Paperback 349: Oh, You Tex! / William MacLeod Raine (Pocket Books 78)

Paperback 349: Pocket Books 78 (7th ptg, 1948)

Title: Oh, You Tex!
Author: William MacLeod Raine
Cover artist: Roswell Keller

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• What the Hell is Happening!?!?! The perspective ... it's hurting ...
• "Chief Green Jeans was sunning himself on a rock, when all of a sudden ...!"
• I want to say that that woman was *clearly* photo-shopped into this picture, but ...
• This is like an abstract expressionist painting, with occasional humanesque figures.
• Fear hand!
• I do not quite get the punctuation of the title. "Oh, You Tex!" Is she ungrammatically affirming that that is his name? Is she calling him a "Tex" the way you might call some a "Brute" or "Bastard?" Is she excited to learn that he texts, but, like your mom, doesn't quite know the right word for it?
• William MacLeod Raine wrote the hell out of some westerns. His books are Everywhere in used pb shops.

Best things about this back cover:

• There are sexier names for a dame than "Wadley."
• Apparently there is no good synonym for "gun-play," so they just went ahead and used it twice. Sorry, just looked at the front cover—make that three times. Oh wait, I see, the front blurb is just a barely changed version of the last line on the back cover. Don't break your backs trying to be original, guys.

Page 123~

Cowboys left their partners standing in the middle of the floor. The musicians dropped their bows and fiddles. Bartenders left unfilled the orders they had just taken.

The cause? The Rapture! Just kidding. It's injuns.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 347: The Race of Giants / Matt Kinkaid (Dell First Ed. A118)

Paperback 347: Dell First Edition A118 (PBO, 1956)

Title: The Race of Giants
Author: Matt Kinkaid
Cover artist: Sam Bates

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• "... do you smell something funny? Hmm ... probably just my mustache. No, wait, my ass is on fire."
• Wow, he is a giant—keeps a herd of cattle in his back pocket.
• Love how he Fills the frame; also love the partial view of the horse. Not so keen on being able to see his long johns, but whatever.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Blood on his hands ... money on his mind!"
• Not the most realistic flames, but they are pretty.

Page 123~

Julius made a small sound of grim satisfaction. "Here comes the wagon."

~RP

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Paperback 320: Gunpoint! / John L. Shelley (Graphic 124)

Paperback 320: Graphic 124 (PBO, 1956)

Title: Gunpoint!
Author: John L. Shelley
Cover artist: Saul Levine

Yours for: $11


Best things about this cover:

• I love how excited the title is just to be alive! Exclamation point! And I *love* how the exclamation point is *so* excited that it's falling over.
• I also love how the shooter is making that great, wincey, western, "I'll get ye, ye rascally varmint" face.
• His partner has fallen in perhaps the most awkward position I've ever seen a dead body in on a paperback cover.
• Check out the interior title page — very cool:

And the back cover:


Best things about this back cover:

• "Let Sleeping Lawdogs Lie" is phenomenally lame. Is "lawdog" even a word?
• "Lived to kill ... killed to live ... wrong end of a rope ... right end of a gun" — somebody's been practicing his bad movie trailer patter.

Page 123~

Broady came to him, an ancient Sharps buffalo gun in the crook of his arm. His broad face split in a dusty grin and he patted the stock of the weapon.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Interlude — 2 books I "borrowed" from the BPOE in St. Maries, ID

Come on, how was I *not* supposed to take these?:


Best things about this cover:

• So ... it's about a vengeful virgin? Why not just call it that?
• I'm not sure I'm convinced that Mr. FancyShirt QuaintPinky could make a door explode like that. Seriously, look at his "grip" on that gun. It's like he's drinking tea or something.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Reifel" — from the Dept. of Unimaginative Naming

Best things about this cover:

• When grilling Nick Carter, make sure his massive barrel chest is well basted.
• "Just a second Nick, I'm almost at the next level of 'Missile Command'..."
• That Nick Carter head/logo is the smuggest, douchebaggiest look achievable by a human face.

Best things about this back cover:

• WHEN was it acceptable to break "assassination" between the first and second Ss???

