Paperback 351: Solar Lottery / Philip K. Dick & The Big Jump / Leigh Brackett (Ace Double D-103)

Paperback 351: Ace Double D-103 (PBO / 1st ptg, 1955)

Title: Solar Lottery / The Big Jump
Authors: Philip K. Dick / Leigh Brackett
Cover artist: Ed Valigursky / Robert Schulz

Yours for: $80

Best things about "Solar Lottery" cover:

• In space, dodgeball Really sucks
• In space, they like to get high on nitrous and throw shit at stray Star Trek characters.
• First prize was the Earth itself! Second prize: a set of steak knives. Third prize: you're fired.
• Philip K. Dick. Paperback original. Word.

Best things about "The Big Jump" cover:

• God likes to apply his eyeliner with rocket ships.
• Hate this cover, but Leigh Brackett is one of the greatest pulp/scifi authors that time forgot.

Page 123 of "Solar Lottery"~

"I'll stop him," Wakeman repeated. "Some way, somehow."

"Between drinks, maybe." Rita halted for a moment to tie the laces on her boots, and then she disappeared down a descent ramp toward Cartwright's private quarters. She didn't look back.

Whoa, Rita. Nice burn.

~RP

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Paperback 337: Depart This Life / E. X. Ferrars (Popular Library SP275)

Paperback 337: Popular Library SP275 (1st ptg, 1964)

Title: Depart This Life
Author: E. X. Ferrars
Cover artist: some guy whose girlfriend/model was Seriously tripping

Yours for: $7


Best things about this cover:

• If I were being attacked by miniature crows that explode into fireballs upon impact, I'm pretty sure I'd be making that face too.
• It's as if she's gazing in disbelief at the title: "'Who would name a book something so stupid?' she asked, as miniature crows continued to dive-bomb her face and torso..."

Best things about this back cover:

• Oh right, this guy—world's worst logo. Is the artist literally trying to spell out "CRIME" with this "guy's" body parts?
• "Master of well-mannered terror" = "master of polite violence" or "prudish hot chicks," i.e. what?
• If your book has a character named Hilda Gazeley, there is a 90% chance you are thinking too hard about your character names.

Page 123~

She paused to draw a rasping breath. She was in a state of terror.

Did you seriously just tell me that "She was in a state of terror?" How sucky are you as a writer that you cannot convey this to me through her speech, actions, etc.? Just reading this page is a reminder why I don't read "well-mannered" anything. It's all characters talking in preposterous exposition.

~RP

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Paperback 328: Nightmare / William Irish (Readers-Choice Library No. 12)

Paperback 328: Readers-Choice Library No. 12 (1st thus, 1950)

Title: Nightmare
Author: William Irish
Cover artist: Wayne Blickenstaff

Yours for: $35


Best things about this cover:

• It's effectively creepy, combining puke colors and swirly, dizzying effects with a Joker-faced floating lady-head, a blot-like specter, and some dude re-enacting the dance from the "Thriller" video in a fun house hall of mirrors.
• William Irish = Cornell Woolrich = kind of a big deal. This book has some mild smashing at the lower spine, and someone's had at those pupils with a pencil, but it's square and solid and pretty rare (see range of prices here).
• Readers-Choice Library is an uncommon imprint. You may remember their work from this fabulous, pot-smoke-smothered cover a while back.

Best things about this back cover:

• "I said TOWARD HIM!"
• The writing here is not good.
• "Here, take this ... sharp-pointed bore!" (!?)
• "His victim's button...?" I really don't understand the premise of this write-up.

Page 123~

"Tom, what's wrong?" she said anxiously. "You look all white and disturbed! You haven't—you haven't lost your position, have you?" She caught him by the sleeve and stared up into his face.

She added, "Because I will fuckin' cut you, Tom. You hear me?"

~RP

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Paperback 309: Yesterday's Love / James T. Farrell (Avon 260)

Paperback 309: Avon 260 (2nd ptg / 1st thus, 1950)

Title: Yesterday's Love
Author: James T. Farrell
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $17


Best things about this cover:

• You know what they say: "Yesterday's Love, Today's Floating Head"
• Marion celebrates her victory in the "Ornamented Boobs" contest by ordering up a pizza for her and the floating head of her recently deceased boyfriend: "Oh, and get extra anchovies. I can't taste for shit since I became incorporeal."
• "Yes, hello, Home Depot? My wallpaper seems to have grown a head. Also, it's astonishingly ugly. Can you help?"
• "Studs Lonigan" always struck me as a great porn name. "Long Studsigan" might be better, though perhaps too spot-on.

