Starting in 1996, Alexa Internet has been donating their crawl data to the Internet Archive. Flowing in every day, these data are added to the Wayback Machine after an embargo period.
Things continue to be rough with the Valium crossover. I stopped until I stabilized a few days ago and then cut by only .125 mg of Klonopin and added 2.5 mg of the corresponding equivalency of Valium. I’ve been pretty out of it again and I cut the dose of the exchange in half and have waited several days. I suffer especially at night and I think it’s Klonopin withdrawal until I get used to the Valium replacing it. I get weird and non-verbal and spacy. I’ve been rather disoriented today in a way that feels scary too.
I have horrible pain in my spine and feel flu-like. This is all in addition to feeling shitty already in a myriad number of ways so it’s just a scary thought thinking about how long this might go on for.
I still get the impulse to do things. To go out. To shop, to go to a restaurant, to visit a friend. And then I remember with a pang of remorse that my body won’t cooperate.
Tomorrow I’m going to see my general practitioner to see if he can give me some sort of diagnosis that will fly with Medicare so that I can get home care—specifically physical therapy and then whatever else the home-care agency thinks I qualify for. I want my limbs stretched as I can hardly move. That will be nice.
Right now I’m imagining the diagnosis I’d give myself:
Stolen from Marissa at Depression Introspection. I love these guys. If you haven’t seen their HBO show it’s available at Netflix. Some of the episodes are better than others but the first episode alone is worth buying the whole series. I was laughing hysterically. That to me is priceless. I believe that laughter is healing.
Also I think these guys are the sexiest goofballs alive.
Apparently their second series is airing now, but I get everything on DVD after the fact.
I have not read it. I don’t have the attention span right now. I’ll get around to it when I can. I don’t expect to learn anything new but we can be glad that all the mainstream Americans who read Rolling Stone will be exposed to these ideas. And I know a lot of you who follow my blog will find a synopsis of this nature very helpful.
Of note: Philip Dawdy author of Furious Seasons and foremost media expert on these topics was interviewed at length by Ben Wallace-Wells. Ben Wallace-Wells failed to mention the help Philip gave him.
So when you read it, know that many of this man’s insights come straight from my good friend Philip’s hard work these past several years and this journalist didn’t have the decency to give credit where credit was due.
Now a real study supporting the essential fatty acid for mood disturbances in menopausal women. The fact is this is an essential oil (read good, healthy, needed FAT). We can all benefit from supplementation of it because it no longer occurs in the food chain as much as it used to thanks to us messing with it so profoundly.
Omega-3s ease psychological distress and depressive symptoms often suffered by menopausal and perimenopausal women, according to researchers at Université Laval’s Faculty of Medicine. Their study, published in the February issue of The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, presents the first evidence that omega-3 supplements are effective for treating common menopause-related mental health problems.
Dr. Michel Lucas and colleagues recruited 120 women age 40 to 55 and divided them into two groups. Women in the first group took three gel capsules containing a total of one gram of EPA, an omega-3 fatty acid of marine origin, every day for eight weeks. Those in the second group followed the same protocol, but took gel capsules containing sunflower oil without EPA.
Test results before and after the eight-week period indicate that omega-3s significantly improved the condition of women suffering symptoms of psychological distress and mild depression. “The differences we observed between the two groups are noteworthy,” commented Dr Lucas, “especially considering that omega-3s have very few side effects and are beneficial to cardiovascular health.” However, no positive effect was observed among a small group of women with more severe depressive symptoms.
Many people find taking 4 to 6 grams and sometimes as much as 10 grams of fish oil can drastically change mood in anyone with mood issues. It’s also good for heart, cholesterol and brains in general. It should be part of a over-all healthy lifestyle.
Kevin MD reports that the disgustingly pro-pharma site HealthCentral has bought Wellsphere. I’ve long thought Wellsphere were slimebags for multiple reasons I’ve left in comments all over the blogosphere.
