Wonkette

• FINALLY: Famous dead Jackson, Michael Jackson, was buried in the ground outside Los Angeles last night. [New York Times]
• Some Obama cabinet members, like America’s Vice President Joe Biden, are hesitant about sending more troops to Afghanistan, while other people are not hesitant at all about doing this. A nation waits for George Will’s “tiebreaker.” [New York Times]
• California has officially created “Harvey Milk Day,” which honors Harvey Milk, who starred in last year’s overrated Sean Penn biopic. [Los Angeles Times]
• The terrible wildfire that has enveloped the entirety of northern Los Angeles is the work of an arsonist! And now this arsonist is technically a murderer! [Reuters]
• Congratulations to Ahmad Vahidi, Iran’s first lady defense minister and its first lady defense minister who also worked with Hezbollah. This is a crucial step in the struggle for women’s/alleged terrorists’ rights. [CNN]
• Having enriched a bunch of uranium as enriched as it will go, North Korea is THISCLOSE to making a nuclear bomb. [Washington Post]

While the state of Colorado has a few nice cities and some lovely wilderness, until very recently the entire state was run by the Ku Klux Klan, and those people didn’t all just die/disappear! And you can bet the “Rocky Mountain Fever Tick” wingnuts are not pleased about this colored fella speaking to kids on teevee about the so-called “value” of “education” and “staying in school.” So, to fight this black-socialist threat, the poor white children of wingnuts will be forced stay home and get dumber, while watching the hip-hop on the home teevee, because Barack Obama is going to address the schoolkids next week, for a few minutes, on the school teevee. MORE »

It has only been a week — one week — since Ted Kennedy died, and already some gal has exploited this by declaring her candidacy for the special election happening like 2 minutes from now. Her name is Martha Coakley and she has been the state’s Attorney General since 2006. We checked out her Wikipedia and there is absolutely nothing interesting or controversial on it. (There is for some weird thing about “Aqua Teen Hunger Force,” and how she released a couple of completely uninteresting and uncontroversial statements about its posters several years ago, as part of her job.) What else? She is experienced and stuff, with jobs. The ladies of M.A.D.D. think very highly of her, though, meaning she must not enjoy having awesome fun times and will probably pass annoying legislation about whatever. So just be extra careful, if she wins, to chew your two sticks of mint gum before turning the car on. [NYT/The Caucus]

Mark Sanford has admitted to a lot of sketchy behavior and pretty much constant lies about everything, and he is a weeping emo douche, but there’s one thing Mark Sanford wants you to know: HE DID NOT START THE RUMOR THAT HIS HATED RIVAL, LT. GOV. ANDRE BAUER, IS A BIG FAG. Somebody else must’ve done that. Still, “Andre Bauer” is such a gay name we don’t really need Mark Sanford to clue in the blogs, about that. [Palmetto Scoop]

• Barack Obama has everything he needs to take over the world (1,000 kilos of moutarde de Dijon, his mother-in-law’s crystal ball, and uh, Brookstone Tempur-Pedic Comfort-Step slippers). [TPM]
• In the words of Lenin: “A lie told often enough helps Jim Inhofe manage a chubby.” [Think Progress]
• L’Alberto, a new opera by the great Monteverdi, retells the Greek tragedy of an attorney general who ventures to the Underworld, but then doesn’t recall how or why. [The Daily Dish]
• Azerbaijan, also known as “Egypt” if you subscribe to Fox News Geographic, is very sensitive about donkeys. And human rights. Best not to bring either up, if you happen to visit Cairo. [AMERICAblog]
• For Pete’s sake, how much cocaine did you people snort in the ’80s? Were you brushing your teeth with powder? Apparently, because according to Matt’s fancy Excel graph, you all got totally ripped and bought a new Porsche every day. Props. [Matt Yglesias]

Wonkette Internet-reading operative “Robert” informs us of the latest “Facebook Status Meme” everyone’s business consulting and 2nd-year corporate litigation law student friends have been dutifully spreading all day. It goes like: “[YOUR NAME] thinks that no one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick. If you agree, please post this as your status for the rest of the day.” But what color are we supposed to tint our Twitter thumbnail pictures? Is there anything else we need to click on before heading to class??

It’s actually here, Labor Day weekend — the dreaded three days that mark the end of summer, the end of fun, the end of all things good. No more outdoor movies, beers on patios, music in the park, free museums, IT’S ALL OVER, and will be replaced by Fall, which, fine, does offer great things like apple picking, beautiful leaves, Halloween, etc. Have the best damn Labor Day by listening to us and doing at least two-thirds of the things on our Labor Day List! MORE »

George Will is such a hot potato right now! BUT A SPINELESS POTATO? He received so much publicity for his other column a few days ago — when he “stunned” Washington by “going Galt” and calling for an end to the millenia-old Afghanistan war, making him the first very serious important pundit to do so, ever — that now he’s like, “Iraq is also no good.” Hmm where’d he get that idea? Probably the Huffington Post or Al Gore one of the other Internet places. MORE »

Sorry but this might be a “LOCALS ONLY” post and the rest of you are just going to have to deal with that, okay? Okay. PSST, HUMANS IN WASHINGTON: our local professional sports team, the Redskins, who play in Maryland, is the worst organization on Earth! MORE »

Michael Steele parodist Michael Steele stopped by Howard University the other day. Already, by now, you can see where this is going. Every single aspect of the event falls somewhere on the spectrum of “unmitigated disaster” to “accidentally segregating the audience.” Next time Steele reserves the first two rows of seating for a large group of white Young Republican VIPs in a room full of black students, he might just want to go ahead and not do that thing. This is one of Michael Steele’s many (3) invaluable Dope Lessons of Hip Hop! But what are some others? MORE »

OH WHAT SO NOW WE CAN ALL MARRY PINTS OF ICE CREAM?? In celebration of Vermont’s starting to issue same-sex marriage licenses, radical snacktime propagandists Ben & Goebbels will be calling Chubby Hubby, one of their lesser flavors, by the similar name of “Hubby Hubby.” The ice cream will only be gay for September and then it will go back to its wife and kids. [Times Online]