WTF Friday, 8/6/10

- More on this Wyclef-Jean-running-for-President-of-Haiti thing. The LA Times seems to be baiting a wtf with this headline. There are also some concerns floating around:

• "First, he doesn't know how the state works. He hasn't any knowledge of the political parties. This is not a good thing for democracy in Haiti."
• "Jean, who has not lived permanently in Haiti for about 30 years, doesn't speak French, and his Creole is far from flawless."
• "His announcing on ' Larry King' is very peculiar. I don't think the U.S. public is voting."
• "Who's going to vote for that … ? What the hell does Wyclef know about politics? That's why Aristide [a former priest] messed up the country, because they put in a preacher as president."

- In one of this biggest philanthropy stories of all time, 40 billionaires have agreed to give at least half of their money to charity. Among the heavy-hitters are Bill Gates, Paul Allen, Warren Buffet, Michael Bloomberg, George Lucas, David Rockefeller, Ted Turner, and T. Boone Pickens, who I'm pretty sure is actually just a character from "The Dukes of Hazzard." The "catch" is that they can wait until they die to give it away. So really we should be thanking their kids and significant others, no?

- After a (totally expected) poor showing at the World Cup, North Korea's coach, Kim Jong-hun, has been expelled from the Worker's Party, publicly ridiculed, and forced to work construction. Now the former coach has apparently somehow "betrayed" Kim Jong-un, the Dear Leader's youngest son. What that exactly means is unclear, but I don't have to spell out how that might turn out for Kim Jong-hun. I guess the lesson here is don't take a job in North Korea where there is any chance of failing in any way.

- Lastly, the Indonesian Government has undertaken the basically impossible task of banning internet porn in time for Ramadan, which starts on August 11. The effort was sparked by the release of a sex tape allegedly featuring Indonesian celebrities that could lead to jail time for the parties involved. Valens Riyadi, the guy put in charge of the outlandish plan, says he can maybe block like 10 percent of sites by that time. Hasn't anyone one told them...?

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WTF Friday, 4/23/10

• Morgan Tsvangirai's Movement for Democratic change criticizes Robert Mugabe for inviting Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to Zimbabwe's International Trade Fair: "It is no secret that Ahmadinejad has perforated human rights credentials. He has made his reputation as a war monger, a trampler of human rights, an executioner of those with dissenting voices and a leader of questionable legitimacy due to his controversial electoral victory in last year’s presidential election in June." Yea, dude, I think that's why he was invited.

• Drama! Naomi Campbell becomes visibly uncomfortable and storms off camera when questioned about receiving a diamond from Charles Taylor. She maybe even hits the camera? Tough to tell exactly, but her reputation does precede her.

• Here's Evo Morales providing an explanation for homosexuality that can only be described as "totally realistic and based in science."

• Oh and speaking of things that are completely reasonable, here is senior Iranian cleric, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, droppin' some knowledge: "Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes." Interesting. Can't wait to see the regression on that one.
  

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Africa, Land of Rape Poverty and Lions?

Over at ICTWorks, Wayan Vota is quite perturbed by the 2020 Shaping Ideas video about Jeffrey Sachs.



He suggests watching the video with the sound turned off:

"Did ya notice anything disconcerting? Like the juxtaposition of Sachs (and all the white people) sitting in very nice, even posh settings, but black people are filmed from a car in poverty settings. Does that mean we can take time and get face-to-face with whites, but best to stay in the car and drive by black people quickly?

And how can they speak of disconnected & impoverished while panning across Nairobi's skyline? Or focus on a flashing red light when showing the city? Are they saying we should stop urban growth? Maybe have more kids play with elephants?

Speaking of animals, what's up with the cameos of wild animals? Are they counted in global poverty numbers? Or does the cameraman feel that all of Africa is zebras and giraffes?"

C'mon readers, say it with us now: Africa, Land of....

