War By Another Other Name

Still very much processing the words exchanged recently regarding the generational differences in Feminism, I submit this exercise in personal anecdote. While writing, I reflect upon the limitations of my gender on the topic, no matter how much of an atypical representative of it I may be. My hope is that I might foment some needed dialogue and begin the healing process.

A female friend and I had an interesting exchange a few days ago. Both of us are musicians and as a result frequent the same social circles. We also use the same music store to buy the things we need. I ran into her while on my way elsewhere, having purchased my latest pair of new guitar strings. She had been there a few minutes before me, as I gathered from reading the name across the front of the bag she carried with her.

Making conversation, I described two particular female employees of the shop as always pleasant and helpful to me. She, however, had a very different opinion altogether. Quite frustrated, she complained how rude and unhelpful they were to her. To be clear, my friend is not the sort of person to make unreasonable demands on anyone or to unnecessarily complicate anyone's job for any reason. When I worked in retail, those two exasperating bad habits from customers were the only ones capable of really setting me off. And while I do believe my friend, it seems incomprehensible that our experiences could be so diametrically opposite to each other.

There are lots of reasons for extremes such as these. Part of it is that we are more pleasant to any person to whom we find ourselves physically or intellectually attracted. That is the nature of the game. I myself have learned over the years that strategic flirtation can grease the wheels quite like nothing else. The positive response I received may have corresponded to the quality of customer service I received. Regarding my friend's experience, a lack of attraction might have explained such a frosty reception. Being made to feel attractive and wanted goes right to our core and validates that we are worthwhile. This is true for men, but I think it is more prevalent in women, since a large portion of a woman's self-worth is tied up in seeming appealing to the opposite sex. This has been frequently discussed in Feminist discourse and I return to it for the sake of emphasis.

Of course, in all of this I am speaking from the perspective of a man. Even so, through observation and listening I have been well-informed of precisely how callous, rude, and mean women can be to each other. The possibility for ceaseless competition and adolescent backbiting seems to lurk behind every corner, waiting to show itself at any time, for any reason. Whether it be for an promotion at work, a significant other, or the status of most involved and engaged parent, women are often far harsher towards each other than towards men. These are only a few examples. I'm sure there are many more. On several occasions prior it has been mentioned that women must stop fighting each other before they can ever achieve the kind of solidarity needed to break the choke hold of Patriarchy. The reasons for this historic division are important to understand, but introducing a culture of cooperation and mutual trust is the most pressing need of all.

Similarities are present between man and woman at face value, certainly, but in this situation, biology, societal conditioning, and personal bias muddy the waters considerably. It's tough to know where one begins and another ends, since they wrap themselves around each other so tightly. Until someone manages it, issues of translation will continue to be great challenges.

What worries me most are certain behaviors which I have observed in some female friends and acquaintances over the years. They fall under a desire to exact revenge inflicted upon them earlier in life by dominating, controlling, or inflicting pain on other women. This is the problem with violence of any sort. The people we damage to avenge our own damage are rarely the ones responsible for it. Men do much the same thing, of course. We call it war. The masculine approach produces the risk of death on the field of battle. The feminine equivalent seems to be a living hell of sorts that one can never escape by any means.

Glass Onion

I told you about Strawberry Fields
You know the place where nothing is real
Well, here's another place you can go
Where everything flows

Looking through the bent backed tulips
To see how the other half live
Looking through a glass onion

I told you about the walrus and me, man
You know that we're as close as can be, man
Well here's another clue for you all
The walrus was Paul

Standing on the cast iron shore, yeah
Lady Madonna trying to make ends meet, yeah
Looking through a glass onion

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Looking through a glass onion

I told you about the fool on the hill
I tell you man he's living there still
Well here's another place you can be
Listen to me

Fixing a hole in the ocean
Trying to make a dove-tail joint, yeah
Looking through a glass onion

Shall We Resemble Our Founder, Or Our Creator?

