Wonkette
Everything is settled in the Carolinas and Mississippi or wherever, correct? There is a very detailed liveblog from Secret Jim Newell (Jack Stuef), mentioning baseball and a way to bring Facebook to Haiti. Let’s! Why should Facebook be limited to islands/nations with buildings or electricity? So then, Utah. Remember when Republican icon _____ Bennett (let’s check his name in a moment) got tossed out by Mormon Teabaggers during one of those earlier primaries? Well, now we shall settle this battle. Not a word on CNN about this. Bob Bennett cries alone in his garage. Everything on the news is “Oh the dumb redneck general, McAsstyl, who is on a seven-year plane voyage from Afghanistan, he has faxed his resignation,” ha ha as if that will spare his execution in Utah. Speaking of ….
11:04 PM — It’s whatever time in Utah, let’s say 8 p.m. Polls have certainly closed, even in Moab and Lee’s Ferry.
11:07 PM — Nikki Haley made history. That’s the Politico headline, and it’s certainly true. Who ever achieved anything after having an affair with a blogger? Nobody, and certainly not a Sikh who now loves Jebus and has the support of both Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin’s Facebook account.
11:17 PM — So, no results? Politico’s live map is not working (for your editor, who is actually in a car on the Interstate), and the Salt Lake Tribune headline is “Polls close, ballot count begins.” Really?
11:20 PM — Mike Lee is beating Tim Bridgewater 52%-48% at the moment, 18% reporting, U.S. Senate GOP runoff primary thing. You people dropped Robert Bennett for this?
11:23 PM — Joel Briscoe and Jim Matheson are ahead in the two House Dem primary elections. Who are they? We are now driving up a canyon road and there is no more Verizon signal on this laptop, so let’s just say they are Democratic Heroes.
11:45 PM — Sorry, General McChrystal’s plane hit a satellite and knocked us offline.
11:46 PM — And, Rachel Maddow had several sentences about the primary night. Sorry, primary night! You got fragged!
11:56 PM — 60% reporting, Mike Lee and Tim Bridgewater in a teabagger tie! 51%-49% but still leaning Mike Lee’s way. He is an attorney. The other guy is a “small businessman.” Commenters, a little help? You might think Bridgewater is the Tea Party candidate because, heh, “small businessman.” But it’s Mike Lee, the attorney! He has the backing of Freedom Works and Tea Party Express, the two main political parties in America/Utah.
MIDNIGHT — Matheson is maintaining the lead, now up to 68% with 40% of precincts reporting. We will closely watch this race forever!
12:15 AM — Eh, let’s watch Hardball for a while, and drink beer.
12:18 AM — We can’t, in good conscience, continue this liveblog … because nobody’s reading it! Eh we’ll “monitor events” for a while. (Get more beer.)
This Utah update is like a shorter blog version of “I Want You/She’s So Heavy”: eerily abrupt ending.
I’ve got on my magic pantaloons!
Nikki Haley thanked Sarah Palin, Sarah tweeted her congrats. I’m guessing the Tea Party thing has hit its zenith now.
Cigar-Chomp McAsstyl quits. Claire McAsstyl reporting.
chascates: Can’t wait for the Mittens/Palin throw down for her endorsement in the 2012 SC primaries. It’s nice to be the most popular girl at the party…until you have to decide who to go home with.
Or as George Carlin put it: “In Baltimore it’s 4:15!”
any word on matheson’s runoff?
alt-alt-text: “Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!”
Bob Bennett had endorsed Bridgewater, so Lee must be the even-teabaggier of the two. And since Bridgewater almost won outright in the convention, maybe the teabaggers can make some sort of parallel with him and Martha Coakley. Which makes this another defeat for Obama. Damn, I’m gonna write that up — what’s the web address for Politico?
Utah gov site has 61.7% in with Lee at 51.67% 64,345 to Bridgewater’s 48.33% 60,186
FixAaron:
Lots of Salt Lake County is YET TO COME. But it’s splitting evenly write now. Lee will only gain votes basically everywhere else.
12:21
[Comment From @bludworth @bludworth: ]
Another 100 precincts report in SL Co with the same trend and it is over.
I AM READING THIS LIVE BLOG YOU CAN”T TELL ME I”M NOTQ!!!!!!
AP calls it for Matheson
ken layne: is bridgewater a “small businessman” in the same way that scott lee cohen is a “small businessman” in the sense that he is a pawn shop owner who pulled a knife on his stripperhooker girlfriend while in the throes of ‘roid rage?
72% reporting
Mike Lee (Rep)
52% 71,848
Tim Bridgewater (Rep)
48% 67,342
Nikki Haley will be on the next GOP national ticket because Sarah Palin taught us that 5 minutes of executive experience is far more important than actually knowing something about issues.
