Drew Curtis' FARK.com

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Thu May 27, 2010

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		We may have found what really caused the oil-rig failure, and a certain BP exec is probably not answering his phone today (online.wsj.com)	(26)
		So how bad is the Greek financial crisis? Well Greek Telcom workers shut off the phones at the prime minister's residence for non-payment of a bill (abcnews.go.com)	(21)
		"Beer has become the new wine," says patron of a "beer tasting bar." Try a glass of Jump the Shark IPA (travel.nytimes.com)	(118)
		Three scenarios that could lead to full-scale war on the Korean Peninsula. Bonus: Monty Python reference (news.yahoo.com)	(127)
(Norwich Bulletin)		If you wish to photograph police working a crime scene, it is best not to use the cell phone that contains your kiddie porn (norwichbulletin.com)	(124)
		"Silly Bandz," tiny rubber bracelets in a variety of shapes, are the latest harmless fad among elementary school kids. So of course, principals and school boards all over the country are declaring jihad against them (news.yahoo.com)	(214)
		Your life has really hit the skids if you rob a home and police catch you because of the DNA they found in the underwear you left behind at the scene (seattlepi.com)	(23)
		Director of Minerals Management "top killed" (startribune.com)	(142)
		British man outraged he can't live in Orwellian Nanny State (news.bbc.co.uk)	(49)
(Some Guy)		Photoshop Adam and Jamie into someplace more interesting (pics.livejournal.com)	(42)
		Those low lounge chairs are really great to bring to the beach to catch some rays --- except when you are between a police car and a surfer in distress (nypost.com)	(28)
		A potentially discontinued coin for your thoughts? (cnews.canoe.ca)	(77)
(Topless Robot)		Thirty Hot Wheels that would be awesome cars if they existed in the real world. Bonus: Not a slideshow (toplessrobot.com)	(75)
		International car booting champions show their expertise by clamping a car during a U-turn (mirror.co.uk)	(41)
		Usually you would have to do something REALLY BAD for your father to chain you to a lamp post while he auctions you off as a slave (thesun.co.uk)	(61)
		University files lawsuit against GM for illegal use of Albert Einstein's image. Case to be reviewed on its relative merits (upi.com)	(41)
		If your wife's a teacher, it's probably a good idea to keep your schoolgirl porn DVDs far away from the second grade class's digital yearbook DVDs. Just sayin' (wtsp.com)	(194)
		When you tell the cops you just had to leave your toddlers alone in the house for five hours while you went tanning, the least you can do is come back with a little color. (w/ pasty white mugshot) (myfoxdc.com)	(66)
		The oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico may have been plugged (wcbs880.com)	(456)
		Dead man in Virginia found alive enough to go to jail (washingtonpost.com)	(21)
		When the Census Bureau re-re-re-re-re-re-re-rehires you, it counts as eight jobs created or saved (nypost.com)	(81)
		Driver injured after crashing into pillar. Read all about it in this column (mcall.com)	(31)
		NAMBLABook also has security issues, but their 'poke' function is a little different (news.yahoo.com)	(167)
		You are a cop, and your vehicle gets attacked by youths. Do you a) Call for backup, b) Bring out the teargas, or c) start playing ice cream van music? (news.bbc.co.uk)	(70)
		TV psychic gets excused from jury duty, so that he won't ruin everything by telling people ahead of time how the case turns out. He knew that was going to happen (dailyrecord.co.uk)	(47)
(LAPD)		When the LAPD feels compelled to blur out your moobs, it might be time to lose some weight (lapdonline.org)	(41)
		In the future, everything will be stolen for 15 minutes (thelocal.se)	(15)
		Rage Against the Machine and Kanye West vow to boycott Arizona because of the state's illegal immigration law. This thing gets better and better each day (azcentral.com)	(356)
		Man calls 911 to report: A) neighbors stole his Xbox controllers; B) Obama is President; C) The Bible; or D) all of the above? (nwfdailynews.com)	(27)
(Somewhere in the OC)		Woman sues over 'hazardous' restroom stall; my bad (ocregister.com)	(30)
		The third rule of After-School Fight Club is... don't get Mum and Dad to arrange the fights at After-School Fight Club (nzherald.co.nz)	(21)
(Some Furry Friends)		Photoshop these girls gone mild (shorpy.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)		Kitten following a trail to some cat fud survives 30 minutes inside a washing machine (couriermail.com.au)	(91)
		Barney Frank mocks birthers by asking the media to check the papers of new Rep. Charles Djou (R-asian) (washingtonscene.thehill.com)	(228)
(Charleston Gazette)		Man arrested for being life of the party (wvgazette.com)	(22)
(Courier Mail)		As if Greece didn't have enough problems, its highways are being closed by a plague of frogs (couriermail.com.au)	(42)
