Sunday Shame: Sookie The Womanist Dog

As longtime readers know, I am a dog person.  I was delighted when my family adopted a yellow lab/ king sheppard cross.  Ms. Sookie, as she has come to be known, has turned out to be the great equalizer.  You see, including the undog Darren, there are four males in my home.  This of course has led to a few issues,  and this is specifically why I demanded a female dog.  Someone else had to squat to pee other than me.  So now we are two against four, but I think that we only need the two of use to keep the boys and yes that includes the unhusband in line. 

I started training Ms. Sookie right away.  We were out for a walk at the park when Chewie, the shih tzu, thought that he would get fresh with my girl.  I thought he was up to something, when I noticed how long he lingered during the customary bum smell greeting and so I watched him closely. Let me tell you, that dog has a deformity, because never in my life have I seen testicles that huge -- never mind on a shih tzu.  Sookie hasn't even had her first heat yet and this horny little thing thought he would mount her.  Well, he went to make his move and I yanked on Ms. Sookie's lead pulling her out the way announcing, "you're a womanist dog you don't have to put up with his shit".  Of course, Chewie's owner Brian, gave me a weird look as we proudly walked out the park together, but I think that is the last time Chewie will step out of line with my girl.

Darren, the undog was the first pet we adopted and as such, he pretty much thought he owned the house and us! He was supposedly an outdoor cat, but every time we open the door to give him a chance to explore the neighborhood, he looks at us like we have lost our ever loving minds and snuggles up on the couch. Darren naturally was the first male in the home that Sookie sought to put in his place.  Like a typical male, Darren would taunt Sookie from a distance, meowing loudly in front of her kennel when he knew she could not get out. He has been known to crawl on us for a cuddle, if he can sense Sookie watching to assert his ownership.  Cowardly kitty that he is, he runs upstairs the moment she is free.  They have effectively divided the house, with her owning the downstairs and Darren the upstairs.  I would say that makes one male in the household now tame.

Sookie has also decided that the baby's underwear and socks make great chew toys.  Though we have tried to break her of this habit, it seems that nothing is as tasty as socks and underwear.  At this moment, I don't believe the baby owns a pair of drawers without a big gaping hold in them.  That would be male number two who has been put in his place.

Because of my disability, Destruction and the unhusband split the walking duties.  Though she is not perfectly housebroken yet, she barks loudly when she wants to go and one or both of them must stop what they are doing immediately to take her out.  They don't see this as a form of control, but really it is.  Think about it. Sookie has also been occasionally known walk them, instead of them walking her, should she happen to see a squirrel worth investigating.  Then of course, there is the unpleasant task of scooping. I think that means she has mastered some measure of control over the Unhusbad and Destruction.

Slowly but surely Ms. Sookie is changing the balance in the household.  I never dreamed that this day would happen, when they started to lecture me about lifting the toilet seat when I was done. Ms. Sookie has managed to accomplish in just under two months, what I have been trying to do for years.  It is an accomplishment to be celebrated.  All of you women who are living in an all male household, my advice to you is to get a female dog; sometimes it takes a real bitch to put the testosterone back in its place. '

There is a part of me that is a little upset that I needed to help to get the men in line, but I guess Sookie proves that membership has its privileges and that isn't necessarily a bad thing.   Of course, this is exactly what I had hoped for the moment the boys started asking for a dog. One must do what one can to fight patriarchy. What odd methods have you taken to assert female agency and what do you think I should train Sookie to do, to continue to challenge the male oppression in my household?

Drop It Like It's Hot

Hello everyone.  Thanks for another great week of conversation.  Things finally seem to be back on schedule and barring an unforeseen disaster, posting will be at a regular pace.  Thank you all for welcoming JuJube this week as our newest contributor.  Hopefully, next week I will be able to announce another new contributor joining the blog as well.  When Womanist Musings first started, it was just me typing out my observations with the occasional bit of snark thrown in for seasoning.  As the blog has grown and transformed, I became more committed to ensuring that it was a truly intersectional place. I want everyone who regularly reads, to see at least one post a week that deals with their issues.  This isn't always easy, because though I try to be aware and get my 101 on, I have a lot to learn.  Our contributors help to broaden the conversations that happen here and I am so thankful that we have become a little blogging family.

