Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Not News Sports Business Geek Showbiz Politics Music Video All

Sat September 18, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Fresh from their stunning findings on water and fire, scientists at the Doy Institute have rocked the research world with the announcement that teenagers are couch potatoes on weekends (labspaces.net)	(4)
		Danica McKellar math books may be bad for girls, kittens (salon.com)	(41)
(wthitv.com)		Truck hauling fire extinguishers ignites. It's a shame that there wasn't anything nearby that could've put out the fire (wthitv.com)	(12)
		Want a new pony? Do twenty to forty (cnn.com)	(24)
(AP)		Robber masked as Darth Vader holds up convenience store, proving to Jocks once again that the greatest menace to society is nerds (my.earthlink.net)	(11)
		Students suspended for treating teachers like cops and handing out Christian Krispy Kremes (wnd.com)	(132)
(AP)		Fake Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Real Cop: "I'm a detective." Fake Cop: "Oh, uh.. I uhh. Left my.. wallet.. running.. Gotta go, bye" (my.earthlink.net)	(47)
(Some Guy)		When butterknives are outlawed, only outlaws will have butterknives (kob.com)	(33)
		T-Mobile shows its fascist roots by censoring texting service because one of its thousands of clients supports medical marijuana (wired.com)	(79)
(Voice of America)		Afghan polls close, scattered violence kills 14. On a side note, Scattered Violence would be a great name for a band (voanews.com)	(23)
		Car club to attempt world record hearse procession. Knowing subby's luck, he'll end up driving behind that (stuff.co.nz)	(15)
(AP)		To the bogus driver who stole our bus and worked for four hours: The Chicago Police Dept. has your pay check (my.earthlink.net)	(32)
(Some Beer Drinking Guy)		Beer was used as medicine over 2,000 years ago, and not just to treat boredom like it is used now (care2.com)	(38)
		Reporter travels cross-country, photographing gay, lesbian military personnel hiding in the closet. What could possibly go wrong? (latimes.com)	(128)
(Some Guy)		What do laser pointers, cross-country skis, light bulbs and an iPhone 3G all have in common? They're no match for a blender (willitblend.com)	(43)
		Massachusetts Woman: 1, Giant Alligator: 0 (thebostonchannel.com)	(58)
		Man spend 56 minutes in a parking garage, goes to pay, but the person in front of him argues with the attendant and causes him to go over the hour limit. The attendant made him pay for two hours. For once, a non-douchey Consumerist story (consumerist.com)	(88)
		Aldi grocery stores under investigation for debit card theft, selling crappy store-brand products like Big Tom's ketchup (chicagobreakingnews.com)	(69)
(Some Guy)		WOOOO! Fark party in Ocean City, MD Sun Sept. 19th with Mr. Skin (seacrets.com)	(66)
(Some Guy)		Rules for masturbating at the public beach. Rule #7: Care about your hair...your audience knows if your heart is into it. Maybe a spike do, and blond highlights never hurt. (w/ mugshot) (beatcalls.com)	(42)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop this block flinger (kenoshanews.com)	(31)
		Did you remember the 380th anniversary of the renaming of Trimountaine yesterday? Go ahead and light up an LED in celebration if you forgot (boston.com)	(9)
		New "big brother" plan lets drivers get even with anyone they don't like without fear of retribution (dailymail.co.uk)	(64)
(mongabay)		Facing rising sea levels, a tiny island nation makes a big gift to the world (news.mongabay.com)	(70)
		Social studies class covering religion takes students to synagogue, gospel music performance, mosque, and Hindu gathering. Some people have a problem with 25% of this (boston.com)	(222)
		New York man makes his break-in to show biz, brings his own props and special effects (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(17)
(tnp.sg)		Wok catches fire at Indian food stall, dispatchers send one fire engine, two fire bikes, one red rhino, one support vehicle and one amb... red rhino? Let's Urban Dictionary it.... wait, what? (tnp.sg)	(63)
		200th Oktoberfest kicks off in Munich (google.com)	(67)
(Some Cat Lady)		Meet Jack Tripper, the amazing eyeless kitty who will make you feel warm and fuzzy in plenty of time for Caturday (lovemeow.com)	(419)
		Helicopter almost clears Pikes Peak. You know the one. Part of purple mountain majesty above the fruited plain. That one (denverpost.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)		Teacher takes Sex Ed to new heights. Or lows (news.ninemsn.com.au)	(44)
		Dumb: Peeing in public. Real dumb: In broad daylight. Fark: On police station wall. Ultrafark: Then walk in to file an unrelated police report (freep.com)	(22)
