One Minute in the Teabagger Chat Room

“Ya’ll heard what the CDC said last summer?”


“No, what?”

“49 states have obesity rates greater than 20%.”


“You don’t say? That’s hilarious.”


“Wait, lemme guess: The biggest offenders are states in the deep South, right?”

“Bingo. Think Alabama, Mississippi, South Carolina.”


“South Carolina. Dang. That figgers.”


“I don’t take too much stock in those liberal studies. They tend to exaggerate. One will say 60% of us are obsese, others say 67%. Which can you believe?”


“You know what I wanna know?”

“No, what?”


“How come you always hear about how fat we are and hardly anything about how bloated these Obama-Socialized corporations are?”


“Good (buh-werp) point. Nom, nom.”


“Hear, hear! That’s why my handle’s ‘Mr. Bailout’!”


“I stay in shape and live an active lifestyle. You don’t have to be skinny to be healthy.”


“Trust me. It helps. Sweating gets me winded.”


“Man, do I hear that.”


“Did you know that Michael Moore's furniture took out a restraining on him?”

“ROTFLMAO! Oh shit, pulled a muscle in my index finger.”


“So, what do we do about this?”


“Eat the liberals!”


“Fuck, yeah! Sounds like a plan!”


"LOL! Ouch."


“I say we drive down to Washington, DC and protest Obama’s G20 summit!”


“That was in Pittsburgh. And it was last month, numb nuts.”


“It's just as well; I’ve got agoraphobia.”


“Let’s chat about this some more. I still haven’t recovered from my low blood sugar emergency at the last health care town hall…”

“Thank God. I was hoping someone would say that. Who's up for us getting some better avatars?”