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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
ginmar's LiveJournal:
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| Saturday, September 6th, 2008 | | 5:26 pm |
T and I went out to get food and cleaning supplies. Am ded. Couldn't do the whole round of stuff; ended trip early.
T wants to write thank you cards.
We got new locks for her house and energy-saving lightbulbs. I got cash out on the paypal card for gas and stuff and left her to it. I need to sleep but I'm trying to hold off till tomorrow.
We went to Home Depot and I found little teeny flashlights for the girls. K pulled me from the gardening supplies section forcefully. I lusted after the outdoor fire pits but restrained myself.
Garbage bags! Battery chargers! In a major show of will power I steered myself from the general tools section. Ah, tools.
I am ded. The kitties are eying me. Little bastards peed on my laundry. Too tired to sort till later. | | 8:20 am |
Decent people shouldn't be apologizing
Argh. Excuse rambliness; no sleep last night, one the one day this week I can sleep late. Also, the VA has not refilled my prescriptions. Again. Yay!
T was so despondant two days ago that she was dull-voiced and despairing. She doesn't drink or do pills, and she suffers from PTSD and depression anyway, so I got very Drill Sgt. with her. She's doing the best she can, without hardly any help. I coudlnt' do it, and I don't know that it's my place to say how she should do things, much less anyone else's.
Yesterday she was so startled t hat she grabbed me and hugged me. She doesn't do that. Needless to say, I don't do that. She was like a little kid.
But I noticed something. People donated everything from ten dollars to a hundred. And they apologized for it, especially if they were having their own hard times, something I just don't understand. "I wish it could be more. I just can't....." You don't owe anyone anything. People on disability donated money. People with their own problems donated money. And they shrugged and said, "I wish I could do more." Together, though, a bunch of people helped two women and seven kids get a house. I started thinking about the nature of decency.
There's this thing in modern society; the preservation of ignorance, the desire to avoid sight. If you ignore it, it doesn't exist. It you're not aware of it, you can't be held responsible for it. But to see it, morally at least, is to open one's self up to be asked, "Why not you?" Some people have answers prepared for that: "Because they don't deserve it. Because I worked hard. Because I can't help everybody." Others say, "It's not my job to judge. It's my money to do with what I choose. Because I can help this one person." To ignore is to put aside the pain of sight, the recognition that so many people fall through the cracks. Others, themselves perhaps the victims of that unseeing gaze, step forward and look those ignored people in the eye. "I see you. You exist. You are not invisible." That invisibility makes lots of people feel better about themselves, though.
If you see someone in need, often what you start to think is, "Do I even need a new CD?" But then you have to follow that train of thought. Are we responsible for one another? Is that what a society is? Are we all unconnected individuals who should just accept that we'll stand or fall in a pitiless world, and needing help is a sign that we don't deserve it? It's always the people who got born with a perfect hand who are most convinced that other people lack aptitude, while the people who've been there feel keenly, maybe, the remembered pain of being invisible. Maybe you look back and realize anew that the safety you've attained isn't as safe as you thought, isn't as far from your past as you'd like it. Maybe it's a mark of decency that you want to bring everyone with. What it comes down to, though, is that decent people who help or want to shouldn't be making up half-apologetic excuses for why they didn't do so much they deprived themslves. "I wish it could be more." "I wish I could but...." In those phrases, you hear something else: "I wish I could make it better. I can't see pain without wishing to soothe it. I can't do anything for anyone else right now, but I know what to do and can't do it." Money's the currency of the world instead of kindness, but once again, I'm reminded by how rich the people on my flist are, just in the coin of other realms and customs. I know if we all got together, there'd be potluck and space made on floors, and trades and things like that, and if that's not what society should aspire to, I don't know what is.
Now stop making me think fuzzy thoughts this early and say something sarcastic, quick. You're a great bunch of people, and you should take credit for it and know it. | | Friday, September 5th, 2008 | | 6:20 pm |
Thanks you guys
T was gobsmacked that people she didn't know would care and help. She was really upset last night at the thought of losing this house, not only for herself but for her kids. At the news that she'd get it, she hugged me. T is not a hugger, and, well...you know. Now she has a job and a house. I told her we're getting some kind of account for her but just not today because I am wiped. We also discussed parenting. "Breathe," was today's mantra, and eventually T was able to laugh at me because every time she and the kids were at odds, I stepped in like a mom, and glared sternly around and ordered everyone to breathe rather than talk or I'd smack them. But it worked.
The girls are sleeping here tonight. Moving starts tomorrow. They're very excited. So, frankly, am I.
I'm going to lie down. The kitties will sprawl out with me. Abbie's already here. | | 10:28 am |
Kittens
Support your local no-kill shelter. | | 7:22 am |
Bad nightmares. Shaking still bad. Can't stop shivering. | | Thursday, September 4th, 2008 | | 11:00 pm |
I hate to ask...
