Hey all, this is Kinsey (obviously).
The comment threading on my blog has been giving me a lot of headaches lately. I normally like having it possible for people commenting to respond to each other in a way that’s better than writing a @whoever in their post, or linking to the comment they’re responding to. But in the end, long debates do happen (especially since I am very likely to fisk bad comments) and eventually the threading is taken to its limits for the format of my blog (causing the comments to become so truncated that they don’t even look like a paragraph anymore but vertical text).
It’s inaccessible, really difficult to read and really personally irritating to me. It might be a little hard, looking through past comments, to know who’s responding to who in some cases, but I really feel like disabling the threading is the best option overall.
If you’ve got any input, let me know.
Filed under: Uncategorized | 2 Comments
Tags: announcement
We’ve all heard the spiel. Some have given it during more failtastic times. And even if you haven’t had it directed at you and haven’t said it, chances are you’ve witnessed it.
The Nice Guy™ spiel.
Most of us have known at least one. Some of us are one or were one. Many of us (women) have had to deal with the irritation of The Nice Guy™. Many guys have had to deal with their indigence and jealousy.
But for that lucky happy soul who has never dealt with this, what is The Nice Guy™?
Well if you ask them, they’re the guy who’s always there for you. The guy who cares for you and respects women. He won’t abuse you, he won’t be an asshole and all that matters is that you’re happy. He’s also in love with you and keeps it quiet, waiting in the wings for you to finally notice his love, often complaining about the guys (or girls) you’re around or dating and tells you that you deserve better (while meaning himself). But if you ask the women who’ve had to deal with them (like myself) that’s not really the story. To put it simply, The Nice Guy™ is a guy with low self respect and low confidence who believes that being a source of emotional support, hugs, friendship and a shoulder to lean on entitles him to sex or a relationship. A jealous, self righteous, possessive, overprotective user who doesn’t act like a close, lovely friend because I’m fun, he enjoys my company and/or it’s just a nice way to be to your friends but because he wants to fuck me or date me and he thinks he can build up credit with me to get there. That’s The Nice Guy™, a bastion of insincerity, an asshole strategist of denial and the waiting game.
Doesn’t sound so nice does he?
The Nice Guy™ isn’t always on the clock. Some of them usually are good people who just do nice things for friends cuz they enjoy doing it. Some may be part time Nice Guys™ to such a degree that they only pull this ridiculous bullshit occasionally, with maybe one girl, and then never do it again. But every guy with low self esteem, self respect and confidence has the potential to become The Nice Guy™. Especially when confronted with the bullshit of Pick Up Artists and their pseudoscientific evo psych asshattery or with confident, attractive people who happen to also be dickheads getting women. They will often act in opposition to the assholes and pua (laudable in and of itself, if only their reasons weren’t utterly self serving) who think girls only like assholes and treat women like shit. The problem is, The Nice Guy™ doesn’t recognize that what he’s doing isn’t nice and the insincerity is blatant, so when his efforts invariably fail with all but the most attention starved women (or a lucky situation) he assumes that only assholes get the girl too. He also doesn’t recognize that love and sex are about compatibility. If you aren’t a girl’s type, well, you aren’t her fucking type. Trying to bribe your way into her pants/heart assumes that women are all pliant dolls that you can manipulate. Which really narrows the difference between the Asshole, the PUA and the The Nice Guy™ into almost negligible levels. It’s a shit ton of sexism and bullshit for someone who claims to be nice. And it isn’t like being nice means you have extra worth to a person or are suddenly more credible and trustworthy than other people.
Pretty awful, isn’t it? Don’t worry, it gets worse.
You see, The Nice Guy™ is a component of rape culture. All of what I mentioned above, the entitlement to sex and relationships, the stereotyping and blaming women for their inability to get into a relationship with any of them, and the dehumanizing treatment of women as sexual and dating vending machines that only require TLC and emotional support to be put into the slot to drop our product, all of it are elements of the dehumanization and entitlement to our bodies that is required to create a sexual culture that fosters rape. Which is why it isn’t really surprising that nice guys are just as capable of committing rape as anyone else but are far more likely to get away with it because of the external face they put on.
I know I’ll likely get a lot of very upset guys coming in and whining about this post (just like I got PUA whining about my criticisms of them). Let me make it clear, identifying as a nice guy isn’t the same as being A Nice Guy™. Your behaviors and outlook on women determine it. So if this post doesn’t reference you, then don’t make it about you. If you whine about it, I’ll just assume you’re trying to conceal your awfulness since you’ve been warned.
And before anyone says it, because some asshole always says it, I am not saying this because I don’t know how it is for those guys. Guess what folks, I’m one of those rare trans women who considers herself to have been a guy before she realized and transitioned. And I pulled this shit for a bit. I was The Nice Guy™ before I realized it was bullshit. So I’ve been there.
You have no excuse.
Filed under: personal, rant | 62 Comments
Tags: feminism, privilege, patriarchy, gender, rape culture, kyriarchy, fuck this fuckery
So I finally decided on a pen-name for writing books and for this blog. Instead of using the confusing and really not very name like Recursive Paradox, I’m going with Kinsey Hope. Because Kinsey is one of the most awesome names I’ve ever heard for a girl (almost regretting not choosing it as my own name) and Hope is a good last name for someone fighting to fix the world so we all have something to hope for.
I’ll be signing edits with ~KH from now on and y’all can refer to me as Kinsey or KH if the word genderbitch is not a viable name for you to call me.
