Current Clerks List: Association of Bad Friends

Here's the current clerks list of the Association of Bad Friends
•J. Brent Bill -- co-clerk and co-founder of Association of Bad Friends
•Jacob Stone -- co-clerk and co-founder (and unindicted co-conspirator) of Association of Bad Friends
•Ginny Mills -- Clerk of Non-Birthright Quakers (who are not as good, and so never as bad, as Birthrights)
•Bill Clendineng -- Crank
•Staṡa Morgan-Appel Goddess of Unprogrammed Laughter& Goddess of Sacred Snark
•Vonn New -- Clerk of Americans for Servicing their Friends Committee
•Angie Reeks -- Clerk of Rolling Eyes, and ROF Laughter
•Amy Woods Hostler -- Clerk of Backsliding
•Gil Skidmore-- Co-clerk [pronounced Clark] of Awkward British Friends
•Laurel Whisler -- Clerk of Always Looking on the Bright Side of Life, in a Pessimistic Sort of Way
•Annie Glen -- Clerk of the Royal High and Holy Potatoes
•Michael Cronin -- Representative to Wikiquakes
•Andrea Walsh -- Clerk of Yearly Meeting Registrars
•Deborah Suess -- Clerk of Closeted Dancin', Handclappin, But Ain't Got No Rhythm Quakes
•Becki Swantner Heusel -- Clerk of Birthright Methodists Gone Quaker
•Bill Downall -- Clerk of the Committee on Alternatives to Non-Violence
•Ann Armstrong -- Clerk of Hybrid Multi-branch Friends
•Chuck Fager-- Clerk of the Committee on New Quaker Cliches
•Jane Stokes -- Representative for Clerks of Micro-mini Worship Groups that pay Attention to Food, not Business
•Meredith Egan --Clerk of Questioning the Rules against Educating YAFs in the Appreciation of great Islay or organic farm-brewed Beer at Gatherings Committee
•Tatiana 'Tania' Hamboyan Harrison -- Clerk of "I've got 99 beliefs but Just War Ain't One
•Dorene Cornwell -- Clerk of the Still Didn't Get the Memo Committee on E-mail Immoderation
•Richard Lee -- Clerk of the Hide your Light under a Barrel Committee (if I can also help to empty the barrel)
•Helen Gibbs -- Co-clerk of the Meeting of Friends needing Therapy because by the Time they Heard about YF, they were too Old
•Richard Lee -- Clerk of the Intensely Complicated Simplicity Committee
•Gretta Stone -- Clerk of BAD Yearly Meeting Registrars
•Chris Wynn -- Clerk of Middle Road Wilburite Friends who serve as Hireling Pastors of Programmed Meetings
•Colin Lincoln Holloway -- Non Clerk of Feral Friends & Rock & Tree Herding
•Dawn L. Rubbert -- Clerk of Birthright Lutherans Gone Quaker
•Anne Wright-Lohaus -- Clerk of Late Bad Friends
•Patrick Ruth -- Clerk of the No damn Organic, Meat & Potatoes, Beer with a Straight Shot Advancement Committee
•Charley Earp -- Chief Conspirator of the Winstanleyite Communist Quakers (Digger Primitivists)
•Rami Zentgraf -- Bad Librarian
•Beth Jenkins Chandler -- Clerk of Birthright Catholics Gone Quaker Who Think "Dogma" Is the Greatest Religious Movie Ever
•Raymond Edward Bartolo Slaughter--Clerk of the Nerd Subcommittee of the Liminal Lifestyle Query Group
•Kathleen Lawson -- Clerk of the Empresses of Everything, Liaison to the subcommittee clerks, task group clerks and preparatory meeting clerks AND Clerk of the Committee to Devise New Anagrams
•Leslie Elise Ford Khalsa -- Clerk of the Heinously Unfriendly and Hypocritical Poseur for the AFSC...(I have the tattoo!)
•Patricia Jackson -- Clerk of Herding Cats Committee
•Elaine Caldwell Emmi -- Clerk of the Perpetually Connected Seekers
•Helen Gibbs -- Clerk of the Discussion Group Reviewing the Decision to Nominate that the Rapture is Due to Happen in October this Year
•Leesa Whitson -- Quaker Party Girl (AKA Social Night Facilitator)
•Matthew Boyce -- Clerk of Friends with Ego Disorders
•Kathleen Lawson -- Clerk of the Committee to Teach New Songs to Liberal Friends
•Rami Zentgraf -- Cerk of the Bad Hospitality Committee

You may notice that some Friends have named themselves as clerk of more than one committee, but that is keeping with the accepted Queries and Testimonies of Friends -- "Is thee's badness evidenced by the over-riding belief that THEE and only THEE can fully understand and direct the needs of THEE's (not the Lord's or the Meeting's) committee.

