Romanians begin adopting American children

Nadia and Thad Comaneci looked at their child with the love the love of new parents. eyes of newborn parents. That he was 14 seemed to have no affect on them whatsoever. Timmy Johnson was their new son.

“Look at him. He always wants the hamburgers and the video games. He is so beautiful,” said Nadia Comaneci, of her newly adopted American son. “Always with the fuckaoofs.”

“Oh, Fuck off,” said Johnson.

The Comanecis are a new breed of Romanian – lower middle class, confident, and with an eye toward the greater good – who have been adopting American children at a record rate. The children generally range in ages from 4 to 16, as most Americans seem to enjoy their children more when they are babies.

“Itsa like the chewing gum,” said Thad Comaneci, 78 and momentarily Italian. “They chew the baby, the baby loses it’s flavor, the baby comes to Romania and learns to play the Oina.

“They take out another baby and start chewing,” added Thad Comaneci, clearly dedicated to making that particular metaphor work. “You see where I’m going, right?”

The economic crisis and a populace hell-bent on having babies at every turn have been two major factors in the outsourcing of children. For Romanians, having an American child is a source of pride and upward mobility, regardless of the child’s behavior.

“Look at that lazy little bastard,” said Nadia Comaneci. “He is our little American. Get him some baklava.”

–WKW