NoirCon Hangover: Free Redheads for the Asking

At NoirCon I ran into noir fiction lover Eric Campbell, who introduced himself and told me he dug my books. Which is always cool to hear. Then he continued: "But I ought to take you outside and beat the living crap out of you." Okay, maybe those weren't his exact words, but something along those lines. Then Eric explained: he was sore that the paperback edition of The Blonde included a short story sequel ("Redhead"), and he'd already shelled out for the hardcover edition.

I was happy to tell him that a .pdf of "Redhead" was his for the asking, as it is for everyone. All you have to do is drop me a short email (duane.swier AT verizon.net) with the subject line "Send me a Redhead," and give me some small indication that you've read The Blonde. No purchase required; I just want to make sure "Redhead" won't ruin the main novel for you. Offer lasts... pretty much forever. Or until an EMP blast wipes all .pdf copies from the face of the earth.

The Blonde Lives!

The Blonde has been out in paperback for a month now, and I've been very happy to see reviews/mentions at various blogs over the past few weeks, including this stunner from Ed Gorman, a cool second look from Wally Conger, and this very nice mini-review from Gerald So. Huge thanks to all three of you gentlemen.

(Remember, if you've read The Blonde and want to check out "Redhead," it's yours for the asking. Email me proof that you've read the original novel, and I'll send you a pdf of the novella sequel. This offer expires... um, never.)

Free Redheads! (With One Small Catch)

Stephen King has this great bit in Danse Macabre how much he hates readers who "turn to the last three pages to see how it turned out." What King would love to do someday, he says, is publish a novel with the last 30 pages missing. The reader would only receive those chapters by mail if, and only if, he/she submits a summary of what happened up until that point in the book.

That gave me an idea.

As I've mentioned before, I've written a novella, "Redhead," that was included in the paperback version of The Blonde. It's not a stand-alone; it's very much a short sequel. I wrote it as a thank-you to the readers who dug The Blonde, and maybe wanted to see what happened next.

What I don't want is a new reader to pick up "Redhead" first, and then toss it to the side when it makes little sense to him/her.

So...

Here's the deal. I'll email you a .pdf of "Redhead," absolutely free of charge, if you can prove to me that you've read The Blonde.

Nothing crazy—a sentence or two will work. You can tell me the ending. Something that happens late in the book. Or a choice bit of dialogue. No purchase necessary; if you borrowed The Blonde from a library, or a friend, you're still eligible.

Just email me at duane.swier AT verizon.net with the subject line "Send Me a Redhead" and your proof of readership. And within a few hours, a "Redhead" will be delivered to your inbox. Consider it a literary version of a Mail Order Bride, only without the awkward language barriers.

Operators* are standing by.

(*That's a reference to something in The Blonde. See how easy this is? Only you can't use that now. Think of something else.)

You're Officially Invited...

... to the Crimes of Dr. Watson/Blonde/Redhead launch party!

It's a week from today, at the Port Richmond Bookstore in the lovely (and extremely Polish) neighborhood of Port Richmond. There will be plenty of books, booze, food and of course, Poles on hand. I've launched my last two books at the store, and each time it was a blast. You recall last year's blog post, about how we all ended up at a Polish disco? No futher questions, your honor.

So to recap: Sunday, November 18th, 2 p.m. Port Richmond Bookstore (3037 Richmond Street, Philadelphia, PA, 19134, 215-425-3385). C'mon. Can you think of a better way to kick off your Thanksgiving week?

(Huge thanks, in advance, to Lou Boxer, Deen Kogan and Greg Gillespie for hosting me yet again.)

Kicki Ass!

Today, the paperback edition of The Blonde (along with bonus novella "Redhead") hits finer bookstores everywhere. Secret Dead Blog highly recommends picking up at least three copies of this title: one for you, one for a friend, and one for pets and shut-ins.

Some of you, however, will only have to buy two copies. That's right... we have some contest winners!

The Secret Dead Blog Gaming Commission & Public Relations Board met for hours last night, and after much fevered debate (and broken cigars and spilled beers and even a sloppy, half-hearted fistfight) decided upon these winning entries for "Best Fake Redhead Blurb":

"Never has a book about the life and times of Ron Howard been so unabashedly sexual." —Shewan

"Not your usual bag of Polish pulp. Kicki the balls and ass! Get some." —Colman

(Honorable Mentions: David Terrenoire's "Shower With Your Wif'e's Friend" blurb; Mike MacLean's Tipper Gore/Hairy Man Ass blurb; Terrill Lankford's "blow" blurb; Felix Cruz's alternate universe blurb; Daniel Hatadi's duck blurb; Rickards' "Modern Hairstyling" blurb. You are all sick people. Oh, and special thanks to Tiffany, who wrote a blurb I really wish I could use.)

Big congrats to the winners, and thanks to everyone who wasted a few brain cells coming up with an entry. Winners: please shoot a mailing address to duane.swier AT verizon.net so Swierczy can get signin' and mailin'. We don't want him just sitting around here, drinking Red Bull and talking about RoboCop all damn day.

Secret Dead Blog Contest: Blurb Me!

Yesterday a big box of Blonde trade paperbacks arrived (out in stores next Tuesday!) and as is custom here at Secret Dead Blog, I want to give a few of them away. Remember: this isn't your grandmother's paperback reprint. This edition contains a brand-new, never-before-seen, 13,000 word novella called "Redhead," which is a direct sequel to the crazy shit that happens in The Blonde.

But since it's brand-new, and never-before-seen... and almost nobody reviews paperback reprints... or weird-ass stories the author stuck in the back... I won't have any snazzy "Redhead" blurbs from the trades.

Which is where you come in.

The rules of this contest? Simple. Write a fake blurb for "Redhead" and post it in the comments section below. Yes, sight-unseen. (Unless you've somehow scored an early copy.) The blurb can be positive, negative, funny, dark, or just plain bizarre. It can play around with the fact that you haven't read a single word of "Redhead." In fact, it probably should. The contest will run until this Friday at noon (EST); the coolest, funniest blurbs will win free signed copies of the new edition of The Blonde.

Easy, right? May the best fake-blurbist win.

Isn't She Lovely?

The full cover of The Blonde trade paperback, at finer booksellers everywhere the day before Halloween. Yes, my name is spelled right. (Wise arse.)