Hannity Blurb

Just before Sean Hannity busted into his on-air pimping of LegalZoom.com, he blurted out: "Ah, profit, a horrible word except for those of us who believe in freedom!"

Dear Sean: You have built such a meandering level of logic on which you make basic assumptions and connections that sometimes a single sentence comes out making so little sense that it sounds like a bizzare child's concoction, like "Chocolate in my ears tastes like bananas, plastic face!"


Sidenote: Caveat Emptor on anything shilled by right wing radio. Legal Zoom may be a help to some folks, but - for example - the minimum fee charged to help form an LLC is $99 (it goes up to $359) + state fee. But in Ohio, it already costs $125 to form an LLC, and by "form" I mean fill out about 5 lines of information and send a check to the state. What the hell are they charging for?

Okay, so secondary note on shilling: Carbonite costs about $55/yr and uses up bandwidth on your internet connection and only goes as fast as your upload speed (basically takes lots of time and makes your system slow), but you can get a solid Terabyte drive (That's 1,000 GB or 1,000,000 MB) for about $100 and if the internet's down, you have control and ownership of that drive.

And don't even get me started on Goldline. Seriously, if you don't know how Glenn Beck is raping his listeners with that, look it up. It'll make you really mad.

Comics Can Get Weird

I'm a huge fan of comic books, though my activity has waned over the years. I grew into it in the early 90's with the debut of Hellraiser and Sandman, a reboot of X-Men, The Infinity Gauntlet, and on and on.

And since I don't get around (or didn't) as much as others, the unread storylines and varying origin tales always fascinate me. And Wikipedia, while not allowing for the relevance of a page for most smaller businesses, has not only an extensive page for every single Pokemon character, but every comic book character as well as every major comic book storyline.

It is within those descriptors of tales unread that I can sometimes get lost, knowing well I will never own a million comic books or have the time to read them.

But today I stumbled upon the Wikipedia page for Marvel's Hulked Out Heroes thread. Please read below carefully and understand I am making NONE of this up - and neither is the hive mind that put it together (emphasis my exasperation):

Bob, Agent of HYDRA sends Hulkpool (a gamma-powered Deadpool) back in time using the machine Red Hulk used to send Thundra to the future so he may kill himself. However, he meets with a Blackbeard the Pirate version of Thing (and way back in time) and after moving a storm and sending away Johny and Reed (who were trying to get to Thing), he becomes his pirate until the police of the time attack him with a monster. He and the Thing attempt to defeat him, but dinosaurs arrive thanks to Bob's mistake of how to use the machine while trying to take back Hulkpool. They defeat them and Thing asks if Bob can get him to his time. Hulkpool says yes and the Thing leaves with them taking a dinosaur with him. They then arrive to the Old West in 1873 where Hawkeye is lost in time and dinosaurs are released everywhere but Bob sends them back in time (including Thing and Hawkeye) but Hulkpool is sent when Captain America was losing Bucky and decides to save him.[2] While in an alternate reality's version of World War II, Hulkpool manages to kill that reality's versions of Adolf Hitler, Red Skull, and Deadpool as well as stop every superhero from becoming, i.e. stopping Spider-Man from being bitten by the Spider, or Doctor Strange from having his car crash.. Hulkpool [3]

Elsewhere, a battle broke out between the Hulkified versions of Spider-Man and Thor (known as the Spider-Hulk and Thorr respectively).

So is this clever or hard-up for ideas or LSD? WTF?

Imperial Stars, Fuck You

Band PR FAIL

There's this band, Imperial Stars. They had a meeting 2 weeks ago with their PR team that probably went something like this:

IS:So what's the next big stunt, the next big thing?

PR-Co.: Okay, follow me here. You've got that song Traffic Jam 101

IS: Yeah, cause we, like, party like rock stars every chance we get, like even in a traffic jam, holmes.

PR: Right, so it's Traffic Jam 101. So you "cause" a traffic jam on the 101, but it's really like a free show and - BAM! - it's a free concert flash mob all rolled into one!

