"Music is the expression of the movement of the waters, the play of curves described by changing breezes." - Claude Debussy
"By getting to the root of present problems in family background, we hope to understand what is going on, and in that understanding we hope to find a cure. But care of the soul doesn't require fixing the family or becoming free of it or interpreting its pathology. We may need simply to recover soul by reflecting deeply on the soul events that have taken place in the crucible of the family." - Thomas Moore
Back to the Sea. The sun's light off the sea, the breeze on my face, the salt air filling my nostrils and lungs with the smell of aeons.
I walked around the parking lot where a few people had come to the sea for whatever reason. Some come to re-member, some to forget, some for no reason. I come for the way the sea makes me feel. I can not put it into words. If I were a poet, maybe a metaphor, but even then, how can one describe it. It is a mysterium tremendum and mysterium fascinans. From dawn to noon on the sea, the play of the waves, the dialogue between the wind and the sea, the Golden Ratio palpable, an immense living enigma, miraculous.
One gentleman with the license plate "scalop" on his Mercedes convertible told me how he had built fishing vessels and how he bought and sold multi-$million fishing boats. The sea has been good to him. Her bounty has made him materially wealthy. Very wealthy. The night before I had dinner in Pawcatuck CT and had sweet Nantucket scallops. He told me that his seafood business supplies that particular eatery with scallops caught off the Stonington coast. So I could have had scallops that his boats brought back to terra firma. I wonder if he goes to the sea to thank the sea. He told me that he had had a heart attack and can no longer do the things that he enjoyed doing, like building boats. He spoke with a touch of melancholy. But he was also feisty and railed on about how our country wastes billions of dollars on wars that produce body counts and highways named for dead young people who died in places whose names most people can't pronounce.
"Grounds for an unusually intense fear of death are now nowadays not far to seek: they are obvious enough, the more so as all life that is senselessly wasted and misdirected means death too. This may account for the unnatural intensification of the fear of death in our time, when life has lost its deeper meaning for so many people, forcing them to exchange the life-preserving rhythm of the aeons for the dread ticking of the clock." - Carl Jung
Later that morning, I arrived at Saint Sebastian cemetery just as the people attending my aunt's burial had departed. The green tent was still up over the open grave and as I walked by I looked down six feet onto the casket sprinkled with flowers. The young gravediggers were still there. I joked with them about my uncle Angelo, my aunt Rose's husband who died in 1987. He was a gambler. I told the gravediggers of the tale of the sizable crap game in White Rock RI, right down the street from where my parents first rented an apartment right after I was born. Things and bets were humming along when a gang of hooded and armed men entered and quickly relieved everyone of their cash and pants. My uncle Angelo never learned how to drive a car. He didn't need to. His friends would always pick him up to go work part time in the kitchen at The Elm Tree Inn in Pawcatuck (he was friends with the owner), to the Narragansett Racetrack , the dog tracks or some crap game. He was a true character and was full of stories, many of which if he told me then he would have had to kill me. The wife-beater undershirt and Lucky Strike cigarette hanging from the side of his mouth.
I am sure that my aunt Rose's immediate family was relieved that she is finally at rest. It has been a long drawn out strain on some of them to see her in that condition for so many years. She was my cousin Peter John's favorite aunt and he said to me that her death closed a certain generational chapter of the family, at least for him. For me it was the death of my uncle Cosimo, his father. The old have lived and then die. When they die, they make room for the new.
"The wine of youth does not always clear with advancing years; sometimes it grows turbid."
"From the middle of life onward, only he remains vitally alive who is ready to die with life."
- Carl Jung
One morning I drove to Little Compton. We had been years ago. It is a pastoral place that is now the home to the waspy elite. Home prices or even rentals are ridiculous. It would be nice if one could park one's car and walk to the sea. They don't make it easy. Why should they, the rich? I stopped at a farm stand there and talked to some young down-to-earth people who were running it. Their families had been there for generations and had witnessed the inevitable craziness of real estate prices. I stopped for fried clams at Evelyn's in Tiverton. The modest seafood house is on the water. The caviar of the sea was exceptional. Briny, sweet, succulent.
On my way back, I stopped for gas. The petite young woman at the register was soft spoken, wore a headband and had a few tatoos. I bought a lottery ticket and told her if I hit maybe I could afford a quonset hut in Little Compton. She told me that she lives in a tent year round just down the road. Maybe you could rent a room to me she said as I left. I replied that I would and at reasonable price.
Another day the sea beckoned again and I answered the call. Conanicut Island and Beaver Tail Park was my destination. Jamestown is a small village that has lots of traditional New England character. You can park your car there without feeding a meter and walk around the town and back streets. I then headed out to Beaver Tail Park. This is a special place open to the Atlantic and is luckily free to the public. There are three or four parking lots where you get out da' car to walk along the rocky cliffs down to the sea or sit on ancient rock and look out to the expanse of La Mer.
Frankie Q., owner Universal Grocery in Noank CT, is someone I have known since grade school through friends of friends. He inherited the business from his uncle. Frankie stocks fresh produce, excellent meats, some seafood, bread, jarred condiments and prepares sandwiches and pizza. He is the only person I know who can tell me something about the people we grew up with. Of course, Frankie knows a hell of a lot more people than I can ever remember. Frankie is another character of note. He has a great sense of humor and a work ethic that I admire. Frankie is also generous, asking me to sample his latest sheet pizza (a riff on Vocatura's famed sheet pizza) and lemonade from The Farmers Cow. Frankie wanted feedback and I gave it to him. He's close on the sheet pizza, but would do well to lighten up on the toppings some. Vocatura's Bakery started on Pierce Street in the North End of Westerly, RI. While my parents worked, I spent many a day at my grandmother's home at 20 Pearl Street, just down the street from the original Vocatura's Bakery that sat right behind the family's home. For me and many others, the first stop at wedding receptions was their pizza. The crust was chewy and crispy. The tomato sauce and cheese just right.
I came away from Westerly with a warm heart once more, along with a few dozen littlenecks and scallops. It was enjoyable to breathe in the salt air that is part of me. I felt restored. The soundings reverberated within. Where is home? Some say where the heart is. I would add the soul to that.
All the while, this Brazilian Girls' song kept running through my head.


