... but someday when I'm dead, this is what I want made from my cremated remains. The average body, according to artist Nadine Jarvis, yields about 240 pencils. First come, first served, everybody!(Via BoingBoing.net.)

The online home of writer Duane Swierczynski. Updated in fits and starts since 2004.
... but someday when I'm dead, this is what I want made from my cremated remains. The average body, according to artist Nadine Jarvis, yields about 240 pencils. First come, first served, everybody!
I look at this photo, taken nearly five years ago, and I still can't believe I used to be able to gather him up in my arms like this. Today Parker is five years old, and dressing himself, and just starting to read, and expressing his musical and literary preferences, and asking questions... oh, the questions that stop us both in our tracks on a daily basis. Like he's trying to pick apart the universe, one question at a time. Nobody ever can really explain it to you, that simultaneous feeling of your heart expanding and breaking at the same time, a constant explosion/implosion every time you look at him. And even though he's probably getting too big, I love that I can still gather him up in my arms now and again, and he'll hug back... really hug back. I've got sorry news for my son: I'm going to be trying to gather him up in my arms for as long as I have arms.
Not two days after I post about the 1989 death of my pseudonym "Duane Louis" comes his name on a book cover, for the first time ever. Ah, life has a perverse sense of humor.
I know what you've been thinking. You been thinking, You know, I'd really like to get my mitts on a copy of Swierczy's first novel, but it's like, only available as a way-pricey ($31.95!) hardcover, or an almost as pricey trade paperback. And that's a print-on-demand style paperback. Which annoys a lot of people.
"Duane Swierczynski" is quite a handle, isn't it? But hey, don't blame me. I've tried to change it before. Throughout my senior year of high school I submitted short horror stories to whatever markets I could find, including markets way out of my grubby little immature reach. Markets like Weird Tales, probably the oldest and most respected horror and fantasy magazine in the world. But I was a punk kid who noticed they were based in Philly, so I thought: What the hell, right? The story I sent Weird Tales was called "Submission," and I gave it that title because I thought it would be fun to open up a cover letter with the sentence: "Dear Editor, please find my submission, "Submission," enclosed with this letter." (I was 17. This is what passed for wit in my teenaged mind.) I also asked about internships or assistant-type jobs, figuring that maybe I could work my way up from the mailroom or something. And finally, I decided that a "Duane Swierczynski" could never make the pages of Weird Tales. I needed something snappier. So I lopped off my last name and became "Duane Louis."Use your full last name. It's real, and people will remember it.(Click the letter above to read the whole thing.)
Today I was a panelist at communication workshop at La Salle University, my alma mater. The audience was full of high school students and their parents, and our job was to tell them what it's really like to work in broadcast and print journalism, film or mass media. The panel did a great job of telling the truth (e.g., "Newspapers are dying") while still encouraging the young people who want careers in these fields.
This week's City Paper is extra special to me because it marks the cover debut of my good friend Edward Pettit. (You know Ed, Secret Dead Blog reader. He's the guy who mistakenly believes he lives in the 19th century.) Ed wrote a great profile of George Lippard, Philadelphia's first best-selling author back in the 1840s. But beyond that, you could even say that Lippard was the Pete Dexter of time, stirring shit up in his own penny newspaper on a weekly basis. Far as we know, nobody beat the hell out of Lippard, but he did die young. Oh--you know that whole myth about the Liberty Bell cracking on July 4, 1776? Lippard wrote that, too. But forget my shorthand version. Check out Ed's piece for the real thing.
Could this be the cover of the Sherlock Holmes novella I've been blabbing about? Why yes, I believe it could be. If you think this is cool (and I do), wait until you see the rest of the book. The art folks at Quirk Books are going all out for this one. They even nailed the waterstain on a 110-year-old envelope. What's really fun is that I have two wildly different books appearing this November: The Crimes of Dr. Watson, which is Victorian-era whodunnit, and Severance Package, a modern-day thriller. And yet, both feature dismemberment. Go figure.
It's been nearly two years since we've been able to savor a new Allan Guthrie novel. With the forthcoming publication of Hard Man, the drought is finally at an end. American readers will have to wait until June to snag a copy, but those lucky fucks in the UK will have the Polygon edition in their hands within a few weeks. (Even luckier fucks, such as Secret Dead Blog, were able to score an advance edition.)
