Appetite for Embarrassment
Subtitled: "Top 7 Things One Can Assume By Looking At a Picture of McGone, Last Friday - circa 10:30 p.m."
1. I went to a Halloween party dressed as Axl Rose.
TRUE. Because really, who is more prominent in the minds of young people today than W. Axl Rose, the lead singer of the world's most popular band* Guns 'N Roses? And now is the best time to go as Axl Rose, considering G 'n R have a brand new album coming out next month! No seriously! They really do! Pinkie swear!
And if you have been reading the IHoB for awhile now you know that if I take anything seriously, it's Axl Rose.**
2. I'm very comfortable with having long hair.
TRUE. But that's a picture post for another day. In fact, expect an actual contest before I give up those pictures willingly. (Seriously - contest coming soon!)
3. I'm doing the most rock star pose I know.
TRUE. Devil horns? CHECK. Pelvic Thrust? CHECK. Alcohol bottle substituting for sexual organ? CHECK. Rock 'n roll!
4. I'm wearing a kilt.
TRUE. Once I decided to be Axl Rose for Halloween, there was much discussion amongst The Girl and myself regarding my leg wear.We thought Axl was most often associated with the cowboy-boot-and-leather-pant look, but that didn't seem practical. And then there was the boxer brief Axl, but I didn't think I would enjoy myself much if that was the look I was sporting. So finally we settled on the kilt-wearing Axl, because skirts just seem to be the go-to look for any Halloween.
4a. I'm going to point out this bulge before someone else does.
I really don't know if that's me or not, so let's move on.
5. I planned ahead and bought a bottle of Night Train.
FALSE. The Girl and I had to wait in a ridiculously long line at the liquor store and found ourselves in front of a bottle of Night Train, the inspiration for one of the songs off of G 'n R's debut smash "Appetite for Destruction." Who am I to ignore fate?
By the way, Night Train has rightfully earned it's title as The Official Wine Of Bums Everywhere. Even at $2.99 it's a horrible purchase.
6. I have tattoos.
FALSE. I know these buck-fifty sleeves look really really convincing, but these are not actual body inks.
7. I have no shame.
FALSE. I do. But this is a holiday, so I'll embarrass myself. What did you do for Halloween?
*This statement is only relevant if you are reading this in the years 1989-1991.
**This linked post may possibly be what historians remember one day as "the post where The IHoB was truly born." I'm just saying.
1. I went to a Halloween party dressed as Axl Rose.
TRUE. Because really, who is more prominent in the minds of young people today than W. Axl Rose, the lead singer of the world's most popular band* Guns 'N Roses? And now is the best time to go as Axl Rose, considering G 'n R have a brand new album coming out next month! No seriously! They really do! Pinkie swear!
And if you have been reading the IHoB for awhile now you know that if I take anything seriously, it's Axl Rose.**
2. I'm very comfortable with having long hair.
TRUE. But that's a picture post for another day. In fact, expect an actual contest before I give up those pictures willingly. (Seriously - contest coming soon!)
3. I'm doing the most rock star pose I know.
TRUE. Devil horns? CHECK. Pelvic Thrust? CHECK. Alcohol bottle substituting for sexual organ? CHECK. Rock 'n roll!
4. I'm wearing a kilt.
TRUE. Once I decided to be Axl Rose for Halloween, there was much discussion amongst The Girl and myself regarding my leg wear.We thought Axl was most often associated with the cowboy-boot-and-leather-pant look, but that didn't seem practical. And then there was the boxer brief Axl, but I didn't think I would enjoy myself much if that was the look I was sporting. So finally we settled on the kilt-wearing Axl, because skirts just seem to be the go-to look for any Halloween.
4a. I'm going to point out this bulge before someone else does.
I really don't know if that's me or not, so let's move on.
5. I planned ahead and bought a bottle of Night Train.
FALSE. The Girl and I had to wait in a ridiculously long line at the liquor store and found ourselves in front of a bottle of Night Train, the inspiration for one of the songs off of G 'n R's debut smash "Appetite for Destruction." Who am I to ignore fate?
By the way, Night Train has rightfully earned it's title as The Official Wine Of Bums Everywhere. Even at $2.99 it's a horrible purchase.
