See for yourself

Yesterday I presented the pickle we were in trying to figure out how to break up Nancy Travis & Kevin Kilner in one episode on ALMOST PERFECT. Here's another one of my little blog experiments. Today I will show you the episode. Tomorrow I was discuss the thought process that went into it. So yes today is homework but hopefully enjoyable homework. And it does have my favorite joke from the series.

How's this for a writing problem?

In 1996, after completing the first season of ALMOST PERFECT, my partners on the project (David Isaacs and Robin Schiff) were summoned to New York. We had a hunch it wasn’t because CBS loved us so much and wanted to treat us to a few Broadway shows. It probably was to ask for some tweaking before they picked us up for a second year. The show wasn’t a break-out hit but we were getting decent ratings. And over the summer we were moved into Monday night where we were attracting new fans (at least five that I know of).

The premise of the series: Nancy Travis was juggling the career of her life with the relationship of her life, Kevin Kilner.

Much to our surprise, we were told by the network that they wanted us to drop the boyfriend character. They felt Kevin didn’t test well. Actually, that’s not accurate. Kevin did test okay, but everyone else tested higher. The real goal should have been to do more with Kevin so we could get his scores to match the others. But the network didn’t see it that way. And they sort of had control of things.

I must say I disagreed with them for every possible reason. Kevin is a terrific actor and has a special quality – he is very real. We were able to make Nancy’s character more out-there because Kevin grounded the show and their relationship. No, he didn’t get the huge laughs every week but we didn’t give him the huge laughs every week. Yet whatever jokes we gave him he always hit out of the park. It was a total win-win.

Plus, he was the lynchpin of the series. The relationship is what made the show unique in our eyes. Otherwise it’s just Nancy juggling her career and her career.

They weren’t buying it.

In that second season I thought we wrote some very clever episodes but the heart of the series had been taken away. It was never as good.

CBS did offer one concession. We could bring Kevin back for one and do the episode where he and Nancy break-up.

How do you tell an actor he’s fired and then ask him to come back for one more show? To his enormous credit, Kevin Kilner was the ultimate mensch. He accepted the situation and graciously agreed to do the break-up episode. The only time in my life I ever left work to go to a bar and drink in the middle of the day was when I had to have that conversation with Kevin.

When it was announced someone called our office. David answered the phone. The person was irate and railed on and on about the idiot producers who made this stupid move. David said he was the P.A. but would pass along the message.

So here is the writing problem. We ended the last season with them declaring their unending love for each other. How do we suddenly break them up in one episode, making it organic and not just arbitrary? How do we do it so you don’t hate one or both of them? How do we work the other characters into the story? And how do we make the show funny? It will be the season premiere, we don’t want it to be a complete downer. We also don’t want a long argument scene of two talking heads. And this was before LOST so we couldn’t just conveniently kill anybody.

Quite the thorny little problem. I want to hit that bar again just thinking about it.

Tomorrow: what we did.

Herzengovina Idol

Olympic coverage continues…and continues… and continues. I love all the human interest stories. It’s like I’m watching the open audition rounds of HERZENGOVINA IDOL.

Question: Since I have an audience that extends beyond the U.S. borders (not in China because my blog is blocked there) but are you other-than-Americas really into these Olympics?

In 1984 the Big O's were held in L.A. as opposed to this year where (despite all the positive spin) they’re being played in the Detroit of China. For six months prior to the event we Angelinos were warned that the traffic was going to be an absolute nightmare. Citywide gridlock was predicted. But the result was a mass exodus of the locals and there was no traffic at all. We should have the Olympics at least every Friday.

For those of us who stuck around, it was a three-week party. The athletes were housed in the UCLA dorms and on the weekends would walk down the hill to the student union and mingle with the crowd. Vendors were selling commemorative pins and tacos and my family would swing by from nearby Westwood. Security measures were in place but mostly around the dorms. At this makeshift street fair the athletes roamed freely with us riff-raff. It was fun to talk to them about their countries and culture and answer their questions about America – like what was the appeal of Sylvester Stallone, and Prince.