These races are, unfortunately, the Gobi Desert of excitement. On the bright side though, Rick Perry is now running neck-and-neck with some Democrat. Mumia Bill al-White I believe is his name.
SayItWithWookies: Yes, and watch for Rickster to paint Bill White as a socialist-luvin’ big spender.
at least Ken gets off the Interstate before getting more beer. He must have some ethics, man
SayItWithWookies: the teabaggers prefer the easier-to-remember name “bill x”.
utah midterm primaries!!! FEEL THE EXCITEMENT!!!1!
one of my obama campaign friends works for matheson, so i watched 4 minutes of one of his primary debates this week. in my defense, i was drunk at the time.
chascates: Has Rick Perry seen Rick Perry’s hair lately? That shit ain’t cheap. Rick Perry probably spends more on his hair than Bill al-White spends on his whole wardrobe.
An important political horse-race observation: Please do not ever post that picture again, or I will find your secret desert laboratory and allow my head to explode therein.
SayItWithWookies: Perry is in China right now, trying to drum up business for Texas. China, the atheist commieland. He wants direct flights from Houston & Dallas to China as well. Foreign trips make him look ‘presidential’ like.
77.01% reporting; Lee is 51.47% 75,032 to Bridgewater’s 48.53% 70,737
obfuscator: They probably hate that Bill X rubs his slave heritage in their face.
Enslave the Whales: Remember their TV show, where they sang love duets to one another?
Enslave the Whales: Geeze — just because a brother and sister shower together that’s no reason for you to get all huffy about it.
84.36% 1802 51.54% 82,678 48.46% 77,745
FixAaron:
The race has been called for Mike Lee
I for one heartily endorse this “beer, not blogs” concept. I say so myself, suds in hand, right here onthis very blog.
AP calls it for Mike Lee in UT Sen
SayItWithWookies: my two pie in the sky hopes for the midterms were the texas goobernatorial and the florida senate race. go bill x! i’m not sure what happened to kendrick meek, but fuck it.
Mike Lee is actually interesting, in a mildly horrifying way: “He has never run for public office before and is best known outside political circles as an attorney fighting to allow EnergySolutions Inc. to import and dispose of foreign nuclear waste in Utah’s west desert.” That’s right, not just nuclear waste - *foreign* nuclear waste. Even in Utah there should be an easy attack ad in that.
Little Jimmy was the fat Osmond
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/02/14/article-1145433-0097E56300000259-398_233×524.jpg
I have an unhealthy fascination with weird music. I gotta lot of albums and such and here’s one of them:
The Osmond’s 1973 Tour de force, “The Plan” is a loony and bizarro masterpiece. Think of it as their, “White Album”…only about Mormonism. I think I read somewhere that they put this out with the agreement of the Church that it was substitute for them having to do missionary work.
It completely polarized their fan base and essentially killed their career as The Osmond’s.
http://allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=10:3vfyxqy5ldse
obfuscator: It might happen that the new Democratic favorite is Charlie Crist. He’d be running as an independent, but Meeks has no recognition and might be beat by that rich California real estate developer. Given either of those choices vs. Rubio, a lot of Democrats might vote for Crist, especially since he vetoed that gay-adoption ban. Florida’s having its own little War of the Roses — Meeks as the wilted red rose, Rubio as the blue tea rose, and Crist as the orange rose.
Mike Lee is a nauseating twit. If you took Justice Scalia, removed 100 points of IQ and 35 years of age, replaced all the Italian with Mormon, and kept the physique and dogmatic legal fundamentalism and the soldier-of-the-true-faith smugness, you’d have something slightly better than the actual Mike Lee.
Also, he’s not a sincere, but an “opportunistic,” teabagger.
Liveblogging Utah. Oh yeah, there’s a traffic driver.
Hmmmm.
Nikki the Sikhy vs. Bobby Jindal the Hindee?
Now, THERE’S a Recipe for G.O.P. Solidarity!!!!:
Mrs. Gandhi was on her way to be interviewed by the British actor Peter Ustinov, who was filming a documentary for Irish television. She was walking through the garden of the Prime Minister’s Residence at No. 1, Safdarjung Road in New Delhi. As she passed a wicket gate guarded by Satwant Singh and Beant Singh, they opened fire. Beant Singh fired three rounds into her from his side-arm, and Satwant Singh then fired 30 rounds from his STEN gun into her prostrate body. Beant Singh was shot dead by other bodyguards at the scene of the assassination. Satwant Singh was arrested by Mrs. Gandhi’s other bodyguards.
Clearly, that account (from Wikipedia) is bullshit.
After all, no STEN gun ever made would fire 30 rounds without jamming. It clearly was a Sterling (the upgrade of the STEN).
Aguacatero: How ’bout if we just took Justice Scalia and ran him over with a steamroller?
