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Sunday, January 03, 2010

John McCain Beats Out Palin to Scuttle Scott Brown’s Run for MA Senate Seat

John McCain delivers the Kiss of Death to Naked Teabagger Scott Brown.

McCain went public with his endorsement while Sarah Palin, whom many Conservatives Militant Secessionists had hoped would work her “NY-23 Magic” on the underdog Conservative candidate, was still snow-machining into the New Year under the Full Red Moon on her homeworld of Planet Denali.

One of them had to do it, eventually. A Palin endorsement—while burnishing Palin’s 2012 conservo-cred—would have rendered Brown, the only Republican in the race, almost radioactively Teabaggy in a state that was proud of hosting the original Tea Party before the concept was co-opted by crazed Obamaphobes and Kennedy-haters. 

However, by exercising his first-strike capability, McCain has practically assured a GOP loss in a contest that is widely considered unwinnable by odds-makers on both sides (viz. Nate Silver and Real Clear Politics) and has already been abandoned by the national GOP.

Better yet—from a GOP strategy standpoint—McCain’s pre-emptive move has cast any subsequent Palin endorsement of Brown as a decidedly un-Roguey “me-too” suck-up to a man she whacked in the face with the stitched binding of her recent autobimbography, I’d Be VP Now If McQueeg Hadn’t Been Such a Senile Pussy.

I hate to give either McCain or the GOP points for intelligence, but it appears the lessons of the Hoffman debacle have not been lost on them. Plus, you just know Johnny McVengeance has been itching for a chance to stick it to Governor Ingrate.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 01/03/10 at 01:11 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '10NuttersSarah PalinPoliblogs

Britster Christian

Jeebus christ.

UPDATE: Here’s the video…

Posted by Kevin K. on 01/03/10 at 11:49 AM
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Saturday, January 02, 2010

Is college football going all emo-pants?*

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Gorging on holiday bowl games, I couldn’t help but notice a trend: Coaches fired or on the hot seat for hurting players’ fee-fees. Mike Leach at Texas Tech got shit-canned because he made player Adam James sit in a tool shed or something, which Leach denies. I have no idea what actually transpired, but James’ father is the über-smarmy Craig James, so I tend to believe Leach’s version.

Then Kansas coach Mark Mangino got the boot for being abusive:

Former Kansas wide receiver Raymond Brown, a senior last season, said Mangino would often “say personal, hurtful, embarrassing things in front of people.”

Fer chrissake. I bet he never called any of them fat slobs.

Jim Leavitt, coach of the USF Bulls, is currently under investigation for smacking a player around. The player’s father and several others were pushing the story, which they’ve backed off from somewhat, but it remains a major controversy and threatens the career and reputation of the guy who built the USF program.

The legendary coach at my alma mater, Urban Meyer, hasn’t been accused of abusing players, but he has revealed himself to be somewhat of a head case this drama-filled week. Dealing with overgrown babies in the program is undoubtedly one of stressors that goes along with getting paid $4M a year to coach the Gators.

Poor Meyer would probably be painting sand dollars in a padded room if it weren’t for the great Tim Tebow, who I’m certain not only never gave Meyer a moment’s worry but could talk Satan into wearing John 3:16 on his eye black and selling Vegas to fund a Filipino orphanage.

Anyway, I’m wondering if Bear Bryant would make it in today’s college football emo-fest. The Junction Boys would probably hire Gloria Allred and sue the poor bastard.

*Credit for the phrase “emo-pants” goes to John Cole

Posted by Betty Cracker on 01/02/10 at 12:10 PM
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Categories: Sports

Friday, January 01, 2010

Rumproast 2010: New Year’s Day Hangover Hugs & Kisses

BERJAYA

If you can look at this graphic without wincing, you didn’t have enough to drink.

WAKEY, WAKEY! It’s the first day of 2010 (or “XX0X” in the Old Rumpic Calendar). And no matter how early it is, Teh Stupid has already been upright, blogging and making fools of themselves on FoxNews for at least an hour.