I was fortunate enough to attend several events. Sat on the street and watched the marathon go by. I had my “Emil Zátopek rules!” sign but it turns out I had missed him by thirty-four years.

Got tickets for the ladies gymnastics finals at Pauley Pavilion. Thank God I brought my little Sony portable TV. There was no P.A. announcer telling you what was going on. All of these events were taking place simultaneously. Nobody had any idea what was happening except me. The one thing that did become clear, even to the people whose only exposure was watching it themselves, was that Mary Lou Retton was something special and on the verge of greatness. Beating out Romanian minx Ecaterina Szabó for the Gold Medal was truly thrilling -- only eclipsed by getting home with no traffic.

Since the Russians and 14 Eastern Bloc-countries boycotted the games, the U.S. kicked ass and American jingoism was at an all-time high. But what a joke. It was like the New York Yankees playing in the World Series against the Hooters girls.

Anyway, I must end here. The women's 10 meter air rifle event is about to start and I can't miss a minute of that.

Flying around the world in three hours. Pack a sweater.

Superhero movies are all the rage this summer. But I must admit, still my favorite superhero show is the old SUPERMAN TV series from the 50s.

I know it dates me but I was the target audience when it first came out but I still watch it in reruns (it’s now on cable channels so obscure they don’t even have names) and bought the first season DVD the day it came out. I’ve since given up running around the neighborhood employing a towel as a cape. My wife finds it humiliating.

When I watch the episodes now I am filled with a warm sense of nostalgia. I also am struck by how incredibly STUPID I was as a kid. There are moments in that show that are so preposterous that even as a seven year old I should have said, “Heyyyy, wait a minute.”

Okay, forget that no one can tell the difference between Clark Kent and Superman just from the glasses even though they look alike, have the same voice, and build. (Teri Hatcher had the same problem in the later series although in her case she was probably just too distracted terrorizing the crew because her Perrier was three degrees too cold.) I’m talking about these little gems (and I bet some of you have a few too):

In one episode Superman flies a little girl around the world. In three hours. At that speed with the g-forces I’d guess she’s be vaporized just outside the Metropolis city limits. And she’s just wearing a little sun dress and flimsy sweater. In one scene they’re flying over Mount Everest. He asks if she’s cold and she assures him she’s not. That must be some sweater because at that altitude it must be minus 300 degrees. But I bought it.

Remember the episode in which Superman was frozen? Oh no! How will he pass for Clark Kent? Simple, with some shoe polish and Lois Lane’s make up. Son of a gun, it worked!! No one noticed there was anything different between a normal person and a man wearing pancake makeup on his face and hands and jet black shoe polish in his hair. It worked for me.

The Daily Planet was a great metropolitan newspaper with a staff of three reporters. Yeah, that sounded about right at the time.

They were always quite liberal on their definition of X-Ray vision. Instead of just looking through objects, this Superman was able to see things from miles away. The one catch was that he couldn’t see through lead. There’s no lead anywhere in a straight line between the Daily Planet building and India?

Which brings me to my favorite moment of all. In one episode the bad guys got the brilliant idea that if they wore lead helmets that fitted completely over their heads that Superman could never identify them. Okay, forget fingerprints, they went to so much trouble to have these helmets made. And wasn’t it hot in those things? I guess not.

So in one scene two of these lead heads are going up to Perry White’s office in the Daily Planet. We see them walking down the hall. Picture this: Two men in suits, lead helmets, with fedoras. Two extras (“staff members”) pass them in the hall AND DON’T EVEN NOTICE THEM. Ho hum. Nothing unusual. Just two businessmen in helmets and hats. Now I fall off my chair. Then I thought “those helmets look good with those suits”.

Yeah, today Hollywood can turn out dazzling productions with spectacular special effects, starring A-list actors, shown on humongous IMAX screens. But they still can't mesmerize me like those cheesy black-and-white episodes that flickered on my twelve inch TV set, even if Superman did fly with strings and wore a gurdle.

Movin' on up

Okay, I know this is sick. But it's pretty damn funny. And it's why we need TV themes back.

Friday questions of the week (plural):

Several questions this week. You keep askin’, I’ll keep answerin’.