Page 123~

from "Assassination Brigade":

He fired, and the bullet chipped off a piece of pavement about an inch away from me. By then, I had Wilhelmina in my own hand. The man only had the opportunity to snap off one more shot before I had steadied the barrel of my Luger and put a bullet in his belly.

In case you missed that — he named his Luger "Wilhelmina." God save me from ever finding out what that particular relationship is like.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 57

Title: Fightin' Fool (Pocket 2316, 5th ptg, 1956)
Author: Max Brand
Cover artist: Tom Ryan

Yours for: $7

• "Fightin' Fool!" — well, title, you're at least half right.
• Before the Tiger Woods fist pump, there was this.
• You gotta love this guy's enthusiasm. He hasn't even managed to get out of the manacles, and yet he's still super-psyched: "That's right, I got guns ... plural!"

• Best tag line in a long, long time. Jingo! It's like Jenga and Yahtzee rolled into one, and yet dangerous close to a racial slur at the same time. Edgy! I only wish it read, "Nobody plays Jingo, sucker!"
• This back cover copy is a random excerpt and tell us nothing about the story. Except that Jingo is kind of shooty.
  
• The last simile doesn't really work, in that getting your fingers into a glove can be awkward and would likely involve way more time than your enemy would need to drop you. You also need two hands to do it (unlike drawing and firing a sidearm ... assuming westerns haven't been lying to me all these years). I think the writer was thinking of the idiom of something's "fitting like a glove," and then just ... went off track.

Page 123~

Wheeler Bent was silent. He stared at the girl with half-closed eyes, for suddenly it came over him that Jingo was as like this girl as though he had been born her twin.

First, why are the girl's eyes half-closed? Second, "Wheeler Bent" indicates that Max Brand was awesome with names, and that Jingo was no fluke. Third, everything after "Jingo" in that second sentence is a stylistic disaster. We could start with the redundancy of "born" (how else can you be somebody's twin?) but by the time the sentence gets there, it's already an ungainly mess.

~RP

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Paperback 270: Stretch Dawson / W.R. Burnett (Gold Medal 106)

Paperback 270: Gold Medal 106 (PBO, 1950)

Title: Stretch Dawson
Author: W.R. Burnett
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $16


Best thing about this cover:

• Every year, Tex made a pilgrimage to worship at the altar of the Sexy Lady of the Gun
• That neckerchief is tied so tight about his neck that I'm a little scared for him.
• Silly lady — shotguns are no use against Cowboy Zombies. You gotta burn 'em.
• I'm not a big fan of her hair, but everything else about her looks fabulous.
• Like the blurb says, W.R. Burnett wrote the 1929 gangster classic "Little Caesar" (which was turned into the even more classic 1931 gangster movie of the same name, starring Edward G. Robinson)

Best things about this back cover:

• "Stretch was all man..." We get it, he's hung. I mean, his name is Stretch and you've got a huge phallic gun pointed at his crotch on the front cover. I think you've made your point. Move along.
• "Squeeze it out of her..." Stretch's preferred method of torture had always been the Bear Hug.
• In case you're confused about where this text came from ... Stretch has signed it himself. How handy / weird.

Page 123~

Shame stabbed at Stretch. He felt his face getting red and lowered his eyes so he wouldn't have to meet the Old Man's shrewd gaze. "Sure does," he said, in a husky unnatural voice.

When "unnatural" and "shame" appear in such close proximity to someone's "face getting red" in a vintage paperback, you know something very, very gay is going on.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

P.S. blogger Michael5000 will send you this trashy paperback for free if you agree to read it and write an entertaining review. Act fast if you're interested.

Paperback 182: The Gay Bandit of the Border / Tom Gill (Popular Library 190)

[Even though I didn't do a proper write-up for this book, I've decided to count it as complete - your insightful comments make it scarily apparent that I'm not as essential to the smooth functioning of this blog as I'd once imagined]

Title: The Gay Bandit of the Border
Author: Tom Gill
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $12

Hey folks - I'm on vacation, working from an unfamiliar computer, and I cannot get Blogger to publish correctly. It's All kinds of screwed up. So ... patience. I'll be back with more as soon as I can. Til then, enjoy this random cover, which I may or may not be able to blog in the near future:

