Laura Bush Asked Me to Pass On The Ladywife Manual

Click on it to enlarge.

Math Humor, Part 1.78

Here is a little segment on the Freida Bee Show called "Math Humor." I dedicate this first posting to my new favoritist bloghottie (I mean smart- note to self: add that widgety thing that lets you act like you're crossing out words.) couple, D-Cup and Mathman. Mathman sounds like the name of a super hero I'd like to meet and DD, well, we all like her Politits around these blog parts.

I think I was the last one on the planet...

to hear about Flight of the Conchords, and, of course as in anything cool, I heard about them through my daughter. I am hoping there are 6.4 other people who haven't seen them and I can have the pleasure of turning you on to them. It's Business Time here on The Freida Bee Show, so sit back and relax. Yeah baby, that's what I'm talking about....

Wargasm, Wargasm 1,2,3...

Hey guys, I've been uber-busy. I have been learning to be a math teacher and that requires these math courses and teaching courses and you know, a lot of work and my kids still are eating and all, so my blogging here may move to a once a week thing or so, or more posting other folks' videos. But, I'm stickin' around here and reading your blogs more often than I post.

Still I am lit editing No Cure For That and invite you to send lit 101 items (101 word short stories,) poems, and short stories to cwar.ncft@yahoo.com.

Also, I am still a staunch supporter of ending the war, despite all these Wargasms all those big guns are giving me.



Why don't you mosey on over to rate the Democratic candidates. For some reason they left out some of the most pertinent candidates Dr. Monkeyman, Dr. Zaius and Germaine Gregarious, and the newer, but rock solid contender, splotchidate iSplotchy, but there's the corporate media for you.

Now, tell me you miss me a little, 'cause I miss ya'll!

While We Are All Worried About Terrorism, Robots Are Plotting Their Rule!

I think that we can only take these two videos to mean that robots are plotting against us. It may not even be safe for me to be typing this.





Unfortunately, this second video is the only visual proof of future robot rule I could find, but it cuts the song short. To see the whole song, go here.

'Ere Has Talk Like a Sea Dog Tide Gone Off To?

Shiver Me Timbers! I saw a wee swabbies around campus dressed like buccanneers an' e'en an NPR reporter sported a poor buccanneer accent this mornin'. I respected th' lass' effort. Hap'y Talk Like a Sea Dog Tide, Cap'n Dyke!

Just So You Know...

Boooriiiing

Well, my last post even bored me and I posted it. It's kinda like talking to the lady in this video and you guys are averting your eyes as not to read about my kids in the grocery store. Well, I'm not all that exciting lately, taking three proof-based math courses (and one teaching course) is boring me. I'd much rather be blogging and partying down the campaign trails of Drs. M, Z, and GG, personally. I've been taking hints from this guy on how to cope. He's got some good pointers, you gotta admit.
I just got glasses for the first time in my life. Look what they do to my vision.

“I No Longer Fear The Kucinich Revolution.”

Well, I never did, but apparently someone did and then wrote this (article)

__________Lies! (Like Bush)

Well, I don't opt to write journal-style blogs so much here, but really enjoy reading them when others post them, so here goes. I encountered something yesterday I thought quite bloggable. I am going to save it in the event that I come across some sort of effort I've seen that documents something(?) by keeping little written artifacts that are found. I probably couldn't be more vague, but it's kind of like Dirty Found, but not dirty.

In the grocery store yesterday, my sons and I began our weekly ritual during which they are ingenious about entertaining themselves. They found a piece of paper (I wish I could scan it, but cannot from where I am) which is of the type typically above the self-weighing scales in the produce area of our grocery store on which you can stick your refuse price stickers, so they are not stuck directly on the scale. The paper has what looks like a bullseye with concentric circles which says to place unused stickers on it. My sons found this paper on the floor and were pretending it was a map and plotting out the locations of the store; the treaure we were approaching was located in the health food area where they would be able to get their protein rich Tiger Milk Bars, their favorite. I happened to see on the other side that someone had scrawled the words "DON'T USE. SCALE LIES! (Like Bush)". I though a couple things about this. For one thing, my organic grapes had priced a little cheaply I did notice, hmmm. But, really more striking is how permeating this sentiment is in our country. There is no doubt to what this is referring. It is so commonly felt, also, that people include it in reference to anything having to do with lying, stupidity, fraud, corruption.



Even the poor letter W will never be the same.