Apparently a lot of other people do too according to Kevin:
The medical blog aggregator WellSphere has been coming under fire for distributing blogger content without sharing traffic or revenues with the authors. (rest of his blurb here)
This was a comment I left on justAna’s blog a couple of weeks ago:
I’m sorry but Wellsphere is a load of crap that comes after us with ass-kissing emails about how wonderful we are…and they’re all form letters…the same line of crap to everyone…
I never put any of their stuff on my site…
They just want free content and when I asked if they were going to have pharma ads the guy told me eventually they would…
They’ll tell anyone they’re hot shit just to get the content…
I don’t like having my ass kissed by people who haven’t even read my blog…
And now with Health Central coming in we can expect to see the pharma adds damn soon. I suggest people start boycotting them now. And if you can, pull down the content…but I bet you’ve signed the rights over to them, if you read the fine print.
Sometimes my gut’s just right on. Dr. Rutledge gave me the creeps from the first email I received from him.
Metabolic Monitoring in Patients Prescribed Antipsychotics Abysmal
January 28, 2009 — Among insured patients newly prescribed second-generation antipsychotics, monitoring of blood glucose and lipid levels falls far short of 2004 American Diabetes Association (ADA) guidelines, researchers report.
The guidelines are based on substantial evidence that these drugs can increase risk for cardiovascular disease by affecting lipid and glucose metabolism and body weight.
However, this study showed that by 2006, just over 10% of patients newly prescribed second-generation antipsychotics received lipid monitoring and just over 20% received glucose monitoring.
“These numbers are unacceptably low, given that the ideal level of monitoring should be 100%,” lead author Dan W. Haupt, MD, from Washington University School of Medicine, in St. Louis, Missouri, told Medscape Psychiatry. (read the rest here)
It’s a psychological problem. But let’s relegate out of control shopping to a brain disorder too, so people can have one less thing to take responsibility for. This is really getting ridiculous. Pretty soon we won’t be responsible for any of our bad behavior as it all becomes pathologized and out of our hands. And you can be sure they’ll be a drug for it, too. Since their calling it OCD related it’s a good bet they’ll try out SSRIs.
First there was John A. Thain’s $87,000 rug. Then there was Citigroup’s planned $50 million corporate jet.
Then the world of politics got involved this week when the New York State inspector general released a report saying that Antonia C. Novello, the former state commissioner of health, had such an ingrained tendency for shopping that she had employees from her office squire her on buying expeditions to Macy’s, Saks Fifth Avenue and three different Albany-area malls.
Ill-advised shopping has certainly turned up recently in the news, and yet the issue also forms the core of a much more contentious and continuing debate. As spenders spend while the economy plummets, the psychiatric world is trying to decide whether compulsive buying should actually be considered a disease. (rest of the article here)
I’m reading a book by a Tibetan Buddhist teacher, Pema Chodron which is really wonderful. I don’t think she’s written anything that isn’t wonderful. The book I’m currently reading is called, The Places that Scare You.
Here is a collection of quotes from her:
• The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.
• We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves.
• When we start out on a spiritual path we often have ideals we think we’re supposed to live up to. We feel we’re supposed to be better than we are in some way. But with this practice you take yourself completely as you are. Then ironically, taking in pain - breathing it in for yourself and all others in the same boat as you are - heightens your awareness of exactly where you’re stuck.
• If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.
• There’s a reason you can learn from everything: you have basic wisdom, basic intelligence, and basic goodness.
• Compassionate action starts with seeing yourself when you start to make yourself right and when you start to make yourself wrong. At that point you could just contemplate the fact that there is a larger alternative to either of those, a more tender, shaky kind of place where you could live.
• We habitually erect a barrier called blame that keeps us from communicating genuinely with others, and we fortify it with our concepts of who’s right and who’s wrong. We do that with the people who are closest to us and we do it with political systems, with all kinds of things that we don’t like about our associates or our society. It is a very common, ancient, well-perfected device for trying to feel better. Blame others. Blaming is a way to protect your heart, trying to protect what is soft and open and tender in yourself. Rather than own that pain, we scramble to find some comfortable ground.
• When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless, that it doesn’t have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space.
• A further sign of health is that we don’t become undone by fear and trembling, but we take it as a message that it’s time to stop struggling and look directly at what’s threatening us.
• Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us.
• People get into a heavy-duty sin and guilt trip, feeling that if things are going wrong, that means that they did something bad and they are being punished. That’s not the idea at all. The idea of karma is that you continually get the teachings that you need to open your heart. To the degree that you didn’t understand in the past how to stop protecting your soft spot, how to stop armoring your heart, you’re given this gift of teachings in the form of your life, to give you everything you need to open further.