(WTAE)		Good Samaritan saves man from chicken nuggets (thepittsburghchannel.com)	(39)
(KTLA)		Missing registered sex offender wandering loose. Officials warn he 'is known to wear some type of hat.' (ktla.com)	(84)
		How to save Cleveland, other than transporting the entire city to Cairo (reason.com)	(130)
(Some Guy)		If a man fires a gun at fleeing criminal and nobody is shot, guess who gets arrested (kptv.com)	(281)
		Theme of Farktography Contest No. 264: "Kid at Heart." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(112)

Wed May 26, 2010

(Clarion Ledger)	Yazoo students sue former teacher on charges of sexual abuse, set accusations to spritely synth-pop beat (clarionledger.com)	(37)
	Chicago woman was attacked and had acid thrown in her face. Witnesses shocked at such baseless violence (wbbm780.com)	(112)
	High school cheerleader caught drinking at a party gets expelled from the team. High school jocks caught drinking at the same party only had to run extra laps. "Life is not fair in a lot of ways." (azcentral.com)	(278)
(KENS-TV)	American Idol discussion thread: Oh where will American Idol be when Simon leaves? Hopefully off the air, but here's Simon's 10 best on-air zingers (kens5.com)	(93)
	Experts say the larger, fiercer, more pronounceable Icelandic volcano Katla could erupt in 3... 2 (physorg.com)	(38)
	11, 12, 13, 13 Trillion in debt, ah ah ah (abcnews.go.com)	(281)
(Some Scene)	Photoshop this scary share (i.imgur.com)	(40)
(WBIR-TV)	Yellow lab dog run over and shot making remarkable recovery and has 3000 Facebook fans (wbir.com)	(66)
	Entire Facebook staff laughs as man tightens privacy settings (theonion.com)	(79)
(KSAT)	San Antonians are shocked ... SHOCKED ... that police chief wants more tasers for cops (ksat.com)	(68)
	New Senate bill would require terrorists to present fake ID before buying prepaid cellphones (washingtonpost.com)	(59)
(East Bay Express)	"My gut instinct said that this would be a great revenue and job generator for the city," she said. "But after running the numbers, "I went, 'Wow, that's really a job generator'" (eastbayexpress.com)	(131)
	Tax cheat tries the old 'I don't know what the $ symbol means' defence. Failarity trumps dumbassilarity (3news.co.nz)	(29)
(onlineathens)	Lawyer subpoenas traffic cameras in speeding ticket trial. "I didn't observe them as they came in, so I don't believe they'll be appearing" (onlineathens.com)	(267)
	FCC: 1 in 6 people don't read their cell phone contracts (msnbc.msn.com)	(96)
	Senate panel approves bill banning the word "retarded" from federal laws, opting for more politically correct "Palin-American" (thehill.com)	(185)
	Art Linkletter, 1913-2010. "What do your parents do for fun?" "I don't know. They always lock the door." (washingtonpost.com)	(168)
(Great Falls Tribune)	World's oldest man gives tie to Montana governor, who lamely promises to wear it...someday. Hey, Gov? He's the world's oldest man. Wear the tie today (greatfallstribune.com)	(46)
	The coolest storm cloud resembling an Independence Day invasion you'll see until we're actually invaded (dailymail.co.uk)	(66)
	After a month of teasing the black hole on the bottom of the ocean, BP gets consent to start playing in the mud (foxnews.com)	(205)
	There is no one left on my Lawn (cbc.ca)	(51)
(Perhaps knitting?)	If you steal a crappy car that breaks down on the freeway, then attempt to carjack a woman who beats the crap out of you until deputies arrive to arrest you, maybe crime isn't your thing (ocregister.com)	(35)
	Bear lover on trial for trying to keep a bear from getting shot. With a tranquilizer dart. By biologists trying to change the battery on its tracking collar (nj.com)	(46)
	Survey reveals that most of us believe people do not show caring and sympathy to those with mental illnesses. Well, jeez, we elected the poor bastards, isn't that enough? (upi.com)	(127)
	I'll see your invisible sharks and I'll raise you: handfish (gammasquad.uproxx.com)	(77)
	Vienna named the world's best city to live in, according to survey sponsored by the tiny sausage industry (money.cnn.com)	(110)
	Al Qaeda has acquired a potentially devastating technology: Autotune (wired.com)	(84)
(Some Guy)	Newly crowned "Worst drink in America" checks in with a whopping 2,010 calories and 131 grams of fat, including 68 grams of saturated fat, the equivalent of 68 strips of bacon. Disclaimer: drink does not contain any actual bacon (healthzone.ca)	(234)
(Some Guy)	Oil spill clean-up workers reporting cases of sickofthisshiatitis (trueslant.com)	(154)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop challenge: Fix up this kitchen (karrosta.livejournal.com)	(32)
	And the latest right-wing neocon to slam the Obama administration is: (abcnews.go.com)	(344)
	I think this article says something about a large AIDS tortilla floating towards Israel's blockade or something (csmonitor.com)	(83)
	Plans underway to nuke New Jersey (nj.com)	(67)
	German burglers miscalculate explosives needed to get into ATM, level entire building. See, this is why you don't go ATM (content.usatoday.com)	(86)