And hopefully you’ll see some published works with the name Kinsey Hope in the author spot. Fingers crossed, right?
Back to your regularly scheduled programming!
Filed under: personal | 5 Comments
Tags: intermission
Feminist Disavowal Of Cissexism
This post has been crossposted at The Spectrum Cafe
I don’t think it’s much of a secret that feminism as a movement (and sometimes even as an ideology) has some troubles.
A movement plagued by prescriptive nonsense on a fairly regular basis, it has been guilty of body policing, life choice policing and attacking those women who choose options or exhibit traits that it deems to be part of the sexism aligned axis of kyriarchy. Thin women are attacked with body policing with catchphrases like, “real women have curves” and “eat a sandwich”. Women who choose to work in porn or in sex work are attacked in some really awful ways, as their self determination is stripped from them by the women who claim to protect the self determination of us all.
Feminism is also well known for truly abhorrent cissexism and transphobia from its second wave and radical feminism zones (trigger warning on the comments) and hasn’t exactly solved the problem of cissexism in the third wave either. This can include treating trans men like “men lite” (something that is endemic all over feminism) and especially shows itself in degendering and even levying misogynistic attacks on trans women. Often with the claim that since we transitioned, we deserve it because we “chose to be women” (a pretty foolish conclusion built on a lack of comprehension and willful ignorance).
And it has certainly been utterly awful to women of color and women with disabilities as well. The fact that womanism was built specifically to escape the racism of feminism and the fact that an entire community blog (FWD) tore away from all the major feminist blogs due to their ableism, should be indicator enough that there’s some serious problems here.
So with feminism’s issues being so distinct and so serious, one would think that feminist “allies” would quickly acknowledge and work to fix the problems. Right? As it turns out, no, not really. Continue reading ‘Feminist Disavowal Of Cissexism’
Filed under: activism, rant | 21 Comments
Tags: feminism, privilege, kyriarchy, bullshit, cissexism, ableism, racism, fuck this fuckery
Why hello!
Yes, this is another intermission post. I’m sure you were all wondering when one of those would come back.
So if you haven’t been keeping up with me on the twitters or the tumblrs (GOLLY YES, I HAVE A TUMBLR NOW. FOR SHAME) right now my life is a maelstrom of fuckery with some nice calm eyes of the storm in between. Continue reading ‘Intermission: Anxiety Girl Vs. The Stress Monster!’
Filed under: personal | 4 Comments
Tags: intermission, life issues, random
Dating And “Disclosure”
Crossposted to The Spectrum Cafe.
There’s a funny thing in the United States (and in a few other places too). It’s called a right to privacy. It isn’t perfect. After all, any right will have some limitations to account for clashes of rights. But for the most part, we all have a right to not disclose medical history, personal info or anything that would not threaten the life or health of someone to people we meet and know. Even in ethics, privacy is considered a major necessity and was the original basis behind abortion option rights (before bodily domain became a major player through McFall v Shimp), the basis behind many of the laws regulating police activity and governmental monitoring and a huge number of laws related to people’s information, companies and the internet. Even now, ethics forbids sharing information about people that is considered private (or coercing them to share it), even in situations where the law does not back such protections. We like our privacy. And we seem to mostly support the privacy of others.
Yanno, as long as they’re cis. Continue reading ‘Dating And “Disclosure”’
Filed under: activism, rant | 16 Comments
Tags: bullshit, cissexism, fuck this fuckery, privilege, society, transgender
I Hate Eating
That title’s a little rough isn’t it? Food isn’t bad in and of itself. I love tastes and I enjoy feeling full. I get hungry like lots of people do and I still eat (although I forget to sometimes). What I hate about food is the pain.
Some people might ask, “what’s painful about food?”
Well, it’s not what you think (unless you know me, then it is what you think). I have IBS. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. A wide variety of foods set off powerful muscle spasms in my intestines (presumably down the entire length, not just the large intestine, since it prevents proper absorption of nutrients too (as evidenced by the rapid weight loss I get when I get a bad chain of attacks over a month or a few weeks). These spasms cause intense pain, the generation of gas, bloating, sometimes nausea and at their worst, they cause such burning napalm bowel movements. So every time I eat a meal, I have to think to myself, “will I be in unbearable pain for a half hour or longer from this?”
And the answer is usually, “yes.” Continue reading ‘I Hate Eating’
Filed under: personal, rant | 39 Comments
Tags: ableism, disability, food, fuck this fuckery, IBS, pain
Media is rough. I get that.
It can be hard to make it in the art world, it’s part of the reason I went into the sciences despite my writing and artistic capabilities (I’d say talent, but fucked if I know if I have any or not, I’ve yet to get published. I seem to do well enough here though). Whether you’re an actor, musician, writer, artist (comics or whatever) you need something to pull the crowds, no matter what your purpose for your art. Some people do art because they’re searching for beauty in a sea of fuckery. Others are just trying to reach like minded people. And some just wanna get noticed. There’s not a lot of bad reasons to do art, that sort of thing is pretty personal. Of course, that doesn’t say a thing about the methods used to achieve those purposes.
Like being “edgy”. Continue reading ‘Edgy: Just Another Excuse To Be An Entitled Asshole’
Filed under: rant | 4 Comments
Tags: transgender, privilege, kyriarchy, humor, cissexism, ableism, PWD, fuck this fuckery, edgy, media