Laughter Yoga (Hasya Yoga) is a physically oriented technique that uses a blend of playful, empowering and otherwise “tension-releasing” simple laughter exercises. With gentle yoga-breathing and -stretching exercises, rhythmic clapping and chanting of Ho Ho Ha Ha Ha in unison a simulated laughter turns into real laughter. Laughter Yoga is done as a way to improve health, increase well-being and promote peace in the world through personal transformation. It is non-religious, non-sectarian, and non-political.
A typical Laughter Yoga session lasts about 20 to 30 minutes. The session may be adapted to suit the needs, abilities and motivations of the group participating.
The Laughter Yoga method is the brainchild of Dr. Madan Kataria, a family physician from Mumbai, India who started the first laughter club in 1995. He has been the catalyst for the creation of over 5,000 Laughter Clubs in 40 countries, mostly free and public.
And now a demonstration:
I’ve always thought laughter was incredibly healing. I’ve looked in my area. It seems that there are events that include laughter yoga but I haven’t found a regular class. If I can I’m going to try to find someone to drive me once a week.
Andy alerted me to this article in the LA Times of which the subject matter is being reported all over the news media. Unfortunately even if it is old news most people still don’t know it. So it’s good to reiterate. These drugs are bad for kids!! There are a great many other problems besides this one with the drugs they use to treat so-called ADHD.
Ritalin and other stimulants (and Strattera too—an SNRI commonly used for ADHD) can cause psychosis or hallucinations in otherwise normal children with no risk factors for psychosis or hallucinations.
Just under 8% of U.S. children, ages 4 to 17, have been diagnosed with ADHD, according to a survey conducted in 2003 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. More than half of these children were taking a medication for the disorder. However, the research reported today shows that psychotic symptoms occurred even in children who were not considered at high risk for psychosis or mania, such as children who abuse drugs or have other mental illnesses. In more than 90% of the cases, the children had never experienced hallucinations or psychosis. In most cases, the hallucinations were visual and tactile and involved seeing or feeling bugs, worms or snakes. The symptoms typically disappeared after the children stopped taking ADHD medication.
CHILDREN younger than four who are considered mentally disturbed are being treated with controversial electric shock treatment.
Medicare figures show the use of Electroconvulsive Therapy has tripled in Victoria in the private health sector alone in six years.
A VicHealth report confirms more than 18,000 treatments were conducted in Victoria in 2007-2008.
Federal Government statistics show the use of ECT - an electric shock delivered straight to the brain - in the state’s private health system increased from 1944 treatments in 2001-2002 to 6009 in 2007-2008.
About 12,000 treatments were performed in the public health system last financial year.
Medicare statistics record 203 ECT treatments on children younger than 14 - including 55 aged four and younger. (read the rest here)
Listen to this and cry but also be happy that there are such wonderful human beings working for us out there. And then get mad and do something about changing the system.
Okay, I think I finally have the peace of mind to be able to write a bit about what is happening with me. I’m not really sure how clear I can be because I’m sort of in the thick of it but I’m having a bit of a reprieve. I need to take this moment now, though to try to express myself as I’m about to enter another round of making my crossover symptoms possibly disable me again.
I want to try to explain what it feels like to be doing this Valium crossover which is proving to be very difficult for me. First of all to understand why I’m doing it you will want to look here.
Basically the idea is that once I’m on Valium instead of Klonopin the ensuing withdrawal will be easier. The ugly part is I seem to be one of the supposed (but seemingly large) minority of people who have a difficult time with the crossover. Many people give up on the crossover because it’s so awful. And so far it’s been very awful for me.
However, since I was already dreadfully ill trying to just withdraw from the Klonopin I’m deciding to not give up just yet, though I did have to stop the process for several days to regain some semblance of “normality.” I use that word pretty loosely considering normal for me now is housebound and generally unable to be on my feet for more than 10 or so minutes before I’m totally exhausted and sickened. Normal is also waking most nights with nausea that overcomes me to such a degree that I am out of my mind with discomfort moaning and miserable. Normal is periods of migraine and periods of convulsive like movements in my limbs. Normal is also feeling better for short periods of time in which I can speak for a while on the phone, and normal is also an ability to function online a good part of the day which is my saving grace. Even when I’m very ill my work online helps distract me from the gross physical discomfort and weakness. Normal also means improving considerably at night before I take my poison and start the process all over again, because normal also means being so sick upon waking I cannot get up for an hour or two.
