Paperback 360: The Big Bust / Ed Lacy (Pyramid X-2037)

Paperback 360: Pyramid X-2037 (PBO, 1969)

Title: The Big Bust
Author: Ed Lacy
Cover artist: F. Pfeifer

Yours for: SOLD! (10/8/10)


Best things about this cover:

• [Insert joke about connection between title and woman's rack here]
• For a woman who's tied up, gagged, and carrying a tiny drowning man in her stomach, she's awfully concerned about those guys behind her. Lady, you've got your own problems.
• I have reluctantly tagged this post with "Redhead" label, though honestly I don't know what you call that color.

Best things about this back cover:

• Geek observation #227: "Supercharged" is just "surcharged" with "P.E." inside it. . .
• So the woman is like good pancakes. Well, who wouldn't want to tail that?
• If the boardwalk is "bikini-filled," does that mean the ocean is filled with naked women (who, presumably, all left their bikinis on the boardwalk)? I hope so.
• One of these paragraphs should immediately be countered with "That's what she said!"

Page 123~

Walter awoke me at one-fifteen and watching for snakes, back of a crumpling wall, I changed into the woolen underwear and rubber suit, Rhoda's $60,000 bra doubling as a jock strap.

[Speechless]

~RP

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Paperback 333: Fighting Generals / Phil Hirsch (Pyramid G496)

Paperback 333: Pyramid G496 (PBO, 1960)

Title: Fighting Generals
Editor: Phil Hirsch
Cover artist: Mel Crair

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Well, insofar as you can describe the "best things" about Nazis ... I'd say that is some fine portraiture. I love the expression on Rommel's face. He looks a bit like Colonel Klink. Accident?
• How many insignias does one man need?
• This title is superlame. I can't wait for the sequel, "Peaceful Generals." That, or "Fleeing Generals"

Best things about this back cover:

• Hmmm. Design on this is pretty nice. Staggered photos, staggered descriptions, on a two-tone back ground. Kind of evokes the stripes on a flag. Kind of evokes chaos.
• Of course the Russian sounds the worst. Hello, 1960! Fuck you, Commies!

Page 123~

The stooped old man looked harmless—but Hitler's killers knew he was a deadly threat to the Nazi empire!

This may be the first time my "Page 123" has been an above-the-chapter-title teaser. Dynamic!

~RP

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Paperback 311: Who? / Algis Budrys (Pyramid G339)

Paperback 311: Pyramid G339 (1st ptg, 1958)

Title: Who?
Author: Algis Budrys
Cover artist: Robert V. Engel

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Hard to snark — this is one of my favorite scifi covers of all time. That creeptastic design on the robot face is fantastic. Looks like Crow from "MST3K," but way more disturbing.
• The hands on this thing are probably the second-most striking element — they look remarkably alike; very expressive. Amazing articulation in that prosthetic hand. Looks like he might have a large sausage or loaf of bread in those clown trousers of his. Very alarming — and he's coming Right At You — into the heart of the "Allied Sphere." Searchlight + barbed wire completes the dystopic effect. Great design all around.

Best things about this back cover:

• See, this designer knew what the real money shot was on that front cover — The Hand!
• Seriously, I have to give it to Pyramid on this one. The blurbs are gripping and unhilarious. This book may actually go onto my "Read It Someday, You Lazy Oaf" pile.

Page 123~

"But I'll tell you something, Mr. Rogers—" He turned suddenly and faced across the barn. The light was behind him and Rogers saw only his silhouette—the body lost in the shapeless, angular drape of the coveralls, the shoulders square, and the head round and featureless. "Even so, people don't like machines. Machines don't talk and tell you their troubles. Machines don't do anything but what they're made for. They sit there, doing their jobs, and one looks like another—but it may be breaking up inside. It may be getting ready to not plow your field, or not pump your water, or throw a piston into your lap. It might be getting ready to do anything—so people are afraid of them, a little bit, and won't take the trouble to understand them, and they treat them badly. So the machines break down more quickly, and people trust them less, and mistreat them more. So the manufacturers say, 'What's the use of building good machines? The clucks'll only wreck 'em anyway,' and build flimsy stuff, so there're very few good machines being made any more. And that's a shame."

Possibly the best "Page 123" excerpt I've ever offered up. Congrats to Algis Budrys for bringing class and dignity to this blog. Next week, more boobs and bad writing, I promise!

~RP

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Paperback 260: Stairway to Death / Bruno Fischer (Pyramid 29)

Paperback 260: Pyramid 29 (1st ptg, 1951)

Title: Stairway to Death
Author: Bruno Fischer
Cover artist: I have it labeled "Meyer" but name visible in very lower left corner is "Frederick"...