Best things about this back cover:

• Yes, I knew it. "Frankness!" I was just perusing this back cover going "come on, some form of the word 'frank.'" — "These stories will sear you with their frankness!" Then they will put you in the oven of "brutal awareness" and gently roast you until you are cooked through.
• Is James T. Farrell the reason so many writers and hipster affect a scroungey "I could give a fuck" look. This guy's got it down pat. He's like the original. "Hair-combing's for squares! Fuck ties! Where are my cigarettes?"

Page 123~

She went to Sonny. Harry looked at her with utter contempt. His eyes were full of hatred. He got up and turned on the radio. He could hear the child babbling and gaily talking to its mother as she washed him. He turned off the radio and sat there waiting until they would take their walk. Then they would eat their supper, see another moving picture, and come back to the hotel. [final paragraph of "The Sport of Kings"]

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 46

Title: Murder is the Pay-Off (Popular Library 50-426, 1st ptg, 1960)
Author: Leslie Ford (she can't be stopped)
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $7

• "Here, hold this dead man against your chin. It'll stop the swelling."
• She looks like a lady in a commercial for some cleanser that gets blood stains out of your carpet.
• The horrific palette on Ms. Ford's books continues unabated.
• "Wallop" is a funny word.

• I'm not sure you want to suggest that the reader has to be "dragged along."
• "GUARANTEE!" — I can't wait to see what this "full reading satisfaction" is all about.

Page 123~

Swede Carlson's thick hand planted itself quickly in the dark on Gus Blake's knee.

Mmm, I smell full reading satisfaction up ahead ...

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 40

Title: Out of the Dark (Ace G-557, ca. 1965)
Author: Ursula Curtiss
Cover artist: Schinella (?!) [he couldn't decide betw. "scintilla" and "shinola," so split the difference...]

Yours for: $5

• Looks like someone got angry and took it out on lavender.
• So ... a headless snow queen in a purple fur coat / dress is preparing to bowl the freshly severed head of a pretty blonde down some unseen runway, while Peter Falk looks on ...
• God, that hand. It's gonna haunt me.

• That militaristic font simply doesn't work in hot pink.
• "[Ring ... Ring...] ... Uh, hi boss, about that "Outta the Dark" novel: we can't think of nothin' to say so we found this quote from some guy named Boucher and we're just gonna fill up the back cover with that, OK? ... Yeah, he summarizes the book and everything. We don't gotta do nothin'. ... awesome. Thanks [click]."

Page 123~

Erect, even majestic with his flowing hair, Sip set out blindly for his sister's house.

To recap: this book has a character named "Sip." He apparently looks like Fabio.

~RP

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57 Books from the University Book Sale: Books 35 and 36

Last two non-fiction (-ish) books from my library sale haul. They make a nice pair, I think.

Title: Jefferson: A Great American's Life and Ideas (Mentor 70 — 2nd ptg, Dec. 1952)
Author: Saul K. Padover
Cover artist: Jonas

Yours for: $5

• Love the way "Abridged" is used as a major selling point — "Finally, our most important Founding Father, in a dose you can manage!"
• Floating Head of Thomas Jefferson backed by the Floating Declaration of Independence. My Most Powerful, Floatingest cover ever.
• "This planting season, why not outfit your team with Dr. E. J. Samuelson's newly patented Invisible Oxen Rigging! Amaze your friends as your oxen appear to pull your plow by sheer force of mind alone ..."

• "Living Words ... written on dead sheep."

Page 123~

For Aaron Burr was not famous for virtue or steadfastness of character, and the idea of such a man's occupying the presidential chair was disturbing to responsible men.

Title: Masters of Deceit (Pocket Books 75099 — 22nd ptg!?!?!, 1966)
Author: J. Edgar Hoover
Cover artist: Ben Feder (designer)

Yours for: $10

• "The Communists Will Spray Our Most Precious Documents with Ketchup, Make No Mistake!"

