| Source | Fark Headline | Comments | |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Man arrested for making up story about puppy thrown into traffic. Fark: man made up story because he feared his wife wouldn't let him keep the dog (fox8.com) | (48) |
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While General McChrystal may have gotten out of the Rolling Stone article flap with his rank and pension intact, it doesn't look like the junior officers quoted in the magazine are going to get off so easy (news.yahoo.com) | (32) |
| (Some Guy) | |
It takes a special breed of drunk to attempt to rob a taco joint with a hammer. Especially when your cunning plan is foiled by your own underwear (lacrossetribune.com) | (38) |
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Andrew Breitbart gives the most self-aggrandizing interview ever. "I'm committed to the destruction of the old media guard, and it's a very good business model" (bighollywood.breitbart.com) | (104) |
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Do (WHACK) the (WHACK) vacuuming (WHACK) your (WHACK) damn (whack) self (seattlepi.com) | (37) |
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Something tells me that not even Hallmark makes a "Sorry I sullied the family name so badly it cost you your seat in Congress, mom" card (news.yahoo.com) | (34) |
| (Springfield Republican) |  |
If somebody passes you on the road and then deliberately slows down to annoy you, you may be morally right to pull a gun but you are legally wrong (masslive.com) | (114) |
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UN says Israel right to defend its border with Lebanon. Reasoned commentary to right (bbc.co.uk) | (117) |
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In memory of Nasser Kashani (fark.com) | (302) |
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It turns out ginning up anti-government wharrgarbl is a lucrative business that preys on innocent teabaggers (salon.com) | (80) |
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Reporter screws over troops he embedded with, and folks are shocked, SHOCKED that the military won't let him embed again (news.yahoo.com) | (79) |
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Former Federal Judge that was impeached by congress wants his sentence shortened because prison sucks, has to listen to sounds of rape, cognitive dissonance (chron.com) | (82) |
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British tourists given a sightseeing tour of France. The problem was, they kinda wanted to get off the train (bbc.co.uk) | (11) |
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Speed cameras are coming down across Britain as new government requires local authorities to pay for cameras without keeping any ticket revenue (dailymail.co.uk) | (34) |
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"Just how broken is the Senate?" The answer, even according to senators themselves, is that it's pretty broken (news.yahoo.com) | (60) |
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This is it on the Gulf oil spill. It's been 'dealt with'. So everyone can go home now. Final. Ok, so there's this little mess still, but its been 'dealt with' (bbc.co.uk) | (48) |
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CEO of iRobot is getting married, will circle the bride 20 times before finding her at the alter, later will try but fail to pick her up to carry her over the threshold (boston.com) | (42) |
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Best time to make fun of the VP candidate's family - at the bar with friends after work. Worst time to make fun of the VP candidate's family - while you are rehearsing for your live network election report and the cameras are rolling (myfoxdc.com) | (100) |
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And if you look out of the right side of the plane, you will be able to see that at least one of our engines is not on fire at the moment (dailymail.co.uk) | (22) |
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Pro Tip: If the taser you fire from your squad-car doesn't kill the guy on the bicycle you're chasing, you can always try running him over afterwards. (And plant a gun on him while he's pinned underneath it just to be safe.) (tampabay.com) | (165) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Last week Congress approved a bill permitting individuals filing for bankruptcy to exempt up to three firearms, so when you've lost your house and posessions you can just steal someone else's stuff (blog.lehighvalleylive.com) | (115) |
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Happy Birthday Barack Obama. At least we think it's your birthday. If only we had some sort of proof of your birth. Perhaps a certificate or something (my.barackobama.com) | (251) |
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A slideshow of Silvio Berlusconi's women. Let me save you some time: yes, yes, yes back in the day, HELL yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, HOT TWINS, yes (telegraph.co.uk) | (81) |