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Death has some fierce fucking heels. But also some pretty lifeless-looking legs. Coupla upside-down bowling pins with seams drawn on. I've seen sexier gams in the window of Ralphie's house in "A Christmas Story"
• Well if you build stairs like that, with a vertiginous drop and stairs nowhere close to perpendicular to the wall, then yes, someone's inevitably going to die.

Best things about this back cover:

• This book is like an ex-fighter who had a long, brutal career, won more than he lost, and somehow managed to survive with this brains intact. It's got a lot of wear — stains and scratches and what not — but it's absolutely tight and solid and readable. More "broken in" than "busted." I would not get into the ring with this book. To say that it has "character" or "personality" is a polite way of saying it could still kick your ass, sonny.
• It's interesting to me how much Fischer is being pushed here as a recognizable name. I didn't know he ever achieved real name recognition (except among later fans and collectors of hard-boiled lit).
• Why are the quotes on these books such suckfests most of the time? "Plenty of Mystery"? It's a fucking mystery, NYT? What did you expect, a History of Prussia?

Page 123~

There was a tense silence. Oscar drank down the applejack.

~RP

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Paperback 259: Lincoln's Commando / Ralph J Roske and Charles van Doren (Pyramid G356)

Paperback 259: Pyramid G356 (1st ptg, 1958)

Title: Lincoln's Commando
Author: Ralph J. Roske and Charles Van Doren
Cover artist: Herb Mott

Yours for: SOLD (7/19/09)


Best things about this cover:

• The title and picture made me laugh out loud the first time I saw it. That is the only reason I own this book. "Arnold Schwarzenegger is ... Lt. William Cushing in ... Lincoln's Commando!"
• Actually, this guy looks more like ... who's that guy from "Ned and Stacey" and "Sideways?" Thomas Hayden Church?
• The rebels on the Albemarle appear to be shooting in random directions and possibly at each other.
• The water under Cushing's boat appears to be breaking on ... more, differently colored water. Weird.
• Here we see Cushing continuing the time-honored tradition of deck-edge weapon-dancing begun years earlier by the infamous Pirate Wench.

Best things about this back cover:

• Not much. We do get to see the NYT succumbing to a bout of sensational alliteration. That's slightly interesting.
• Apparently Cushing was a daring daredevil with a daredevil career of daredeviltry. He was also fearless. And daring.

Page 123~

He was pleased to discover that his adventures were well known in the town, that the paper reported his arrival on its front page, and that all the little boys hung on his every word when they could get him to describe his exploits — and not only the little boys; everyone seemed appreciative.

"[...] and not only the little boys ... I mean, not that he's particularly into little boys or anything. Really, he was popular with everyone. I swear. Forget what I said about the boys."

~RP

P.S. Thanks for keeping up with my stepped-up summer publication pace. I'm loving the volume and quality of comments. Happy that the blog has a modest but loyal and reliably smart/funny following. Keep it up.

P.P.S. Thanks for the links, the tweets, and any other form of promotion you've provided for this site. Truly, deeply appreciated.

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 257: Pirate Wench / Frank Shay (Pyramid Giant G75)

Paperback 257: Pyramid Giant G75 (1st ptg, 1953)

Title: Pirate Wench
Author: Frank Shay
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: SOLD (July '09)


Best things about this cover:

• Catherine Zeta-Jones stars in ... "Braless Zombie II: Zombie's Revenge"
• As I scanned this image, the Violent Femmes "Prove My Love" was playing on iTunes. It contains the lyric, "... we've all been through some shit." In the case of Pirate Wench, this appears to be literally true. Who draws their braless heroine with brown stink lines emanating from her body?
• "Outlove?!" "Outfuck" really works better here. It's more alliterative. And, I'm guessing, more accurate.
  
• Shirtless man: "I have a gun ... and yet I am powerless to resist her magical pirate dance."
• Shirtless man: "I wonder where I can get a shirt like that ... I'm tired of the crew teasing me about how manly and ungay I look"

Best things about this back cover:

• If you like your sex "raw" and "blood-stained," you'll love "Pirate Wench!"
• " ... a night below deck": That is one, tough, tiring way to "win men's allegiance." How is one woman supposed to put a whole crew together. No wonder this book is "raw" and "blood-stained."
• She's pro-vocative. Screw you, ablative!

Page 123~

There were nine pirates captured and there were nine gibbets; no one about to go on trial would be found not guilty.

"No one ... would be found not guilty." Is that litotes? (Def: A figure of speech consisting of an understatement in which an affirmative is expressed by negating its opposite, as in This is no small problem.) Pretty fucking uppity for pirate smut.

