Ray Bradbury said, ""

Ubuntu

Ubuntu Linux has some quirks, good and bad, I wouldn´t have expected.

One of them is a dummy root superuser. There is no root: everything godlike one does, one does through sudo. This happens to be an excellent safety feature- you are by definition never logged in as root and therefore your computer is always a bit suspicious of you.

To be continued...

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 11, 2007 03:52 EST | Permalink | comments |
geekery

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Ubuntu At Long Last!

I finally installed Ubuntu.

One catch: I can't figure out how to partition more than 4.2 gigs for it; it has barely enough memory allocated to it to run. Meanwhile, I've got 28 gigs free space post-partitioning into Windows, Ubuntu, and Ubuntu command-line system. What gives?

Anyone out there know how to manually partition a hard-drive?

Update: I've got a monster headache. A pounding, storming, gallomphing headache. I think most of it is simply sheer frustration.

Update x2: Ok. I deleted the previous partition and reinstalled Ubuntu onto a 20 gig allocation. Not much, but it´ll do.

So far?

Interface: 10/10 (Perfect)
Control: 7.5/10 (Mouse is a little grabby right now)
Speed: 6/10 (Might have to hack some prefetch)
Graphics: 8/10 (Nothing overt)
Power: 16/10 (I am a god)

Update x3: That headache? Still there.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 09, 2007 23:09 EST | Permalink | comments |
geekery

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Your Sunday Jazz

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 08, 2007 12:16 EST | Permalink | comments |
music

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Woo Hoo! Books!

I got:

Jon Winokur's "The Big Curmudgeon: 2,500 Irreverantly Outrageous Quotations from World Class Grumps and Cantankerous Commentators"

Salman Rushdie's "Fury"

Neal Stephenson's "Snow Crash"

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 07, 2007 14:01 EST | Permalink | comments |
books

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Things to Remember

If, while leaving your house to work a few hours of weekend overtime, you see a bloody mess of broken glass on the sidewalk a few feet from your door, it might be a good idea to crawl back into bed.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 07, 2007 11:04 EST | Permalink | comments |
life

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Saturday Wee-Morning Wikigroaning

This is bad.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betty_Boop
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toot_Braunstein

Beware, this one might convince you that there is no God.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 07, 2007 03:37 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, discoveries, boredomblogging, wikigroaning

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Another Would-be Darwin Award Winner

As I've said before, I have an interesting job. One of its perks is being around people who, being impervious to sarcasm, are at any moment capable of gross violations of the law of self-preservation.

Coworker: [pulls out bundle of firecrackers] Check these out, holmes! What should I blow up?

Me: Hey, why don't you stick one in a cigarillo, shake the pack around, and then we could play Russian Roulette with them?

Coworker: [enthusiastically sets to work hollowing out a cigarillo] Sweet, holmes!

Later on...

Coworker: I'm bored.

Me: Hey, look. A test-tube with some undoubtedly virile gunk in it. Why don't you blow it up?

Coworker: Woo hoo!

Forty minutes later...

Me: Hey, look. An insulin pen. Do you know what an insulin coma is?

Coworker: No.

Me: It was used before electroshock therapies. In madhouses.

Coworker: [Gleefully jabs pen with a nail and sprays a mist of insulin solution all over the place]

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 05, 2007 18:17 EST | Permalink | comments (1) |
humor, life, scruffy work

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Yeah, but the test was biased

You Are 76% Cynical

You're a full blown cynic... and probably even skeptical of these results. You have your optimistic moments, but most likely you keep them to yourself.

For a second opinion:

Your Score: Snake

You are 69% Cynical.

Watch out, don't test your patience . . . you're a snake! You make people earn your trust and they work to keep it. You make a fairly good balance of trusting people and being cautious at the same time. Don't get paranoid, though. Try concentrating on what makes you happy more than what doesn't and you'll avoid being mistrusted. Your outlook is not as cheerful as some; but that's okay. The world needs your ability to say what's on your mind and let others think what's on theirs. You're about as neutral as Switzerland, anyway. That's a good thing. You'll make more friends that way. Luckily, you will fit nicely with most any category. Ideally, you would want to look for friends/lovers who are kittens or bats. You're personality is pretty neutral in the area of cynicism. It all depends on personal preference, really. More cynical or less, bat or kitten?