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Photoshop this weird one-woman show (spiegel.de) | (35) |
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California to legalize gay marriage today. Heavy rioting predicted to grip Utah for several days (cnn.com) | (448) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Q) What's as wide as two fingers and as long as a man's arm? Hint: It can fit in a man's bottom (digitalspy.co.uk) | (123) |
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The Man behind the "Ground Zero Mosque" that has been under such relentless attack by right-wing commentators, is exactly the kind of moslem, right-wing commentators claim to support- moderate, anti-violence, and extremely pro-western (news.yahoo.com) | (395) |
| (I'm a sinner) | |
Analysis of the Modesty Survey indicates that 84% of homeschooled Christian boys are seriously messed up (mightygodking.com) | (185) |
| (WPRI) | |
Town holds anti-crime National Night Out. Teen stabbed (wpri.com) | (36) |
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Would-be burglar gets a kick out of a 12 year old girl on today's episode of "Ow, my balls". Tag is for the girl (dailymail.co.uk) | (54) |
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Group whose mission is to promote religious liberty is fighting religious liberty (npr.org) | (188) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Favre retiring? Not so fast. Looks like the 'source' leaked BS info and Favre hasn't told anyone anything yet. Obvious trumps Followup for obvious reasons (nfl.com) | (146) |
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Florida man shows that brutal domestic violence can continue well into your 70's. He says his wife just likes to "fight with him and accuse him of stupid things" (970wfla.com) | (21) |
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The Facebook posts Sarah Palin doesn't want you to see (slate.com) | (194) |
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If you ever visit Drew, don't let him do the cooking. "They had all the texture of steaks but all the flavor of Jack Daniels" (eatocracy.cnn.com) | (68) |
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Iran denies that there has been an attempted regime change via homemade hand grenade (washingtonpost.com) | (73) |
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TFer and legendary Fark party organizer The NaSkAr has died (fark.com) | (2022) |
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Protip: Don't tase the bears. It could possibly piss them off (myfoxdfw.com) | (78) |
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Photoshop this baffled bride (online.wsj.com) | (45) |
| (BCLocalNews) | |
Protip: Remember to remove your handgun from your dirty sock before dropping off the laundry (bclocalnews.com) | (56) |
| (Some fuzzy thing) | |
Headline: "Raccoon terrorizes family". With a picture of what a raccoon terrorist might look like (suburbanchicagonews.com) | (99) |
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Best headline of the day: "Beer, not exercise, best for battling the bulge" (myfoxdfw.com) | (51) |
| (Madison.com) | |
Two 50-year-olds were arrested after harassing some boys playing basketball and for defecating in public. Alcohol may have been a factor (host.madison.com) | (19) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Nightclub owner charged after allowing patrons to openly have sex in his bar. Welcome to Fark Mr. Dean (wbtv.com) | (97) |
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Not everyone's rise to Internet memedom was as bad as Jessi Slaughter's... here are 10 viral video stars whose lives *weren't* ruined (tv.gawker.com) | (181) |
| (Some Lawyer) | |
Teenager sues the estate of woman that she killed in a deliberate car crash. Then she sues the road construction company too, just in case no one is outraged yet (dailyinterlake.com) | (253) |
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Attempting to avoid a classroom review, new teacher fakes fall down stairs, will never be the drama teacher (myfoxdfw.com) | (24) |
| (Some Doofus) | |
Man staples brother's chin during fight, later remarks, "That was easy" (gastoncounty.wbtv.com) | (23) |
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Man reports wife missing when he ran out of clean underwear. Cops search home and find wife dead under pile of dirty laundry (ctpost.com) | (66) |
| (Capital Times) | |
Man who planned for "suicide by cop" armed himself with a screwdriver and a hammer, gets tased (host.madison.com) | (41) |
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Today's travel trip: If your airline pilot smells like vodka, keep your mouth shut (nbclosangeles.com) | (93) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these... exercises? (af.mil) | (31) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Turn off your A/C and stop driving your car: Global warming is causing an increase in the price of BACON (slashfood.com) | (71) |
