Emerald Bile

The totally laughable, risible, fucking ludicrous idea of a diet without carbohydrates would be an especial type of a joke in Ireland. The idea of no bread or potatoes, no fucking crisps, no swedes, just loads of expensive meat with a piece of skinned grapefruit sitting on it-what sort of cunt would think of that. I fucking love potatoes, I really really love them. I even ate a raw potato once because I love them so much I thought I would love them raw too. It wasn’t great, but it was nicer than a raw kidney.

I can’t stand people doing the Atkins diet they are utter cunts. I am not a fan of people on diets anyway, there is a bit of the “look at me, I am altering myself, do you see it?” and it is just fucking miserable and annoying of them, that restraint and smugness. Fuckers. I don’t care what people eat as long as they just eat it without the song and the dance, they can eat raw carrots, or weird juices as long as they do not spoil the meal for everyone else. Those Atkins fuckers are the worst. They will sit with a face like a slapped arse while normal people tuck into the rolls, they won’t touch booze, they are self flagellating bores. They go on and on about which stage they are at and they smell bad, because of the metabolizing or whatever the fuck it is. I would rather have a really fat person who just eats, than a gruesome Atkinser who can’t leave off talking about sugar and carbs. Hopefully they will all die, and when they get to purgatory it will be a giant spud-u-like floating in an ocean of lager, and they will still be on that stupid diet and never be able to join in, the miserable fuckers
Noreen

Noreen is right!

A big bowl of spaghetti contains more calories than a small bowl, and the Eat 20% Less Diet is effective for almost everyone. That’s all there is to know about diets.

This is all pretty topical, because my friend Clive bought an exercise bike a couple of months ago. He used to be a fat cunt; now he’s a fat cunt with an exercise bike in his garage. Too little too late, old son. Pedalling nowhere is an excellent metaphor for his worthless life, by the way.

Or take Ball Bag. Since he stopped playing rugby he has ballooned into a fat fucking toad. But he’s comfortable with the way he looks, and I admire him for that. Give me a wheezing slug like Ball Bag any day rather than a carrot-munching narcissist like, for example, Eminem.
Barry Hutton

See also.