• "Hello, Frederick's of Hollywood? This is, uh, Edwina Hooverston ..."
• Blurbed his own book. Clever.

Page 123~

Five minutes later, a fourth person, a woman in a dark coat, arrives. Everything is quiet: no loud voices, no cars parked in front, no reason for the neighbors to suspect that a Communist Party meeting is in progress.

This book is really a fantastic window into Cold War paranoia. I might actually read it.

~RP

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Paperbacks 284-287: The work of Clark Hulings

Sorry for missing Wednesday. First week of school had me a bit overwhelmed and I completely spaced. To make up for it — a glut of paperbacks. Four, to be precise, all featuring the cover art of Clark Hulings. I culled all the Hulings covers I had and scanned them at the request of someone producing an article on Hulings for Illustration magazine. Sadly, upon perusing the covers I have, there's no signature style that I can see, and no one cover that really makes you go 'wow.' They are all very typical mid '50s covers, but only "Savage Holiday" really gives Hulings a broad enough canvas to have a real artistic impact. The others crowd the cover with text and offer only tiny pictures — mostly free-floating heads. Cover for "Winesburg, Ohio" is about as dull and generic as they come. The clear WINner here is "The Brave, Bad Girls." Bold, bright design with fantastic background use of the familiar fedora'd and trenchcoated detective. Coincidentally (I assume), two of these covers deal with interracial themes.

Paperback 284: Lion Library 47 (PBO, 1954)

Title: Strange Barriers
Author: J. Vernon Shea (ed.)

Yours for: $12


Best things about this cover:

• "Strange Fruit" + "Racial Barriers" = "Strange Barriers"
• Given the tagline, this cover is *very* disappointing. Where's the tumult, I ask!?
• These heads are drawn in different styles, to different scales, with different textures ... we get it, they're different! There's a "barrier." etc.
• Mark Schorer?

Best things about this back cover:

• "I'm enthralled by his jazz trumpeting, but his shirtless gun-toting just makes me howl with laughter."
• Man, I really, really wish I knew what was going on in that last panel.

Paperback 285: Avon T-86 (PBO!!!?, 1954)

Title: Savage Holiday
Author: Richard Wright

Yours for: $25


Best things about this cover:

• Oh no, why is bed-headed Anthony Perkins attacking Lena Horne!?
• "I was just borrowing your Dick Tracy trenchcoat! I swear I was gonna put it back!"
• Love the random pseudo-japonesque pattern on those curtains.
• "I've made my decision, Steve. I choose the roses — not you."
• Her hands look very wrong — like she's got extra fingers or stubby fingers or fused fingers or something.

Best things about this back cover:

• The first and last time "The Yale Review" was used as a blurb on a paperback book.

Paperback 286: Signet 1304 (2nd ptg, 1956)

Title: Winesburg, Ohio
Author: Sherwood Anderson

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• "Breathe, damn you, breathe! Oh, why won't that doctor stop staring wistfully into the distance and get over here and help me!"

Best things about this back cover:

• Why is there no picture of "The girl who walked naked in the rain"!? Booooo!
• Thank god my neighbors "completely hide their private lives from" me. Barely repressed anger + miniature fainting couches (!?) = some crazy-ass !@#@ I don't need to know about.

Paperback 287: Perma Books M-3089 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: The Brave, Bad Girls
Author: Thomas B. Dewey

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• Damned sticker pull!
• Red-on-yellow Totally makes this cover pop. Beautiful.
• Looove the expression on Girl 1 — nice, smug F@#$ You expression to complement the (in order) Just Woke Up, Meek and Scared, and Suicidally Depressed expressions of the others.

Best things about this back cover:

• "A Man! A Man, I say!"
• "A large pea?" — wtf? Like ... a marble? A dime? How big is a "large pea?" Are we talking freakishly, County-Fair-ribbon-winning large or what?
• Things Not To Say To A Lady You Just Met: "Just for tonight ... I wish you were seventeen."