(Hat Tip: Aid Watch)

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Student Loan Reform: Sorry, That's Far Too Good An Idea

Oh, democracy:

Congressional Budget Office: It would be possible for the government to save tens of billions of dollars on student loans, through a process of no longer paying private lenders for doing nothing.

Obama Administration: Cool. We were planning to do that anyway.

Private Lenders: We would prefer to continue to receive billions of dollars for doing nothing, actually.

U.S. Congress: The lenders make a good point. Prepare for a fight, Obama Administration!

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Some Things Never Change

Another disastrous year for Zimbabwe, another absurdly over-the-top birthday party for Robert Mugabe.


Zimbabwe's apparent president-for-life turned 85 today. According to the Associated Press, "[l]avish celebrations are scheduled for next Saturday for ruling party faithful." Apparently, there will be "vast quantities of champagne and caviar" and 500 donated (commandeered) cattle will be slaughtered. Sounds even better than last year's party,which cost $3 trillion (also commandeered) Zimbabwean dollars (current market value: two peanut shells and an unbent paperclip).

On top of everything else, doesn't it just seem kind of in poor taste for him to live more than twice as long as the average life expectancy in his country? I mean, that's like stealing your constituents' money to throw a ridiculously extravagant fancy dress party at which you will waste a whole bunch of food while 7 million of them are starving to death. Oh wait.

I'll say this for the man, he never stops trying to outdo himself. He may be old, but he just keeps giving it his all. I think somebody's gunning for Parade Magazine's Worst Dictator of 2009...

*Photo is from the NYTimes 2007 coverage of Mugabe's 83rd birthday.

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Pull Yourselves Up By Your Bootstraps, and Then Use Those Bootstraps to Beat Innocent Children

Any of you who are concerned that United States is at risk of losing its title as "The Developed Nation Whose Actions Are Most Likely to Skeeve People Out" can set your minds at rest. Sure, the new Obama administration is on its way in, full of "shut down Guantanamo" vim, and "end torture now" vigor, but this is America. If we want to do something, we will find a way.

We worked hard to earn that title! There was a time when we couldn't even think of competing with the nations of Old Europe in the skeeving-out stakes. (Colonization! Occasional genocides of entire minority groups! Then, in a clever twist, De-colonization!) But we clawed our way to the top, puppet regime by puppet regime. And the struggle paid off. Now the Atlantic cables hum with diplomatic communiqués re: "Suck on it, Belgium!! We waterboard people now, and all you do is eat waffles."

And we will not go back. A small group of dedicated Americans is working to ensure that our reputation remains as bad as it ever was, despite the nascent Obama administration's wily attempts at "submitting to the rule of law" and "using common sense." Though traditional sources of US-led atrocities may soon run dry, this enterprising crew has found a nearly-untapped opportunity for shockingly unacceptable behavior: the U.S. juvenile immigration detention system.

Judging from lawsuits filed by Texas Rio Grande Legal Aid against two juvenile detention centers, we are in no danger of becoming the sort of country whose behavior sets an example for the rest of the world. The suits allege physical abuse at the Abraxas Hector Garza Center and sexual abuse at the Texas Sheltered Care Center in Nixon, Texas. The complaint in the Abraxas case alleges that guards and teachers at the Abraxas center beat children with fists, feet, and objects -including a "piece of wooden furniture" that shattered from the force of the blows. The injuries inflicted were so severe that several children required hospital care. Allegations against the Nixon center were similarly shocking: children were repeatedly forced to perform sexual acts on adult guards, one of whom has now been convicted of criminal sexual abuse.

The abusers really had flair. They engaged in novel, creative torture techniques! Like this one: "Defendant Flores then yanked petitioner's hands behind his back and into the air so high that he thought his shoulders would break. Defendant Chapa sat on his knees, and Defendants held plaintiff in that position for over an hour."

