Top Ten Demands in Sarah Palin's Contract

University of California students had recently found in a Dumpster part of Sarah Palin's contract for her speaking engagement at the university in June. Among the stipulations were first class air fare for two, a room at a deluxe hotel, SUV's or black town cars, bottled water and bendable straws.

But these weren't the only demands made by Ms. Palin. What other forms of compensation were included in her contract?

10) The services of 24's Jack Bauer to find and bring Levi Johnston in for back child support.

9) A solvent to remove from her hand the original notes in permanent marker from February.

8) For the students to be cued to scream, applaud and shoot their guns in the air every time she says the words "hopey", "changey" and "Socialism."

7) A kill button on the podium releasing wolves throughout the crowd at the slightest hint of liberals.

6) A Blackwater gunship in case a quick getaway is necessary and/or to kill the wolves in case they get out of control.

5) That the students be mandated on penalty of expulsion to watch her low-rated talk show on cable's highest-rated news channel.

4) That any and all references to the incumbent president and Sen. John McCain be stricken from all political science and history textbooks used by the university.

3) That her bottled water be collected by five year-old Fijians making .04¢ a day shouldering wooden buckets for unregulated bottling companies.

2) California's secession.

1) To ban gay marriage again just before her arrival so she can take credit for it.