IS: Bomb diggidy. We'll send you a check.

So these asshats drove up the 101 in their big ol' Imperial Stars truck this morning and around Sunset Blvd. pulled a sideways stop, blocking 3 lanes, and started performing their song, Traffic Jam 101.

If anyone has had the unfortunate experience of driving the 101 in LA, any time day or night it's a goddamned mess, a powder keg ready to explode. And these guys took it to a standstill. It's a good thing the cops showed up because they'd probably be dead. And all this to sing a shitty song about partying all the time. Earth to Imperial Stars: Lots of things happen on the 101 - swearing, smoking, horn-honking, sweating, brief pit-stops - but none of those things is partying.

For their next PR gig, the Imperial Stars will make every line in every Starbucks 8 people longer all the time, extend the pain of kidney stones to the entire body, and make rape 50% more humiliating.

I can't even imagine the people who might've lost a job or missed an interview or wasn't there to pick up their kid.

Imperial Stars: FUCK YOU.

Oh, and if you're so morbidly curious that you must - absolutely must - see their video, here it is for you in all its misery. I suggest NO, but I know you will. But really: don't.



Seriously: this isn't something put together by the Dick in a Box folks? This is a real band? Deplorable.

Let's Do a Drudge Wrap!

No, not a Drudge rap. That would just be silly. I'm just going to point out a couple things on the Drudge Report website today so you can go directly to the links and not feed into any of his fraudulent, bullshit rankings. Sub-headings are the links, all of which - as always - open in a new window or tab. And it's not all political BS either, more like a general news day wrap.

Fatty Trompe l'Oeil
It's the nanny state! Or so that's the general call to arms alluded to in even posting this story.

The U.S. Department of Agriculture is giving $2 million to food behavior scientists to use marketing tricks to encourage kids to pick fruits and veggies over cookies and french fries.

Oh noes! Gubmit spending too!?!

Hell, we've got a country full of mommies and daddies (literal or figurative pundits) doing nothing but bitching that the kids are fat. If the nanny's the only one willing to do something about it: bring in the motherfuckin' nanny!


Boo Hoo Mortgage Man
Some guy put a huge sign on his lawn because he's in foreclosure. And ... wait for it ... I kinda agree with the conservative comments on this one.

THE ACREAGE, Fla. - Juan Guzman has a large, lawn-wide sign in his front yard labeled 'JP Morgan Chase help.' It's his last hope to save his dream home.

The Acreage man built his house in 2007 but couldn't handle the mortgage payment of $3,600 a month.

He said he tried negotiating a lower loan from his bank but it wouldn't budge.

Last year Guzman became unemployed and now his house is in foreclosure.

Woah, woah, buddy. You built a home and right off the bat couldn't handle the mortgage? Then you lost your job? Yes, banks are teh debil adn need to be reined in, but you don't get a pass for shitty planning and plain stupidity. Your mortgage was $3600/mo!!! Sorry bud; ya done fucked up. Walk away and downsize.


Condi's Condo!

Um, there was this story about Condoleezza Rice but it was too boring even for commentary. Click above if you need a nap.


Paladino n Cuomo, Sittin in a Tree...

You live in one of the most diverse cities in the world. You want to be Governor of the state. You probably shouldn't berate gay people.

Here's the 411: if you live in New York and are GLBT or know someone who is or don't know someone who is but agree with equal rights or don't even totally agree with same sex marriage but don't want to be associated with dirty guido bigots, vote for Cuomo.

If you like berating people because of how they were born - you know, like openly making fun of short people or ugly people or black people or someone with a lisp or mentally challenged kids - and happily identify with knuckle-dragging bully assholes everywhere, punch it for Paladino.

Seriously, I'm expecting Paladino's next attack to be "Heh heh, his name's Cuomo. That's almost like cum and dat's wat fags eats. Ha! Blammo!"


Band PR FAIL

I'm sorry. I went way too rant-y on this one, had to give it its own post. Enjoy!


Strange Signal From Discovered Planet?