Page 123~

• I was a friend of Karl Kadek's ("The Brave, Bold Girls")
• He took a cheap revolver from the case and began to wave it about. "You get out of here!" he shrieked. "We don't want any collar fasteners here!" ("Winesburg, Ohio")
• "On a Sunday morning?" There was a trace of scorn in his voice. "And what would he be doing barefooted?" ("Savage Holiday")
• Then he saw the hole in Jenny's side, right between the ribs. It was round, wet, red. ("Almos a Man" by Richard Wright —from "Strange Barriers")

Jenny is a mule, for the record.

~RP

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Paperback 246: The Disenchanted / Budd Schulberg (Bantam A1051)

Paperback 246: Bantam A1051 (1st ptg, 1952)

Title: The Disenchanted
Author: Budd Schulberg
Cover artist: Harry Schaare

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• Her pose! One shoe! Awesome. I think I love her.
  
• Book should be called "The Dissolute," or "Yeah, I'm Drunk, Whaddya Gonna Do About It, Ya Impotent Bastard? Get Me Another Martini"
• Harry Schaare Loves his Floating Heads — we'll see more in the future.
• Love the little maniacal dancing / jazz club scene in the background
• The novel may be set in the 20s, but these people are not believably from the 20s. Except for emaciated Clark Gable in a tux back there, hitting on the girl who's reclining on the hair of Floating Head. He's 20s all the way.
• "What Makes Sammy Run" is a classic Hollywood novel. Fantastic.

Best things about this back cover:

• LOVE the guy admiring the rack of his drunken lady friend, up-close! "Yes. These will do nicely."
• Toga party or religious visitation? "This angel came into my candle-lit room last night ... man, she was hot."
• I love Michener's precision — like he remembers exactly where he was, three years ago, when he read a novel better than this one.

Page 123~

When he finds out the commercial tie-up he feels like a jerk for having fallen for her. Then, in the finals of the ski-jump, he's injured.

~RP

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Paperback 229: Demented / Donald Jorden Young (Gold Star Books IL7-19)

Paperback 229: Gold Star Books IL7-19 (PBO, 1964)

Title: Demented
Author: Donald Jorden Young
Cover artist: uncredited (though I credited it to "Robert Maguire" for some reason - looks at least as much like the work of Mitchell Hooks)

Yours for: $20


Best things about this cover:

• Instant Klassic - unread, near-perfect condition ... vibrant colors ... a stripping nurse (!?) ... a fifth-rate publishing house ... a text-book example of the Floating Head motif ... absolutely gorgeous, in all its sleazy marginality
• "My prescription: take two of ... these."
• "Anthony Perkins is ... Frankenstein's monster in ... 'Demented!'"
• I like that the blurb features all three people depicted on the cover: "nurse," "ex-GI" with "war-born neurosis," and "weak professor," who frankly looks quite hale and handsome, if a bit disturbed by the hovering, giant head of Captain Mind Control...

Best things about this back cover:

• This is basically a tepid, watered down version of the plot to "The Stars, My Destination" by Alfred Bester.
• Love the random extra space between "perverted" and "lusts." It's like the copywriter tried many different versions of the final word and forgot to adjust the spacing when he'd finally decided on the winner. "Ah, 'lusts' ... le mot juste!"
• As for the nurse ... Check her out here, in a primmer, more demure moment...

Page 123 ... is too boring, so here's something from the teaser page that opens the book:

Encouraged, he put an arm completely around her, so that one hand rested on her right breast. Encountering no objection he slid his hand into her blouse, which was low-cut with a natural inviting slit [?]. Feeling no bra against his hand, he was exhilarated holding her breast, so smooth and full, if a bit cool [!!?].

~RP

Paperback 204: The Girl Who Had to Die + The Blank Wall / Elisabeth Sanxay Holding (Ace G-512)

Paperback 204: Ace G-512 (1st ptg / 1st ptg)

Title: The Girl Who Had to Die / The Blank Wall
Author: Elisabeth Sanxay Holding
Cover artist: Uncredited / Uncredited

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• There was this floating head that liked to eat sailboats, which made the tall, dark, mysterious man on the beach very sad. The end.
• What is it with the rainy day covers on all these Holding novels? Dreary and decidedly unhot. More skin, please.
• Actually, on third or fourth look, the streaks look less like rain than like the trim on some elaborate fur hat. Or a really, really bad haircut.