And let's not forget the heartwarming cooperation between these abusive facilities. My favorite detail from the lawsuits is that the Nixon facility retaliated against the children who blew the whistle on the sexual abuse by sending them to Abraxas. Isn't it nice when persecutors of children can work together to achieve a common goal?

Go America! There's nothing we can't achieve if we're just willing to try!

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War Crimes Occurring in the Congo (Duh)

Yesterday MONUC head of mission Alan Doss accused both Laurent Nkunda's CNDP and pro-government militias of war crimes in the eastern DRC town of Kiwanja. The accusations come on the heels of a report on Thursday by Human Rights Watch that a number of civilians were the victims of targeted killings, variously by Nkunda's rebels and by the Mai Mai militias, following a battle between the two forces at Kiwanja earlier this week.

Other war crimes currently occurring include: forced recruitment of child soldiers. I bet Save the Children feels awfully silly for spending all that time and effort reintegrating these kids only to see them re-recruited the minute the aid workers' backs were turned. Talk about embarrassing...

Francis Deng, special advisor on genocide to UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon, has warned the warring parties that if anyone were thinking about committing genocide, they'd best cut it out immediately. He added that "the intention to destroy an ethnic population group, in whole or in part, is a grave crime." And the Pope's gotten in on it too. Um, thanks dudes. Too bad you guys weren't around to warn Hitler, huh?

Meanwhile, the New York Times reports that the ceasefire at Goma is, against all odds, still holding, but the Congolese army has pulled itself back together after last week's spectacular meltdown and is attacking the rebels. Perhaps their morale has been boosted by the arrival of all those Angolan troops that MONUC denies are there.

The issue of the Schrödinger's Angolan troops highlights the problems traditional news media has with getting accurate info out of war zones in a timely fashion. For instance, here's a fancy map from the BBC that looks like someone spray-painted on the troop locations:



I'm not sure what that's about. But compare with this map from Ushahidi, a service Amanda blogged about during the Kenya election crisis, that allows people to post updates via internet or SMS and provides credibility ratings. (They admit the difficulty with verification in a war zone, but are working with local NGOs to confirm reports.) Awesome, right?

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Zimbabwe's Power-Sharing Deal Surprisingly Not Working Out That Well After All

Remember last month when Zimbabwe's rival factions (otherwise known as "that guy who won the presidential election" and "that guy who isn't about to let not winning an election stop him from being president") signed a power-sharing agreement, heralding a new age of peaceful cooperation which their respective constituents celebrated by throwing rocks at each other? Me neither.

Anyway, brace yourself for the shocking news that it looks like the whole thing might fall apart. According to the terms of the deal, technical-election-winner Tsvangirai's Movement for Democratic Change party would receive a slight majority of Cabinet seats over evil-robot-overlord Mugabe's Zanu-PF. The specific ministry assignments, however, were left up in the air.

On Saturday, Mugabe announced that Zanu-PF would retain the ministries of Defense, Home and Foreign Affairs, Precious Precious Diamonds (Mining), and Justice. The MDC gets Sport, Arts and Culture, Constitutional Affairs, and Hair & Nails. (I made that last one up.)

As far as Zanu-PF is concerned, all that remains to be settled is the allocation of the Finance ministry. The opposition understandably sees things somewhat differently and is threatening to walk away from the deal. Crack international mediator / dead duck South African president Thabo Mbeki has flown to Harare to try to keep things from going completely off the rails, but Mugabe has continued his efforts to consolidate power by swearing in two vice-presidents. But don't worry, Mbeki is apparently "sure" things will work out in the end.

Meanwhile, Zimbabwe's inflation rate has reached 231,000,000% (if you're not totally stunned by that, say it out loud: 231 MILLION percent) and the UN has reported that by 2009 nearly half the population will be in danger of starvation. I bet those 5 million people would really appreciate it if their country had a functioning government that could spend some of its time figuring out how to feed them.

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Yes, Leezza, Leezza, Leezza...

