Close to the Edit

I can tell I'm a bit obsessed with the copyedit of The Blonde, because I'm dreaming about it.

No kidding. Last night, I dreamed that I was reading a page out of the finished book (don't ask me why, because I don't re-read my own books, other than to nervously scan for bone-headed errors). And I saw a mistake that made my imaginary jaw drop.

I'd misspelled "miasma."

It looked like:

miassama.

And I thought to myself (in my dream): Goddamnit. I can't believe I missed that! How the fuck did I miss that? That jumps right off the page and smacks you in the nose. How did I miss that!?

And I snapped awake, and was seriously relieved it was only a dream, and that I still had four more days to obsess over the manuscript.

Yes, my friends, I'm that far gone.

But the copyediting review process is going well. This copy editor is one of the good 'uns. She's made many a great save, including those annoying continuity errors that I always seem to miss (and Al "Sunshine" Guthrie loves to tease me about... oh, go ahead, just ask him about the cigarette that shows up in The Wheelman, despite the fact that Lennon tells us he's a non-smoker in the very first chapter). At left is an example of one of those great saves; my hospital of choice in The Blonde is Pennsylvania Hospital, but I let a reference to Jefferson slip in somehow. I don't know how this happens. I think my brain likes to play little jokes on me. In other part of the book, a character injures his right hand. I made sure it was his right hand, because he's right-handed. You'd think something like this would be easy to remember, right? Nope. Elsewhere in the manuscript, the guy is bitching about his left hand. Nice, Swierczynski. Nice.

However, there are other corrections I want to "stet." (For those of you playing at home, "stet" means you want the copy editor to leave it the way you had it.) For instance, at one point, a bunch of crack whores are making fun of a character, and they call him:

"Assclown."

The copy editor put a space mark (#) between "ass" and "clown," and noted:

As "ass master," etc., p. 18, because on the next page, the same crack whores call the guy "ass master." (As well as "ass bag.")

But I circled "assclown" and wrote "stet," because I don't think it should be:

"Ass clown."

Anyone who's hurled this particular insult knows it's:

"Assclown."

Right? I mean, c'mon, say it out loud. "Al, you're such an ass clown." Doesn't work, does it? That little pause takes the sting right out of it. Might as well be calling Al a "doody head." No. You want nothing coming between those twin whipcracks of blistering insult: "Al, you're such an assclown."

Sometimes, a suggested copy edit is well-intentioned, but kills a joke. For instance, in one section, there's an imagined newspaper headline about a decapitated head:

HOW TO GET A HEAD IN THE TAXI BUSINESS

and the copy editor wanted to make "a head" one word, as in

HOW TO GET AHEAD IN THE TAXI BUSINESS

which totally kills the pun. (Being a newspaper editor, I live and die for bad headline puns.)

So I stet that sucker, too.

But these are minor problems, when considering all of the great saves the copy editor has made. So I'm in no position to complain.

I just hope I stop dreaming about this shit.