Paperback 181: Guns Roaring West / Peter Field (Pocket Books 6212)

Paperback 181: Pocket Books 6212 (1st ptg, 1963)
Title: Guns Roaring West
Author: Peter Field
Cover artist: Uncredited

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• "Guns Roaring West ... I said 'West' ... 'WEST!' ... aw hell, just leave it."
• That is an arrow, right? Not some malformed cactus or a duck footprint?
• "Powder Valley" sounds like the setting for a saga about babysitting cheerleaders
• This main dude is quite elegant and suave in his erect bearing and mysterious, darkened eyes. His lime green neckerchief with white polka dots kinda undercuts the whole evil vibe.

Best things about this back cover:

• From the looks of that boot, I'd have to say this is a story about the Western fashion industry. I expect some kind of fabulous dance-off at the end.
• "His words rustled dryly in the heavy quiet" - I wish I had audio files of you all uttering "What yuh after here?" in such a fashion. I just can't imagine anyone Making Those Words Rustle Dryly in a Heavy Quiet! I'm trying to do it now, at my desk, and I sound like a combination of Clint Eastwood and pervert on the subway.
• This is like a menu of the writer's choicest phrases - "Let's see ... I'll take the Rattlesnake Blur, with a side of Gun Roaring Hollowly"

Page 123~

Sloan's ordinarily vacuous countenance went wooden.

OK, I am beginning to fall in love with the daring, loopy, teenage prose of your average vintage paperback. I want to set up some kind of story project where I challenge people to write Very Short stories (under 500 words) using sentences culled from these books as the first line. I need to know more about Sloan. Any Sloan.

~RP

Paperback 171: Hell on the Pecos / Ed Earl Repp (Western Novel of the Month 4)

Paperback 171: Western Novel of the Month No. 4 (1st ptg, n.d.)

Title: Hell on the Pecos
Author: Ed Earl Repp
Cover artist: [A. Leslie Ross?]

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• I love how excited the book is that it's "FULL-LENGTH"
• This early western version of polo never caught on, for some reason
• Impossibly positioned horses engaging in some kind of horse ballet while ruddy-cheeked young men with fancy neckwear fire over yonder.
• What is that cloud under the horse's snout? Is that his breath? Given what the cowboys are wearing, I don't think it's cold enough out to see a horse's breath. Maybe Jim's bullets release a little burst of perfume midair to cover the stench of manure / death.
• Seriously, their cheeks are ruddy. Either they're very ashamed of something or they both insulted the same dame. Or their gigantically-lipped grandmother just kissed them both goodbye.

Back cover, shmack cover. It's the same boring word pattern that all Western Novel Classics have.

Page 123~

"Kelton - Burt Kelton!" panted the old man laboriously. "He come t' the house about a half hour ago! Knocked me out, but I come t' pronto an' sneaked away t' find yuh! That jasper's gone plumb loco, Montany! Yuh better go there!"

Behold the majesty of Western Dialogue! Not surprisingly, this guy is addressing someone named "Montana." Apparently old men in the west were required to change terminal "a"s to "y"s. "That jasper's gone plumb loco!" may take over as the subtitle of this blog some day.

~RP

Paperback 159: Room for the Rolling M / Bertrand Sinclair (Western Novel Classic 112)

Paperback 159: Western Novel Classic 112 (PBO, 1951)
Title: Room for the Rolling M
Author: Bertrand W. Sinclair
Cover artist: Uncredited [A. Leslie Ross? Norman Saunders?]

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• "M" is about the last letter I would expect to "roll" anywhere. Too angular.
• That window is some kind of brittle scrim - made out of confectionery, perhaps. Glass does not break like that or look like that.
• His neckerchief is fetching. I also like the shirt. I think this guy has a really bad sunburn or is a rodeo clown. Otherwise, what's up with the aggressively red cheeks?
• His left hand looks contorted / evil.
• What is that "HP" in the corner of the window?
• I love that I can read "Warrant for Arrest" on the document that he has handily tucked inside his gun belt.
• At least this guy can hold a gun, unlike some recent Western cover guys I've featured.

I would show you a back cover, but it's just the same as the last Western Novel Classic back cover. Ho + Hum.