Condoleezza Rice is in Libya today, marking the first time that a sitting Secretary of State has visited that country in over 50 years.

A word to the wise, however: Rice may want to change that from "sitting" secretary to "backing slowly away, surrounded closely by her secret service detail" secretary.

Because the Mad Dog of the Middle East -the Gaddafi Duck himself- has a big, fat crush on her.

Last year, in an interview with Al Jazeera, the Libyan Leader professed his "love" for Secretary Rice, saying "I support my darling black African woman...I admire and am very proud of the way she leans back and gives orders to the Arab leaders."

“Yes, Leezza, Leezza, Leezza... I love her very much.”

*Hat Tip, Chris Blattman's Blog

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Zimbabwean Dollar No Longer Worth the Cost of Printing It

In a shocking turn of events, Zimbabwe's dollar has continued to weaken. It turns out throwing a giant party is not the way to solve an economic crisis.

Apparently, this is newsworthy because the Zimbabwe to U.S. dollar rate is now 25,000,000:1. Now, I like nice round numbers as much as the next girl (more than a trip to the dentist, less than a grilled cheese sandwich) but shouldn't the story here be the massive food deficit, rather than the number of pounds of Zimbabwe's currency that $100 U.S. will buy you in Harare (40, apparently)?

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BREAKING: BBC Source Alleges that Violence in Kenya was Sanctioned by State. In Related Story, Allegations that Sky is Blue, Ice Cream is Tasty

The story is here.

This is like the time my friend in college was gay, and apparently closeted, but I had not realized and had always assumed he was gay, and then he came out and was all "ta-DA! Gay!" and everyone else was all "shock!" and "amazement!" but I was more like "Um, really? You were not tipped off by the fake tan and the super-camp mannerisms and the sleeping with men??"

I'm just saying.

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Human Rights Watch Points Out the Blindingly Obvious; US Government Says "Nuh-Uh!"

Last week Human Rights Watch released its 2008 World Report, taking stock of all the new and exciting (and tried and true) ways in which human rights were trampled in 2007.

The report was particularly critical of the U.S. HRW's press release accompanying the report called out the Bush administration both for deciding that human rights don't so much apply to the prosecution of the war on terror, and for failing to use its clique leader status to compel human rights compliance on the part of all the wannabe popular kids. (No, Pakistan. Your nuclear arsenal is not "so fetch.")

Among the "OMG, no way" highlights:

1. Apparently western democracies like the U.S. are in the habit of looking the other way with regard to flawed elections in strategically important countries. It's almost like those countries have something they want...


2. Despite the Bush administration's frequent invocation of its "commitment to democracy abroad" it has "often kept silent about the need for all governments to respect human rights." That sort of hypocrisy seems totally out of character, doesn't it?


3. Remember those guys in Guantanamo? Yeah, we heard they were Muslim or something. No habeas corpus for them yet...


4. And would you believe it? The U.S. is STILL using secret prisons.

The U.S. hasn't actually responded to the report, unless you count its epic neg of HRW in its Khadr case filing, which went something like: "Hey, Human Rights Watch, remember when you said it was okay for us to try child soldiers in a military commission? Thanks!" HRW is pretty sure they didn't say that. However, they do feel a strange compulsion to make out with Dick Cheney now.

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UPDATE: MSM on Africa - Round 1: Evolution of a Story

Hey, remember yesterday when we commended the media for not sucking too egregiously in their coverage of the post-election violence in Kenya? And remember how we qualified our positive review with: "[W]e reserve the right to retract that when hyper-sensationalized reports of unprecedented levels of sexual violence start cropping up."

Guess what turned up in today's news?
"Rape, the mob's latest weapon in Kenya" [Telegraph]
"Report: Gang rape becomes part of violence in Kenya" [Fox News]

So, um... RETRACT'D!


In the interest of fairness, the New York Times presents a slightly different picture: "Violence Softens in Kenya."

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