From MB:

In both comedies and dramas why are married couples most often shown sleeping in full-sized beds rather than queen or king? I think I understand why not king (the bed would take up too much room on the set). I do remember the days when a married couple couldn't be shown in a bed together at all but it has been a long time since two twin-sized beds was the norm.

Easier to shoot, easier to light, takes up less room, and sets always look bigger on camera. But at least couples can now sleep in the same bed. Rob Petrie must’ve been the most frustrated husband in America. No wonder he was always tripping over things. And then standards & practices allowed couples to be together in bed as long as one had their foot on the floor. So I guess the zealot church groups and parents committees deemed that doggie style was acceptable.

From Sebastian:

I was wonderering since you seem to write everything on your Blog alone but have written a lot about writing with your partner in the last couple of days, would you consider your Blog only half as good, totally different, just as funny but in a different way? And where's your partner's blog? Does he have one? And if not why not? :-)

His would probably be funnier. Here’s an example of a post he wrote. But he has no interest in blogging. He has a life.

From Paul:

Here's a weird question for you. I know you wrote a few episodes of Wings, but I'm not sure if you were on set often or not. I've heard that Paramount's Stage 19, where the show was filmed, was haunted. Did you ever hear anyone on the show talking about that?

I have heard that and from time to time have been scared to death on that stage but it was always due to live actors. They did film the movie GHOST on that stage. But there have been some very successful shows shot there. LAVERNE & SHIRLEY and WINGS to name just two (the only two I know). We also shot the pilot of ALMOST PERFECT on Stage 19.

If there’s a haunted stage at Paramount I would say it’s 32. I personally have directed the final episode of four series on that stage. Wait a minute… maybe it’s me.


From Chad:

Is there a character you've written for whose comic voice most perfectly aligns with your own?

There were elements of me in the Chip Zien “Gary” character in ALMOST PERFECT and Adam Arkin’s “Marshall” in BIG WAVE DAVE’S. So when America didn’t make those shows big hits they were rejecting me personally. Not that I hold a grudge.


And finally, one from DwWashburn (I wonder if it’s the same guy the Monkees sang about):

Many sitcoms used to end their tags with a freeze frame over which the beginning of the end credits was superimposed. Did the director instruct the actors to "ham it up" or something else significant so that an interesting pose or facial expression could be used in that freeze frame.

God, I used to hate that practice. None of my shows ever employed it. Directors didn’t have to instruct the actors in those shows. Most of them mugged shamelessly anyway. Plus if you hit pause at practically any moment you will find the actors frozen in goofy poses and expressions. Hey, maybe more people would warm to Katie Couric if she ended each newscast like that.

The Olympics? Again?

Really, where have the four years gone? Friday is the gala opening ceremonies of the Olympics which is really the Orange Bowl halftime show but with many nations. All that will be missing is Micahel Buble singing “One moment in time”. But it is fun to watch with your kids…until you ask them where some of these countries are. Many American students today can’t even tell you where Canada is, so good luck asking if they’ve ever heard of Lesotho.

Since the Olympics are in Beijing, China (no kids, that’s not in Europe) a lot of the televised events will be tape delayed in America, which is confusing on the one hand but a great way to get rich on the other. Just get the results on-line then bet your friends. I can’t tell you how much money I made last time on the Equestrian events alone!

Personally, I root for the athletes of the dinky countries (home to most of my blog readers). I say “Go Kyrgyzstan! On Tuvalu! Let’s hear it for Qatar! Hail Hail Freedonia!

I love that once every four years these dots on the map can send their best three or four guys to compete with the world.

You do have to wonder however, what kind of TV coverage they have in these tiny nations. While we get thousands of hours on multiple channels and endless streaming I imagine Kyrgyzstan just gave high jumper Tatyana Efimenko a camera-phone and said shoot what you can. (She’s pretty hot by the way.)

You gotta love the little guys. After Puerto Rico stomped our dream team don’t you wish that Togo had a men’s basketball squad?

And talk about a story to inspire the human spirit -- What if, somehow, just somehow Tatyana Efimenko or Oksana Hatamkhanova won a Gold Medal?

It would be like the time the US won one in the Winter Olympics.