Page 123~

As Mike passed out a rotund Chinaman came bearing a tray.

Poor Mike. I guess it's like they always say: Beware rotund Chinamen bearing trays.

~RP

Paperback 157: Both Sides of the Law / Bertrand W. Sinclair (Western Novel Classic 110)

Paperback 157: Western Novel Classic 110 (PBO, 1951)
Title: Both Sides of the Law
Author: Bertrand W. Sinclair
Cover artist: [A. Leslie] Ross

Yours for: $15


Best things about this cover:

• "Claude Akins and/or Andy Griffith is ... This Guy!"
• That horse has a mangy mohawk and its eyes look Freaked Out
• I am tired of these covers where people hold (and fire) guns at ridiculous angles. What is with the inside-out wrist flip here? That thing should kick out of his hand.
• I'm gonna say gun beats lasso.
• Why is he being lassoed??? Is he a performer in the world's most dangerous rodeo?
• I guess he is a sheriff (the badge) and is also being hunted for some reason (the lasso). He needs to tie his kerchief tighter.

Best things about this back cover:

• Wow, talk about lo-concept.

Page 123~

"But from my angle when I sat into this game, an' from the way you acted right from the first time you laid eyes on me, appearances were against you. When I expressed my opinion of you last night, it was my honest belief. I was dead certain at that minute that I was right. It seems that I was wrong."

"From one cowpoke to another, I honestly love you."

~RP

Paperback 131: This Violent Land / William H. Jacobs (Monarch Books 163)

Paperback 131: Monarch Books 163 (1st ptg, 1960)

Title: This Violent Land
Author: William H. Jacobs
Cover artist: again, uncredited

Yours for: $9

Best things about this cover:

• "Stop right there, Henry Fonda! Now ... give me my scarf back, nice and easy."
• "Raw" and "earthy" means people are doin' it.
• Now that I look at her hands more closely, I'm not convinced she aims to fire it. She's sort of ... stroking the ... underside of the ... shaft? "Oh, is this big thing yours?"
• She is undeniably hot. I mean - fantastic. Everything a rifle-toting cover girl should be. I have a Girls with Guns collection, so I ask you, how was I supposed to not buy this book?

Best things about this back cover:

• OMG the names of these people! Genius!
• "'Joanna' doesn't sound ... I don't know, exotic enough." "How about ... Zoanna, sir?" "Brilliant!"
• I love a good Malabar every now and then. "Hard-bitten?" When I get through with them, yes.
• "Earthy" again! Unless they literally smear soil on themselves, I'm going to be very disappointed in this book.

Page 123~

He saw again the woman with the scarred face, her white legs parting, the black devil's cup beckoning. "Make me a woman! Make me a woman!" Soft, warm, melting. He was on the road to hellfire.

"Black devil's cup?!" That's a new one to me.

Earthy!

~RP

Paperback 111: Stars in My Crown / Joe David Brown (Teen Age Book Club T45)

Paperback 111: Teen Age Book Club T45 (1st ptg, 1956)

Title: Stars in My Crown
Author: Joe David Brown
Cover artist: Gould K. Hulse, Jr. (I think ... he's credited with the "decorations" on the inside)

Yours for: $7


Best things about this cover:

• "I'm your new preacher and I aim to give my first sermon right here ... even if I am jaundiced and half-drunk. Or drunk and half-jaundiced. Or dronk and half-jundiced. Point is, I got me a 12-pound Bible and this here gun, so what I says goes. Now if I can just traverse this comically high door frame..." "That's a window, you moron!" "In the name of Jesus, you better shut up!"
• Seriously, who taught this artist perspective? A five-year-old surrealist with bad eyes?
• The colors are so ... life-like. If your life exists only in primary colors and whatever color that guy in the corner is.
• Our hero looks like a sickly, less charismatic Robert Mitchum.
• What is that thing protruding from the chin of the man in the SW corner? A growth? A pouch of some kind? I want to say "beard" but ... it's got oddly regularly molded ridges on the end...

Best things about this back cover:

• "Grandpa"
• Why isn't this book called "Death Stalks the Parish" - it's a bit Agatha Christie, but it's a hell of a lot better than the current title
• Teen Age Book Club: For Teen Agers who are too emaciated to read standing upright.