Following the Sept. 29 announcement of the discovery of Gliese 581g, astronomer Ragbir Bhathal, a scientist at the University of Western Sydney, claimed to have detected a suspicious pulse of light nearly two years ago, that came from the same area of the galaxy as the location of Gliese 581g, according to the U.K.'s Daily Mail online.

Holy shit. At this point I don't care. The planet's 20.5 LY away. Somebody's got a year to get space transport that'll take us 75% of the speed of light (I'm talkin' to YOU Virgin Galactic!) and get me on that rocket and BLAM! I'm oribiting a distant red dwarf with a Biggie Size Earth before I'm 70 and maybe see a distant alien life in person before I die. Awesome. And...go!

Parody - Bullies Who Target Gays: It Gets Worse

You might have seen the reposting of the "It Gets Better" I snagged from BoingBoing.

If not, watch it. Then watch this. It gets better. :)


IT GETS WORSE
Uploaded by FirstLastName. - More video blogs and vloggers.

Christine O'Donnell Parody Video

"I'm not a witch..."



Brilliant! via BoingBoing

Rant + Bitchin' Camero

I was just looking for Bitchin' Camero, but found a fab rant by Rodney ...FOLLOWED by Bitchin' Camero and VFW. Tits!

O'Donnell as a Witch

Why hasn't this been done yet?

Upon seeing the Photoshop, O'Donnell responded "The photo is obviously a fake. People only turn green when they masturbate, and everyone knows my stance on that. Um...that is a Photoshop, right?"

(feel free to copy, steal, etc.)

Terrorist Popcorn Retards Unite!

Note: I do not intend to insult retarded people, only terrorists. Thank you.

Today I was reading about the complete moron and failure of a terrorist Faisal Shahzad and how he got a life sentence in court today as a terrorist and overall bad guy.

For those of you unfamiliar with or harboring short attention spans, Faisal Shahzad (not to be confused with Fievel Mousekewitz) is the "terrorist" who filled a Range Rover with propane tanks and low-grade fertilizer and basically started the car on fire. Smoke alerted bystanders something was wrong. They snagged Fievel trying to leave the country.

~~F-Shaz~~ has a retarded knowledge of anything terrorist and a wonderful mastery over poking us Americans - verbally - in the ass. Is that what they're teaching those kids in terrorist camps these days? He is an epic FAIL in bomb-making and hurting people but was able to convince a judge - by words - that he's a terrorist, hates America, would've joined the jihad on 9/11-- this guy's a goddamned wannabe! A Poseur! He shows up to a NIN concert in '99 like Pretty Hate Machine was just released and he's the only one who's heard of it!

*groans with hands over temples*


Let's work with a hypothetical for a second, shall we?

I am a retarded terrorist. I've read all the crazy extremist stuff I could find on the internets and want to burn down America. So where do I start? Well, I rent a Range Rover (cause, seriously, who can afford that shit in this economy?) Wait, sorry. I have to rent a van because I already made the graphic and don't want to change it.

SO I rent a van and build a large cage in the back of the van lined with window screen I got from Home Depot. I hired a Hispanic to put it together. But then I had to kill him because he'd know my plan. NO! Wait, sorry, skip that Hispanic part - it complicates my plans. Say, now, I put my cage together and lined it with window screen.

...and filled it with popcorn kernels.

BUT! about halfway full (I don't know, like 400 of 800 lbs of kernels) I put a firecracker in there and I'd already twisted a really long wick on it so I could put the end of the wick out of the screen and light it after the other half of the kernels are loaded.

So now I've got a huge cage in the back of a van and I'm a crazy terrorist and I drive to The Empire State Building and park the van and light the wick and run like a crazy but stealthy madman and ...nothing happens. But I don't know that because I'm already on the way to JFK, yo!

(NOTE: Alternate version: I set a bag of Pop Secret on fire in the back of the van and run like hell!)