Shortly after that, while my sons were still finding this singular piece of paper so strangely entertaining, I ran into the fourteen year-old daughter of a couple of our friends and she was wearing a very intricately decorated white t-shirt which, among other sentiments, featured a central circle on the front which said repeatedly "Bush is a puppet." She had worn this t-shirt to school and I told her about Austin's anti-war rally downtown today (which was tomorrow yesterday and in a few hours now. I will still be sitting here at work "studying".) Maybe if I got her to go, I wouldn't feel so guilty about missing it. She informed me that she and several of her friends were going to wear their home-made t-shirts to school when Jenna Bush came and spoke to them and her personal goal is to get Jenna Bush to sign her t-shirt. Aw yes... the idealistic longings of youth. But, if she succeeds, she will have one hot e-bay item, a precious momento or just a plain cool tee. I wish her well. She seemed skeptical that she would go to the rally, because of the heat, but when her mother joined us, we both informed her of the heat in Iraq that folks with no AC and soldiers in uniform were having to endure. I don't know if she'll go or not. I wish I were off work to take her and my two teen daughters and my younger sons to the protest. My eight year-old son already slanders Bush. Though it's not all that revolutionary of me to include these bumper stickers in my little writing here, I will post one more in honor of my outspoken son and the last video I posted, featuring Stewart Zamudio. The video is at 16,000 views currently. Once again Stewart, these are my sentiments.


I should have taken the day off work!

Now, That's One Brave American!

Thank you Stewart, for having the courage to speak your truth! And Davis, once again you have vidiculated (that's to articulate in video) the sentiments of the majority of the Americans. Stop the damn killing today!!!!!!!

Which Monkey Would You Rather Were President...

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein or President Chimpy? See my hard-hitting interview of the man behind the monkey and watch Chimpy's video below and decide for yourself.

I Beg Your Presidential Pardon

Oh my gosh, the last thing I recall was being at a party in the Rumpus Room of the The Nefarious Lair of Lesbian Gangs Packing Pink Pistols.


There were lots of folks celebrating the candidacy of the presidential duo Dr. Zaius and Germaine Gregarious and I was charged with buying the clove cigarettes, but Whole Foods was out of those, so I bought a case of banana peels so we could smoke the peels and this is what happened...



and I just woke up and all I was wearing was this presidential bowtie. What happened? Wait, I don't want to know. Wait, maybe I do.


This never would have happened had Mr Monkey not abandoned the campaign trail. He was my designated driver.


And Blue Gal, I apologize for doing this in such an unceremonious way, but woke up and Dr. Z. was trying to get away with your Blackbelt Blogger Award I had brought to finally give you. I barely got it away from the lesbians packing pink pistols and almost hated to take it away. I'd better go ahead and hand it over before more nefariousness ensues as I only have one. More are on order from the Blogger Prize Depot. Dr. Z, you'll have to wait.

Labor Day Bash(ing)

Is there a song that relays the opposite sentiment of "School's Out for Summer"? I'm not sure what that might be, but it was probably written and performed by Johnny Cash and it's the one I'm singing right now and my blog shows it. Larry Craig and Ronnie sat in the spotlight for way too long here... sorry, but thank you to Angry who could still pull a witty comment out about the matter many days later. I know I'd better get something new up here before Mr. Monkey's back from his vacation or he'll come over here and shame me again.

Speaking of shame, I started back to school this last week and I am not referring to being older than 95%er of the 50,000 people that attend UT or that I secretly pretend I am a graduate student or professor as I walk around campus; I am referring to the poor folks who had to stand outside of the math building and hand out new testaments. I have seen many a cause stand there to solicit signatures or money, but never have I seen two people more shunned than those two folks that were trying to GIVE THEM AWAY. I did not stop and take a picture, which would have been proper blogger journalistic etiquette, and you know I'm all about the etiquette thing, but I do have my words.

Also speaking of shame, I started swimming laps at the UT pool. (See may hairy leg poem of late.) I did that a bit this summer at other pools around Austin as my children are finally to the point that they don't have to be held at all times, and in proper locales I could even swim and just glance over from time to time. At UT I have a technique to get myself over to the ridiculously posh gym that in my previous recent three semesters back there I have absurdly not gone into save the day our water was out when a pipe burst in our neighborhood and I took a shower there. My technique is pure genius. I get dropped off on campus just having rollied out of bed and into my swimsuit and then I have little choice, but to go into the gym or I am rank the rest of the day. I foresee that later in the semester I may not care too much about that, but for now it's working.

In honor of Labor Day, I wrote this poem. Actually, I wrote it several days ago and it had nothing to do with Labor Day in my mind then, but it is apropos today. I have posted it somewhere else, but I don't think it will be redundant to too many folks.

Every Day is Labor Day

Even-handedness mocks desperation
In the name of propriety.
Well-mannered smirks of superiority
Bemoan long hours spent
Mastering utensils, elbow placement,
And other social graces essential to success.
Miss Manners tackily communicates
Unspoken rules of engagement
To the lower classes,
Daring to break the spell of castes
Which loathe equal opportunity
And employment.
Institutions and traditions
Do what they can to keep
People in their proper places,
Down and out of the loop.
Hoops are to be driven through,
Full speed ahead until death
Takes them on their feet,
Polishing silver candy dishes
From which the even-handed
Pluck mints with averted eyes.

And where would Labor Day be without my main man Dennis?