Neilist: Ah, but they’re both converted to the One True Religion. Now,we get to see which of the gazillion versions each has chosen. This will be even better than Sikh vs Hindu.
CALLED IT. Wonkette wins the Utah!
Callin it all night long. Are you sure you’re just not experiencing premature callification?
Good Evening, Wonkette!
Ken, d’ya have any plans to live-blogg the Holy Patriotic Event a few hours hence when the Real ‘Merikin Great White Hope, Field-Marshall Stanley A’ole McChrystalnacht boldly strides into the WHITE House to arrest and remove the KenyIslamic IndoHawaiian USURPER Barack Hoo-Satan McStalin von Hitler? ‘Cos if you’re not, Mate, ya really should…
From the burnt horse hair and yellow roses I can tell some serious liveblogging went down last night, wonder how one of you didn’t break your neck.
Ken and Jack = The Donny and Marie of secular liveblogging.
…your editor, who is actually in a car on the Interstate…
Ken, it’s a long way to D.C., but it’s not that long. You didn’t need to leave last night to get here in two weeks. Unless by “car” you meant “Conestoga wagon”.
Liveblogging Utah? You daredevil!
Bearbloke: OT, but since I’ll be asleep while the White House show-down occurs…
Here’s what I think Hopey O’Bama should do with this drongo McKrystalnacht:
1) Spend a hour of so explaining how Stan’s antics “saps the morale and confidence of the troops”, whilst not allowing Stan to do anything other that silently stand at attention.
2) Spend another hour explaining just how Stan’s antics violate US Military law (or whatever it is), whilst not allowing Stan to do anything other that silently stand at attention.
3) Ask for Stan’s resignation letter, then place it in a drawer while assuring ‘ol Stan that “I’ll review it later”. In the meantime, prevent Stan from resign from the US Military, if legally possible. Perhaps there’s some Bush-era law on the subject?
4) Inform Stan the the Justice Dept is working on their case surrounding the Par Tillman affair, and the conclusions are forthcoming…
5) Inform Stan that he is immediately reduced in rank, and order him to immediately remove the extra stars from his uniform and hand them to Obama, lest he face a Court-Martial for impersonating a higher-rank officer. Place his stars away with his resignation letter “as an aid to pondering the situation”.
6) Inform Stan that his bum-mates and other worshipful hangers-on will be fired immediately, if not sooner.
7) Order Stan to return to work in Afghanistan immediately, to avoid speaking to any reporters anywhere, and remain in the country until he gets explicit prior permission to leave from President Obama. Once he arrives in Kabul, order him to report to him new superior, who will be one of the blokes Stan slammed in the Rolling Stone article.
9) Make Stan give a public address [Today] and apologize to the entire world for his extremely poor judgment, then shove off to Afghanistan to “win” this “war” Once again, make Stan the face of this disastrous war, mot Obama.
SayItWithWookies: This makes no sense. Perry’s hair is much better!
Bearbloke: Well done.
Bearbloke: “In the meantime, prevent Stan from resign from the US Military, if legally possible. Perhaps there’s some Bush-era law on the subject?”
All officers serve by (way-pre-Arbusto) law “at the convenience of the president.” When a general in 1957 was sent to Little Rock to force the schools to accept Black students, he tried to resign rather than carry out the order to integrate. Then-preznident Eisenhower, who knew a thing or two about how the military worked, said, “Thanks for the officer, General Dipshit, but your resignation is refused. Please carry on.”
Hopey, please take note. You are the commander-in-chief. It’s in the Constimitution!
V572625694: Thanks for the offer, I meant to say.
Escape Goat Nation: I may have to check that out, I have the same affliction (unhealthy interest in weird music, not Mormonism)
Bearbloke: You sir are a genius.
Bearbloke: why in god’s name are you not obama’s bitch slapp’in advisor yet ? is he not aware of you ? and if you are british , please invade d.c. again like in 1812. if you’re not british , please do it anyway ……….
I moved to utah from oregon a few years ago . i ignore just about everyone here . the politics ie the “church” is a pile of hitleresque sludge . glenn beck is a messiah here . there is no hope . soul killing with a happy face . creepy …… like a smiley nurse injecting air bubbles into your veins to kill you while assuring you it’s “for your own good” . Also , the tonnage of sexual kink is mind-boggling - and I can name names if you want .
rmjag: Please do!
Aguacatero: “Also, he’s not a sincere, but an “opportunistic,” teabagger.” Exactly what the Teabaggers deserve then, yes?
Mad Farmer Manifest: L K’s in-laws …. one guy wanted to pee in my mouth . for fun . duct tape was mentioned also . his friends were down w it too . were gonna ‘help’ , w ‘everything’ . non-sexual of course (ahahahahahaha)