SO right now, I've illegally parked, been mad about the US, and ran to the airport. But when the police search my van, they find I've dropped my master plan:


Of course, the back has my name and contact information on it

SO they tag me at the airport, but they're not quite sure why yet, but it's BIG because ABCCBSNBCNAFTA are all over it and despite the fact that my logistics are completely off and any respectable terrorist could build a basic bomb - even if medicated - it doesn't matter all that much because I just scream something about "Allah!" when they apprehend me. Hey-yo! Terrorist superstar!

I mean, come on. I'm a terrorist, tried to blow some shit up, and still alive. How many of us are there? The shoe-bomber? Beause those liquid bullshit guys just had drawings and no plans. So I need to gin it up to be a legend so no one remembers I have no technical knowledge or abilities to do any real damage aside from maybe something I read on the internets and couldn't accomplish even if I were given real training.

So I say things like "I hate America" and "I wish I was with those 9-11 guys!" and I get nailed for a life sentence where someone's going to kill me in jail because I'm a terrorist and I get to be a martyr. Yayyy!

--END HYPOTHETICAL--

So this guy set a car on fire and because his intent was to harm people he gets a life sentence and a world stage to pronounce his hatred?

Seriously, why are we spending our time and money on lauding our successes over terrorism on guys like this? Why don't we do an alternate public humiliation sentence, well-advertised to promote some tool to show up and just shoot him?

I don't know. Maybe I'm just crazy, but, well...

Wait, don't we have more important work, like finding the only 6'4" terrorist in the Middle East?

In Short: Hispanics Apathetic

While the Hispanic population of the USA is still overwhelmingly Democratic by party, seems a recent poll shows they're less than enthusiastic in the "go get 'em vote!" category. Congrats Hispanics: you've successfully joined the rest of the voting populace.

The problem here, Hispanics, is that if you sit on your haunches and let the Republicans win you may find a friend or relative very quickly heading back south of the border as the rest of the country starts to resemble Arizona.

In case you missed the memo in focusing solely on Hispanic discrimination, Republicans really only like and want to help rich white people (and only include women because they are a necessary life support system for vaginas). They want to send African-Americans back to Africa, yellow people back to the Far East, brown people back wherever they came from, white trash to New Jersey, and you can see how they want to make the sandy, olive-skinned Muslims the new American Indian Extinction Project - and that's based on a mandate from God!

So get off your haunches next month and just vote straight Democratic. Heck, once they get in office, you can write and email and call and Tweet and blog Democrats into paying attention. Republicans will just quietly sneer at you on the other side of that fence from their limo's window. Unless, of course, you land the gig as their driver.

Like Attracts Like: An Irish Allegory

When Mrs. Shambles and I were planning for Ireland for our honeymoon, we knew we were renting a car for 2 weeks, but weren't sure where to go, what path to take. Both being in theatre, we contacted a showman and storyteller who was born on the Emerald Isle and returned there frequently to give us some guidance.

As we were going over our plans and our map with him, I asked him about the demeanor of the Irish in general; what sorts of people would we meet? His eyes lit up. "Let me tell you a story," he said...

A young man from the town of Tipperary walks into a Dublin pub, sits down, orders a pint, and asks the bartender "Excuse me sir. I've just moved here to Dublin from Tipperary and was wonderin' what kinds of folks I might meet here."

"Well," the bartender responded, "what kinds of folks do you have there in Tipperary?"

"Greatest people in the world! They'd give you their last penny and the shirt off their back if it'd make your life easier for just a moment."

"Well son, I've got good news for you: you're going to find the exact same people here in Dublin."

Not long after, a young man from the town of Limerick walks into that same Dublin pub, sits down, orders a pint, and asks the bartender "Excuse me sir. I've just moved here to Dublin from Limerick and was wonderin' what kinds of folks I might meet here."

"Well," the bartender responded, "what kinds of folks do you have there in Limerick?"

"Oh, the most dreadful people in the world! They'd steal your last penny and the shirt off your back if given just a moment to do so."

"Well son, I'm sorry, I've got some bad news for you: you're going to find the exact same people here in Dublin."