What wasn’t normal once I began the cross over were long periods of several hours a day of being so drugged out of my mind and incapacitated that my body felt inert, like it was filled with concrete. I couldn’t move and needed help to the bathroom. I could not be up for 10 minutes at a time so I could not do the last thing I still like to try to do which is cook dinner in multiple trips. (tonight for the first time in days I managed to make most of the dinner though Daniel did have to finish up when I ran out of steam) The only thing I can do regardless of the shape I’m in is meditate and pray which I do lying down as I cannot sit.
What is happening? Why when I am cutting out Klonopin and replacing it with what is supposed to be an equivalent amount of Valium am I still suffering such adverse effects??
This is an unusual piece for this blog. Andy from Mental Dimensions has submitted this piece as a guest blogger. I, frankly, loved it. But I warn you some may find the humor a bit dark. It is irreverent and may offend some. So this is a possible trigger warning.
29 Sep 2005 - I heard on the news that a warning label will now be issued for a particular ADHD drug. It can increase risk of suicide in children. I like to read warning labels because they contain letters and sometimes even numbers so it challenges my ears and helps improve my sense of smell. I think risks are important because there are famous people who make quotes like, “What’s life without risk?” I think that’s right because without risk people wouldn’t get anywhere. It’s good to risk suicide so your child can think better because otherwise they will have problems with mental clarity and that would affect how well they do their homework. Also, if they don’t take the risk of the medication causing or increasing suicidal thoughts then all the kids that died during the testing phase and after the FDA approval of the drug will have died in vain. It’s important that people do not die in vain and can have clear thoughts and good behavior.
Along with taking risks in life, pushing oneself is important too. Bringing the challenges of fighting suicidal thoughts into a child’s life at a young age will help strengthen their character and teach them about stress before they turn 18 because after 18 they will really need be able to think clearly and have practice at battling off suicidal thoughts. This experience will be especially beneficial if they later have suicidal thoughts all by themselves because of regular life things and not by taking risky medications. They can also learn about gambling using the risk method because it’s important to teach kids a lot of things and overload their senses with new information. The more they have to think about, the more they can practice sorting thoughts into clear and organized thinking.
I started a NING social network called Beyond Meds for like minded souls to converse and socialize several weeks ago. I am doing recruiting posts from time to time. We now have 112 members and it’s growing daily. If you are interested in joining please click here and sign up!!
Pass it on to anyone who might be interested in the support group aspect of it but might not want to visit this blog regularly.
Anyone who wants to help me or give me feedback it’s welcome. In fact if you can demonstrate initiative and high quality content I could use more help running it at some point. We do have two volunteers now helping out but I will always be looking for people who are interested in getting more involved.
So far there is a open forum for any discussion and then individual groups specific to Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal,and Creativity and Mental Health (if you already joined you need to rejoin this group as it got cancelled and restarted), Diet and Nutrition for Recovery, and Spirituality and Mental Health(this can include psychology or things of the psyche), and Politics and Mental Health.
What is a NING social network? It’s a place for us all to gather and give each other support about alternatives to psychiatry, drug withdrawal, the politics of mental health etc etc. You can largely define what happens there. Please give it a whirl.
And pass the word to people who might not be blog readers but be interested in this type of forum.
I will copy it here. I intend to have a bibliography added soon. I have added a reading list. And I will continue to add to it. It will always be in a tab at the top of my blog. However it will continue to grow.
Whether you choose to see psychosis or other extreme states of consciousness as healing crisis or the psyche or spiritual emergency hundreds of people find their way through them without meds or with meds only for a short time (usually coerced).
This is a collection of stories of people who have come through such episodes. Sometimes lasting months, other times lasting years. But they have all fully recovered.
This page will be continually added to as I find more information. I intend to add a book section soon.