"I was to bring people off from all the world's religions, which are in vain."

A bold pronouncement for any age, this is George Fox in his own words. My respect for Fox is immense, but I must admit I simply can’t agree with it. Put this way, Fox comes across as something of an agent of intolerance, not an inspirational leader.

Last week, I spoke at some length to a friend who has expressed interest in Quakerism. I directed her to the usual channels and, some days later, she summarized to me what she had read. “Let me get this right,” she said, “Your founder was a wandering, searching, seeking, independent, strongly opinionated, often frustrated young man who believed that a person’s connection with God requires no intermediary”. She laughed.

Though we readily acknowledge that there is that of God within each of us, we should also note that there is that of George Fox within us, too. We possess both the majesty of the Divine and the coarseness of the human. I don’t always agree with everything Fox said, just as I frequently have issue with specific biblical interpretation. The Bible is a book of such density that it can accommodate a thousand specific meanings. In those days, Fox made the case for his faith strongly, believing its merits to be superior to those of other religious movements of the time, particularly competing Separatist sects.

In an era where the Religious Society of Friends had lots of rivals, this might seem a necessary choice to make, but nowadays, believing that one religion is better than another is a serious threat to pluralism. One might even hear it from a Republican politician.

An equally problematic passage of scripture proclaims,

"Don't imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! I came not to bring peace, but a sword. I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Your enemies will be right in your own household!'”

Taken literally, this is a deeply inflammatory passage. It has been used to justify war or to criticize Peace Churches like ours. However, I’ve never taken it as such. A greater meaning would seem to be in force. And on this subject, the footnotes in my Bible state,

“Jesus did not come to bring the kind of peace that glosses over deep differences for the sake of superficial harmony. Conflict and disagreement will arise between those who choose to follow Him and those who don’t. Yet we can look forward to the day when all conflict will be resolved.”

I am reminded of this when I contemplate just how many schisms and divisions Quakerism has undergone over the years. Being that we carry within us the memory of George Fox, we often believe that our unique branch, yearly meeting, organization, tradition, or manner of worship is the correct one, and that someone else’s is in vain. One could even make a case, pointing directly back to the source, that we are actually not behaving in ways that are un-Quakerly. Though some may say we may have a jealous God and a jealous founder, my vision of real unity chooses to think in other terms.

I look forward to the day when all conflict is resolved. I look forward to the day that we resemble more our Creator and less our founder. Cross-branch work is incredibly difficult, and at times even I have questioned whether such gaping divisions will ever really close. Our tempers and passions flare along ancient faults. Hot heads or warm hearts? I suppose we’ll always have a choice.

In Response to Feminism's Generation Wars: An Open Letter

____________________________

Here an introduction for the layperson. The past several months have seen a flurry of postings and columns in which Generation X and Y Feminists have expressed exasperation at the ways of their Baby Boomers mothers. Snark and sarcasm factors have been high. This argument has quickly grown very personal indeed. Linked below is the latest salvo in a growing war of bitterness and resentment. What I have written here may not be worded as tactfully as it needs to be, but I wrote it feeling decidedly annoyed and opted to keep my initial response. The essay I have referenced is snide and condemnatory, so I couldn't help but return a volley or two of my own.


Dear Ms. Pollitt,

In response to your recent column on the subject of Feminism’s generation wars I decided to draft this open letter. To some extent, (and to your credit, you acknowledge this) there is friction between each generation of every movement. I myself am about to turn thirty, and find myself sometimes exasperated at the conduct and behavior of those much younger than myself. Yet, I do recognize that there are eighteen and nineteen-year-olds who are currently doing impressive work, work the envy of those three times their age.