It’s hard to pinpoint when the change began. Was it 1992, the first season of The Real World? (Or maybe the third season, when cast members began to play to the cameras? Or the seventh, at which point the seven strangers were so media-savvy there was little difference between their being totally self-conscious and utterly unself-conscious?) Or you could peg the true beginning as that primal national drama of the Paris Hilton sex tape, those strange weeks in 2004 when what initially struck me as a genuine and indelible humiliation—the kind of thing that lost former Miss America Vanessa Williams her crown twenty years earlier—transformed, in a matter of days, from a shocker into no big deal, and then into just another piece of publicity, and then into a kind of power.I'm torn because on one hand, I keep a blog. Thus, baring part of myself to the three (maybe four, if you count Brian Hickey) people who read this blog. And I read a lot of blogs, mostly to get to know other people. I'll never forget the strange sensation at Bouchercon '05 when I sat in the hotel bar, surrounded by people I knew well but had never actually met. And just last week, Daniel Hatadi launched the very cool Crimespace, meant as an online meeting place of people who dig crime and mystery. It's like a Bouchercon without the airfare.
Okay, I finished a first draft this past weekend, so I can talk about the novella without fearing of being a "cuntjobby."
This has to be the quickest turnaround of an interview, like, ever. Earlier this evening, I had a fun chat via IM with Cameron Hughes of CHUD.com. Now, just a few hours later, the complete interview is already up. CHUD doesn't screw around, folks. Check out the interview if you have a few minutes to kill (it's presented in its raw, original IM form), then check out the rest of CHUD while you're there, including the interviews with directors Zack Snyder (300) and Bong Joon-Ho (The Host). This crazy joint has quickly become one of my favorites. And not just because of the cool green sewer motif. Though that's a plus.
Every week I'm treated to a cornucopia of plot ideas that seemingly belong in the world of crime thrillers, but routinely happen in real life. My problem is that I can't use very many ideas from real life, because no book editor would believe them.
In this past week alone, we've had ...
... the mayor's brother, currently indicted by the federal government, and who recently spent a few hours in jail for unpaid traffic tickets, standing outside City Hall, draped over a coffin of unknown origin, belting out a religious song with the emotion and vigor of an Italian opera star.
... private eyes, partially bankrolled by a casino, knocking on people's doors because they signed their name on a petition.
... teachers routinely being slapped, punched and beaten to the point of needing dental surgery at West Philadelphia High; meanwhile, a Germantown High teacher is recovering from having his neck snapped by a student.
You can read the whole thing at www.citypaper.net. And while you're there, take a look at the kick-butt music package, assembled by Patrick Rapa and shot by Michael T. Regan. Especially you young crazy kids who are into the rock and roll. Or, if you're a bracket-head, sign up for Nick Norlen's Philly Madness! Or, if you're into machine guns and blow, go on a Scarface date!
The Philadelphia Weekly (our noble competition) has a cool profile of Pete Dexter today. Writer Steve Volk traveled out to Seattle to interview the legendary columnist, and even dug up some new details on the infamous night when Dexter had has ass handed to him outside a bar in Grays Ferry. There's a great little scene that sounds like it belongs in 300:The only one in Dexter’s entourage who stayed and defended him was Cobb, the heavyweight. He stood over his fallen friend, pushing away the men who were striking him, and absorbing blows with an arm that was ultimately broken in the fight.I think every newspaper columnist needs a Hawk/Joe Pike looking out for him.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
March 5, 2007
PENNSYLVANIA TO LAUNCH MAJOR LITERARY FESTIVAL IN FALL 2008
Annual "Keystone Book Festival" to Feature Renowned Authors, Writing Workshops, Tips from the Pros, and Awards Program
HARRISBURG, PA -- Three days of author events, writing workshops and publishing tips will highlight the launch of the annual Keystone Book Festival in Fall 2008, the festival's board of directors announced today.
Pennsylvania's first state literary event will take place in several locations in downtown Harrisburg, Friday through Sunday, October 10-12, 2008. It will join 35 other state book festivals currently held around the country, organizers said.
"Pennsylvania is long overdue for a state literary event like this," said Larry Portzline, the festival's executive director. "An annual celebration of the book is a terrific way to promote reading and literacy in Pennsylvania, and to bring together people who share a love of the written word."
You know what a David Goodis junkie I am. So I was happy to receive an email from writer/director Ed Holub, who's been working on a film adaptation of Cassidy's Girl, one of my favorite Goodis noirs. (How can you not love a story about a bus driver who falls in love with a Philly lush?) Secret Dead Blog lobbed a few questions his way, and Mr. Holub was kind enough to lob 'em back.