~RP

P.S. A Portuguese reader (yes, I have one) sent me a link to the following book cover: a Portuguese version of Gil Brewer's "Wild to Possess" (you can see part of the American cover in my header, between "Pop" and "Sensation" ... the redhead w/ the gun). Very cool to see pulpy covers redone for foreign markets.

Paperback 185: Honey West: Dig a Dead Doll / G.G. Fickling (Pyramid R-1355)

Paperback 185: Pyramid Books R-1355 (2nd ptg - 1st thus, 1966)

Title: Honey West: Dig a Dead Doll
Author: G.G. Fickling
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• Alliteration? Check. Hot girl with gun? Check. Ocelot? Check.
• Fencing in the foyer!
• The Honey West novels were first published before the TV series, then reissued as TV tie-ins like this one. The series was short lived. More here.
• This cover makes me sad, as I am sure that cat is drugged

Best things about this back cover:

• Grrrr. Seriously, grrr, taking this fucking leash off, lady.
• "Look, I give. You are very, very hot. I can't deny it. Now just put down the gun and dear god let the cat go already ..."

Page 123~

He shoved an elbow in my ribs. "Sí. There is no place better to hide a body, no?" His eyes slid down to my hips. "Speaking of bodies, it is a shame to hide yours."

"Thanks," I said, patting his swarthy cheek. "You're not so bad after all."

Non-threatening lecherous Mexicans who love word play = comedy gold.

~RP

Paperback 132: With Sirens Screaming / Ernest Booth (Pyramid Books 121)

Paperback 132: Pyramid Books 121 (1st ptg, 1954)
Title: With Sirens Screaming
Author: Ernest Booth
Cover artist: looks like Robert Stanley, but it's technically "uncredited"

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• "Who is it, Steve? Is the pizza here?"
• "They PAID the PRICE for a PREMARITAL indiscretion" - a PYRAMID PAPERBACK, featuring ... POLICE, and ... other "P" words you may have heard of
• "With Sirens Screaming" - Would have been better if the Sirens had been Screaming "Sin, Sin, Sin!"; what kind of alliteration-inducing dope were the copywriter guys smoking?
• What is she doing with that sheet? It's a little late for modesty, sweetheart.
• The lady looks concerned not, as you might expect, because the police have come to stone her to death for being a harlot, but because in attempting to rise from bed, she has broken or otherwise done something horrible to her left wrist
• Hey, Steve. Little advice. If you are trying to peer through a window discreetly, you might not wanna pull the curtains apart so wide.

"Hey, coppers, look at the hot piece of tail I got up in here! Yeah, you wish your wives were this hot!"

"[tee hee], oh Steve... you're funny, and not nearly as creepy and sadistic as my friends said you were"


Best things about this back cover:

• You had me at "merciless penal code."
• This back cover brought to you by "Adjectives 'R' Us" - where we believe that every shocking noun deserves a reckless adjective. If you aren't happy with our merciless service, we'll give you your vicious money back

Page 123~

His shoulder had become a burning area whose throbbing was cadenced to each step he took ...

"Uh ... that's not my shoulder."

~RP

Paperback 78: Slaughter Street / Louis Falstein (Pyramid G437)

Paperback 78: Pyramid G437 (1st ptg, 1959)

Title: Slaughter Street
Author: Louis Falstein
Cover artist: Victor Kalin

YOURS FOR: $12 (SOLD - 4/18/08)


Best things about this cover:

• "... and even her fierce, shameless love would be no shield" - lying in bed naked gets my vote for Least Effective Shield of All Time
• This cover is So good - so many of my favorite cover elements: naked redhead, smoking guy with gun, motel (I imagine), etc.

Best things about this back cover:

Sorry, I stopped reading at "bowels"

RP

Paperback 56: This Girl For Hire / G.G. Fickling (Pyramid R-1151)

Paperback 56: Pyramid R-1151 (4th ptg, 1965)
Title: This Girl For Hire
Author: G.G. Fickling
Cover artist: Uncredited


Best things about this cover:

• Honey West was a brief but important crime fiction phenomenon - an early, nakeder version of today's modern female detectives. See, Honey West lost her clothes a lot. It was her thing. Like ... a wordless catchphrase or facial tic or something. A girl's gotta do etc. See back cover.
• My wife's first comment: "Is she pregnant?" - I believe the tenting of the coat is meant to convey motion, specifically a spinning motion as Honey West rounds on a would-be assailant. According to this drawing, she is a south paw. And she has broken the heel of her left shoe. And yet she persists. True grit!
  
