Lately I haven’t felt much like getting out of bed. At all. In fact, some of the only things I feel like getting out of bed for are the new TV shows. Sad, really, particularly since very few of the new shows are worth watching. Never even got a chance to see “Lone Star,” and it’s already canceled. Stupid TV executives. How you cancel a show after two episodes is beyond me. In the old days – boy, I’m actually starting a sentence with “in the old days” – a show stayed on the air for an entire season. If it sucked, it sucked, and you just avoided that channel at that time. Nowadays, shows aren’t given a chance to gain footing, find an audience; if it’s not a hit right out of the gate, it’s gone. Which sucks because a lot of great shows weren’t hits right away. Seinfeld, Cheers, MASH, and many others.
Anyway, I digress. I’m depressed. I think about the future and I get more depressed. I’m not working at all. Haven’t worked in a long time. That only serves to increase my anxiety.
My shoulder/arm still hurt, a year after I injured them doing a birthday dare (that I never edited, let alone “aired”). I must have torn something, a rotator cuff or something else I don’t know much about but hurts like hell when you tear it. Popping Aleve like candy. Damn arm affects my sleep, and thus impairs my staying in bed as much as I’d like to. I’m a stomach-sleeper but now I’m forced to sleep on my back…or my side.
I get “paralyzed” a lot lately. Paralyzed by indecision, malaise, anhedonia. Not sure what to do. Everything seems major. Making a doctor appointment, major. Answering the phone, major. Making something to eat, major. Checking the mail, major. And yeah, writing a blog post, major.
I’m sick of myself. Major.
