Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Not News Sports Business Geek Showbiz Politics Music Video All

Fri October 15, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(KPTV)		Man dressed head to toe in camouflage suit tries to break into museum, sight unseen (w/ hilarious pic) (kptv.com)	(78)
(azfamily.com)		There's nothing more inspiring than seeing video of cop planting a crack pipe on a homeless woman (azfamily.com)	(143)
		Number of knee replacements on the rise. Has anyone informed Torgo? (news.com.au)	(41)
		When trying to steal a car: If at first you don't succeed, call a tow truck and have it taken to your house (nj.com)	(8)
(News on 6)		Bad: Stealing a doughnut. Worse: Relieving yourself in a parking lot. Fark: Offering to perform a sex act on the officer called to investigate (newson6.com)	(37)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop these men and their parachute (lcweb2.loc.gov)	(11)
		Colosseum's gladiator dungeons now open to visitors. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? (msnbc.msn.com)	(41)
		Court gives Spanish fathers breastfeeding leave. Wait, what? (news.nationalpost.com)	(37)
(nbcmiami.com)		Strip club patron wins $650,000 for taking one for the team (nbcmiami.com)	(57)
		US army to whistle-blowing private: "We'll give you immunity if you agree to not talk the media." "But I'm not charged with anything." "And you won't be as long as you keep your mouth shut" (cnn.com)	(172)

Thu October 14, 2010

	Fark-ready headline: Woman stabs classmate in anger-management class (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(66)
	Drunk man takes a shower. This wouldn't be a problem, except for that whole "being in the wrong house" thing (news.com.au)	(23)
(Salem News)	It takes a brave man to call up his girlfriend and tell her he has a hotel room and a 13 year old hooker and he wants her to join them (salemnews.com)	(57)
	63-year old man charged with 100 counts of sodomy, molestation, enticement, and sodomy (stltoday.com)	(116)
(Some Guy)	Man high on PCP busted in the park for engaging in a little auto-erotica (seattlecrime.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)	Peer reviewed math: CO2 halflife=5 years . Royal Society math: CO2 halflife=500 years (canadafreepress.com)	(170)
	Photoshop these coin-craving canines (online.wsj.com)	(19)
	Study: Colorectal cancer linked to smoking. You're doing it wrong (cbc.ca)	(40)
	Kazakhstan flies in cows from North Dakota to boost the beef industry there. Very nice (mnn.com)	(42)
	Tucson city council considering a law that would make strippers older than ever (azcentral.com)	(41)
	'She dropped her pants fully exposing her buttocks, butt, it did not end there' says woman who turned the other cheek (krqe.com)	(48)
	CVS, with 7,100 stores, fined $75 million and forfeits $2.6 million in profit, for increasing pseudoephedrine sales by as much as 150 percent. It was my understanding that there would be no meth (washingtonpost.com)	(119)
(WFSB)	C) Scrawl messages on your van saying "The government is terrorists," and the "mafia runs the world now" and threaten to blow up WalMart (wfsb.com)	(51)
(Recordnet)	Woman schoolboard president wants to teach patriotic American songs like "Dixie" to the students. NAACP wants to know "Does she propose for the children to sing in blackface, as well?" (recordnet.com)	(232)
	Herbal weight-loss supplements are all-natural, in the sense that all the compounds were derived from materials present during the formation of the solar system 4.6 billion years ago (news.yahoo.com)	(106)
	Grandview teacher surprised by $25,000 Milken Award. Heard saying, "I've never even been near a cow" (kansascity.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)	Woman stung by puss caterpillar while trimming her smoke bush (w/ painful pic) (hamptonroads.com)	(55)
(Oooh, bacon)	A bacon martini. Maple bacon ice cream. Bacon on a stick. Pork wrapped in bacon. It's Bacon Week at a DC-area restaurant (arlnow.com)	(46)
	New analysis of Tea Bagger protest signs proves they're only a fraction as racist as we thought they were (washingtonpost.com)	(258)
	Mean: Bombarding schoolkids with wet toilet paper. Meaner: From a moving vehicle. OH, COME ON: A Cessna (nj.com)	(39)
