Friday, February 05, 2010
"Since the cash flows from indie films tends to be erratic, these smaller distributors had come to rely on advance output deals with three pay TV channels - HBO, Showtime, and Starz - to pay their overhead. In return, the pay channels got the exclusive rights to show their new movies. In 2008, for example, the $80 million that New Line Cinema received from HBO paid its annual overhead and development costs. Bob Weinstein, the co-chairman of the Weinstein Company, not only described output deals as 'the bedrock of the business,' but said in 2008 'not one company in this business could survive and succeed without one.'
His words soon proved prophetic. When the pay channels found they needed fewer movie titles to retain subscribers, and began cutting back on their output deals in 2008, the 'bedrock' crumbled within a matter of months. By 2010, most of these indie distributors and mini-majors were effectively out of business."
"I'm Not Saying Your Mother's a Whore" - How Fox News Censored Jon Stewart vs. Bill O'Reilly
10 Funniest TV Show Bloopers
15 Lamest Rock Star Deaths
"1. Jeff Porcaro, drummer for Toto, Jeff Porcaro died from gardening. He was working in his garden, and decided to spray his petunias with some pesticide. Apparently, he was allergic. He had a heart attack."
American Idol producers want Howard Stern to replace Simon Cowell as judge
American Idol is about the only show on the planet which could afford Stern. The rumor was that they offered Cowell $100m to $144m to stay, and Stern is looking for about $100m a year. Stern would be a good judge. He's bright, quick on his feet, candid, and funny. But he's also a polarizing figure. Many will tune in just to see what he has to say, but many others will turn the show off forever when they realize he's involved. I'm not sure where the balance arm would finally rest.
Those HIGH-FIVE dudes hit Miami for the SUPER BOWL! (Video)
Guest appearances by Peyton Manning and such Miami symbols as Don Johnson and Dave Barry. I looked for Don Shula and Dan Marino, but didn't see 'em.
Pamela Anderson Nipple
Holy Anne Hathaway Hotness, Batman!
"The Wackiest, Funniest And Oddest Toilet Signs"
The Weekend Warrior looks at the box office possibilities for February 5 - 7
The only thing vaguely interesting is that Dear John (3000 theaters, but only 30% positive reviews) may - and I stress MAY - take the weekend away from Avatar. Dear John's advance ticket sales have been quite strong, and the two films are expected to run neck-and-neck. The other new film, From Paris With Love (2700 theaters, 32% positive reviews), is expected to finish a mediocre third.Here is the Rotten Tomatoes page for this week's new films. Dear John is based on a Nicolas Sparks girlie novel. It's the fifth of his weepy-ass books to be made into a movie. You probably remember Message in a Bottle and The Notebook, for example. From Paris With Love is a mismatched-buddy film involving international terrorism and wisecracks. Kind of a Bruce Willis film without Bruce Willis.
Dave Barry: "I take it all back: I love you, Miami"
"I want to start with a retraction and an apology. My previous Super Bowl column, which offered tips for visitors to Miami, deeply offended some readers, who informed me that: (a) I am hurting Miami's image; (b) I am an idiot racist piece of lowlife no-talent scum.""The good news is, this week Janet Napolitano, U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security, inspected Sun Life For Now Stadium and declared it looks secure. The bad news is, this is the same Janet Napolitano who declared that the system worked after a man with known terrorist affiliations managed to get on a U.S.-bound plane with a bomb in his underpants. So with all due respect to Janet, she would not necessarily notice if Osama bin Laden was standing on the 50-yard line with a rocket launcher."
Washington cities clamp down on bikini baristas
"Five bikini baristas in Everett are accused of charging up to $80 to let customers fondle or photograph them as they put on erotic shows — sometimes in view of passing traffic. They face court dates on prostitution charges this month. In images so graphic that officials were reluctant to release them under public disclosure requests, undercover officers photographed them spreading their legs while wearing crotchless panties or licking whipped cream off each other's exposed pubic regions."I find this all very disappointing. I'm shocked that people could do such a thing ... without sending me the address. My Starbucks just has some old fat ladies behind the counter.