Sometimes stating the obvious is helpful. What we are taking on here, regardless of age or generation is a massive task known as “changing the world”, hopefully for the better. The world is a very complex place, with lots of people in it. Not all of them are white, educated, middle class, or baby boomers. So, as I have written before, it would seem that diversity and inclusiveness goes beyond just being fair or nice. Both ensure that reform might actually succeed. Young people are part of that great wealth of alternate viewpoints, and, taking your advice to heart, I suppose we could form our own organizations, provided we were ready to accept failure. The problems facing us now are too crucial and too imperative for that. Future generations need our cooperation, else their challenges will be more daunting then our own.

Though you may not even consciously realize it, Ms. Pollitt, you want to live forever. Identifying strongly with your generation’s crop of Feminists, you wish for their accomplishments to persist eternally. This is an understandable, very human impulse. You desire others to appreciate your hard work well past your own earthly demise. You wish to be noted in books, documentaries, and magazine articles. This is an easy enough temptation to succumb to, particularly for those who achieve some degree of fame or renown in their own lifetimes. No one wishes to have their own toil and sweat utterly forgotten by future generations or, worse yet, to experience the indignity and loneliness of being an afterthought in one’s own time.

I’m very different from you. Admittedly, I am also a complete unknown in most circles, only marginally known in others, and influential to a very modest few. But our ways of looking at achievement could not be more different. If I give an inspirational message in Quaker meeting, compose a decent song, or write a well-received short essay, I fight against the impulse to accumulate more attention and more adoration for my own sake alone. Unlike many, what I bring forth into the world is not about me. That which I create or cast into the universe may come from my lips, my brain, or my fingers, but each of these gifts from God are for the benefit of everyone who might find them helpful.

Remember, we are trying to change the world here, not ensure that our names will grace buildings, scholarship funds, or charity runs to benefit a debilitating disease. Those feed our egos, but they do not feed our souls. I know you did not write your original critique through the lens of religion, Ms. Pollitt, but as a spiritual person, I have a tendency to look for faith as a successful means of smoothing away interpersonal division. If I did not, I too would be worried about whether I was leaving an indelible mark. Truthfully, I sometimes still do, but I have the means in front of me to stop it, provided I listen to that plaintive voice.

I’d like to respond directly to one particular passage that you wrote.

But you know what? People in their 20s and early 30s don't usually get to run big established national organizations – groups with large budgets, and lots of staffers, and donors who need care and feeding, and certain set ways of doing things. In 2001, when Anthony Romero became executive director of the ACLU at 36, its first Latino and first gay leader, he was replacing Ira Glasser, who at 63 had been running the show since 1978! The changeover was a very big deal and rocked the organisation for several years.

I try to keep many things in mind. I never forget that my own faith was founded by a twenty-four-year old spiritual seeker, wanderer, and itinerant preacher. Jesus was thirty-three when he started his ministry. The Buddha was thirty-five when he is said to have reached enlightenment. Joan of Arc revitalized the French army at the age of seventeen, eventually being burned at the stake as a heretic at nineteen. Aisha, one of the prophet Muhammad’s wives, became a major scholar of the law and military leader in her own right. She is even now a looming inspiration to Islamic Feminists. There are other examples of those who revolutionized the world at a tender age, relatively speaking. Knowing what I do about the human spirit, I have no doubt that some driven, opinionated, charismatic, passionate young adult may make the world over anew once more. Leaders come in many forms, of course.

We are, and should be, in the business of rocking many an organization. What happens often is that those who have poured their life energies into something, as you put it, want to live in the memory of past triumphs. In effect, one begins to live in a time warp. Have no fear. No one will forget the good things you’ve done, mainly because you won’t let us forget. New times call for new solutions. We could start our own spaces (and we have) but what good does it do us if we’re working at cross-purposes? Embrace that you are finite and that there is a finite amount of work anyone can accomplish in one lifetime. When the day is done, no one could ever accuse any of us for not having given it our all.

Quote of the Wek

"It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry."- H.L. Mencken

Saturday Video

On what would have been his 70th birthday...



We all shine on.

Young Voters Are Apathetic? Look Closer.