• Alliteration!
• "This Gun for Hire" is a sensational film noir (1942) starring Veronica Lake and Alan Ladd.
• "See her on 'Burke's Law' ... Whoops. We're sorry. While you blinked, 'Burke's Law' was canceled. Good bye."
• Honey actually went on to have her own show. Go here for more than you ever wanted to know about Honey West.
• Again, I hope you are noticing how covers get crappier, in general, after 1959. Too much text, not enough hot lady with gun, I say.

Best things about this back cover:

• Well, if you're a feminist who happens to have no sense of humor ... then, nothing.
• If you're a feminist who does have a sense of humor (like most I know), then you should find this hilarious. What did it take for a female detective to get some street cred back in the day? Now you know: a penchant for accidental nudity.
• I have a way, way hotter version of this book that dates from the late 50's. Honey's not naked on that one, but she is more than two inches tall, at least.

RP

Paperback 48: Pyramid G432

Paperback 48: Pyramid G432 (PBO, 1959)

Title: Private Eyeful
Author: Henry Kane
Cover artist: Robert Maguire

Yours For: SOLD! (4-18-08)


Best things about this cover:

Everything - this cover is so great that I actually have nothing mocking or jokey to say. It's gorgeous, and has so many of the elements I look for in a cover:

• Girl with Gun (GWG)
  
• Great Girl Art (GGA)
  
• Great design
• Great title
• Gorgeous condition

Plus: Orange!? That's hot. You Never see a woman in an orange dress on these covers, let alone one wearing matching pumps! The heavy black outline makes her look a little bit like Miss Halloween, 1959, but whatever. It hardly matters. I love her. And she's a female detective - at a time when that was Not At All common, especially in the hardboiled genre. Also love the colorful angular design near the spine - and her proud look / defiant posture really seals the deal. A Hall of Fame cover for sure. Bob Maguire was one hell of a cover artist.


Best things about this back cover:

"It was cockeyed..." - That's what she said.

Ooh, this back cover's ugly - what a horrible contrast with the front cover

Question of the day: Is the man pictured above

a. wearing Merlin's robe
b. tunneling out of prison
c. suffering from a debilitating attack of scabies that also somehow affects clothing, or
d. Dorian Gray?

Answer: I have no idea.

RP

Paperback 38: Pyramid G-665

Paperback 38: Pyramid G-665 (PBO, 1961)

Title: The Ghoul Keepers
Editor: Leo Margulies
Cover artist: John Schoenherr

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• So red
• "I am the eye in the sky, / Looking at you -ou -ou, / I can read your mind..."
• What kind of title is The Ghoul Keepers? Is it supposed to be a pun on "Goal Keepers?" I hope there is at least one story in here about monsters who play soccer.
• There is nothing recognizable in this cover painting except the supremely miserable man (possibly bleeding from his eyeballs) who is about to impale himself on the spear-like branches.
• That man is clearly damned - he has been cursed with an obscenely long thumb on his right hand ... and an exoskeleton.
• "Seabury Quinn" is the most made-up-sounding name ever ever. Ever. Actually, it's just the "Seabury" part. Unless you are a racehorse, that is not an acceptable name.

This book is so beautiful. I wish you could see it in real life. Pristine. Unread. The kind of book collectors dream of. Several of the featured writers here are top-notch - the top three on the list, specifically. One of my students, whom I'll call Cindy Loo Hoo, is writing her Honors Thesis on short horror fiction. She will undoubtedly want to look at this book. But I am too neurotic a collector freak to let her actually read it.



Best things about this back cover:

• Here we see the man falling in the opposite direction. And in black-&-white. How interesting.
• I actually love the cheeky reference to "The Shadow" in the footnote.
• Answers to the quiz:

1. Mermen
2. Sasquatch
3. a vampire (trick question)
4. Caspar
5. that quiet guy next door
6. Betty & Veronica

RP

Paperback 7 - Pyramid 139

Paperback 7 - Pyramid 139 (1st ptg, 1954)

Title: I Was a House Detective
Author: Dev Collans with Stewart Sterling
Cover artist: photo

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• "I Was an Armless Psychopath"
• "Why, officer, we were just ... this is my ... he doesn't ... we're not ... say, you're handsome."
• Why is there a giant spotlight - and apparently a smoke machine - in the hotel hallway?
• This looks like a still from a low-budget production of Sartre's "No Exit"

But wait, there's more. The back cover:


Best things about this back cover:

Publisher couldn't afford real art for the back cover, so he cut-and-pasted photos onto a background drawn by a fifth-grader who hadn't yet mastered perspective, or, well, anything else about drawing. I think that lady is trying to open the "door" with some kind of beverage.

The very first page of this book promises that the book will tell you "what happens when":

• ... the "Lizzies" and "Queens" have a ball in the lobby [!?]
• ... a big-business convention brings on the girls - and the girls go wild [whether they show their tits is unclear]

RP