Nominations are still open.

-- Brent, Presiding Clerk of the Association of Bad Friends and Emperor of the Universe

RsOFL -- Religious Society of Friends and Texting

I admit to geezerhood. So much so that when I first started getting texts on my phone that I often couldn't figure them out. Or figure them out wrong. Like, why were so many of my women friends telling me that they loved me a lot? LOL. Lot's o' Love, right?

I'm not very bright, I know. But now, OMG, BM&Y, I can MYOB and text you about ur's ASAP.

Now, thanks to the crack international research team at the Association of Bad Friends (headed by Helen Gibbs of Cambridge, England and Chuck Fager of Fayetteville, NC), there's a whole new bunch of Quaker txtng stuff I have to learn.

Here's the list that Gibbs and Fager, with help from others on their research team, have come up with so far.

CQUMB -"Chuckling Quietly Under My Breath"?
PFMWHAMS "Please, Friends, May We Have A Moment of Silence?"
CTCTF "Could Thee Clarify That, Friend?"
ITGTHOOH! "I'm Trying To Get The H*** Out Of Here!"
SER "Surreptitious Eye Roll"
TIANTWNHOTM "That Is A Name Which Would NOt Have Occurred To Me"
LYLS "Let your life speak"
ITCR "Is the clock right?"
YKSPTSTAW "You know she planned to say this all week." (Referring to people who take the silence as a moment to deliver a sermonette.)
TFSMM "That Friend speaks my mind"
MANCMTW - "Must avoid nominations committee"
IIWNQ -- "If I was not Quaker!"

AFAIK, 404, Quakes are the only denomination (religion, set, cult, whatever) to come up with their own txtng lingo. For once we're ahead in the game.

ROFLMAO, 4COL

Brent

Racing Lessons: # 3 "Eyes Front"

Heading toward 100 mph in a turn is no time to gawk or sight-see. I learned that quickly -- emphasis on the quickly -- the other day whilst tooling around the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Okay, I was doing a bit more than tooling around -- zipping around, zooming around, rocketing around. At least that's how it felt to me.

The first time through the short chute between turns 1 and 2 though, I thought, "Hey, wait a sec, I'm coming up on the stands where I've sat for the races I've attended." Stand G. So, as I drew closer to it, I looked up to see what it looked like from the vantage of a car on the track.

Not a good idea. For one, I was strapped in securely enough, that it was hard to turn my body and/or head to get a good look at something zipping by at 90-100 mph. For two, I was zipping by at 90-100 mph and had no business trying to see that which was falling rapidly behind me. I whipped my head back to the center line of the car and noticed it was continuing to go straight and I was into the curve. So I had to turn and get the car back on line.

I did have a lead car in front of me, leading the way, showing the line through the curves. If I wanted to get the full experience of the drive, I had to forget sight-seeing, focus on the back end of the lead car, and step on the gas. Which I did. As I closed in on the lead car, he sped up and led me though the turns quickly and safely. And I got to speed up as I looked toward and trusted my guide.

How like life that is for me. I often meander at high speed through life, gawking at the sights around me and taking my eyes off of my Guide. And coming dangerously close to the wall! So long as I keep my eye on my Guide, I am shown the way and vouchsafed, ultimately, to the end. And provided with a trip that is, at times, fun, scary, exciting, and filled with learning. So long, that is, as I keep my eyes front and centered on Christ.

"Jesus, Savior, pilot me..." around all the tracks of my life. And keep my eyes front!





-- Brent

Racing Lessons: #2 Hold Firmly but Loosely

120 mph seems pretty fast when you're sitting a few inches of the ground. I've never driven 120 mph before (I don't care what that Ohio State Patrolman said!).