| (Ynetnews.com) | |
Arab-Americans are raising funds to erect a statue of Helen Thomas in local museum. In other news, Dearborn, Michigan apparently has a Cryptozoology museum (ynetnews.com) | (122) |
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Metric is playing a super secret show outside Toronto's Union Station tomorrow night, city officials wanted to keep it quiet to avoid a huge crowd. SO DON'T TELL ANYONE (thestar.com) | (118) |
| (ANN) |  |
American military produces manga comic for Japanese, uses Japanese schoolgirl's encounter with "USA Boy" to promote 50th anniversary of U.S.-Japan military alliance (animenewsnetwork.com) | (81) |
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Hey, fatty. Yeah, you, with the Cheetos and WOW account and den full of computers: You are not Don Draper, and putting on a fedora doesn't help (somethingawful.com) | (333) |
| (Some Spammed Guy) | |
Sears online is selling posters with "total nud**y" and "***ual activities." Not sure what that is, but the AFA is terrified of it (action.afa.net) | (224) |
| (Some Guy) | |
President Obama signs a bill reducing the gap in cocaine sentences because although cocaine is a hell of a drug, it's just one drug, not two (app.com) | (116) |
| (KPTV) | |
If life gives you lemons, fund colon cancer research (kptv.com) | (39) |
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Food writer fails to understand that ice cream is delicious (time.com) | (177) |
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New study claims that the reason college students gain weight is their proximity to the cafeteria - and the reason they have sex is the proximity to any other living thing (abcnews.go.com) | (58) |
| (Vancouver Sun) | |
8-10 Taliban attack Kandahar Air Base in Afghanistan, and die in the process. Their mission wasn't a total failure however, "They destroyed about $70 worth of fence" (vancouversun.com) | (212) |
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Hitler followers in Mongolia? I did Nazi that coming (huffingtonpost.com) | (100) |
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The majority of tick bites happen near people's homes, so to be safe, you should probably move (online.wsj.com) | (70) |
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Woman crowned Ms. Wheelchair USA rolls over competition (nbcactionnews.com) | (99) |
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Popular free dental clinic in rural Virginia promises residents real purty teeth (washingtonpost.com) | (78) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this guy on the edge (leeds.ac.uk) | (63) |
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Fox News: "They all look alike" (huffingtonpost.com) | (382) |
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Why legacy media's reluctance to link sources doesn't work on the Internet, and Fark's favorite headlines for 7/25 - 7/31 (fark.com) | (20) |
| (Kentucky Sports Radio) | |
Oral sex, McDonald's dates, and the origin of "Sticky Ricky". The best summary of the Rick Pitino extortion trial yet (kentuckysportsradio.com) | (42) |
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Stop the presses. Brits like beer (life.com) | (35) |
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Seattle calls a new law allowing cops to ticket loud people leaving bars the 'meathead ordinance.' Aw, geez Edith (seattletimes.nwsource.com) | (79) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Not News: Getting drunk at a bar. News: You get naked and then get the snot beat of you by three guys (with video) (wtvr.com) | (100) |
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In the sort of move that used to get a stern talking-to by a US gunboat, Bolivia seizes a 56 sq mile ranch owned by a US rancher and gives it back to the indian tribe he kept as virtual slaves to work it (news.yahoo.com) | (115) |
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Cancer cells = Pac-Man. Fructose = pellets. OM NOM NOM eweweweweweww woop woop (reuters.com) | (154) |
| (WDBJ7) | |
19-year-old college student can't stop retelling story of how he slept with his superhot teacher for almost a year. Fist bump. Nice one (wdbj7.com) | (565) |
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California sees SIX TIMES the number of Whooping Cough cases this year over last year, including six infant deaths. Thank you, you Jenny McCarthy-following farktards (latimesblogs.latimes.com) | (279) |
| (Mlive) | |
Man drinks himself into such a stupor that he sleeps through his dog eating his big toe off. Turns out that was the perfect combination to save a life (mlive.com) | (59) |
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Tired of waiting in ER for medical help, man takes needle and thread, sews up own leg. Fark: May be charged with improper use of hospital equipment (thelocal.se) | (41) |