For those of you that would like contirbute more informally, Womanist Musings still has an open guest posting policy.  Just send in a link to your blog or your original work via e-mail to womanistmusings (at) gmail (dot) com.  Please include a three line bio and an image that you would like associated with your work.

Below you will find a list of posts that I found interesting this week. Please show these bloggers some love and check them out.  When you are done, don't forget to drop it like it's hot and leave your link behind in the comment section.

‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ Hurts African American Women The Most
The good wife
fashion fauxs
Indoors
No Apologies
Transgender People and Bullying
For coloured boys, who have often been silent on and off screen
The ‘two spirit’ of indigenous North Americans
Nine months after the quake, a million Haitians slowly dying
“commie”
Still here, still fat, still seeking acceptance
Kim Kardashian: Posing Black Femaleness?
The Mean Girls of Morehouse
On Modification
Intellect as Evasion
He’s Right, But It’s Not Okay
Dear Dieters; A Letter To People At Work
What Part of Human Being Don’t You Understand?
Why Are Black People So Forgiving?

Hark! I Hear Whispers Of 'Hysteria' Again*

Jaded16 is a Radical Feminist from India. She writes a humour blog ‘Oi With The Poodles Already’, attempting to make her world a little woman-friendly using healthy doses of irony and sarcasm to de-condition the Indian masses. It is at times like these when she loses all her sense of humour and starts looking for a rock big enough to live under.

 

 As it is required by the Handbook of LadyBusiness, I do have a mandatory LadyFriend who helps me pick out books and bags, nods in agreement after I'm done talking and sometimes talks; and even then only talks about me. Fine, I embellished a little. The truth is, often we agree so intensely on so many subjects, it seems like we're speaking a language only the two of us understand. It's an equally flattering and jarring experience to see yourself reflected in someone else, to such an extent. So a few weeks ago, I was down with what are commonly known as VulvaBlues, where once a month a monster looms over you and everything you say comes out lined with fire. In the middle of one such rant, I lost it and started crying, hysterically. She managed to calm me down after a while and we left it at that. Later that week, she confessed she had these fits of emotions too from raging fury to a suicidal calm, from feeling euphoric to wanting to be left alone, all in the span of a few hours. She thought she was the only one with these "mood swings". Over the next few days as I discussed the same topic of 'Female Hysteria' with my professors, friends and some ex-students of mine, one thing became clear. We're all 'hysterical'. Just like the time in Victorian England, a woman would be silenced and put in the attic -- Who can ever forget Bertha? -- under the notion of being 'hysterical', seems like we are also labelling ourselves 'abnormal'; for this 'fury', 'rage' and 'anger' that we feel can't be normal, can it? Especially when we know just where the problem lies. Or that was the assumption, anyway.

All these women I speak of are either feminist, Marxist, (closeted) atheists,  political activists or involved in some or the other form of an anti-establishment philosophy; in addition to occupying traditional patriarchal spaces of being wives, daughters, sisters, mothers and so many other categories that are too complicated to ever pin down. I don't mean to insinuate that somehow these women I speak of are 'different' -- and by extension inherently superior (Ick!) -- or that women who don't fit any of the above labels have never witnessed the same 'fury', but rather that I identify strongly with these women, I could discuss at length and even seek permission to personalise and localise this collective 'Cultural Hysteria' that we feel. As it turns out, despite being so politically active, most of us lead ruptured lives, where what we are in our Personal Skins is so radically different from what we perform to be in our Family or Public Skins, revealing the TrueSelf only in a few safe spaces, having the Public Performative Identity gulp down huge chunks of our Private Skin. And to say from this fracture between the Public and the Private comes the 'fury' and 'hysteria' would be to easily and anthropologically further fissure our fragmented lives. Also being 'culturally hysterical' myself, such simple unraveling is a tad hard to achieve People of The Olde Interwebes.