And everything happens really quickly,too. That's how I learned lesson number 2. "Hold firmly but loosely."

I will say that instruction was not given in the "pre-race" (not that I was really racing!) instructions, but I remembered it from the few times I've ever driven a car "at speed" (including my old MG). Everything at speed is accelerated -- and not just the mph.

I relearned that when I was whipping through turn 2 the first time at maybe 80 or 90 mph. I realized, as I exited turn 1 and was accelerating to catch up to my lead car, that I was passing the G Stands, where I've sat at every race I've attended. I looked up to see if I could catch a glimpse of my "usual" seat and by the time I turned my head back around to look at the track in front of me, I was closing in quickly on the turn 2 wall. So I gave the steering wheel my usual Interstate 70 lane change effort and found myself changing the equivalent to 3 lanes!

Yikes!

The steering was ... um... sensitive. So I gripped the wheel tightly as I sped up to catch up to my leader and find the line through the turns. Every time I breathed or thought about sneezing, I moved up or down the track. As I crossed the yard of bricks for the first time, I realized I had a death grip on the steering wheel. So I took a deep breath, relaxed my grip a bit, and hit the accelerator as we moved through turn two.

As I remembered to hold the steering wheel firmly, but loosely, I found that the car was less "twitchy" and easier to steer -- and faster through the turns. And, at least to me, my track times picked up as I relaxed my grip on the wheel and guided the car along the line I wanted it to take.

Firm but loosely is another life lesson I've had a long time learning. I tend to hold on too tight to that which I love or am afraid of losing. And, in the process, I spin out of control and am in danger of crashing into a wall. That is true whether it is people in my life or the ineffable presence of the Divine. The tighter I hold, the more the smooth line of speed around the track eludes me. But when I relax my grip, holding the wheel firmly enough -- but just, then good things happen. The tires grip as they should because I'm not jerking the car all over the place with every breath. My relationships are not jerked all over the place. The presence of the Divine is not forced by my illusion of control.

The car rides the track smoothly as I allow the physics at work to ... um... work. And that includes my holding both firmly, but loosely.

-- Brent

Racing Lessons: #1 -- Trust

Screaming into turn 3 at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway at 180 mph gave me a new understanding of the word trust. Just a few seconds, literally, earlier, we had rocketed out of the pits, down the pit road, up onto the track, and were hurtling toward turn 3. I was snugged into the back seat of a two-seater Indy car, strapped in behind a driver who I had never before met and had not spoken to. He was already in the car when I got there, suited up, strapped down, helmeted, radiophones in his ears, and ready to go. After I climbed in, he fired the engine and we sat there with him blipping the throttle.

Then the pit crew attendant tapped him on the head, stepped back, and he hit the accelerator. The back tires smoked (at least that's what I heard from those on site), squealed, and I was slammed back into the seat as we went from 0 to 60 in a little over two seconds. He ran up through the gears along pit road, gaining speed with each second. But the time we shot off pit road and up to the outside wall down the back straightaway, I realized that my vision was dimming. I'd be holding my breath ever since he'd taken off!

I took a deep breath, reminded myself that was riding with a professional race car driver who planned on living as long as I did, started to relax a bit when he pulled a left turn and we sped, without him lifting off the accelerator, into turn 3. I forgot to breathe again.

It was then I thought that I could do one of two things. I could either fret myself into a heart attack and die in the back of the car -- thereby earning myself spot on the evening news and infamy at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway -- or I could trust that the guy in front of me was really skilled, the car was really good, and this was going to be among the most exciting minutes in my life.

I decided, against my lifetime of distrust of those who hold my life in their hands at various times (other drivers, pilots, dentists), as we flew across the yard of bricks, to trust. To relax. I even remembered how my friend Buck, a Quaker pastor, says that he thinks learning to trust is the great lesson of the Christian life. So I prayed (quickly), "Buck, I hope you're right," took a breath and relaxed my tense muscles and watch the track surface, walls, trees, golf course, and viewing stands come and go in less than the blink of an eye. Zip through turn two. Zoom into turn 3 and up to the top of the short chute, then jetting down into turn four, up and out. As we hit the main straight, the driver lifted off the accelerator and we turned onto pit lane.