Sure, it hurts to move. And, yes, you’re wearing the clothes you swapped with a junkie at the Greyhound Station. But, gosh darn it, staring at the toilet and making kitty-hairball gacking noises isn’t going to move the Overton Window, dictate the acceptable limits of Online Progressive Dialogue or unsled Sarah Palin’s Idiotarod to the White House in 2012.

Kevin K. has given us this safe, nurturing, trigger-free platform from which to unleash Psionic Waves of 4th-Generation Asymmetric Snark against the Evil Outernet of Unassimilated Nobots and Nutters. But, as a poor but wise man once observed, these rats ain’t gonna fuck themselves.

Let’s brush off the peanut shells, fish the butts out of our beer mugs and squint blearily into the blazing dawn of the Decade of Rumproast! Deus Lo Volt!

Oh, and BTW, I really love you guys. *hic*

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 01/01/10 at 09:45 AM
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Categories: BoozePoliticsPolisnarkRumproast Biz

We Are Hereby Resolved To Have A Hopey New Year!

BERJAYA    Hopey New Year!

The corks have popped, the confetti’s thrown, the revels have faded into the watery grey light of a January morning. Is it not time to take stock, to assess where we may have gone off the rails, to try to set matters aright, to resolve to make amends and start anew? There are, after all, certain members of the blogosphere who have been done hard by, and have expressed an interest in letting bygones be bygones, if their offenders would only apologise.

That’s all. Not such a much. Just a little apology. Little one.
Anybody?

 

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Posted by Mrs. Polly on 01/01/10 at 12:27 AM
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Categories: BoozeImagesPoliticsBedwettersPoliblogsPolisnark

Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year’s Eve in Yoshiwara

My kinda town. Updated techno score by the New Pollutants.

Robot Maria dance number is quasi-NSFW…but all of your co-workers are already smashed, so what the hell.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 12/31/09 at 05:17 PM
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Lists!  Get Your List Here!

Where would media be without end-of-year lists to fill in while the high-priced talent parties away?  Since we all seem to love ‘em and hate ‘em, I’ve gathered up a few that caught my attention this past week and lovingly share them with you. 

Happy New Year from me and Mr. Gimme.  May your favorite deity wish a much better year on us all.

General Politics

TPM brings us the best protest signs of the year.

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Also: 2009 Dukes Winners

read the whole post »

Posted by gimmeabreak on 12/31/09 at 04:33 PM
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Categories: FoodRecipesMessylaneous

Thursday Morning Music: Dean Martin’s “Blue Moon”

In honor of the blue moon we’re getting for New Year’s Eve tonight, here’s Dino singing, of course, “Blue Moon”...

p.s. So what are you doing tonight? Do you guys want an open thread again this year or would you prefer to just hang out in the Rumper Room? Your opinion matters!

Posted by Kevin K. on 12/31/09 at 08:00 AM
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Categories: MusicMusic VideosRumproast BizYouTubidity

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

National GOP Leaves Come-from-Behind Coakley Challenger Flapping in the Breeze

BERJAYA

You may think you recognize him as any one of the following hunky celebrities:

—Splint Chesthair*
—Slab Squatthrust
—Smash Lampjaw
—Butch Deadlift
—Brick Hardmeat
—Rip Steakface

...but, in fact, he is Scott Brown, the Tea Partiers’ choice to peel off Ted Kennedy’s Massachussetts Senate seat in a long-shot run against fully-clothed Dem candidate Martha Coakley.

Alas, Brown—who was named “America’s Sexiest Man” by Cosmopolitan for his Come-Hither-to-Small Government-and-Vigorous Homeland-Defense 1982 centerfold pose—isn’t feeling much love from national Republican Party funding groups, who’ve apparently already bagged on the ‘Bagger.

We may lose Nelson, but Coakley still looks good here. Will Sarah save Scotty Hollywood, or will he learn to embrace the simple joys of flannel shirts, crackling log fires and long walks in the Political Wilderness?