Satirical Racism in Colorado

A Colorado billboard is making national headlines for its “satirical” nature, showing the President as a terrorist, a mobster, illegal immigrant and a gay man.

The controversial billboard is displayed off the state's I-70 B highway and according to local news station KJC8, the owner of the billboard wants to remain anonymous.


The artist who designed it however, Paul Snover, had no problem speaking out and told the news station,

"To not put my name on it would be saying that I'm embarrassed or afraid, or ashamed of what I've done…and, I'm not."

Snover says it's supposed to be satirical and shows what many people believe are the President's four faces. (source)

If people actually believe that those are Obama's four faces, they are racist as well as homophobic. I think what continues to bother me is that there are various issues on which the president can and rightfully should be critiqued, but to descend to this level means that these people are not really interested in change, but in maintaining the hegemony of dominant bodies. The very fact that the owner of the billboard chose to remain anonymous, means that ze knows what ze is doing, is problematic on many levels.  It is absolutely cowardly to put such hate into the world and then not claim it. Snover, the artist, had a different reaction to his work because he is an  unabashed bigot. This billboard is not only a shameful marker of Snover's beliefs, but that of society.  There is no pressure on people like Snover to reconsider their actions or beliefs, because society condones the messages he sent out using his artwork.  Of course the Brooks Brothers bigots think as long as the avoid saying slurs, that they don't share the same prejudices as Snover et al., but in truth, thesse isms are systemic and this is why Snover had no fear revealing his identity. We don't discipline for bigotry, we support and promote it.

Sesame Street: I Love My Hair

Hair continues to be a contentious issue for Black women. From birth we are told that our hair symbolizes how ugly we are, because it is curly and vastly different from the hair of White women.  For far too many Black women, it takes a conscious effort to learn to love ourselves and our hair.

 When I came across the following video, of a dark skinned muppet singing about how much she loved her hair, the little girl in me celebrated.  It is no small thing to have a positive representation of Blackness for children to see. It was small step to empowering Black womanhood with the understanding that though we are different, we are beautiful nonetheless.

Whoopi and Joy Behar walk off stage while interviewing Bill O’Reilly

It either takes an irrational dolt or someone who has the patience of Job to share the same set with Bill O'Reilly.  Recently, the Fox anchorman paid a little visit to The View, where his rhetoric so enraged Joy and Whoopi, that they walked off stage leaving Barbara, Elizabeth and Sherri to deal with him.  Hate rhetoric is to be expected when O'Reilly is given a platform, judging from the lies he tells on his television show.  He is nothing but a right wing shock jock, who nightly plays on whatever isms that he can find to incite hatred against marginalized people.

Not only are his opinions offensive, he takes great pleasure in demeaning anyone who disagrees with him.  At one point in the discussion, he interrupted Joy and said, "listen to me, because you'll learn."  This is an interesting point by O'Reilly, because in one sentence he reified the idea that only White men of class privilege are knowledgeable to speak on an issue.  It is further complicated when we consider that due to patriarchy, women are often interrupted by men when they speak, because our voices are considered without value.  Patriarchy empowered Bill to believe that he had the right to appear on a show hosted by women and treat them as second class citizens, when he isn't even fit to make Barbara Walters a coffee. When patronizing does not effectively silence someone, O'Reilly then actively shouts down dissent.  There is no such thing as free speech in O'Reilly's world, unless you are parroting his ideas with a red face and passion ignited with undeserved privilege.

Sick Day

 

Hello everyone.  Both the boys are home sick from school today with terrible colds.  I hardly had any sleep at all last night.  Even our wonderful new puppy Sookie, has diarrhea thanks to a change in her food.  My home has turned into an unofficial hospital and since I up to my elbows in fluids you don't even want to know about, I am going to take the day off.  Be good everyone. See you soon.