Over 10 years and that story still sticks with me. Like attracts like. You have no one but yourself to blame for your friends. Your actions and thoughts are constantly telling the universe what you really want from life and people. Pick one or all; they're all true.

It Gets Better

Video postcards to isolated queer kids from happy queer adults via BoingBoing.

I'm Not Dead; I Was Just in LA

Been a while, huh? Oh, sure, I've always been erratic (I said erratic!), skipping 2 or 3 days here and there, posting 4 times in one day occasionally, but never for so long before.



Well, I was in Los Angeles visiting my brother, working some business leads on the West Coast. Yeah, I know being in LA and being dead and being in hell can all be synonymous, but I had a great time there. 9 days, and here's some thoughts, reflections, and events.

• There are douchebags and kind souls everywhere, just in different densities. Never forget that.


• Palm trees and mountain views near the ocean, however, are not everywhere. I could probably live there.


• I walked 2 feet from a bum slumped-over forwards at a crowded bus stop one morning. 30 minutes later I saw a fire truck and ambulance; the medics pulled him onto the stretcher. He did not move and his neck and shoulders were stuck "slumped" straight up, refusing to fall to the pillow, as they wheeled him into the ambulance.


• 30 minutes later another fire truck, police cars, etc. passed through the same intersection. Someone wasn't paying attention and plowed into an LAPD SUV. The ambulance in the caravan paused, medics quickly checked to see if everyone was okay, and then continued on with the first group.


• Last 2 seen at Sunset and La Brea because my brother's poor and got rid of his internet and I worked from Starbucks. Luckily they do not charge rent. Good news: I got my phone to tether to my laptop and use that connection for internet...to actually work on the last day I was there.


• Everyone in LA is not beautiful. However, there is a higher concentration of slim, attractive people in LA. In other words, as opposed to my Kroger's here, I can fill my spank bank to capacity in one trip to any Ralph's in Hollywood.


• With that also comes a much higher incidence of scary Skeletor and/or super-surgery ladies. I can't stand superlips, fake breasts, or forced emaciation. In other words, my libido can fall deathly ill in one trip to Ralph's.


• LA is the only place you'll find a bar coaster selling you on the DVD of the last season of Big Bang Theory


• While there is a large Latino immigrant population, there is also a large Korean, Chinese, Japanese, and other Asian faction in the city. Armenian, Indian, and Ethiopian as well. This means unlimited varied cuisine throughout.


• It also means normal (non-cable) digital stations can be found in English, Spanish, Korean, Chinese, Japanese, and Armenian. There is one Spanish station with Korean subtitles.


• And why can I get almost 10 Christian stations (3-4 English) with just a digital antenna?


• Driving in LA isn't so bad. Scariest part is keeping an eye out for pedestrians and bikes and light cameras. Drivers are slightly douche-y. Boston, now those drivers scared the shit out of me.


• We drove the Pacific Coast Highway about 45 miles north of Santa Monica and my brain is still trying to process the beauty in every mile.


• There is a sports bar called Big Wangs within walking distance of another named Happy Endings. I neither saw penises or received a handjob.


• I realized walking distance can mean a couple miles when it took me 40 minutes to drive 2 miles and find parking.


• I realized walking distance can mean a couple miles when you're feeding a meter and just about every man in the city is skinnier than you.


• Parking is ass. Take your time to learn the signs: there's street-sweepin' curb switchin', variations in how the meters are set to collect and differences when the meters are off (anything from free to tow your ass), and hourly restrictions sometimes in columns M-Th, F-S, Sun that'll make your head spin. Get out of the car and read.


• Double and triple check your flight info. I accidentally got dropped off at Terminal 1, realized I had to be at 6, ran to lower deck, caught "A" shuttle, and traveled over 15 minutes to 6, then upstairs to check in. LAX is fucking big.


• This past Monday I was there when Downtown LA hit 113° F, breaking every other temperature record evar. Yes, it was hot enough for me. (sidenote: I sweat at 78 or so; I like it cold. I don't care if it's a drier heat than in Cincinnati, it still fucking sucked the monumentally prolific sweat pouring from my back and balls)

That's enough for now, yes?