Thirty seconds later, I was up and out of the car, and walking a little shakily toward the safety behind pit wall where people I loved where there to greet me. And I hummed, to myself, a bit of an old gospel hymn that I'd grown up with:
"’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus..."

And Indy car drivers, too...

-- Brent

At Speed: Me and the Indianapolis Motor Speedway

It's the month of May and that means one thing in Indianapolis -- the 500 mile race. Festivities kicked off last Saturday with the mini-marathon and next Saturday the track officially opens, with practice soon to follow.

In between those two dates, I'll be taking my fifth trip around the track. Okay, I admit that the trips so far have bordered on the sedate. The first trip was almost twenty years ago and in one of the tour buses of the IMS Hall of Fame Museum. I think we got up to 30 mph.

But I've also driven around the track in my old MG. Once was for a lap around during the 500 festivities when our granddaughter Ashley was a 500 princess. Top speed on that lap was 45. Two times were with the Indiana British Car Union's fall gathering -- once around the old Grand Prix circuit and once around the oval. I think we got over 60 at one point -- though the speedometer conked out as we passed 55 so I'm really not sure.

This time, though, will be completely different. For my 60th birthday, my step-kids (Michele and Jeff, Laura and Mike, Lisa and Laura, and Chris) and Nancy got me an Indy Racing Experience package. The first part is as a passenger in a two seater Indy car. Other than the extra seat, in every other way, this is a true IZOD IndyCar® Series car. I'll be sitting be hind the driver (one of the current Indy car drivers -- or a past winner such as Mario Andretti or Dario Franchitti (maybe he'll bring along Ashley Judd??)). The car is built on a Dallara chassis and equipped with an authentic racing power plant that can reach up to 180 miles per hour. I'll be experiencing speeds and g-forces similar to those in a real racing situation.

Then, if I survive that part, I'll be driving three laps in a real IZOD IndyCar® Series car that has competed in the famed Indianapolis 500. Yes, I'll be DRIVING. They say that "Speeds are dependent upon each customer's comfort level in the car." How fast can an old man drive if he's trying not to throw-up?

Yes, this time will be completely different than the previous times. The picture above is of my buddy Aaron and I tooling across the yard of bricks at about 30 mph. Later we got about twice that speed through the curves (on 30 year old tyres) and Aaron was holding onto the crash bar and taking someone's Lord's name in vain.

In this case, if Jesus' name escapes my lips on Wednesday when we push through a turn at more than 150 mph, it will not be in vain -- it will be a sincere prayer. I may sound like a line out of an old Harry Chapin song --"It was funny how he had named the only man who could save him now."

It's a great gift for a "kid" who always wanted to be a race car driver. Now at (almost -- not til Wednesday!) 60 I'll be going from 0-60 in around two seconds and being propelled around the track in an automobile that exerts so much downforce that it could be driven upside down. Let's hope I don't experience that!

-- Brent

PS Pictures and commentary (from the spectators such as Nancy, Lisa, my Dad, Aaron and others on hand) will be posted after I quit shaking on Wednesday. I expect, "Screaming like a little girl!" will be among them.

"Like Lightnings..."

"Spring "
by Gerard Manley Hopkins

Nothing is so beautiful as spring—
When weeds, in wheels, shoot long and lovely and lush;
Thrush's eggs look little low heavens, and thrush
Through the echoing timber does so rinse and wring
The ear, it strikes like lightnings to hear him sing;
The glassy peartree leaves and blooms, they brush
The descending blue; that blue is all in a rush
With richness; the racing lambs too have fair their fling.
What is all this juice and all this joy?
A strain of the earth's sweet being in the beginning
In Eden garden. — Have, get, before it cloy,
Before it cloud, Christ, lord, and sour with sinning,
Innocent mind and Mayday in girl and boy,
Most, O maid's child, thy choice and worthy the winning.

*****
"and thrush
Through the echoing timber does so rinse and wring
The ear, it strikes like lightnings to hear him sing" -- what amazing lines.

Gerard Manley Hopkins was an English poet and a convert to Roman Catholicism. He eventually became a Jesuit priest. His poems were thought to be not quite up to snuff during his lifetime. He may have used to daring imagery for the time. But, today he is recognized as one of the leading religious poets of all time. He's a favorite of mine.

-- Brent