Dear Sparky and Snarky,
I'm dating this guy and I really like him. Maybe I even love him. But what I don't love is his insistence on telling me every excruciatingly mind-numbing detail about every sport he follows (which is pretty much all of them, other than bobsledding and synchronized swimming). I actually feel a murderous rage starting to build inside me when he drones on and on about this stuff. What should I do?
-Red Rum
Dear Red Rum,
I take it the guy in question doesn't notice the steam pouring from your ears when he's waxing nostalgic about each inning in the final game of the World Series? So, the first thing you need to do is to let him know you're not feeling his play-by-play. When he launches into one of his monologues, casually say something like, "Oh, did I ever tell you American Psycho is one of my favorite books?" That ought to distract him long enough that you can quickly change the topic of conversation. If it doesn't, you might want to start describing the murder scenes with the same gusto and level of detail with which he discusses sports. Maybe he'll make the connection. In all seriousness though, we do have to advise you against any actual violence. (Our lawyers insist upon this.) If you don't want to just stick your fingers in your ears and say "la la la la la" while he talks, I suggest you just smile, nod and tune him out.
xo, Snarky
Um, Snarky, is that why you talk to me about horror movies whenever I bring up soccer?
Dear Red Rum and Snarky, there's a simpler way to handle the quirks you don't love about your partner. (p.s. Snarky is only my partner in the writing sense, I'm not that brave.) You need to have a calm, serious, genuine conversation about it—one that doesn't involve you making them feel small or guilty. Your significant other is just trying to share the things that matter to him with the person who matters to him. Believe it or not, it's a little token of affection. A badly presented and irritating token, but I promise you that it's a form of affection. If your partner had a habit of lovingly smacking your butt every time you walked by and it annoyed you, you would tell him, right? Same thing. Say, "Babe, I adore you and I know you adore sports, but I kind of don't. Can we talk about it a bit less?" You're going to have to listen to some of it if you want to be with this person because relationships require compromise; but it's totally reasonable to ask that something that bugs you come up less. Also, look for positive replacement topics that you both like to talk about and tell him you like having those kinds of conversation with him. Let's have a win-win situation, team.
And Snarky, I'll tell you less about soccer if you'll tell me less about horror movies; let's talk more about tattoos, shall we?
Good luck,
Sparky!
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