Obama Kills New York

Did you know that President Obama and the Federal Government want to destroy the city of New York by bleeding it dry (as soon as they stomp and laser-eye it with a re-creation of Mecha Godzilla)?

Allow me to back up a minute. Drudgery posts Obama-insinuating title: Feds force NYC to spend $27M to change font, lettering on street signs... Oh noes?! What's that crazy government doing now?

Well, the linked article talks about the fact that the Federal Highway Administration has found that it's harder to read all-caps signs. That extra time causes accidents.

Queue the right wing blog filter echo chamber: The Fed wants to control everything, everything's all political correct, Obama's the DEVIL!

But, as you might guess, it's kinda bullshit. See, there's one little bit of information that everyone's leaving out: "To compensate for those concerns, in 2003, the administration allowed for a 15-year phase-in period ending in 2018."

Wait a second, silly. 2003? I think someone else might've been president then. Hold on, let me look it up.

And cheers to those "Obama's changing the American Flag because I don't know what the Ohio Flag looks like" bloggers for making me smile today.

Fear of Heights?

Watch this - in full screen - then go vomit and mop the sweat off your face and hands and feet and neck...

Please Vote. Please.

Us on the left may be unhappy with 100% of what's been done. We may be disillusioned with a cavalcade of promises that have yet to be fulfilled. But if we are silent, we let them win. We let Republicans take Congress.

And that is much, much worse than what we have now.



So vote. Tell your friends, warn your families: if Republicans win in November, we all lose.

Aaaaaahhh! Nutjobs!

A sampling of nutters at Glenn Beckology SuperSaviour Amalgamachine.



Thought 1: Hahaha!
Thought 2: OMG these are real Americans, AM Dial myrmidons, and they vote.

*brain explodes*

Movie Review: I Don't Hate Las Vegas Anymore

Saw this mess on IFC last night and had to watch it. The website says it better than I remember the DVR synopsis:

I Don't Hate Las Vegas Anymore is a real-life documentary comedy about a filmmaker who takes a road trip to Las Vegas with his father and half-brother in an attempt to prove the existence of God. He posits that if God exists, and if God is indeed omniscient, omnipotent and omnibenevolent, then all the filmmaker has to do is roll the camera and let God direct the movie. But the movie isn't going in the direction the filmmaker would like, and so the filmmaker attempts to force God's hand by trying to persuade his father and half-brother to take Ecstasy with him. When they refuse, things quickly start to unravel.

Sounds a little bit fun, huh? Crazy, even! No, not so much.

Spoilers abound, so if you're actually thinking of seeing this, stop reading.

Here's not just the plot but the experience of watching this film - with bullets!

• Filmmaker whines and pines and is unsteady on his project for 10 minutes
• Whining and complaining about driving from a bad back-seat angle for 15 minutes
• Filmmaker whines at his dad for 30 minutes to take the ecstacy
• Filmmaker takes the ecstacy alone
• Filmmaker gets high
• Filmmaker argues with Dad more to find he's taken the ecstacy
• 15 minutes of meaningful conversation over double-exposed, upside-down film
• Dad lays down then leaves to gamble
• Filmmaker whines more
• Filmmaker's sound chick apparently disappeared because she's an alcoholic
• Confessionals where everyone's a fucking mess for staying up all night and half-brother is a dick about how bad the movie's going to suck
• Unnecessary exposition at the end by Filmmaker rehashing the alcoholic sound chick and some family stuff
• Everything above tinged by "God loves us and wants to make this happen."

Terrible, terrible, terrible. Stay away. Do not want.

And yet if shit like this can get on IFC, my movie-making dreams may come true. At least on cable.

I Need You

(I originally heard this song as a cover and they used "paper doll" instead of "baby doll." Annie is queen, so I won't argue, but I like the lyrical change better.)