Some incumbent Democrats in danger of being voted out of office are attempting to lean heavily on the youth vote this election. I applaud anyone's effort to reach out to that particular group, though I have to say the act seems tinged with desperation rather than genuine, lasting outreach. Voting demographics must be cultivated and allowed to flourish with time, not reached for when desperately needed. Considering this attitude, I find it unsurprising that few politicians can rely on such a crucial group. Instead of throwing one's hands up or lecturing in hopes of creating guilt and shame, I argue that politicians, pundits, and columnists need to look at the subject very differently.

Many a counter-productive argument has begun with the premise that young people are fickle and irresponsible. Actively involved Young Adults like yours truly have understandably taken offense to them. There are any number of highly motivated people in the 18-29 demographic who take voting seriously. I know many personally. What I have observed in my own life is that an air of cynicism regarding the effectiveness of government is usually to blame for non-participation. What is not in force here is a kind of slothful refusal to perform one's civic duty.

There's a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy at play, too. Politicians assume young people won't vote, so they don't even try to develop strategies to get them to the polls. Bribing them with cheap hopes and promises will backfire just it does for any other voter. Sincerity is the missing quotient here, and anything that smacks of mere political posturing is often easily recognized as such. Pandering to any identity group--without first asserting a genuine desire to establish ties that last beyond November runs the same risk. Requesting a seat at the table is a reasonable request, and yet many politicians act as though it's some intolerable special favor. No one would ever question the soundness of a desire to specifically tailor a message to the African-American community or the LGBT community, and yet many think otherwise as regards the young.

I admit that I was one of the few seniors in high school who looked forward to being granted the right to vote. However, the presumed "apathy" present in my peers was merely a result of never being adequately informed by parents or by teachers as to why casting a ballot was such an essential act. The civics and government classes everyone was required to take were presented with so little conviction and interest that few students got much out of them. Is this emblematic about how we as a society feel about such a crucial process? When educators do not know how to present needed material in effective ways, perhaps the method of delivery, not those who are to learn it, should be held at fault.

In great contrast, my family was very politically active and involved. Candidates for elective office and their positions on issues were regularly discussed around the dinner table. Even as a small child, politics was a frequent topic of conversation. Some families may have talked about the weather or the anatomy of an average day at school or work, but not us. There was a strong expectation for me and my siblings to register, do research on the latest slate of names, and then be certain to show up at the polls. In my boyhood I remember the excitement felt the evening of Election Day, watching wave after wave of updated election returns scroll across the bottom of a television screen. I experience the same thing today.

Using Obama 2008 as a textbook example of how to successfully appeal to Young Adults is, I fear, not terribly helpful. That was a perfect storm of charisma, message, metrics, timing, luck, showmanship, and skillful planning. Much like receiving two blizzards back to back, as was true last winter here in DC, I doubt we'll experience another such election for a long time. The hard work in getting votes is much less compelling, often drab, but no less important. An exercise in building bridges is what is needed to attract and reach those whose voting participation has been sporadic for the past several years. Let us also not forget also that the fear of being drafted against one's will and sent off to die could motivate almost anyone of any age. Times have changed, as have the concerns of the youngest voters.

Much as we ought to do our own homework regarding those who we might place in positions of authority, they ought to do the same amount of homework to reach us. I hardly find this a selfish demand. The irony is that we are surrounded by diversity of all sorts on a daily basis, particularly those of us who live in large cities, yet we keep to ourselves and those like us. I often feel that way while out walking by myself in New York City. It seems strange how alone I feel when I am surrounded by twenty million people. Those who enjoy needling the younger generation for its perceived flaws, regardless of the group or context fall into the same category. Marginalized people of any persuasion have no obligation to explain themselves to those who benefit from privilege, but getting to know one's neighbors ought not be a chore. Being diverse is not a punishment or a chore, rather, it should be a pleasure. But so long as we see it as the former, and not the latter, expect more articles about lazy young people and low voter turnout.