This piece is written by my dear friend Jayme, at Rayne’s World. I have been linking to this piece for over a year and a half. I link to it in comments on other blogs and I repeatedly reference it here on this blog. It’s linked to on my about page as a story of recovery as well. This blog entry from Rayne’s World, I believe, is indisputably my favorite blog post of all times from any blog anywhere. It is certainly the most profoundly meaningful and memorable to me.
So now as I ask for guest writers I thought I’d ask Jayme if I could repost her piece here and she graciously said yes.
Jayme is an incredible human being who was institutionalized for 20 years and experienced all the profound dehumanization that goes with that. She tells her story here. I think the number of people with a history like hers that end up escaping the system is very very few. But that is what Jayme did and she did it with such awesomeness and grace and complete transcendence. She is one of my biggest inspirations and she is always there for me when I need an ear even though she is now working more than full-time running The Peer Wellness Center in Georgia. She is also one of the most genuinely happy human beings I’ve encountered. We’re talking someone with real, solid, good mental health whose very life and expression is contagious.
The reason this piece means so much to me is because it is in essence the meditation I practice much of the time. For me now it’s not just emotional stuff I must embrace and accept, but also the gross physical pain, discomfort and debilitation that I also try to meditate on deeply.
Here are Jayme’s words of wisdom:
As most of you already know, I refuse to take any medications for mental illness, even though every doctor I’ve seen has stated that I need to be on medications for the rest of my life. That is why I no longer see doctors. So what do I do in a crisis situation? How do I deal with the symptoms? This question was asked the other day, and I realized that I needed to write a blog post about it. My answer is highly unconventional, yet I feel it’s long overdue.
Before I answer, let me describe the symptoms I experience. I hate the word “symptoms” by the way because they are simply human experiences, yet for this post I’ll use the term because it is the psychiatric term used in diagnosing specific, unwonted human experiences.
Depression. When I get depressed, I can’t get out of bed. I have no motivation to do anything. All I can do is cry and think about dying. Life has no meaning whatsoever. I find no joy in any activity, and even lying in bed is painful. There is no escape. Nothing helps. I can’t tolerate any social situation, and I don’t answer the phone or the door. It’s a miracle I am still alive today because suicide is the most comforting thought I carry. It allows me a sense of power amidst all the powerlessness that depression brings.
I’m a regular reader of Shapely Prose, a fat acceptance blog created by Kate Harding who has an article in Salon today.
I link to this today just because her piece in Salon is so exactly my experience. Granted I gained weight because of psychotropics but otherwise every word she is saying I could be saying.
An excerpt to get you over there:
I may not be as big as some of my friends and family members, and I may not be the size most people mentally associate with the word obese, but I am bloody well fat, and I have been most of the time since college. The homeless man might have been crazy, but he wasn’t wrong. The friends who kept insisting “You’re not fat!” were the ones out of touch with the truth.
But then the truth was never really the point. Thin women don’t tell their fat friends “You’re not fat” because they’re confused about the dictionary definition of the word, or their eyes are broken, or they were raised on planets where size 24 is the average for women. They don’t say it because it’s the truth. They say it because fat does not mean just fat in this culture. It can also mean any or all of the following:
Ugly
Unhealthy
Smelly
Lazy
Ignorant
Undisciplined
Unlovable
Burdensome
Embarrassing
Unfashionable
Mean
Angry
Socially inept
Just plain icky (read the complete article here)
And as Kate warns don’t read the comments at Salon unless you want to see just how ugly fat haters really are. It’s pretty disgusting and disturbing. I made the mistake of reading about 3 or 4 of them before I’d had enough fat and woman hating shit.
I don’t know if I will stay fat or not since I’ve been dropping weight like mad since I got off the neuroleptics with no effort whatsoever. I feeling mighty skinny at just a tad over 200 lbs right now. Truly!! But I’m still fat and may always be. Politically I’m all about what Kate is here. Fat hatred is ugly. And most of us are party to it and we direct it at others and to ourselves. For quite an education spend some time at Kate’s blog.
And furthermore, most of the “science” that fuels fat hatred is just plain wrong. Don’t take my word for it—look into it yourselves.
A good place to start is Rethinking Thin by Gina Kolata which I’ve mentioned here before. She debunks a lot of the bullshit around weight and the obsession of dieting.