Page 123~

"They didn't have no lamps when Ah went to school," he said, "an' Ah reckon what was good enough for me is good enough for the chil'lun [... sic!] nowadays."

~RP

Paperback 104: Gun-Law for Lavercombe / Charles Alden Seltzer (Belmont 91-258)

Paperback 104: Belmont 91-258 (1st ptg, 1962)

Title: Gun-Law for Lavercombe
Author: Charles Alden Seltzer
Cover artist: uncredited

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• "Oooh, I'm gonna moon you good, pardner!"
• Charles Alden Seltzer is a pretty uppity name for a guy who wants to write tough-guy westerns
• "I like girls that wear Lavercombe and Fitch..."

Best things about this back cover:

• Death by bull-whip has got to be a particularly bad way to die
• I like how "The Judge" is in quotation marks - I guess he got that name 'cause he likes to "destroy men with his bare fists," just like the judges in Biblical times
• "The Lavercombe Showdown" was an important precursor to "The Lindy Hop" and "The Hustle"

PAGE 123~

She saw Jerry hopping around. Apparently he was searching for something. A rock. Just as her horse reached the level at the bottom of the slope Jerry crouched, the rock in hand.

Then several things seemed to happen at once.

~RP

Paperback 82: Zane Grey's Western Magazine, March 1951

Paperback 82: Zane Grey's Western Magazine, March 1951

Featured story: "The Fight for Bunchgrass Basin"
Author: L. P. Holmes
Cover artist: Mayo Olmstead

Priced at: $6



Best things about this cover:

• "Henry is sporting the sexy open-shirt-and-baggy-pants look that's so popular among this year's A-list homesteaders..."
• Henry appears to be duck hunting. Either that, or there are Injuns riding magic carpets in the sky.
• Meanwhile, Henry's partner Cleve has managed to pull off the nearly impossible feat of being shot in the back by an arrow while his back is completely shielded by the covered wagon. Nice going, Cleve.
• Cleve, you can let go of the gun now.
• This picture has a smooth creaminess to it that I like, but what's with the blood placement? It makes no sense, and is completely unconvincing.

RP

Paperback 81: Arizona Ames / Zane Grey (Pocket Books 80451)

Paperback 81: Pocket Books 80451 (6th ptg, 1973)

Title: Arizona Ames
Author: Zane Grey
Cover artist: Robert Schulz

PRICE: $8



Best things about this cover / back cover:

• His hand!
• His gun has its own gun.
• I would never have touched this book if it weren't a. a wraparound cover that was b. painted by the magnificent Robert Schulz. This is far more photo-realistic than his earlier work (most of the stuff I have by him dates from the 50s). He captures movement better than almost any other paperback artist (Mitchell Hooks can, at times, give him a run for his money).
• I like that this scene actually seems to depict the definitive moment in Arizona Ames's life: "... the time he'd shot three gunslingers while lying wounded on a saloon floor."
• I want to know his "secret hurt." Really, I do. I'm sorely tempted to read this book.

RP

PS you may have noticed the "Donation" button in the sidebar. While I definitely encourage the giving of money to me (lord knows how hard I work), I think an even better way to support this site is to Buy My Books. That's right, though I'm not going to force the issue very hard (my books are like ... children to me; not necessarily my children, but children nonetheless), I would like to announce that every book on this site can be had. I will list a thoroughly researched and non-negotiable price (that includes shipping). If you want any book you see here, email me first and let me know (rexparker@mac.com).

I sold my first book to a T.V. writer a couple days ago; when she wrote and asked if she could buy it, I suddenly realized that once I've blogged about these books, there's no reason they shouldn't go to a new home.

That is all.

Paperback 67: Law from Back Beyond (Chuck Martin) / Vengeance Valley (Roy Manning)

Paperback 67: Ace Double D-46 (PBO / 1st ptg, 1954)

Title: Law from Back Beyond / Vengeance Valley
Author: Chuck Martin / Roy Manning
Cover artist: Norman Saunders / John Leone


Best thing about this cover:

• This man is practicing the little-known art of rock phrenology.
• Jane has to ride out to retrieve her mentally-deranged brother, who suffers from the perpetual delusion that he is at the Alamo. Good thing his gun is merely an incense burner.