		Your daughter is being bullied on the schoolbus. Do you (c) get on board one day, and release your Hulk rage? (abcnews.go.com)	(394)
		When visiting Greece, please do not bring home any pieces of the ancient ruins. Human skulls, however, are ok (cnn.com)	(23)
		Scotland Yard arrests 6th street sweeper in conspiracy to assassinate Pope/ticket Popemobile for streetparking on Tuesday morning (telegraph.co.uk)	(45)
(Some Future Reef)		Photoshop these cement statues (bigpicture.ru)	(21)
		Woman flashes youth football team (with KILL IT WITH FIRE pic) (news.cincinnati.com)	(80)
		Bank robber convinced by teller to take out loan. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG AND AT AN EXTREMELY HIGH INTEREST RATE, TOO (news.com.au)	(20)
		Study says left-handers are more angry. You'd be angry too if you couldn't find a damned scissors, golf club, or drinking fountain built for you (dailymail.co.uk)	(163)

Fri September 17, 2010

	You were caught cheating on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" Do you: A) live a quiet and dignified life, B) perform acts of charity, C) hack off three toes in a freak gardening accident, or D) elephant? (thesun.co.uk)	(73)
	"Would I turn on the gas if my friend the Taliban commander was in this stove?" "Eehh--you might, Rabbit; you might." "Well, would I light a match and..." "I SURRENDER. ARREST ME. ARREST ME" (afghanistan.blogs.cnn.com)	(89)
	You're never going to lose weight eating those deep fried Twinkies, it only works if you eat them raw (ctv.ca)	(33)
	Mother says it was "very not okay" that her husband gave their 9 month old to the neighbors (komonews.com)	(45)
	Having successfully defended their front lawn from invading whippersnappers, couple is now complaining about the kids next door who play basketball in their own backyard (oregonlive.com)	(152)
	EU says websites can't place cookies on a user's machine, unless they explicitly ask for permission. Or unless the cookie is needed. Or unless they haven't changed the browser's default settings. Glad we could clear that up (theregister.co.uk)	(29)
	China will eclipse the US in credit card usage by 2020. Analysts predict this will leave many working-class Chinese in the red (consumerist.com)	(122)
	The Small Business Set-Aside program ensures a certain number of federal contracts go to the little guys - like AT+T, GE, Lockheed, Xerox, HP, etc (cnsnews.com)	(29)
	Horse groomer arrested for trying to become a horse breeder (cbs2chicago.com)	(75)
	Investigators looking into deaths of three bears, theft of porridge (nwfdailynews.com)	(10)
	What does a church-burning racist look like? Pretty much what you'd think (w/ I ♥ Manson mugshot) (wtam.com)	(76)
	Theme: Strong Bad without his mask (images.google.com)	(28)
	Dexter will love this week's Mugshot Roundup (thesmokinggun.com)	(180)
(Some Guy)	There's 'stupid'. Then there's 'trying to steal copper wires from a live power company substation stupid' (beatcalls.com)	(63)
(Some Guy)	Whole Foods puts labels on some seafood with advice not to buy it (ksdk.com)	(96)
(Some Guy)	When breaking into a house always try to have a little courtesy and wash the dirty dishes after you finish making macaroni and cheese (beatcalls.com)	(9)
	City of Gainesville bills that dumbass preacher $200,000 for annoying everyone into overtime (nwfdailynews.com)	(93)
	Rare "Asian unicorn" dead, tasty (cnews.canoe.ca)	(59)
	Couple arrested at Los Alamos for passing nuclear secrets to... Venezuela? (online.wsj.com)	(70)
	Reminder: DC Impromptu Fark Party tomorrow night @ Buffalo Billiards. I heard there might even be beer. Imagine that. LGT discussion thread (fark.com)	(62)
	Why girls kiss girls (indiavision.com)	(637)
	China plans to lead world in eco-friendly cars. Haven't they lead enough? (news.yahoo.com)	(55)
(Some Fluke)	In 1949, Red China's invasion of Taiwan was thwarted by a fluke. Literally (blog.usni.org)	(42)
(Some Guy)	Opponents of a Mosque under construction in Murfreesboro, TN have filed a lawsuit to stop it claiming it's not a real church (murfreesboropost.com)	(340)
	German brothel stops beating around the bush, complains that its competitors are bribing the local taxi drivers (thelocal.de)	(17)
(Some Guy)	Racist editor displays heartfelt remorse for some people not having his amazing sense of humor (mankatofreepress.com)	(142)
	"Gluten free" is the latest diet fad, but for 99% of people who aren't allergic to it, all it means is that you are getting less protein (news.yahoo.com)	(160)
	The "Every 3,000 Miles Oil Change" is pretty much outdated. This message is NOT brought to you by Jiffy Lube (nytimes.com)	(177)
	At 103, a judge has one caveat: No lengthy trials. And maybe a bench he can see over (nytimes.com)	(18)