Look, I've been talking to T. and she's just about got a house for the girls and all but...she got robbed. Her family's tapped out and I frankly can't loan her any money. She's depressed and her family is giving her shit, but of course, no money. I feel for her, I do. But I just haven't got anything left. She's working again--as a stripper---but now she's got to take a week off because it's that time of the month. If anybody out there could help her I'd really appreciate it. And this time---I'd handle the money, not her. I told her she's not allowed to have cash at all because I'm going to open a bank account for her and she's not going to do anything unless she talks to me first.
She likes that. I'm like the stern mother she didn't really have. She's really depressed and yet really proud and to hear her say humbly, "Thank you for listening," just about broke my heart. You have to understand about T, she's up in your face and proud, and that wasn't like her. I keep thinking that her life is the life I'd have had if it weren't for my folks, for ballet, and for reading. Any little bit would help. Anybody? | | 6:08 pm |
| | 5:26 pm |
Protest going on in St. Paul right now
YOu know, there's cops with grenade guns pointed at protesters right now in St. Paul at the John Ireland Bridge. ANd their riot gear is festooned with strings of gas grenades. The protesters so far this week have acted out against objects. They have no visible weapons. What the hell? | | 4:55 pm |
| | 3:55 pm |
Let's be blunt: Leave Sarah and Bristol Palin alone about the pregnancy Jesus, Bristol Palin is seventeen. How many times does this has to be said? Leave her the fuck alone. She's a minor. Of course, the sexism directed at her is coming from the blogger boyz who so trashed Hillary Clinton during the election. Now they're picking on a teenage girl. Look, Sarah Palin is crooked, inexperienced, anti-choice, anti-birth control, untruthful, and God only knows what else. All those things are fair game. Ask her questions or direct at her comments you don't to men and you're sexist. All those wrongs become glaringly so when directed at poor Bristol Palin, who is just a kid. She's a kid. You're an adult. Start acting like it. | | 9:20 am |
The puppy principle
It's all about who holds the leash.
I love it when the Repubs 'discover' womens' rights, in a, "Oh, I have a puppy!" kind of way. See, puppies like to pee on trees. As long as everyone's puppy stays in their own yard and pees on their own trees, it's all good, according to the Repubs. However, Republicans themselves like to pee not on trees, but on other peoples' puppies. And the male libs frequently respond the same way. Somewhere in all there, nobody remembers that women aren't...bitches....and everyone gets shocked when women stand up and go, "Would you STOP pissing all over us?!" Too many men still think of women as some kind of animal, to serve a purpose once housebroken. If you don't consent to be housebroken, you'll get kicked and abused and threatened with either the pound or the puppy mill, where you'll be bred till you're worn out. And so some women offer their neck for the collar, hoping that if they wag their tails and bark at other women, they'll get better treatment and less of the choke chain. | | Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008 | | 11:50 pm |
Posted by a Republican  Here's a hint, Repubs: posting this shit and then disappearing it doesn't make it go away. You're assholes. You just don't shit on your own party members. Fucking hypocrites. And people? Pass this around. It's not like it's new, but let's remind people what Republicans really think of women. | | 9:05 pm |
Anybody want to fuck with a scammer?
MR.TONY BROWN
70 Uplands drive,
Markfield,Leicestershire,
London LE56 2WF
Direct Email:mrtonybrown44@googlemail.com
Dear Freind,
I am MR.TONY BROWN,an accountant with one of the reputable finance company in united kingdom .I am also an accounts officer to late Mr McGovern who was a contractor with Shell International Petroleum Co.Ltd here, On the 1st of April 2006, Mr McGovern and his wife and their two Children were involved in a car accident along Kidsgrove express-road United Kingdom.
All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have been trying to locate any of Mr McGovern extended relatives,but this has also proved unsuccessful.After these several unsuccessful attempts to locate any member of his family i decided to contacted you to assist me in repatriating the money left behind by Mr McGovern before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the finance company.Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over one year now. I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased Mr McGovern so that the proceeds of this account valued at about 4.5million pounds can be paid to you and then you and me can share the money.60% to me and 40% for you.
To enable us move further in this transaction, I shall need the following infrmations from you.
1) Your full name.
2) Your Address.
3) Marital Status.
4) Age.
5) Tel,Mobile and Fax numbers.
6) Profession.
All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us seeing this deal through.I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. As soon as I hear from you I will detail you on the process of the transaction.Please, Reply Only To This Eeail Address (mrtonybrown44@googlemail.com)
Yours Sincerely,
MR.TONY BROWN | | 5:04 pm |
Blackwater's in town
Driving around, we passed just amazing amounts of cops, sheriffs, and Guardsmen. The bridges contained at least two guys in various uniforms and yellow vests. Police cars parked on medians, on sidewalks, and plainclothes vehicles stuffed with cops, SWAT members, and another group--more later---zoomed around in convoys or six or seven. Barriers surrounded the Capital. Except for the fact that the vehicles didn't have M-16 muzzles poking out the window, the amount of personnel on display gave a vivid sensation of being an Iraqi, watching occupiers.