You scored higher than 99% of the other people your age and gender for skepticism and sarcasm.

Beat that, Isiah. So what if the first test is biased toward people who believe Tinkerbell can come back if they only clap hard enough, and the second is nonsensical?

Those in the know, know that she only comes back when Disney decides to re-release its movie archives in order to attract a new generation of rodent-worshippers. And that no online test would be complete without "quirky" questions proving the eccentric superiority of the test-maker.

Update: Every word of this post is a lie. You figure it out.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 04, 2007 23:14 EST | Permalink | comments (1) |
boredomblogging

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Independence Day

Stop reading this. Log off, eat large quantities of bbq'd meat, and blow shit up.

Still here? Maybe this will get you in the right mood.



My way of celebrating the Fourth? Constructing a life-sized Ted Kennedy effigy out of M-80's and selling it to a 10 year old.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 04, 2007 05:48 EST | Permalink | comments (2) |
life

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Cynicism You Too Can Use In Conversation

Mix and match these snippets to impress naive college students. You'll be worshipped by the men and stained in inappropriate places by the lipstick of the women.

I'm not a communist. But I'm not stupid either.

The universe is a stochastic, temporal-independent Markov chain. Am I going to leap up and do the Tango? Are you going to kiss me? Each moment is isolated, the possibilities are born anew with each tick of the eternal clock, yet we see causality in all this. Infinite possibilities, we are not bound by the past. We are not able to predict the future. All we have is the present. So, my dear, please excuse my hand. It is conditionally independent of its prior position within my pocket. Let me show you my collection of Hume.

You are young. The world stretches before you like a field of peaches ready to be picked by illegal immigrants, who came to this country for its unprecedented opportunity and freedom. And foodstamps. Let us, like those struggling in the shadows of America, expose our hopes to the light of inquiry. Would I be lying if I said I like peaches? Would you be lying if you said I really liked the thought of Mexicans laboring in the sun for dirt wages just so I could rub your body with the juicy fruits of their back-breaking labor? I think not, my dear. I think not.

If I vote for Republicans, I will only be helping the military-industrial complex. If I vote for Democrats, I will only be helping the welfare-bureaucrat complex. If I vote for a third party, I will only be helping the tinfoil-hat complex. If I vote not at all, I will be complicit in whatever lunacy prevails. So I make sure to vote as is my civil duty.

I may be a calloused cynic, but I have a soft spot for Sailor Moon. You can do it, Sailor Moon!

If I'm such a cynic, why do I believe there is a deep order within the universe? If I'm such a cynic, why do I cry at every glurge meme I see in which a cute little girl saves a fluffy kitten? If I'm such a cynic, why do I donate my spare time to charities? Cannot a cynic believe Man is capable of astonishing acts of kindness, mercy, and altruism? Would a cynic have Tivo'd every episode of Touched by an Angel? Would a cynic admit he had a lifelong crush on Cosette?

Everything I've said was a lie.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 03, 2007 09:12 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, philosophy, satire

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Pseudo-Random Observations on a Warm July Day

My coworker required almost a minute of contemplation to understand the phrase, "heads I win, tails you lose." And he has procreated.

In my commentspam bucket: "mr. chews Asian beaverfree car pornhorse nudepokemon." I. Want. Whatever it is.

Never, ever warn someone about another person's biting wit. He will forever test the waters to see for himself, and that path inevitably leads to bukkake references.

Where I grew up, Independence Day was always celebrated in the middle of July, for some reason. You wouldn't see any firework shows til at least the 10th. In Buffalo, those fireworks start exploding in May. I still don't understand why.

We are soon to celebrate the birth of a nation and the shrugging off of tyrants. That in itself is a feat worthy of continual admiration (and occasional depression because such bravery will not likely be repeated). But who celebrates September 17th, the day our Constitution was ratified? Many countries have declared independence and undergone revolutions in the name of "liberty, equality, and fraternity"; only ours has invented a Constitution which makes that independence worth dying for.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 02, 2007 18:29 EST | Permalink | comments |
life, constitutionalism, boredomblogging

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All I Can Say...

