Interlude — 2 books I "borrowed" from the BPOE in St. Maries, ID

Come on, how was I *not* supposed to take these?:


Best things about this cover:

• So ... it's about a vengeful virgin? Why not just call it that?
• I'm not sure I'm convinced that Mr. FancyShirt QuaintPinky could make a door explode like that. Seriously, look at his "grip" on that gun. It's like he's drinking tea or something.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Reifel" — from the Dept. of Unimaginative Naming

Best things about this cover:

• When grilling Nick Carter, make sure his massive barrel chest is well basted.
• "Just a second Nick, I'm almost at the next level of 'Missile Command'..."
• That Nick Carter head/logo is the smuggest, douchebaggiest look achievable by a human face.

Best things about this back cover:

• WHEN was it acceptable to break "assassination" between the first and second Ss???

Page 123~

from "Assassination Brigade":

He fired, and the bullet chipped off a piece of pavement about an inch away from me. By then, I had Wilhelmina in my own hand. The man only had the opportunity to snap off one more shot before I had steadied the barrel of my Luger and put a bullet in his belly.

In case you missed that — he named his Luger "Wilhelmina." God save me from ever finding out what that particular relationship is like.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 170: A Korean Tiger / Nick Carter (Award Books A248X)

Paperback 170: Award Books A248X (PBO, 1967)

• Title: A Korean Tiger
• Author: Nick Carter (who is also the main character...? and who is also, btw, a Backstreet Boy)
• Cover artist: Some McGinnis imitator

Yours for: $17


Best things about this cover:

• Bring me the floating head of Nick Carter! Oh, nevermind. It's right there.
• The disembodied head of Nick Carter thinks you're a swell-looking doll. {wink!}
• If the book is trying to suggest to me that that lady is "Korean," I challenge. She looks like Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, only with somewhat smaller boobs and no shirt.
• I like how she is taking a sidelong glance at the title, as if thinking "WTF?"
• How is it possible that no rapper has picked up the name "Killmaster?" That would be my handle for sure. That, or "Optimum Slim" (a name I derived from the cereal I eat every morning)
• Fake Korean Post-op Elvira Impersonator needs a refill, dammit!

Best things about this back cover.

• Text! Who doesn't like ... that?
• Oh my god, I am in love with this book - any book that features the word "slatternly" is hottt with three t's.
• I hope the "dark underbelly of Asia" is just some really hairy Laotian guy.
• Paragraph indentations are for suckas!

Page 123~

The wide green stare did not waver. Behind those basilisk eyes he thought he could detect a hint of something warmer. Desire? Plain old-fashioned lust? Was this creature really so human?

Oh please dear god don't let him be talking about the "Korean" woman. "Though she was Korean, she seemed oddly human."

~RP

P.S. this book is immaculate. As crisp and new and bright as the day it first hit the shelves. Maybe there's a tiny amount of scuffing, but it's quite negligible. Paperbacks rarely hold up this well.