Eurythmics - I Need You

I need you to pin me down
Just for one frozen moment.
I need someone to pin me down
So I can live in torment.
I need you to really feel
The twist of my back breaking
I need someone to listen
To the ecstacy I'm faking.
I need you you you

I need you to catch each breath
That issues from my lips
I need someone to crack my skull
I need someone to kiss.
So hold me now
I'll make pretend
That I won't ever fall
Oh hold me down
I'm gonna be your baby doll

I need you you you...
Is it you I really need?
I do I do I do
I really do
I need you...

The Tea Party Debacle

I always found it funny that the Tea Party is so named because none of those people would ever drink tea; it's European and elitist. By chance, I'm sipping on a Twisted Tea right now. How apropos.

But on to my post.

The Republican Party is in a bad way right now. I just read Think Progress's article on the Mike Castle v. Christine O'Donnell primary. And it's bad mojo. Republicans supporting Castle are knocking down O'Donnell as "dishonest." But if she wins, what do they do? Well, flip-flop, of course, but I don't think the right gets it (or maybe they do) that they've created a monster of a schism in both the party and their supporters.

The "Tea Party" is not really a "party" so to speak. Or maybe they are. They've already established a congressional caucus. That's even worse news.

In a year where lots of people don't like our president in a realm of dissent from "He didn't do enough" (left) to "Socialist!" to "Death panels" to "Um, he's black and well, we call him a socialist cause we can't say nigger and get away with it", the Republicans are fostering what should be a clear win of several seats in November. But they botched it up. The right created the Tea Party.

And I don't even think folks at the head of the Tea Party understand their followers. Some are Republicans who see the Tea as an extension of themselves. Some are hard-right goons drinking the Beckbaughity tea who think everything is wrong with every part of our government. And I'm guessing many are just confused. What was supposed to be a revitalization and back to basics movement is fracturing the right in many sordid ways.

Republicans are calling this year "The year of the woman" but - like technology and humor - don't quite pick up on the nuances of language when it comes to civil rights or equality. I got an email the other day from the righties about "The Right Woman to Be in Congress." So ...are all the rest wrong? And if this is the year of the woman, then why are the most prominent women on the right - Angle, Bachmann, Palin - either ignorant or completely batshit crazy?

They are confusing the base and doing nothing to sort it out. That is, if they know who their base is. Sure, there are plenty of Americans who will vote Repub no matter what, but not all. But when you're pushing a Ministry of NO on an administration with no real answers except "Wrong!" then the few thinkers on the right start wondering what the actual platform is. And Republicans specifically announced they would not reveal that until September because it might be an issue in elections. Um, shouldn't it?

The Republicans have no game. Even worse, they're going through some fierce infighting, like a giant, bastard cousin of what happened when Palin hijacked the McCain campaign.

I, for one, am pleased.

And with no end in sight, I'm pushing a Palin-Bachmann ticket for 2012. We'll have Obama vying for term 2, and if Clinton seals the Mideast deal, her too. I'll still vote for Kooch if he runs again. But that's a solid Democratic front. And any American would take that over stupid insanity.

Then again, I guess I'm relying on the American people to choose wisely.

The Music Done Me In

I cry a little more than I used to. But one of the things that I've noticed over the past few years is that music makes all the difference; in every show you might watch, the plot may be stirring, the story may touch a base in your soul, and the connection you make to it may be monumental. But when you get to the end of the tale, the end of the network-sanctioned narrative, there's something that can touch you in the denouement. And that's music.

I noticed it first a few years ago in the final montage minutes of ER. "The story's not that great so why am I weepy?" Again in that episode of West Wing with Mark Harmon as the Secret Service agent. Again in any episode of Cold Case. "I don't care about these people really, so why am I battening down the hatches so I don't drop into throes of sobbing during the last 3 minutes of resolution?"

It was the music.

The music massages the little bits you've collected during the show or movie, puts them all together, works as the glue of emotion, the background of magic that makes that story progress or wrap up or really do something more than just tell a tale.

So: Thank you to every single editor and producer who has added some great bit of music to the movie or the show. You made it happen. And I wept. Thank you.