No comment necessary. Unless you're an imam, in which case you might feel compelled to issue a fatwa against such sluttish dress.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at July 02, 2007 05:35 EST | Permalink | comments |
morning, music

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Encyclopedia Dramatica

Imagine Wikipedia without its loyal army of aspies and unemployed pedants guarding against vandalism, and contributed to entirely by teenagers.

Imagine no further.

Warning: extremely NSFW. You thought Ace's "calimari salad with a topping of headwound" was bad? Think again.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at June 30, 2007 22:26 EST | Permalink | comments |
discoveries

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True Facts About Ron Paul

• Due to a traumatic childhood accident, many of Ron Paul's internal organs are transplanted from a baboon.
• Including his sex organs.
• Ron Paul's twin brother went on to become a famous talkshow host.
• Ron Paul's favorite literary character: Gregg Stillson.
• Least favorite: that Geico gecko.
• Ron Paul once dismembered a grizzly bear with his bare hands.
• In a museum display.
• Ron Paul has never been seen to eat, drink, or defecate.
• Though he has been seen plugging himself into outlets.
• Ron Paul was on the Grassy Knoll that fateful day in Dallas.
• He was chasing pigeons with a flyswatter.
• Ron Paul does not wear a tinfoil hat.
• He does wear a tinfoil speedo.
• Ron Paul is proficient at capoira and jujitsu.
• However, he only spars against the 12 year olds at Galveston's International House-o-Kickass.
• Ron Paul is fluent in seven languages.
• Three of them are Klingon dialects.
• Ron Paul is allergic to children.
• That doesn't stop him from wearing his favorite leather jacket.
• Ron Paul once played lead guitar for Kiss.
• Gene Simmons is still terrified of him.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at June 30, 2007 12:40 EST | Permalink | comments (2) |
politics, humor, spamvoting2008

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A Conversation with a Ron Paul Spambot

Me: You know, I would actually be sympathetic to Ron Paul's campaign if he weren't, you know, completely fucking insane. A little more Mises and a little less Lew "oh no we're all in a gulag and 9/11 was a lie did I mention Mama Moonbat is right" Rockwell.

RP Spambot:

Me: You see, any candidate who explicitly condemns inflation, the pernicious effects of taxation, government intervention, and loose constitutional interpretation, would normally get my vote in less time than it takes Ted Kennedy to unbuckle himself from a submerging Oldsmobile. A Hayekian who never voted for a tax increase? A candidate who has the testicular fortitude to declare that the Constitution, not the whims of paternalistic socialists, shapes the government? I would vote for him in a minute. If he were not a raving lunatic. He is to libertarianism what Dennis Kucinich is to people who are not Martians.

RP Spambot: Oh. Can I interest you in some viagra or maybe some Canadian painkillers?

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at June 30, 2007 05:55 EST | Permalink | comments |
politics, humor, libertarianism, conversations

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Chacha!

Something Awful turned me on to Chacha.com. Chacha allows you to open a real-time chat with a guide whose purpose is to aid you in your search.

Hmmm. You mean instead of the impersonal anonymity and machine efficiency of Google, people can embarrass/terrify others with the insane shit they want to find on the internet?

You know how sometimes, waking in the middle of the night, you suddenly get a burning desire to search for something that in the cool morning light makes you wonder if you were dropped as an infant? Chacha lets you inflict that on someone else!

I've always wanted to ask another person to search for "labiacat hates you" and "buzkashi cheerleader pics."

Go harass the friendly people at Chacha and tell me about it.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at June 29, 2007 22:38 EST | Permalink | comments |
humor, discoveries

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lolcat politics: we're in ur hallz of powr tacksing ur harbls

Granted: Nothing any politician has said in long decades could be described as "eloquent" or even "not bullshit."

Granted: even in the best of times, government is an inept, perpetually horny, sticky-fingered servant. In these days, mockery and disdain of our elected servants can have as their limit only the length of time it takes for a Kennedy to swim to shore.