Ridiculously Sexy Halloween Costumes

For many, Halloween is a contest to see how far they can push the envelope.  Unfortunately, this often means demeaning already marginalized groups.  I came across the following costumes over at HuffPO.  Honestly, I cannot understand the need to sexualize these costumes simply because they are supposedly designed for women.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Brian From Family Guy

Freddy Krueger

Sherlock Holmes

Pizza Delivery Person

CSI Agent

Sponge Bob

 Taxi Driver

Real Estate Agent

I am particularly disgusted with the costumes that represent actual jobs that women do.  Is there a reason for the "sexy real estate agent" and the "sexy taxi driver" and "CSI agent," other than to diminish the hard working women that do these job? Oh, I know that Halloween is supposed to be about fun, but often in our society fun is seen as oppressing others, which is exactly what these costumes promote.  I suppose you could argue that a woman will have to choose to wear these demeaning costumes, but I would counter with the fact that far too may women have internalized sexism to make that a reasonable justification.

Murder In the Name of God

Each day atrocities are committed supposedly in the name of God.  They are terrifying and rather than revealing a devotion to the divine, they show the darkness that is capable in the human spirit. 13 year old Noutene Sidime, died at the hands of her 71 year old father on Saturday night for failing to pray.

Her father, Moussa Sidime, had called 911 last Wednesday. Sidime was arrested and charged with aggravated assault, but the charges could be upgraded, police said. 

The father will remain behind bars until autopsy results are released, at which time the Crown will decide whether Sidime played a role in his daughter’s death. 

Neighbours said Noutene was a polite girl who was often unable to please her elderly father.

Others who live in the apartment building south of Montreal said the girl sometimes neglected to say daily prayers, which infuriated him.

“(He) was mean,” said Karine Girard, who lives on the street. “I’ve seen him grab her by the arm because she wouldn’t go up to say her prayers.” (source)

Time  and time again, women have become the victims of a patriarchal vision of what it means to be submissive to God and man.  In instances like this, we have a tendency to claim that it is the religion that is backward.  Religion is what we see as the site of evil, when in fact the true source of the violence is patriarchy, and a complete lack of concern for the lives of girls and women.  Though the family believes that her death was "an accident", if neighbors knew this man had physically restrained this girl in the past, then I find it hard to believe that her family did not know of her father's behaviour.  An entire community let this girl down because of a fear of getting involved and a belief in the right of others to practice religion.

Gay Adoption Is Now Legal In Florida But Adoption is Still Problematic

Thanks in large part to pseudo Christian Anita Bryant, the LGBT community was barred from adopting in the state of Florida.  

Florida won't be appealing a court ruling that found the state's ban on adoptions by gay men and lesbians unconstitutional.


The Florida Department of Children and Families announced Tuesday evening that the state agency would not appeal the September decision by the 3rd District Court of Appeals. 

"We had weighed an appeal to the Florida Supreme Court to achieve an ultimate certainty and finality for all parties," said Joe Follick, the department's communications director. (source)

Let me start by saying that this is a decision that was long overdue.  Denying someone the right to participate equally in society because of their sexuality or gender identity is bigoted and counter to equality.

The following is the directive that DCF sent to department heads yesterday:

"Based on the ruling that the current law is unconstitutional, you are no longer to ask prospective adoptive parents whether they are heterosexual, gay or lesbian, nor are you to use this as a factor in determining the suitability of applicants to adopt. Focus your attention on the quality of parenting that prospective adoptive parents would provide, and their commitment to and love for our children"

I seriously debated writing this post, as regular readers know, discussing the problematic aspects of the adoption system is extremely important to me.  On one hand, I believe that it is extremely important to recognize that there should never be a right that a heterosexual cisgender person has, that someone who is a member of the BLGT community does not have, but on the other hand, because the adoption industry is rife with issues, it is a right that everyone needs to seriously think about before accessing.  Just because you want a child, does not mean that you have the right to have one.