Hmmm ... I wonder what the Starbucks are like in Amsterdam.
Police: Man stuffed 75 bottles of lotion in pants
"Police say he could not bend over to get in the police cruiser until some of the evidence was removed."He's a lucky man, one bottle shy of doom. Florida law mandates the death penalty for stealing 76 of anything. It's the so-called "trombone law."
Michael Jackson has started appearing to the living, Jesus-style
Controversy sparked over NBC's special Black History Month lunch menu
"The African-American chef who planned it doesn't understand the fuss. 'All I wanted to do was make a meal that everyone would enjoy - and that I eat myself.'"
The First Talking Sex Robot: A (Terrified) User Review | Cracked.com
The 5 Most Statistically Full of Shit National Stereotypes
13 Hitchcock Films That Were Never Made
The Big Cat is cured of wanting pussy.
Tiger emerged from rehab this week a new man, completely chaste, interested only in his wife. God bless the Ludovico treatment.
Mark your calendars for April 4th. It's not too early to book your tickets to Kawasaki.
The countdown begins to 2010's Giant Pink Japanese Penis Day, which is probably the second most important holiday of the year, after Talk Like a Pirate Day. Only 58 more days.A word of warning for those who hope to attend: do NOT try to smuggle giant pink penises into Japan from other countries. In addition to the fact that you would face the dire legal penalties for giant penis smuggling (imagine Midnight Express, except with giant penises), there are simply good reasons why you should not do so.
- First of all, they would not be sacred. Only giant pink Japanese penises have been blessed. That would be like trying to pass off a bottle of Ozarka from 7-Eleven as Holy Water in the Vatican.
- Second, the Most Honorable Japanese Department of Agriculture and Giant Genitalia is concerned that introducing a new strain of giant pink penises into their eco-system could cause the native strain to mutate or die out. It's the same reason why you can't take frogs to Australia.
The main thing to remember is that there is simply no need for you to take such a risk. There are plenty of giant pink Japanese penises to go around, and that means a fun day will be had by everyone.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
VIDEO: Amanda Seyfried: Tits, Ass, and Big Love
iowahawk: "Obama's Eleven"
"Ladies and gentlemen, Barry has just left the theater."
NBC commemorates Black History Month
Denise Milani. Exposed bottom and DDDs
Officials Investigating Semi-Celebrity Terrorist Cell
"We believe that Mr. Torn and Mr. Garrett are part of an elaborate plot to undermine the moral standing of the United States."
Willie Mays, at 78, Decides to Tell His Story
Brett Favre's Hyundai Super Bowl ad is pure genius.
Very funny. Good to see that Favre can laugh at himself.
Sarah Silverman says "I peed on stage"
Ambassador tp Saudi Arabia rejected because his name means "Biggest Dick" in Arabic
Oddly, the Arabic word for "biggest" is "Andy."
"A Washington state man has filed an initiative to change the Seal of State to a well-dressed tapeworm attached to the taxpayer's rectum."
WTF? Teen Girl With No Vagina Pregnant by Sperm Survival from Oral Sex
6 Tiny Things That Have Mind-Blowing Global Impacts
7 Insane Comics That Will Never Be Movies
Happy Birthday to the Antichrist
According to psychic Jeanne Dixon, the Antichrist was born on February 5, 1962, so he or she turns 48 Friday.Actress Jennifer Jason Leigh (Fast Times at Ridgemont High) was born on that day. She'd probably be happy to finsd out that she is the antichrist, since it would mean her father was Satan instead of Vic Morrow. That's a significant upgrade.
Bosom bombers: al-Queda's women have explosive breast implants
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Yup, this Saturday is the big one. That's right, I said SATURDAY.