(*Thanks to the MST3K Space Mutiny funny name compilation link. Also, the Wiki page that explains the gag.)

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 12/30/09 at 06:21 PM
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Categories: Knee SlappersPoliticsElection '10NuttersPolisnark

Sketch of the Dead

Sketch Of The Dead

Posted by Kevin K. on 12/30/09 at 04:48 PM
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Categories: Knee SlappersYouTubidity

As if Mushy on MSNBC wasn’t bad enough…

As we reported yesterday, one of the most egregious anti-Obama hate merchants we blogged about during the primaries slithered her way onto MSNBC and today we find out that CNN had the supremely wretched and wrong-headed Agent Flowbee on as a security expert this morning. As John Cole notes: “I Guess Harriet Christian Was Unavailable.” Seriously, how long will it be before we see the DickSpuzz boiz on with Campbell Brown or Amy Siskind on MTP?

Gack. Our media completely sucks.

Posted by Kevin K. on 12/30/09 at 10:24 AM
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I finally figured out who Cheney reminds me of…

D’orc Cheney:

“As I’ve watched the events of the last few days it is clear once again that President Obama is trying to pretend we are not at war. He seems to think if he has a low key response to an attempt to blow up an airliner and kill hundreds of people, we won’t be at war. He seems to think if he gives terrorists the rights of Americans, lets them lawyer up and reads them their Miranda rights, we won’t be at war. He seems to think if we bring the mastermind of 9/11 to New York, give him a lawyer and trial in civilian court, we won’t be at war.

“He seems to think if he closes Guantanamo and releases the hard-core al Qaeda trained terrorists still there, we won’t be at war. He seems to think if he gets rid of the words, ‘war on terror,’ we won’t be at war. But we are at war and when President Obama pretends we aren’t, it makes us less safe. Why doesn’t he want to admit we’re at war? It doesn’t fit with the view of the world he brought with him to the Oval Office. It doesn’t fit with what seems to be the goal of his presidency—social transformation—the restructuring of American society. President Obama’s first object and his highest responsibility must be to defend us against an enemy that knows we are at war.

Good Christ, what a despicable creature. I hope he chokes on a bowl of extra crispy chicken-fried Hobbit dicks.

[Updated with gratuitous cute dogs after the jump]

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Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/30/09 at 07:35 AM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBushCoBedwettersNuttersOur Stupid MediaYouTubidity

Bob Cesca asks a good question

From Bob Cesca:

Furthermore, at this point there should be no doubt that if there’s ever a successful terrorist attack that the Republicans will call for the impeachment of President Obama. Or that they would have if Gore was president on 9/11.

Don’t forget that after the successful terrorist attacks of 9/11, Bush’s approval ratings shot up to 90 percent. The Underpants Bomber was a total fail, and, reading the wingnut blogs and Twitters, you’d think President Obama put him up to it. But the deadliest terrorist attack on American soil was a major win for Bush. How does that work?

I need more coffee.

Posted by Kevin K. on 12/30/09 at 07:04 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaBushCoBedwettersNuttersPoliblogs

Best Movie Review of the Year

From Dave Weigel:

22) Bruno

Fun, but my favorite Sacha Baron Cohen character this year was Orly Taitz.

Posted by Kevin K. on 12/30/09 at 05:43 AM
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Categories: Knee SlappersMoviesMovie Reviews

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

This is why they made Twitter!

Ha ha! Someone saw Taylor “Mushy” Marsh on MSNBC today and was none too pleased:

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If you wanna see how Mushy has morphed into the Scariest Henry Selick Stop Motion Puppet Ever and/or suffer through wingnut blogger Matt Lewis saying “Taylor’s right” over and over, you can watch the segment below:

read the whole post »

Posted by Kevin K. on 12/29/09 at 09:03 PM
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Categories: PoliticsHealth CarePUMAsNuttersSkull HampersTelevisionYouTubidity

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