury's still out, but at least it let me post a picture at the top of my blog. We'll see how this goes.


I'm trying to get myself motivated to work out. At 6 Shareen is giving me lesson #2 in hip-hop dancing. I was absolutely pathetically stiff in lesson 1 so I need a lot of work, and then jiu-jitsu at 7:30. But my shoulder still kills me. It's this soreness that comes usually after throwing a baseball around for too long. It's like a dead arm pinching pain and it has always gone away before. But this has been constant for the last week. Maybe it's because I've been getting that arm pulled and whipped around and bent back and everything. If it's as bad tonight after practice as it was last Thursday I may have to sit out a practice or two. It's ridiculous.

News Accident

Did you ever used to watch The Muppet Show? And remember that segment where the news anchor would start giving you the news and then all this stuff would just fall on him? Well, you get the idea...

Jessica Biel Likes Girls

Not to say I can blame her. Some lucky girl gets to curl around that tongue. Holy Crap!

Dr. Laura Nudie Pics

*A Matty's Blog Exclusive*

I just love coming across things that can embarrass super influential hypocrites. Case in point Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Renowed radio talk show host and author and doctor of I'm not sure what. I used to get a kick out of listening to her once and a while as she verbally assaults stupid people who call in. I actually agree with her on the importance of our family and how wives should continue to pleasure their husband until the day they die but really, she's kind of a nazi in a lot of different ways. Wants to keep Jews to Jews, Christians to Christians. No interfaith marrying, never mind interracial marrying. No making out before getting married. Homosexuality to her is a pyschological disease, etc.


But apparently she hasn't led such a prudish life. According to inside sources at the New York Post, she was having a fling with a married man, father of 3, and had let her boyfriend some years ago take nudie shots of her. And yes, Matty's Blog will publish them. Just click on her cropped headshot below and it will take you to another page where I have the pictures stored. This blog is arguable safe for work so I will try to keep the main page that way and not show boobies right on front so your boss doesn't get upset. S/He may listen to Dr. Laura, after all.

Ashlee Simpson Cast in Chicago in England

Yes all you thespian lovers across the pond. America is exporting talentless Ashlee Simpson to Great Britain so that she can make her stage debut in the musical Chicago. Oh, all that jazz and horrible singing, I can't wait. Oh England, you gave us Shakespeare, we give you Ashlee.

Guess Who Eats the Baby?

The dog?
The skinhead?
The evil minister?
Or that huge fish? Someone please help that child!!!

Guantanamo Disney

This story has been buried deeply so that these photos would never be shown and what else did you expect, since Disney owns ABC and half of the other things on this planet. So I'm publishing it here 1) because I hate the corporation that is Disney and 2) I believe in applauding free speech and free expression.


This person's point of view just so happens to be the whole Guantanamo Bay prisoner thing, which I'm kinda conflicted about. I mean, I feel deeply that if someone is going to hijack an airliner and kill people, he should shot and chopped up into little pieces and then maybe stick his head on a pole. But if we don't really know that, and maybe someone with a grudge pointed to some poor Afghany farmer and said "he's a terrorist" and that guy really isn't but he ends up on a plane to Cuba wearing an orange jumpsuit for life without any legal representation, then I have a problem with that.


So last week a protester paid his $80 or whatever to get into DisneyWorld and he was carrying in his backpack a blow up figure, orange clothes and a black hoodbag. He got over to Thunder Mountain and 'viola'. So here you have Disney's Adventureland with all it's old American pioneer fake crap without the real stuff that went on in the Pioneer days like whoring and thousands of Chinese immigrants dying for the sake of the wealthy railroad companies, all candy coated Disney-fied, re-writting history, but now you have a Guantanamo prisoner checking out the scenery. Just classic. I love it!

It's Like a Cult

Check out this preview of the new documentary coming out called Jesus Camp. It absolutely breaks my heart seeing children taken and indocrinated like this. ABC News did a good cover about the release of this movie too and how it's opening first in the mid-west and then coming here to the West Coast. Have we not learned anything as a country since 9/11 that as a culture, no matter what our religious beliefs, we cannot raise our children to be militant or intolerant in that religion's cause? Absolutely stunning.





News flash. Children will believe anything you brainwash them to believe. These Christian camps are no different than Islamic camps in the Middle East only here they're not fighting a system that prevents them from having a well fed and stable life. Did you see the little girl at the end and her tears just gushing from her eyes? ABC had some more context for that leading up to her crying and she's been told that there are Devils out there killing crying babies. Well that's their take on abortion, and she's too young to enter that debate about when a life really begins. This trailer just really upset me, but I'll reserve any further judgment until I actually see the film, so I don't look like an ignorant ass if the film is quite different than what's being commercialized.


Now it's Sunday night and all in all a good weekend though I needed to get some stuff done that I just couldn't do but I had a show last night that went well, a private gig for about 175 people from some water company, and I got to relax and take in the beginnings of the football season once again so that was very much what I needed. I haven't read all my homework for tomorrows class but I did read some, though I'm not sure if I understood what I read. I'm reading Augustine and Thomas Aquinas and neither are a walk in the park. It's probably why I'm thinking of religion a lot. I've been trying to keep up with the Pope's apologies and all that horsecrap because people are mad he just mentioned a passage from a long dead Byzantine emperor. Big deal. So the Pope doesn't believe Muslims are right. News flash, really. If you truly are gonna consider yourself a member of a religion, step one is letting you be convinced your religion is the only Truth out there, and other religions are pagan. That's the way it works. Isn't it a bit fucked up too that the Pope mentions this passage from the 14th century about Muslims spreading Islam by the sword, and then people are burning down churches and murdering nuns in Africa while other people from that religion try to do damage control saying that's not really what their religion does? Messed up. But an example of religion's confusion amongst all it's varied followers. Enlightened Imans and Muslims want peace and family and only goodness, just like the truest followers of Christ and that Old Testament Yahweh, I feel that. But someone needs to enlighten the other gabillions of other so called followers that intolerance and exclusivity isn't the right path. No one knows who gets to go to Heaven, you may believe you do based on what some humans have told you, but you don't know. Now let's all hold hands and sing and get along.