Late Night Political Jokes Updated
"I read in The New York Times that the Obama administration is planning huge changes to President Bush's 'No Child Left Behind' law. The new law will be called, 'Let's Face It, Some Kids Are Just Duds.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Today, by the way, is Groundhog Day. And this morning, the groundhog known to humans as Punxsutawney Phil was ripped from his hole by men dressed like the mayor in Monopoly. The animal rights group PETA has asked the organizers of this ridiculous event to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robot groundhog. You create one robot groundhog, and before you know it, they take over the planet, you have to send people back in time to exterminate them and then we have no governor anymore. It's not a good idea." –Jimmy Kimmel
Top 10 Super Bowl FAILS of All Time
Ten Things You Should Know Before Going on The Daily Show
Carey Mulligan Topless Video from When Did You Last See Your Father
She's an Oscar nominee for An Education
Emotionally Unstable Woman Weeps at Every Movie
It's more interesting than it sounds. They mean EVERY movie. She probably cries at The Dirty Dozen. She cries more than Bret Favre, Glenn Beck and that "leave Britney alone" dude added together.
Pamela Anderson's career is flowering, part I
Just 20 people turned up for the launch of her new fashion range.
Pam has said: "I've had lots of things that didn't work out. I haven't reinvented myself. It's an honest evolution. I've always been authentic. Except for the boobs."
Pamela Anderson's career is flowering! Part II
Pamela Anderson promoted her new fragrance at Rite-Aid stores in Ardmore and Narberth, Pennsylvania on Sunday (January 23). The population of Ardmore is 12,000. That seems like Mexico City compared to Narberth, which boasts 4,000 residents.From the Narberth Wikipedia page: "Northeast Narberth is centered around the famous corner of Iona and Woodbine, which contains the old Italian barbershop known simply as 'Al's.' This is arguably the second most famous corner behind Narberth and Haverford Ave."
Non-religious item o' the day: Jesus to continue without Madonna
Key line: "Madonna is 14 years older than Jesus' mother." Since Madonna was probably sexually active at a young age, she therefore could be his grandmother. C'mon, that's kinda cool. I mean, name a guy who has fucked his grandmother, or even a great-aunt. OK, maybe I have to grant you Ashton Kutcher, but name another.
Michel Gondry talks directing Seth Rogen in The Green Hornet "They let me do a lot of crazy things"
This is not going to be a generic action film. Lovable goofball/stoner Rogen is the star. Gondry is one of the world's supreme eccentrics (and a great director, as I see it). The bad guy is the incomparably slimy Christopher Waltz, who should win an Oscar this year.
AnnaLynne McCord Loves Showing Her Nipples
It worked for Hitler, and it can work for you:
Handicapping Everyone's Comeback
So many high profile comebacks this year. Which will succeed? Pee Wee's? Katie's? Vick's?
8 Amazing Stories of Ninja Failure | Cracked.com
5 Ways The World Could End (You'd Never See Coming) | Cracked.com
23 Situations About To Go Horribly Awry | Cracked.com Photoshop Contest
Dave Barry: If you're a Super Bowl tourist, Do NOT go outside
"South Beach is famous for its nightlife scene, featuring clubs where you can enjoy hideous music played at the volume of nuclear testing while running up a bar tab the equivalent of two years' tuition to dental school. South Beach also boasts a vast array of obscure celebrities, so you just might spot a famous DJ that you never heard of, or a Kardashian sister, or even - if you're lucky - a Real Housewife of New Jersey. Also you pretty much can't throw a rock over there without hitting Mickey Rourke.
Another fun South Beach activity is people-watching. Here I am using the term 'people' in the sense of 'breasts.'"
Panel: Ask, Tell, Just Don't Be Too Gay
"In a nod to their Commander-in-Chief, a joint military commission has recommended that the Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) policy on gays in the military that has been in place since 1993 should be scrapped in favor of a sliding 'gay meter' that would be used to determine if someone was too gay for military service.""You can dance, but not well. You can dress nicely, but not too nicely. You can sing, but no show tunes. And no tattoos that say Sergeant Sausage Sucker or the like."
Governor Sandford begged his wife to let him visit his lover
RAHM EMANUEL COMPARES DEMOCRATS TO "RETARDED" PEOPLE, then apologizes to retarded people ...