Best things about this other cover:

• I feel as if I could cut-and-paste this guy into another scene and he would look far more like a guy dancing than a guy falling off a demon-possessed horse (look at its eyes! vacant!)

RP

Paperback 49: Ballantine 236

Paperback 49: Ballantine 236 (PBO, 1957)

Title: Gunsmoke
Author: Don Ward
Cover artist: photo cover


Best things about this cover

• "I Was A Sunburned Frankenstein"
• Wow, colorization could really wreak havoc with your skin back then. Marshal Dillon looks like he just completed an overly lengthy stint at the tanning salon. You live in the DESERT, Marshal. Just walking around outside should give you all the color you need.
• I'm not sure this cover could be less interesting if it tried. "I am ... walking toward you ... I am huge ... that is all."
• Love the CBS "Eye"

Best things about this back cover

• Copy writer should be fired - you don't open your promo with the passive voice, for god's sake.
• Further, of course it "is remembered." If I'm reading this book in 1957, then I "remember" it from Last Night, When It Was On.
• "Movie goers" is two words now? Walker Percy's not going to like that one bit.

RP

Paperback 27: Bantam 1866

Paperback 27: Bantam 1866 (PBO, 1958)

Title: Summer of the Smoke
Author: Luke Short
Cover artist: Uncredited (but there appear to be initials under the rider's right foot)


Best things about this cover:

Well, they can't all be gems. Still...

• "Summer of the Smoke" sounds like the title of a movie about teenagers experimenting with marijuana in the 1970s.
• Is that the smoke, there, rising from just below the horse's nose. I'm supposed to believe that an entire summer was named for that paltry thread?
• The cover design is weirdly segmented, like it was designed by Piet Mondrian.
• This cover painting looks familiar ... where have I seen this scene before?
  

Yes, that's it. They've even got the same mustache!

Luke Short is one of the most popular western writers of the 20th century, and from what I can tell, he was pretty competent. This is a PBO (paperback original), which means that it came out originally in paperback (very rare these days, though reasonably common in the 50s). Look how excited the publishers are to tell you that this book is in print for the first time: they even brought out the whimsical excited handwriting font: "First time published anywhere!"

The fact that it's a Luke Short PBO is probably the only reason I bought this book, and I probably didn't pay more than a buck for it. The unusual segmented cover design made it desirable to me as well. Though I've featured many westerns so far from my collection, don't get the wrong idea: I don't really care for westerns, and westerns make up only a small fraction of the collection as a whole. We're simply in a particularly cowboy-ish patch right now.

RP

Paperback 25: Hillman 6

Paperback 25: Hillman 6 (1st ptg, 1948)

Title: Riders of Buck River
Author: William MacLeod Raine
Cover artist: Uncredited

Best things about this cover:

It's a pretty generic western cover, except...

I love the bullet whizzing through the brim of his hat. If I had to judge by this picture alone, I would say that this man is a dead man. He appears not to know all the rules of a gunfight.

First rule of a gunfight: wear your matches on your head - check!

Second rule of a gunfight: find cover - this man has absolutely no protection. He appears not even to know that for protection, the fence needs to be between you and your would-be assailant.

Third rule of a gunfight: hold your gun properly - first of all, I have no idea what kind of stance he's in, or what he thinks he's doing with his left arm. Second, my theory is that he's not actually squinting with his right eye in order to aim; I think he lost his right eye the last time he tried to fire a gun while holding it six inches from his face.

Fourth rule of a gunfight: make sure your gun is of the bullet-shooting and not the orange popsicle-shooting variety.


The back cover is not really interesting except for its obsession with hyphenated words. If we were to judge the book just by these words, then we'd have to conclude that it's a book about rip-roaring, fast-moving, hard-bitten, small-time cow-punchers and old-timers.

Check out the final sentence:

"The story of the settlement of the difficulties is thrilling told." [sic!]

Note, if you are writing an allegedly action-packed story, you might want to avoid the "Noun-prepositional phrase-prepositional phrase-linking verb" construction. Not too ... thrilling. Also might want to familiarize yourself with the concept of the adverb.

RP