Who knew Carl Paladino would be so much fun, what with his homosexual gay-man night clubs and the boobies and the gay parades? We thought he was just an ignorant boring gazillionaire creep who forced racist porn on his underlings! READ MORE »
Muslins are everywhere, and the only way to stop their rise to power in America is to remind Americans that Muslins may indeed be everywhere. READ MORE »
For reasons which are quite frankly still unclear, the comely matrons of The View invited Bill O’Reilly to come on their show and gossip about the handsomeness of Barack Obama. Bill O’Reilly loves screeching into teevee cameras, so of course he accepted this gracious invitation. And obviously they didn’t even get to talk about whatever they usually talk about on The View, because Bill O’Reilly just started shouting “Muslims killed us on 9/11!” over and over again and everyone got really upset, except for Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who rubbed her nipples and moaned. Bill O’Reilly has a way with the ladies. READ MORE »
That whole Teabagger baby-stealing episode is finally over, and the child has been given to its parents, even though those parents still do not have custody of two previous children, who are now in foster care because a judge ruled the father had abused one of them. This is confusing all the Teabaggers who were ready to launch an insurrection against the government for “snatching baby’s,” because the government is actually restraining itself here, even though that may not turn out to be in the best interests of the child, who is still a U.S. citizen the government has some responsibility to protect from being assaulted or killed. It’s hard for the Teabaggers to believe the big, scary government would actually give the parents a chance to care for this child without beating it, so they won’t think about it. Instead, they will focus on an insane accusation that GOVMINT AGENTS RAPED THAT BABY. READ MORE »
Well hello there, you dirty little hamsters! What did you do this week? Jack off to shirtless photos of Carl Paladino advisor and known titty enthusiast Roger Stone? Stretch your intellectual muscles by taking in a Christine O’Donnell television special? Or, haha, maybe you burned down a house, for Christ! Whatever you did, it was not as awesome as even one of the multitude of poops Barack Obama took this week, and you fucking know it. Come with me as we review our Dear Leader’s West Wing Week!READ MORE »
By the Comics Curmudgeon The Wonkette empire was of course built on ass-fucking, but the prudes of American journalism have a problem with depicting anal sex in mainstream political cartoons. This despite the fact that it’s an act perfectly suited for modern-day politics’ crude discourse. (“Boy, that federal government sure is fucking us in the ass, with its taxes, huh? The government! It’ll fuck ya! In the ass!” ) So instead, political cartoonists have to do oral. Sometimes it’s all sublimated, and sometimes it … isn’t? See the mouth-horror, after the jump. READ MORE »
Unloved circus bear Sarah Palin has big plans to become President Queen of God’s America soon, because not even a majority of Republicans can tolerate her reality-teevee idiot antics, but in the meantime she needed to squeeze some more Hollywood Millions out of her favorite place, Hollywood. And that means a Sarah Palin TeeVee Show, on the basic-cable “how pizza works” channel for the obese & unemployed, “History Channel.” “The Learning Channel.” (Ha, what?) READ MORE »
We are really tired of Muslim-loving chickenshit Terry Jones, but apparently this Florida swamp creature won a free car for not burning Queerans. (Writing that sentence makes us want to blow our brains out with the shotgun we still need to buy, before Obama’s gay activist judges rule the Second Amendment is illegal.) Let’s just get this over with: A New Jersey car dealership promised to give Terry Jones a free car if he canceled his Koran-burning potluck. Not just any free car though: it’s a Hyundai Accent, i.e. foreign, ergo “the devil.” Terry Jones knows that Hyundai Motor Company is spelled 현대 자동차 주식회사 in South Korean Arabic-Symbols, right? Does Terry Jones also know that the first edition of the Koran — the one with the awesome forward by Muhammad — was written in South Korean Arabic-Symbols? Burn that car, Terry. Burn it. READ MORE »
Did you take the Metro to Las Vegas last night, to watch Harry Reid and Sharron Angle fight naked in a kiddie pool full of mud? This is actually not far from the truth, metaphorically speaking, because Sharron Angle was constantly being childish and mean to poor ol’ Harry Reid. Except Harry Reid is not poor! He is rich as shit, as Sharron Angle rightly pointed out, since she is the People’s Megalomaniac. Angle also accused Harry of being a girl, and told him to “man up.” And how did Harry Reid prove to America that he is a man, and that he enjoys manly activities such as grilling anus burgers and seducing total babes with all his sexy-smelling pheromones? Uh, this is what Harry Reid did: “At one point he provided a somewhat graphic description of a colonoscopy.” Good grief. Why is Harry Reid always talking about fisting? [WaPo] READ MORE »
Kids, do you like the journalism? Of course not. You don’t even know what it is. But if you did, you might think it’s a respectable way to make a living. You would, of course, be wrong about that, too. Consider poor little rich boy Anderson Cooper, who actually worked hard for many years as an actual on-the-scene international war & disaster teevee reporter, and now is reduced to doing daytime talk shows for ladies and dressing up in fetish-furry gear. CLICK TO SEE ENTIRE HUMILIATING PICTURE. READ MORE »
“First lady Michelle Obama appears to have violated Illinois law — when she engaged in political discussion at a polling place!” Wha? Oh no! Exclamation point, for sure! After Michelle Obama finished turning in her early-voting ballot today (DRUDGE SIRENS! Update your residency, miss! You live in D.C.!), some voters asked if they could take a photo with her. She obliged but ended up telling one of them “how important it was to vote to keep her husband’s agenda going.” DRUDGE SIRENS! That shit’s illegal! READ MORE »
You know, something tells us this is not the way President Obama wanted to announce it, but according to some comments Joe Biden blurted out at the end of an interview with the New York Times, he and Barry are running for re-election! So, we guess, the 2012 presidential election has already more than begun, before the midterms are even over? Those things seem to come earlier and earlier every year, like Christmas decorations at the local giant chain store, or layoffs at the local giant chain store. Also revealed in this Tiger Beat profile: political fossil Walter Mondale doesn’t think it’s a good idea to have a black president going around campaigning for Democrats. READ MORE »
No matter how much he tries to escape it, Carl Paladino’s life is full of the gay he hates so much. That whole New York gay pride parade he thought was so disgusting? Yeah, one of his “key advisors,” Roger Stone, was at that thing. So was Roger Stone’s shirtless body and that of a “fitness model,” “Kat ForTra.” And so was Kat ForTra’s tongue, which licked Stone’s ear, and Stone’s tongue, which licked her boob. Stone is apparently notorious for his “Nixonian dirty tricks,” which is apparently not a euphemism, even though he was forced to quit Bob Dole’s presidential campaign after it was revealed he was a swinger. So, you know, good guy to have around when you’re trying to talk about your “family values,” Paladino (who, in another revelation, sent out a lot more porn e-mails than had previously been released). READ MORE »
The angry lawyers at the law firm Steptoe & Johnson actually SUED the Dupont Circle hamburger shop Rogue States because the alleged smell of burning dead animal was wafting up from the restaurant into the firm’s offices, making the lawyers sick and distracting them from doing whatever the remaining employed lawyers do with their billable hours. And they won: Rogue States is now closed. READ MORE »