I mourn those days when statesmen uttered expressive, meaningful, and sane prose. When the Federalist was the standard of political discourse rather than "I voted for it before I voted against it." Read the Lincoln-Douglas debates; if you can find a single debate on that level in the last 50 years I will eat a kitten. with relish.

Our government is a servant. People forget this basic fact, imbue these hordes of well-groomed Chances* with fervor and passion, and end up voting for a Clinton.

Don't let the fancy talk fool you. Every time a politician opens its mouth an Oldsmobile gets its swim trunks.

Here is my idea: an amendment to the Constitution making Lolcat the official language of our elected representatives.

Let that sink in. Regardless of your personal politics, you must admit it would curb emotionalism, paternalism, and the general insanity we have seen over the years. Violations of Godwin's Law and an ever-increasing trust in its omniscience would disappear almost entirely. Sex scandals? Gone, or at least made much more laughable than prurient.

Would you call a kitten a fascist, deface pictures of it with little Hitler mustaches, entrust our children's education to it, ignore outbursts of lunacy from it, pin any hope on it, ignore its past membership in the KKK, let it stick cigars into your orifices, and put up with it raising taxes on you? No, you could not.

Lolcat is just what this nation needs to restore morality, vitality, and sanity to politics.

Update: This post cost a cool $40 million to produce. Research, writers and make-up artists, travel expenses, black tar heroin, French maid costumes and bunny suits, laboratories, etc. You know how it is.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at June 28, 2007 22:08 EST | Permalink | comments |
politics, humor, satire

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This is How I Shop

I went on a quest today in search of a coffee grinder to replace the one that martyred itself, food for my goldfish houseguest, and a pack of fishtank filters (also for my piscine houseguest).

Result: I spent an inordinate amount of time in the pet aisle playing with the dog toys, contemplating the hamster wheels, and laughing at the "gourmet cat food" clearly marketed toward the elderly. A short time ago, I would have yielded to the temptation of buying one of those nefariously wriggling weasel balls. Or even a squeak toy. But I resisted temptation.

After fooling around among the chew toys and "denture-friendly low-sodium medium rare filet mignon with sauteed mushrooms and a hint of red wine and Metamucil" cat food long enough to arouse suspicions that I may be a werewolf or old man in disguise, I grabbed a tube of food with the most colorful fish on it. No filters, so my piscine houseguest will simply have to either stop shitting where he eats or buy one himself on eBay.

Then came the hard part. The coffee paraphernalia aisle. Mind reeling: at $20 a coffeemaker I could buy, right now, forty seven ambrosia-dispensers. Or seven Bunn coffee makers. Or a new computer, Mr. Coffee and three of his immigrant relatives, and an aristocratic Bunn. I got out of that lair of caffeine temptation and will grind my beans using my teeth until I can safely re-enter that den of iniquity.

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at June 28, 2007 20:07 EST | Permalink | comments |
life, boredomblogging

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If I Were a Rich Man...

I would have a special order of the Oxford English Dictionary made for me. Lead-bound and precision-weighted. I would hire a heavily-muscled German female swim team to carry it for me as I fund and host political debates. These bikini'd behemoths would be trained to let fly a lead-bound lexicon at the head of any politician who uses weasel words. As one after another politician is concussed with English, the last one standing would receive a complimentary fascimile of the Constitution and a martini.*

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at June 28, 2007 05:48 EST | Permalink | comments |
boredomblogging

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In Which I Steal Jeff Goldstein's Thunder In a Mock Conversation With My Goldfish Houseguest, 2

Me: So, my Nietzchean little friend, you believe we are all doomed to an infinity of meaningless repetition, endlessly monotonous wars holocausts weddings idiocies rapes dog-walkings playground swingings and plagues. Within a timescale dwarfing a billion parardhas, infinite me's drop infinite pinches of food into an infinite number of you's bowls. And this pleases you?

Goldfish:

Me: You don't find it disturbing in the least?

Goldfish:

Me: That I will make a california roll out of you an infinite number of times and follow it with an infinite number of finely brewed cups of barooti tea?

Goldfish: *gulp*

Posted by: Tom "The Pooklekufr" Treloar at June 27, 2007 20:47 EST | Permalink | comments (4) |
humor, philosophy, boredomblogging, conversations

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