Best things about this other cover:

• This is one of my favorite pieces of crime fiction ever written. Ever. Seriously, it's that good. And unusual. Super suspenseful, with really complex and interesting characters. Women that aren't just femmes fatales. Just great. Provides a fascinating glimpse into domestic life during WWII (i.e. while the husband is away at war). Wish it would stay in @#$@ing print!
• More lazy art. Etch-a-sketch posing as op-art. And I think the guy from the other cover just walked through the book and ended up here. That lady is not a very good hider.

Page 123~ (from The Blank Wall)

"Here's something you might be glad of," he said, and held out three little capsules, bright yellow.

~RP

Paperback 203: Who's Afraid + Widow's Mite / Elisabeth Sanxay Holding (Ace G-524)

Paperback 203: Ace G-524 (1st ptg / 1st ptg, ca. 1963)

Titles: Who's Afraid / Widow's Mite
Author: Elisabeth Sanxay Holding
Cover artist: Brulé / uncredited

Yours for: $9


Best things about this cover:

• Man hands. Seriously, look at those things. My god. I fear for her upper head.
• "I remember embracing some generic man ... and the corpse of Bela Lugosi was there ... oh, it's all so fuzzy..."
• This book should be called "Who's Depressed?"

Best things about this other cover:

• "... and he threw the decapitated head of the young boy through the open window. The End."
• I guess there was a sale on "Dour Blue" at the art store when these covers were being painted.
• That blurb is pretty tepid: "Eh, you could do worse, I guess."
  
• Is a "mite" what I think it is? Dang, a "widow's mite" is "A small contribution made by one who has little" This is disappointing, as I was imagining this would be a story about a. a widow who kept a tiny bug as a pet, or b. a widow who enjoyed wearing a MITRE (of mysterious origin)

Page 123 (of "Widow's Mite")~

"Now!" she said. "Now you're going to get what's coming to you, you damn smug little bitch! You're going to be arrested, any minute. You'll be in jail tonight. And you'll end up in the electric chair!"

~RP

Paperback 195: Slab Happy / Richard S. Prather (Gold Medal s817)

Paperback 195: Gold Medal s817 (PBO, 1958)

Title: Slab Happy
Author: Richard S. Prather
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• Wow, this is a mess. The floating / severed head seems astonished to see the Men in Black Coroners at the heart of that blue nebula. Meanwhile, Shell Scott just looks ... is that a sneer? A grimace? A leer?
• Seriously, it's like a kindergartener designed this cover. A morbid kindergartener.
• I'm not sure the middle of an autopsy is a good time to go on about your sex/death fantasies, Shell.

Best things about this back cover:

• I admire Shell Scott's writing, but this cover copy is a can of corn.
• Again with the sex/death nexus. You're creepin' me out, Shell.
• My great uncle died in the great Shell Scott fever epidemic of 1957
• "Newest" and "Latest" being the newest and latest in "words"

Page 123~

"The character you call Mr. Worthington is known to crookdom as Viper. He is a hood, a punk, a parasite on the anatomy of society, biting deeply."

~RP

PS just found this Fantastic cartoon folded up and shoved inside this novel:

Paperback 170: A Korean Tiger / Nick Carter (Award Books A248X)

Paperback 170: Award Books A248X (PBO, 1967)

• Title: A Korean Tiger
• Author: Nick Carter (who is also the main character...? and who is also, btw, a Backstreet Boy)
• Cover artist: Some McGinnis imitator

Yours for: $17


Best things about this cover:

• Bring me the floating head of Nick Carter! Oh, nevermind. It's right there.
• The disembodied head of Nick Carter thinks you're a swell-looking doll. {wink!}
• If the book is trying to suggest to me that that lady is "Korean," I challenge. She looks like Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, only with somewhat smaller boobs and no shirt.
• I like how she is taking a sidelong glance at the title, as if thinking "WTF?"
• How is it possible that no rapper has picked up the name "Killmaster?" That would be my handle for sure. That, or "Optimum Slim" (a name I derived from the cereal I eat every morning)
• Fake Korean Post-op Elvira Impersonator needs a refill, dammit!

Best things about this back cover.