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"We just finished shooting Olivia Wilde naked in front of a bonfire," says the luckiest bastard alive (gammasquad.uproxx.com) | (153) |
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100 of the latest worst ways your stimulus money is being spent (cnn.com) | (225) |
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It's sometimes hard to tell that mother and son are related until you look at the drunken, disheveled mugshots at the same time (myfoxdc.com) | (35) |
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If you're going to rob a pharmacy, it's pretty important that you don't let the pharmacist take your gun (nwfdailynews.com) | (17) |
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Columnist: Jesus would, like, totally be cool with smoking pot, dude. And think of the increased sales of communion wafers (huffingtonpost.com) | (57) |
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'Bill Cosby not dead,' claims Bill Cosby. Right (news.com.au) | (135) |
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Wikipedia to the F.B.I.: "While we appreciate your desire to revise the statute to reflect your expansive vision of it, the fact is that we must work with the actual language of the statute, not the aspirational version" (nytimes.com) | (144) |
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Stop the presses: "Republicans and Democrats divided along party lines" (cnn.com) | (69) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Iceberg. Dead ahead. Fark: On the I-10 freeway (abc15.com) | (60) |
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EPA tells man his house boat isn't a boat and can't be tied to a dock. Owner says there is no foundation for these claims (myfoxorlando.com) | (69) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Mother of the year candidate mistakes hotel bathroom for childcare center (ktla.com) | (104) |
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Massive long term study concludes that "dangerous" Low carb diets not only help you lose as much weight as low fat ones, but are twice as good for your heart. Fire up the griddle, boys, it's bacon-diet time (news.yahoo.com) | (206) |
| (Reuters) | |
Report claims popular dietary supplements contain ingredients that may cause cancer, heart problems, liver or kidney damage. Bonus: Sponsored links in article contain ads for supplements (health.yahoo.net) | (18) |
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After realizing that their oldest man was actually thirty years dead, Tokyo officials decide to check up on their oldest woman. Since this is Fark, you know where this is headed (bbc.co.uk) | (39) |
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My father in law responded to my gay sex craigslist advert. Oh noes (slate.com) | (146) |
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Man kills dog he says was possessed by Satan. In his defense, it was a Dachshund-Chihuahua mix (miamiherald.com) | (52) |
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I couldn't decide on a headline for this (dailymail.co.uk) | (83) |
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Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, deems Nickelback "compatible" with the values of the Islamic republic (guardian.co.uk) | (72) |
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What kind of crime is a growing problem in downtown Minneapolis? If you said horse assaults, step up and grab your prize (startribune.com) | (29) |
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IDF and Lebanese Army fire on each other, four reported killed. Thankfully, it's all because of this argument over a tree, so everyone should calm down soon (haaretz.com) | (433) |
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Crab-eating macaques are now adopting traits of their human overlords, begin "tombstoning" for kicks (dailymail.co.uk) | (22) |
| (fox8) | |
LeBron James takes out a full page newspaper ad to thank his fans in Akron. Heat jersey sales in Akron still holding at a steady 0% (fox8.com) | (127) |
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Three naked German women found in woods. Rescuers reportedly had trouble finding anything in the thick bush (thelocal.se) | (55) |
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Girls Scouts selling cookies door to door end up in GITMO. Proving that Obama is against capitalism (myfoxorlando.com) | (37) |
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Thanks to "protective" laws, half of men won't help a child in trouble because they fear being branded a pedophile (dailymail.co.uk) | (483) |
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Man who shot parrot to death for squawking while he tried to watch NASCAR on TV could get charges dismissed. Polly wants justice (nj.com) | (44) |
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In terms of nightmares created per picture, I'm not sure you can beat the BBC's creatures of the deep slideshow (bbc.co.uk) | (24) |