You can listen to Gina on NPR here to get a sense of what she is about.
By the way, comments are open for this post. The rest of the blog is shut down though. For a while only new posts will have open comments.
I was given your email address by your receptionist so that I can make a preliminary inquiry before arranging a possible consultation. At this point I am homebound and want some confidence that you would be able to help me before I ask my husband to help me come to your office.
I am in the process of withdrawing from psychiatric medications. This has been a long and very difficult process that I have done with the support of my local traditional psychiatrist with faltering support from remote providers with varying degrees of expertise in orthomolecular and integrative medicine. I have also studied this sort of medicine and treatment for the last three years and have accumulated much knowledge in this very sparse field of understanding through working with thousands of others like me through the internet.
I am now at the most difficult stage. In the last 4 years I’ve withdrawn from 84 mg Concerta, 200 mg Zoloft, 100 mg Seroquel, 11 mg of Risperdal and 400 mg Lamictal. I’ve also withdrawn from 1mg of Klonopin but have 2 mg to go. This is the last drug I’m dealing with. I reached an impasse with increasingly severe withdrawal effects. I am in the process of transitioning from Klonopin to Valium (since the latter has a much longer half life), but this itself is a very difficult process.
I have been advised by a detox center in Florida and a couple of other people in the business including a good friend, that uses IV hydration nutrient theapy that the withdrawal process would be greatly assisted by such. (I already take a range of carefully selected nutritional supplements in both liquid and capsules but there are obvious limitations on how readily they can be absorbed.)
Would you be able to advise me and if it was your recommendation, prescribe and supervise my use of IV nutrients and hydration? Alternatively, if I decide to consult with an out-of-state doctor who has unique expertise in helping someone in my position, would you be able to liaise with such a doctor?
I have consulted with a couple of different people in the business of using IV nutrients for drug withdrawal and may want us all to put our heads together.
Does it sound like you’d be williing to work with me? I might need some special accomodation as I have great difficulty leaving the house. (like possibly hiring a nurse to administer at home—after of course being in your office to make sure I respond okay)
thanks for you consideration,
Gianna
the response,
Dear Gianna,
Dr. T and I have reviewed your recent email. We certainly commend you on your success to date.
We are an outpatient clinic and, by choice, have no hospital privileges. Because of regulatory and legal issues, we are unable to write orders for you to receive IV therapy at your home except with a certified agency and the only agency available locally will not administer IV nutrients. Additionally, our lack of expertise in this very specialized and emerging area in medicine prevents us from being able to assist you.
What I can tell you is that we have had feedback from a patient we referred to the (detox center in CO which has been removed), saying it was an excellent program. It’s inpatient facility would likely address your mobility issues. The contact information for it is: blah blah blah.
Best wishes to you,
Dr. So and So
My response in turn:
I can’t afford a residential program and in general detox centers rush people off drugs in dangerous fashion in any case.
You know what I’m up against here? Either people who ignorantly think they know how to fix me who actually recommend things I know would make me worse like cortisol and DHEA or people like you who get how serious it is and won’t touch me.
I need someone like you who will take a risk with me while acknowledging you don’t know the answers (frankly that makes me feel much safer than those who claim to have the answers in general—because like you said this is an emerging field–NO ONE has the answers) and we can learn together…I can figure out a way to make it to your office at least some of the time if you’re willing to learn with me.
Most people may not know there is a donation button on my side-bar. I’ve never mentioned it. I don’t expect donations though they are nice. I work my ass off here.
The thing is the other day someone promised me a donation. I actually called this person while they were seeking information desperately and spent quite a long time on the phone helping them find their footing and giving them direction in terms of where to find further resources. I called them in the midst of feeling sick as hell. I had a brief reprieve and spent it with a stranger rather than a friend. Again, I chose to do this and did not expect anything. This person though told me he would be sending a donation at the end of the phone call. If you do that, well, then, by my being human, I end up expecting it and lo and behold nothing came in.
So do me the favor and respect of either continuing to enjoy my services for free or not telling me you are going to donate and then not do it. That’s called lying.
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A nod from my hometown
Awarded twice by Marissa Miller of depression introspection and Ruth of Off-Label