• Text! Who doesn't like ... that?
• Oh my god, I am in love with this book - any book that features the word "slatternly" is hottt with three t's.
• I hope the "dark underbelly of Asia" is just some really hairy Laotian guy.
• Paragraph indentations are for suckas!

Page 123~

The wide green stare did not waver. Behind those basilisk eyes he thought he could detect a hint of something warmer. Desire? Plain old-fashioned lust? Was this creature really so human?

Oh please dear god don't let him be talking about the "Korean" woman. "Though she was Korean, she seemed oddly human."

~RP

P.S. this book is immaculate. As crisp and new and bright as the day it first hit the shelves. Maybe there's a tiny amount of scuffing, but it's quite negligible. Paperbacks rarely hold up this well.

Paperback 112: Un-Man and Other Novellas (Poul Anderson) / The Makeshift Rocket (Poul Anderson) (Ace Double F-139)

Paperback 112: Ace Double F-139 (PBO / PBO, 1962)

Title: Un-Man and Other Novellas / The Makeshift Rocket
Author: Poul Anderson / Poul Anderson
Cover artist: Uncredited / Uncredited

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• "This is a sad day indeed for Mexican space wrestling..."
• This painting is actually beautiful and haunting, while also being silly - a combination that goes right to the heart of why I collect these damned things
• I like the combination of genres - it's like scifi, western, and war story all wrapped into one (check out the dog tags hanging from the helmet of his presumably fallen comrade)
• "He could be stilled etc.": More proof that tag-line writers in the 1960s were completely and utterly high

Page 123~

"Ha ha!" bellowed van Rijn. "We spill all their apples, eh? By damn! Now we show them some fun!"

Best things about this cover:

• "Hey, has anyone seen grampa?"
• I can only hope that in the future, that style of mustache does indeed make a flaming comeback
• Um ... there is a pipe-smoking green goblin in that crate. I'm just sayin'...

Page 123~

This book has only 97 pages! So ... Page 23!

As for the longer-range scheme - oh yes, the plan. Well, like most terra-formed asteroids, Grendel had only a minimal gyrogravitic unit, powerful enough to give it a 24-hour rotational period (originally the little world had spun around once in three hours, which played the very devil with tea time) and an atmosphere retaining surface field of 980 cm./sec.².

~RP

Paperback 100: Hold Your Breath / ed. Alfred Hitchcock (Dell 3658)

Paperback 100: Dell 3658 (1st new ed., 1963)

Title: Hold Your Breath - Alfred Hitchcock's "Stories to Turn in Your Grave By"
Editor: Alfred Hitchcock
Cover artist: photo cover

Yours for: $10

Paperback 100!!! Milestone! [sounds of noisemakers going off and balloons dropping from the ceiling]

Best things about this cover:

• It was not until just this second that I considered the head in the shovel anything but a reflection. It's such a weird photo-shopping decision, as the result is ridiculous-looking (gravity says that head would fall out of that shovel)
• If there were no Hitchcock head in the shovel, I would actually like the design of this cover a lot - words in place of head, brilliant yellow font against black background - but you Have to have the Hitchcock head; it's an icon and a selling point, like the golden arches or Mickey Mouse

Best things about this back cover:

• Yes, that Norman Mailer. Story in this book was first published when he was 18 (1941)! It was his first published story, the winner of Story literary magazine's college contest (weirdly, I knew someone who won that contest in the '90's).

Page 123~

from "Action" by C.E. Montague:

How can you tell by the looks of a man that he would not feel the point of a pin if you ran it into his thigh, or that this exemption from pain is causing any disturbance of his spirits?

~RP

Paperback 46: Fawcett / Gold Medal M2268

Paperback 46: Fawcett / Gold Medal M2268 (3rd ptg, 1971)

Title: The Crossroads
Author: John D. MacDonald
Cover artist: Uncredited


Best things about this cover:

• "Look at my shoulder holster! Look at it! Yeah, that's right. You better be afraid!"
• Floating Head says: "You dance funny, little man."
• This book has much better cover copy than it does art. See back cover...

Best things about this back cover:

• Centeredness makes back cover copy look like a poem - an awesome poem. Not sure which is my favorite phrase here: "sadistic chiseler" or "musclebound lover-boy." Probably the latter. Also, I love Anything having to do with a motel. Motels are my second-biggest thematic obsession, after Revenge.
  