	Meanwhile, the Conservatives act like responsible adults... in Britain (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(68)
(BND)	Babysitter drops 9 month old baby at police department after mother refused to come pick up her child after several weeks. Then it gets weird (bnd.com)	(118)
	Cancer patients report less sex pleasure between rounds of vomiting (upi.com)	(46)
	Apparently, the ladies go crazy for terribly-fitting black T-shirts (newsfeed.time.com)	(135)
	Scientists claim cancer 'is purely man-made' after finding almost no trace of disease in Egyptian mummies (dailymail.co.uk)	(218)
(Some Idiots)	Local news station: Is this weird animal a Chupacabra? Wildlife expert: No, you cretins (kltv.com)	(106)
(Some Guy)	Stop licking your iPhone, immediately (patspapers.com)	(70)
	'European Jewish communities are in serious danger.' This is not a repeat from the 1940s, we hope (jpost.com)	(186)
	When you joined the force you did it because you wanted to catch bad guys and solve crimes. But there are days when you get calls to rescue abandoned bowling balls (blog.cleveland.com)	(41)
	And you thought your economy was bad? Drug traffickers only able to hire 2 henchmen to defend 159 million dollar cocaine shipment (msnbc.msn.com)	(63)
	Question: "They're friends. Are you not supposed to have friends if they're wealthy?" Answer: Not if they got $200 million bailout money and you're running for office (bostonherald.com)	(127)
	"Nigerian charged in airline bomb attempt in court." That was pretty stupid of him, trying to bomb an airplane right in front of the judge, the bailiffs and everyone else (suntimes.com)	(16)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this highly technical work (bigpicture.ru)	(27)
	Police twits. Er. Sorry. Tweets (bbc.co.uk)	(32)
(Some Guy)	New York music teacher enjoys wrestling with students, and by wrestling, we mean dragging them out of the classroom and slamming them up against the wall. Bonus "Robert Plant-like" mugshot (newyork.cbslocal.com)	(101)
	Arnold Schwarzenegger to assist Britain in terminating their deficit, just like he did in California (dailymail.co.uk)	(34)
	Illinois candidate Whitney is 'Whitey' on some Chicago ballots. FARK: His first name is Rich (wlsam.com)	(169)
(Some Guy)	To celebrate the upcoming 100th anniversary of the first Indy 500, the Speedway put 33 of the most famous winning cars at the start-finish line and the result is photographic awesomeness (pressdog.typepad.com)	(103)
	Christine O'Donnell says, that in addition to the Democrats, she is still fighting her own party. And the liberal media. And conservative web-blogs, and boy-scout troops, church leaders, VH1, Bob Bell Kia of Baltimore, and no, that's it (myfoxdc.com)	(191)
	Toy poodle upgraded from "very sick" to VERY STONED after he fails drug test (myfoxdc.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)	The answer is C: Half-naked man who rampages through school waving knife and shouting 'biatch' receives the taser treatment (swns.com)	(22)
	Queen of England cancels Christmas, returns to Mount Crumpit (thesun.co.uk)	(49)
(Law.com)	Lawyer disbarred over charging a soldier $3,500 per hour. Also for calling the clerk a "fcking btch," knocking over the metal detector in a fight with security, and calling the judge a pedophile (law.com)	(99)
	The next time you're asked to pick your grandchild up from daycare, make sure they give you the right one (thelocal.se)	(32)
	Independent audit finds former Ukranian prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko stole nearly half a billion dollars during her time in office, is still hot (news.yahoo.com)	(63)
	Fark Ready Headline: " Fear of elves made Montreal get powerful guns" (ctv.ca)	(89)
(Some Guy)	Bad: You hear odd noises at your workplace. Good: You have a cell phone and call 911 for help. Bad: Cop thinks your cellphone is a gun, and opens fire on you. Good: Cop is a lousy shot. Bad: The phone probably doesn't come with free Frogurt (kcrg.com)	(87)
	Unidentified Fabulous Objects (nypost.com)	(73)
	Michelle Obama is thankful for all the "prayer circles" out there keeping "spirits clean" around her and Barack. Sounds like Muslim witchcraft (realclearpolitics.com)	(98)
(KPTV)	Man accidently sells wife's grandmother's ashes at yard sale, which didn't urn him any points (kptv.com)	(10)