(LAist)	Not wanting to miss her big break, Santa Monica metermaid insists on ticketing TV station's cars during liveshot (laist.com)	(66)
	If you are the person who walked away with this giant tiki, Treasure Island Police would like your help (wtsp.com)	(50)
	The vandals that slashed hundreds of feet of oil cleanup booms should be the first things we stuff down the rupture (wesh.com)	(120)
(Ow my balls)	"Sack tapping" is not a game (kare11.com)	(291)
(Some Guy)	Oakland's police are too worried about layoffs to function well. Citizens delighted at the drop in crime (ktvu.com)	(71)
(Billboard)	Celebrities frolicking at the beach. Bonus: Most are in bikinis. Double bonus: #3 is topless (Sponsored link) (billboard.com)	(131)
	Light-hearted "three little pigs"-themed internal BP memo argues that building blast resistant shelters for workers would cost more than their lives are worth to the company (blogs.villagevoice.com)	(277)
(tmj4)	News: Lady has fit after being told to remove American flag from her window. Fark: She's using it as a curtain and is told she's allowed to fly it from balcony (todaystmj4.com)	(175)
	The 9 most delicious restaurant foods (abcnews.go.com)	(241)
	Peru paroles leftist New York nutbar Lori Berenson, who went to the country to make sammiches for the Tupac Amaru rebels back in the 1990s (latimes.com)	(78)
	In news they really didn't need right now, the BP-controlled Trans-Alaskan pipeline shut down after electrical mishaps cause thousands of gallons of oil to spill into back-up containment systems (abcnews.go.com)	(109)
(mlive.com)	News: City decides not to charge residents a "streetlight fee" after public outcry. Fark: They laid off 37 people instead (mlive.com)	(232)
	Plain burgers for Memorial Day grilling are boring. How about a pork-fennel burger instead? Or curry-spiced lamb? And, no, your special recipe with Worchestershire sauce isn't better (nytimes.com)	(275)
	Mix one measure of white wine with one of Campari. Add a shot of sparkling water and one fresh fetus. Serve over ice with a slice of orange (telegraph.co.uk)	(67)
	Woman so badly beaten that her face becomes pixelated (lep.co.uk)	(78)
	Man angry that he can't bring his pit bull into taxi so he throws pit bull at taxi driver (news.bbc.co.uk)	(86)
	Maine man growing medical marijuana was arrested and his plants confiscated. Now he wants compensation to the tune of $2,000 a plant, the amount the police were using against him. Guess who has a problem with that? (bangordailynews.com)	(217)
	Behold the latest accessory for the fashion-conscious woman: fake nipples (gizmodo.com)	(676)
	The perils of Somali pirate hunting: Dangerous seas, heavily armed militants, and constantly nude Swedish sailors (abcnews.go.com)	(62)
(Record Online)	Having solved the problems of crime, blight, unemployment and general nastiness, city officials in Newburgh, NY crack down on illegal chickens (recordonline.com)	(79)
	As a teacher, you probably shouldn't lower yourself to your pupils' level. You definitely shouldn't lower your pants to their level (metro.co.uk)	(109)
(Some Guy)	Teenagers invent new way of getting blind drunk: absorbing vodka through their eyeballs (fox41.com)	(146)
	Not news: Passenger sleeps for four hours on a plane. Fark: The flight was one hour (cbs3.com)	(38)
	Photoshop theme: Magazines for the dead (google.com)	(48)
(Some Guy)	Every college student's worst nightmare: ramen noodles may give you chronic diseases (couriermail.com.au)	(100)
	Not News: Man released from prison. News: DNA evidence clears him from rape. Fark: After 23 years in prison. UltraFark: Still waiting on ruling of innocence (chron.com)	(69)
	Not News: Some supporters of high school proudly display Confederate flag to show "their Rebel pride". Fark: In Massachusetts (boston.com)	(125)
	CIA considered making a gay sex tape featuring a teenage boy, Saddam Hussein; opted for video of bin Laden swilling liquor. Submitter suspects this also explains the otherwise inexplicable film career of Rob Schneider (wired.com)	(43)
	87 year old man aiming for pole-vault record, bowel movement (khou.com)	(16)
	"Major infestation" of grasshoppers likely to NOM NOM NOM their way through the Great Plains this summer. Frogs, flies, darkness to follow (usatoday.com)	(60)
(BP Live Webcam)	Large amount of activity happening at the BP Gulf oil leak. Link goes to live webcam. Watch BP engineers botch another attempt to cap this shiat as it happens (bp.com)	(1473)
	New study suggests delaying umbilical cord cutting, moving out of parents' basement (msnbc.msn.com)	(64)
	Congo man can't afford $2.50/month to send his kid to school. But he can spend $2/day on booze and smokes, and $10/month on a cell phone (nytimes.com)	(289)
(WAFF)	If you drive to the local high school with your loaded shotgun to discuss your son's suspension, you might be a terrorist. Or a redneck, Lord willing and the creeks don't rise (waff.com)	(52)