• Ridiculous, arbitrary formatting - the gun-toting fist breaks up the text in absurd ways. It's like someone opened up a little door in a wall and is now about to shoot through it blindly.
• John D. MacDonald looks like the biggest Poindexter ever. His glasses are positively Asimovian. Awesome.

RP

Why Book Sales are Like Crack Dens To Me, Part 1

I spent much of the last year getting rid of books - giving them away, throwing them away, recycling them, cutting them up to make art, etc. I just had too many. And I vowed not to acquire anymore books unless they were a. beautiful, or b. written by someone I really wanted to support with my $.

But those vows were made before I encountered the latest University Book Sale, at which point they immediately went out the window. I actually paid money (well, technically my student paid for me... we'll call her "Dondie") to get into the sale, and then got first crack at a ton of books - fiction, instructional, other, etc. I immediately went into super-consumption mode, as nearly every other cover called out to me with its cheesy greatness and awe-inspiring improbability. I am sitting here at my desk with "Dondie" right now - she actively encouraged me to buy many of the following. That's what they call an "enabler." What did I pick up? OK, Where to start ...?

Henry Bridgman, How To Make an Oboe Reed (PBO, 1987)
Cover artist: Some clip art genius

• I don't know why, but I know that someday this book will come in handy
• Did you know, and I quote: "The tip is where most of the action is"? Damn, this is hot. And useful.
• "We are assuming a finished tip length of 4.5mm." Dondie says: "Whoa, low standards!"

• Woo hoo, First Edition!
• Dondie says: "I was four when this came out!"
• Not only did Henry Bridgman write the book ... he then mailed it to himself.

John Updike, Bech: A Book (1st ptg, 1971)
Cover artist: Arnold Roth

• "Bech, A Book, A Female Book..."
• More like "Blecch: A Book" [HA ha, I kill me]
• He has boobs in his hair. Furthermore, he has Boobs in his Hair.
• Dondie says: "The nipples are ferociously red"
• Head = phallus? scrotum? squash? zucchini?
• I have to say, that is the most disturbing head in all of paperback cover art history - even more disturbing than ...

Lawrence Durrell, Clea (1st ptg, 1961)
Cover artist: Unidentified

• This, my friends, is the Original Floating Head, in that it is LITERALLY FLOATING. In water. Ur-Floating-Head. Totally scary / haunting.
• The floating head that ate Beirut! Run, women in burkhas, run! The blonde lady is hungry!
• Dondie says: "You'll never understand .... Clea ... my love [kisses book]"

Edwin Newman, Sunday Punch (1st ptg, 1980)
Cover artist: "Paris"

• That can't be good for your back.
• Dondie says: "He farted in the martini ... fartini."
• Dondie says: "His grimace has an 'I wanna do you / I gotta poop real bad' quality."
• This is my second "Person-in-a-cocktail-glass" book cover, if you can believe that. Here is the other one. This Sunday Brunch one is far less hot.
• There is something very wrong about the olive.

"The Walking Asparagus" - "So powerful that he can make your pee smell funny just by looking at you."

James Salter, Solo Faces (1st ptg, 1980)
Cover design: Neil Stuart
Cover photograph: Christina Rodin


The story of the gigantic nose that climbed the Swiss Alps.

And, lastly for today, a gem:

Joan Oppenheimer, Which Mother Is Mine? (PBO, 1980)

• Novelization of an ABC Afterschool Special! Awesome!
• Starring Blind Mary from "Little House," and My all-time TV mom crush, Mrs. C from "Happy Days."
  
• Is Mary blind in this show too? Is that why she is looking at nothing in particular and using her hands to communicate with Mom 1? It's so "Miracle Worker."
• Dondie says: Awesome photograph. Mom 2 is so sickened by Mom 1: "I'll kill you, bitch! She's mine!"
• Dondie also says: Ugliest dress ever. It's a wonder either of them wants to be her mom.
• I say: I think this is actually an Ugly Dress Pageant, and these are the three finalists. Mom 1 is doing that fake hand-holding "I hope you win" thing that pageant finalists do to fake support each other before the winner is announced.

More - much more - to follow.

RP (with Dondie)