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Cute little girl has prosthetic leg stolen at church camp as a prank, takes her ball (and ankle, heel, and shin) and goes to amputee camp instead (blog.al.com) | (112) |
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Hamas targets women's underwear in modesty drive, probably with a skid missile (news.yahoo.com) | (28) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Portly, angry, jailed: the millionaire who tried to hang on to a moving helicopter (swns.com) | (30) |
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Let's be honest - who else hasn't thought of doing this when you see a dog owner standing there as their dog is pissing on your bushes? Tag is still for the guy who pulled the gun (mcall.com) | (131) |
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You are a famous photographer entrusted with the last 36 exposures of the most legendary film ever made. What would you shoot? (news.yahoo.com) | (110) |
| (Some Earfling) | |
Why the US can't repel an Independence Day-style invasion. Tag is for the fact that our primary issue is political not technological (rumormiller.com) | (179) |
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Nine muslims in trouble for emulating their prophet and taking a child bride. Actually, they didn't so much marry her as kidnap, drug, and pass her around as communal property (bbc.co.uk) | (106) |
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SOS OMG 911 ASAP k thx bye (ajc.com) | (37) |
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Woman busted for stealing condoms, personal lubrication, a car window decal, two dog collars, two dog toys, teeth whitener, coffee filters and four cans of dog food. I want to party with her (nwfdailynews.com) | (34) |
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Chávez, in other words, is very close to the climactic moment when he will announce that he is a poached egg and that he requires a very large piece of buttered toast so that he can lie down and take a soothing nap (slate.com) | (61) |
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People shot at Connecticut beer distributor, alcohol was involved (bostonherald.com) | (89) |
| (MaineToday.com) | |
Spiffy: Searchers find man's missing three-year-old boy in the woods. Obvious: They also find his 147 marijuana plants (onlinesentinel.com) | (40) |
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The hidden things you notice when you rewatch the original Tron nearly 30 years later (denofgeek.com) | (229) |
| (BadJocks) | |
High school wrestling coach would have gotten away with .241% BAC if not for that police car going the wrong way on the highway (badjocks.com) | (35) |
| (MaineToday.com) | |
Man who shot himself in the legs causes standoff (onlinesentinel.com) | (11) |
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45-year-old fashion model re-energizes her career by wearing her hair like Cousin Itt (today.msnbc.msn.com) | (90) |
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Pamela Anderson is adopting animals abandoned during the BP oil spill. Haven't these poor animals suffered enough? (washingtonpost.com) | (61) |
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Your neighbors keep blasting "hippie tunes." Do you c) hook up a dump truck horn to an air compressor and point it at them (desmoinesregister.com) | (152) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this chatting pair (americancorner.hu) | (33) |
| (Some Guy) | |
ProTip: no one secretly watches you do meth inside of a vending machine (idahostatesman.com) | (34) |
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Gray hair is in, thanks to aging, has-been, washed-up celebrities like Lady Gaga, Kelis, Kelly Osbourne, and Kate Moss. "The only way to be distinguished with gray hair is to actually have gray hair" (freep.com) | (134) |
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Platte River tuber rescued, hospitalized. No word on vegetative status, but doctors said there were a lot of eyes on him (denverpost.com) | (24) |
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1 dead, at least 31 infected with the Bubonic Plague. No this is not a repeat from 1348 (sfgate.com) | (77) |
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It turns out the Little Prince is into radio astronomy (apod.nasa.gov) | (30) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The Bali Tourism Board wants everybody who visits to leave with the new "I went to Bali for vacation and all I got was this lousy case of rabies" t-shirt (newser.com) | (33) |
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Forget cabin fever: Imagine seven years. At sea. With your family (washingtonpost.com) | (181) |
| (Some Intense Guy) | |
Photoshop Theme: Peeled back layer by layer like an onion skin (bing.com) | (19) |
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