Great, great, great Daily Show interview with the Chair of the Religious Studies dept. at UNC Bert Erhman. He was born an evangelist and thought to himself "well the Bible wasn't written yesterday, so just when was it written and how did we get to where we are now when we study it", so to speak. And then he realized his religion was telling him the New Testament was literally the Word of God. I mean, to follow it word for word. To follow it literally. But he found the book was written in Greek. Not classical Greek like in the textbooks, but kind of street Greek that everyone around the Mediterranean spoke at the time and God didn't have the authors write in English but rather in this slang Greek. So but we speak and think in the English language with English terms so how can we literally follow a translation of God's message (by definition it's not literal if you have to translate it) and how do we know that translation is word for word? What he found is, to say the list, very provoking. Enjoy.

Vote for the Person, or the Party?

Oh, American politics can be so confusing. I was elated this week when I saw that Rhode Island senator Lincoln Chafee beat his rich conservative challenger in the R.I. Republican primary. Chafee is one of the more socially liberal (and socially accepting) Republicans out there and he's just one hell of a man and leader. I like him. Always have. He comes from a long line of politicians so those of us growing up on the Rhode Island border would always hear that name Chafee being thrown around.


Now I've always said "vote for the person, not the party" and I know George Washington is rolling over in his grave with the way American politics have turned out - only have two parties control the nation, each handpicking a rich figure head who can do the bidding of corporate sponsors and relentless lobbyists of special interest groups. Yes, Chafee is a Republican but he's not a sheep dutifully following his GOP ship every which way it turns. In fact he has voted against Bush and his bills more times than some Democratic senators. He votes for what he feels is right, no matter what his party says. "Yes to honesty, yes to independence" he said in his victory speech over ultra-conservative Cranston, R.I. mayor Stephen Laffey. Laffey to me just represents the same ole' GOP candidate, mixing it up between old white fat cats, intolerant Christians, all of Haliburton and rednecks. Is that an accurate description of who the GOP appeals to? I think so.


Now here's where shit gets interesting. Chafee will face Democratic hopeful and Rhode Island Attorney General Sheldon Whitehouse. God, that name just reeks of elitism. Anyway, that being said Sheldon's a good guy anyway but isn't deserving of the Senate seat. His main push is that with Chafee out, it's one less Republican in the Senate and all that much easier for the Democrats to regain control, thereby suffocating Bush the next two years. Hmmmm...true. But this is where it comes down to the person over the party. And, quite frankly, F your party. To these politicians it's all about party politics and party loyalty. Chafee thankfully stands outside that box and votes with what he feels is right. As long as you have independent minded politicians in office, that vote as a person instead of a party, we have no need for worrying about who controls Congress.


Vive Lieberman too! Another one who defies his party (even after Kerry and Dean beg him to stand by his party and drop out) by running as an Independent this November. Good for you, way to have some balls.

Gunshot in the Night

I haven't been sleeping well lately and last night was no exception. I got home from class around 7:30pm and Mac called saying he was on his way so I could show him how to do some things with iTunes and WMP and stuff, then we went out for a dinner and beer at Shades at the end of my street. I was exhausted from the day and from not sleeping at all Sunday night so when I got home I went right to bed, around 10:30 or so, and tried to get some quick z's. Tossed and turned for a while and finally dozed off when "WHAM"! A shot rang out like a huge shotgun blast and I immediately sprang up but I didn't recognize my apartment or what was going on and I was scared crapless and I thought I was in a hotel room (I wasn't), thought my front door was unlocked and open (it wasn't), and thought I was bare-ass naked (I was). I got my senses back after shaking my head for a few seconds and climbed out of bed and went to put my ear to the sliding glass window and then with a vroom I heard a car speed down the street. But no screams, no sirens. So weird. I crawled back in bed, scared that someone had had their head blown off beneath my apartment or, at the least, someone was shooting off a 12-gauge on the street. I took out my great-uncle Eddie's old WWII Navy utility knife and tucked it under my pillow, and tried to sleep again. The next few hours were spent in and out of consciousness and a cold sweat until I woke for good at 6:30 to go to work.

Creeper Alert

At least shave that damn mustache. You look 40 years old you dork. I hate this guy. He's a stalker.

Bansky, English Guerrilla Artist Does Good

Great little video too he shot where he picks up Paris Hilton's cd, puts in his own remix and redoes her inside "music" notes. Good for him. Burn Paris, Burn.

Lethal Beauty

San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge. Did you know over 1,200 people have jumped to their deaths off the Golden Gate? I had no idea it was that high. Here's a great article about it and suicide in general from the San Francisco Chronicle and click on the pic below for a morbid tally of the deaths.

IKD

Shit, I missed it. It was Friday, Sept. 8th. There's always next year.

Silly Girls, Don't Pet the White-Striped Kitties!

Rat, It's What's For Dinner

Ok, Are you ready?

Step 1: Clean (optional)





Step 2: Chop





Step 3: Season





Step 4: Stir Fry





Step 5: Serve




Yummy, yummy, yummy.