Amongst the law enforcement figures I saw, one group was noticeably unbadged and unidentified. These were mostly white guys with brush cuts, black shirts and armor vests, semi automatic weapons, and khaki pants. No insignia, no badges. Blackwater's here. Let's hope they don't murder any civilians. | | 6:21 am |
St. Paul's under siege St. Paul is under siege. You know, Bill Clinton came here in the nineties for some reason or another. I stood on the sidewalk of the very street his motorcade went by and waved. The Repubs aren't spending money, either, despite being rich fucks. Business owners laid on more staff, then had to cut back. I guess the Repubs are too scared of the hoi polloi to risk getting an earful about their shit when they go out of their safe little security zones. I have to go out and about today, once again on zero sleep. We have to find a way around the downtown and we'll be in a van full of tools and electric gear---my friend's a handyman. | | Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008 | | 9:57 pm |
| | 2:11 pm |
| | 6:41 am |
| | 5:27 am |
Did not sleep. Had plans today. Must cancel. Shit. Also, thunderstorms. I must get some sleep. I cannot be doing this shit where the girls keep me up till after midnight, then I have to get up at six thirty. Why, exactly, am I the one doing this? Oh, yeah, T's waiting to hear about a house and has a job audition on Wednesday. Right now I am not in a good mood. My choices are: either sleep for fourteen hours straight and be groggy, or get no sleep at all and be in a foul mood. C wants me to walk her to the bus stop so she can avoid getting beaten up. This means I'm going to have to look evil, which ought to be fun. They are not going to be allowed to sleep in the same room on a school night ever again. I told K to turn the radio down and she turned it down an infinitesimal amount, and I swear I did that head cock thing that Ripley does when the alien eggs open up after she stumbled on the Alien queen kind of apologetically: "Oops, my bad, let me back out of here and let you go back to that whole gooey thing.....*eggs open up, just two of them*.....Why, you bitch." I did exactly that head cock and pulled the cord out of the wall. "Do not fuck with me, K." Why do they keep doing that? I always bring the hammer down. They wouldn't be quiet, off C goes to her room. Whatever. Rigth now I am too fucking tired. ![[info]](/Code-https-web.archive.org/web/20080907190634im_/http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) nimbrethil reached Butte and idemandjustice has gone into labor. Gustav missed NOLA, for the most part. Woo! And thousands of people are marching in the streets of St. Paul. Go, us. Laura Bush looked absolutely medicated on the stage. Poor Bristol Palin. Her mom is something else, of course. I'm just going to hope that Palin loves her daughter a lot, although part of me always wonders....how can you love somebody and do that to their education? I mean....she accepts the anti-woman shit. She's anti-BC, so how come she just have five kids? She makes me think of Darth Cheney, actually. No gay rights for gays.....well, except for his daughter, that is. He loves her, what kind of monster is he not to see other gay people as being loved and wanted by their families, too? What an asshole. Gah, I was going to do errands today. I just don't feel up to it. I was going to pick up my sewing machine today. I got an old treadle machine, and I can hardly wait to fondle it and stroke it and pet it and call it George set it up and start playing. Thanks, VA. Did I mention that last week was the first time I saw the inside of the PTSD clinic, decorated with manly hunting prints and manly hunting, gun, and hawg magazines? Yeah, women don't have PTSD. They also told me that they have a nightmare clinic. Tee hee! Us little women, we don't really have nightmares. We exaggerate. It's the hormones. I'm going to dig out some Iraq mementos and stomp up to the womens' center and demand they put hem in that fucking case of teddy bears and barbies. Fuckers. I've been chatting on the phone with another female combat vet, who I met through another female vet. She's younger than me, from a different state, and we finish each other's sentences when we talk about the war and the Army. It's hysterical. It's like having the younger sister I always wanted, except without the tedious growing up together and fighting like cats and dogs thing. In other news, Purrzilla is quite the skittering little thing. She follows me around, purrs very loudly, and bounces. Kittens seem to be made up of huge eyes, furr, and SQUEE! made substance. God, it's still forty five minutes before I wake up the girls. And then it's an hour between them leaving. This is not going to work. | | 12:22 am |
Next subversive auntie project
The Michael Mann version of The Last of the Mohicans.
*Takes place before the American Revolution.
*Takes place after Columbus discovered America and the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. Also, weren't there witch hunts in there somewhere? Wonder what they say about that?
*Shows Indian as human beings, chatting about kids and stuff.
*Shows that, yes, Virginia, there are other things going on in the Colonies before the Revolution.
*Hot guys. There are lots of Native Americans around here---and lots of racism. Not that vacillating between the cliche of drunk layabout and noble savage is a great idea, but this movie shows the middle ground. Everybody in it has moments of humanity.
*I need to drool at Eric Schweig again.
*Maybe Dances with Wolves is next.
No, I cannot sleep. |
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