	Support our troops message and flag removed from street after county leaders call it graffiti. Cue indignant media outrage (abc2news.com)	(45)
(KSAT)	Defense lawyer is a victim of theft. By former client he represented. Who was acquitted of theft. Bonus irony: Client is a cop (ksat.com)	(15)
	This is your Captain speaking, our flight time todaaaaaaaarghhhhhh (news.com.au)	(56)
	Technicians at Wattisham airfield, UK. would like to ask the troops in Afghanistan to please refrain from mailing live warheads to them (telegraph.co.uk)	(14)
(Daily Bulletin)	5'7" guy named Horowitz takes bogus journey after San Dimas sheriffs mistake him for 6'3" Latino bank robber; "They embarrassed me in front of my neighbors" (dailybulletin.com)	(69)
	Foreclosures hit 100,000 for the first time in September, with experts estimating that tens, possibly even dozens of those were filed with the correct paperwork (news.yahoo.com)	(190)
	Product placement of the year: Oakley's donation of 35 pairs of luxury sunglasses to the Chilean miners (myfoxdc.com)	(85)
	Not news: Woman owes bank money. Still not news: Bank seizes her most valuable possession as collateral on bad debt. Fark: Most valuable possession is a piglet. Small yellow bear, rabbit, and owl outraged. Donkey inconsolable (news.yahoo.com)	(40)
	New Colorado billboard shows how being unable to focus your rage may dillute your message as it depicts Obama as a Chicago gangster and a Mexican bandit, and an Islamic suicide bomber, oh, and a gay guy (news.yahoo.com)	(409)
	More Americans are choosing "green" burials, being laid to rest without cremation out in nature, says spokesman for the Green Burial Council, Dr. Ferte Lizer (suntimes.com)	(102)
	Obama slams Karl Rove group American Crossroads. Result: Additional donations come pouring in, allowing them to target still more vulnerable Democrats (hotair.com)	(164)
	Incumbent Arkansas senator Blanche Lincoln (D-OA) is behind by 20 points despite never having practiced withcraft (realclearpolitics.com)	(48)
	You may want to sit down for this, but it looks like there might be some students drinking--and by drinking, I mean HEAVILY drinking, HEAVILY drinking while UNDERAGE--going on at the University of Maryland OH NOES (wtop.com)	(58)
(WSB-TV)	How do you get a difficult mentally ill prisoner out of your jail? Ignoring all his proof of citizenship and deporting him to Mexico is one way (wsbtv.com)	(59)
	"Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late" (politicalhumor.about.com)	(181)
	Protip: If you're going to lie about your age and your hometown, at least A) learn the local teams, B) learn which sport is which, and C) do it before the video of you getting hit by a foul ball goes viral (cbsnews.com)	(73)
	Peace Corps celebrates 50 years of shipping dirty hippies overseas (npr.org)	(82)
	Female Humpback whale sets world record for distance travelled by a mammal by swimming nearly 10,000 miles in search of a mate. Sounds fat (news.yahoo.com)	(60)
	It's only fitting that the certificate commemorating "World's Shortest Man" be bigger than the man to whom it's given (cnn.com)	(18)
	Photoshop this wheel of wonder (online.wsj.com)	(17)
	Sign #24 that your house party is too big: 911 returns a call to your residence about an unconcious person and you have to ask the operator where that person is located (sun-sentinel.com)	(53)
	Teen celebrates getting his new driver's license by: C) Immediately crashing into the DMV (hosted.ap.org)	(57)
	Why bother chasing that ball? You're probably just going to pretend to throw it again, then hide it behind your back, and I'll go running, and I'll look like a fool, just like the last fifteen times (news.discovery.com)	(69)
	It's good to be the Mayor (startribune.com)	(43)
	Chef finds perfectly round egg. The Sun is there (thesun.co.uk)	(79)
(Some Guy)	Contacting the dead with spirit phones is still real to the Lincoln Journal Star, dammit (journalstar.com)	(87)
	It's going to be Halloween all weekend long as local governments split on whether it should be on Saturday or Sunday (nwfdailynews.com)	(109)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these firefighters (af.mil)	(26)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 284: "Fish." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(190)