6. I have tattoos.
FALSE. I know these buck-fifty sleeves look really really convincing, but these are not actual body inks.
7. I have no shame.
FALSE. I do. But this is a holiday, so I'll embarrass myself. What did you do for Halloween?
*This statement is only relevant if you are reading this in the years 1989-1991.
**This linked post may possibly be what historians remember one day as "the post where The IHoB was truly born." I'm just saying.
Labels: Axl Rose, Getting to Know McGone, Wayback Machine
posted by McGone at Sunday, November 02, 2008
18 Comments:
I once spent six months trying to find Night Train just so that I could live out the Jawbreaker line "fell from the wagon to the Night Train." It was not worth that wait.
But to find bum wine, you have to think like a bum. So, I went to Baltimore, and found plenty of it. It tastes like Skittles blended with excrement.
SWEET picture! Love the tats! Bet you two had a rockin' good time. I dare say your Halloween festivities were just a teensy bit more lively than ours! Nice post
This post is like November Rain for the soul. Awesome!
You've given your female readers new wallpaper for their cell phones! It's like early Christmas!
That might be the greatest costume of all time. And if The Girl dressed up as a battered Stephanie Seymore, all the better.
You.are.awesome.
I sat on the front porch drinking wine and handing out candy to about 15 trick or treaters. You had infinity more fun.
Awesome!
I am so glad you kept this a secret, I never would have guessed this. This is great.
You should have had the stubble going as well.
Devil horns eh? And all this time I just thought you were a Texas fan...
This is great! Are you ready for your free Dr. Pepper when the albumn comes out? I was a white trash bride. Not nearly as cool as the GNR wedding video theme however.
Rad. I think you made the right choice going as kilt-wearing Axl.
I didn't do anything fun. I didn't even dress as Joan. I am a complete failure.
So, I kinda had a little thing for Axl, and kinda had a little thing for you. Now I totally have a serious thing for both of you. Well done!
nice pic!
will you still buy the new G-n-R album knowing that The Replacements' Tommy Stinson is part of the band now?
Hey, Chinese Democracy is going to come out ANY DAY NOW!
Um, there's no #7 explained. I just noticed this.
Do I get a prize for spotting?
@Pistols@Dawn: "Tastes like Skittles blended with excrement" is just about as perfect a description as one could ask for. My God, that really nails it.
@e.andaas: It wasn't all that lively, actually. Booze, Otto's and a band that played Beatles songs as Metallica. I'm not complaining, mind you.
@Some Guy: "November Rain for the Soul" would be a great line of self-help books!
@Rider: If you find one that would actually do that, let me know.
@Jon: I tried to convince her to go as Seymore, but she put a stop to that immediately.
@Gwen: I was in a college town. It was hard not to have fun, even though I could have gone as "AARP Member."
@Dr Zibbs: Thanks!
@slinger: I kinda wish I kept it a secret after the fact too. And sadly, I did have the stubble going. You know my inability to grow facial hair.
@SkylersDad: Devil, texas. Same thing.
@K and/or K: I almost passed out Dr. Pepper that night, but thought I had spent enough at that point.
@Red: This is the second time I have needed a kilt on Halloween.
@Falwless: That makes it all worth while. For me and Axl.
@josh pincus is crying: I still haven't decided. And it has nothing to do with The Replacements. Or Dr. Pepper.
@WendyB: I will start holding my breath any day now.
@Falwless: I have no idea what you are talking about. It has been right this entire time. Pinkie swear.
Ha ha ha...that's pretty awesome because I dressed up as Axl one Halloween too! I always had a weird crush on him. I wish I could find that picture of me and my brother, who went that year as Fred Zeppelin...basically just him in a Fred Flintstone costume, with a big medallion around his neck made from Led Zeppelin IV. I think he drew some runes on his arms or some shit also.
As I remember more of that night, it occurs to me that there is a video somewhere of me either lip synching or ACTUALLY singing to most of "Appetite for Destruction," which I have never seen. Maybe I should search YouTube??
All I can think of now is Axl singing, "Where do we go now? Where do we go now?" It's all downhill from here.
Speaking of the bulging issue which you so thankfully cleared up, does Axl go commando or wear boxers under kilts?
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