	Russian offers to buy "Park 51" for $10 Million to build an international chess center. Checkmate (abcnews.go.com)	(101)
(Some Sailor)	Captain Morgan dead at 78 (wfaa.com)	(55)
	Five international incidents caused by an animal (cracked.com)	(50)
	Beating a kangaroo to death with a tire iron while on a school trip? You'd better believe that's a suspending (news.yahoo.com)	(47)
	Ahh the good old days when rent was $7/mo, you could make $12/day running numbers for the local crime boss, and hookers were just a quarter (news.yahoo.com)	(51)
	The Pope's own astronomer (really) says that Intelligent Design is hogwash (really) and that he'd be happy to baptise extraterrestrials (really) (dailymail.co.uk)	(340)
	Scientists say all those dead fish, crabs, dolphins, stingrays, eels, and whales fishermen in the Gulf keep pulling up in their nets have nothing to do with the Gulf oil spill (mnn.com)	(87)
(It's a good day to die)	Photoshop this unemployed Klingon (wanderinggoblin.com)	(55)
(Dallas Voice .com)	"We are the Nature People, the lavender tribe of the Rainbow Family, in harmony with the principles of peace, justice, freedom, sustainable culture and the sacredness of the Earth" (dallasvoice.com)	(123)
	Saving is "Economic treason." So, um, get to spending (blogs.forbes.com)	(245)
	Farker's dreams are answered as Stewart and Colbert plan to hold their own rallies in D.C., hosting the "Rally to Restore Sanity," and the "March to Keep Fear Alive" (hollywoodreporter.com)	(lots)
	Mayor loses primary election. FARK: but wins as write-in candidate for the other party (myfoxdc.com)	(41)
	Handyman busted for child porn after observant ladyfriend discovers "numerous pairs of little-girl panties" in his do-rag. Wait. What? (knoxnews.com)	(68)
	Franken-Salmon is headed to the FDA for approval (abcnews.go.com)	(93)
	Some days it seems as if the only reason Prince Phillip opens his mouth is to put his foot in it. Yesterday was one of those days (telegraph.co.uk)	(70)
	Print media discovers new way to write stories that will make your nipples hard (aolnews.com)	(41)
	TSG Friday photo fun: Match the arrestee with the item they allegedly stole (thesmokinggun.com)	(28)
	That scary pedophile stalking your daughter on Facebook turned out to be ...a twelve-year-old girl (news.com.au)	(97)
	Obese tourist gets trapped in New Zealand glacier, dies. One does not simply waddle into Mordor (nzherald.co.nz)	(179)
	We've secretly substituted one of the journalists interviewing Joran van der Sloot with Natalee Holloway's mom. Let's see if he notices (msnbc.msn.com)	(123)
	Prison allows two convicts out to take a cycling proficiency test. Since you're reading about this on Fark, you can probably work out what happened next (news.com.au)	(47)
	Wed dead redemption (dailymail.co.uk)	(76)
(Some Guy)	Don't know which part of the story is more failicious: That the suspects shot 29 rounds in drive-by and only caused two flesh wounds, or the fact all three drove by on a three-wheel ATV (wafb.com)	(46)
(Some Guy)	Texas sues EPA to block global warming regulations. It's not the heat, it's the stupidity (mega949.com)	(426)
(Some Guy)	Just in case you ever needed clarification, yes, rats can hold novelty musical instruments (swns.com)	(48)
	Hot Karl set to give Mexico mudslides before steaming on towards Cleveland (news.yahoo.com)	(51)
	I peag ngok guilky, youw hongow (nbclosangeles.com)	(72)
	Koalas are dirty, dirty whores (aolnews.com)	(72)
	What made Britain great: Child slavery, low wages, and regular flogging (dailymail.co.uk)	(90)
	Guy travels from New Mexico to Pennsylvania to try to buy rare beer, ends up 401st in line for 400 bottles being sold. As this story involves beer, everyone was happy in the end (pennlive.com)	(119)
(kgw)	I like to read my Kindle on the bus, too, but I'm not the driver (kgw.com)	(45)
	Six things that are perfectly legal while marijuana isn't. Look, marijuana is an addictive, deadly narcotic. The rest of this list is just harmless, stupid shiat no normal person has access to, unlike marijuana (cracked.com)	(187)
	Photoshop this look down on a lady and her laptop (spiegel.de)	(30)
	98 year old patriarch dies, leaves 379 grandchildren (sun-sentinel.com)	(79)
	You never want your wife to have a 'yo mama' story. "I Whooped your momma's (expletive)" (nwfdailynews.com)	(24)
	Man with biggest nose picked a winner (thesun.co.uk)	(55)
	Step A. Throw acid in your own face and make up a story about some black lady that did it. Step B. ?????? Step C. Permanent disfigurement (cnn.com)	(197)
	Experts claim just saying 'hello' to opposite sex works better than lame pick-up lines, also suggest you take the hint if she throws her drink in your face (dailymail.co.uk)	(323)