Bibertarian Apparel (Redux Squared)

Bibertarian Tees are now available again! (Now available in 2 designs: Che or Anima Dannata).

Support Urkobold's™ quest to wither the taints of all Bibertarians!

Order 2 or more for "bulk" discounts...

(thanks to highnumber for the printfection.com tip).

Bibertarian T (redux)

Updated Bibertarian Tees are Now Available!

The Urkobold® Store is Now Open!

Order your shirt(s) today and Urkobold® just might spare your taint.

Credit: Urkobold's® Minion (self) - HT to ProGlib for idea...

Another URKOBOLD Trainee in the News!

The Media Assault on American Values

Highlights:

"Heavy television viewers are much likelier than light viewers to expect government to provide retirement (64 percent to 43 percent) and health care (63 percent to 43 percent)."

versus

"Not surprisingly, light viewers are more likely than heavy viewers to contribute time or treasure to every kind of cause."

Grammarians?

Overall favorite line:

"The media's continual portrayal of clergy and believers as moral reprobates, and outrages like showing God in bed with a woman (both Fox's ''Family Guy'' and Comedy Central's Sarah Silverman Program), appear to be eroding the nation's devotion to religion."

("The survey wasn't designed to identify causal relationships between media and behavior, but it did collect information about television viewing habits. The results are compelling.")

Heelys Dangerous for Kids

Believe it or not, those gym shoes that kids are rolling around on can be dangerous. Apparently, putting a wheel in the heel of kids' shoes makes them more likely to fall. Who knew?

Accordingly, Urkobold, as a part of his "ethically investing" plan, is seeking to purchase a large quantity of stock in Heelys manufacturer. He does not want to be left out of the carnage.

He has also purchased a pair of the shoes for Mr Steven Crane.

Urkobold Solves America's Healthcare "Crisis"

Urkobold was bored, munching on some deep-fried haggis fritters while His servant flipped through Urkobold's ten thousand cable channels this weekend, when He ran across the 70s classic, Logan's Run. While watching this campy, yet fun, flick, He realized that it posited an excellent solution to the problem that is American healthcare.

URKOBOLD Announces Break Up Service: DisHarmony

URKOBOLD announced today the launching of the break up service, DisHarmony.



"Our goal is to split up otherwise happy couples by harping on those little things that love, how blind it is, oversees, and friendship ignores. We seek to make the morning crunch berriez mastication so jarring and annoying, that it becomes impossible simply to screw the cap on the toothpaste and squeeze the goddamned thing from the base and flatten as you go up (for best results)."

Included with the $100 enrollment fee is a questionnaire. Failure to answer all questions in a manner that pleases the URKOBOLD results in whithered souls, chomped taints, and the continuation of a blissful relationship.

Although most questions are private and reserved for registered members, our roving reporter has gotten permission (oh, at great cost. But that's what made it so right) to reproduce one question hier:

If your significant says that (s)he must lose 5 lbs, what do you reply?
A) No, darling - you're perfect the way you are
B) Whatever you like to feel comfortable. I'll support you.
C) Let's join a gym together!
D) That's a fucking conservative guess!!

If you reply, "D", you've got the stuff for DisHarmony.

For those who answer A-C, URKOBOLD offers classes to work on disharmonious behaviors. The six week course costs $5000 (after the $100 initial membership fee), and there is no money back guarantee.

"Failure in this course means that I'll be munching on your soul," promises the chic URKOBOLD. "Failure to execute means severe punishment. NO FAILURES."

The Department of Fairness has also issued a Statement of Intent to investigate DisHarmony, as it may discriminate against perpetually chirpy and perky people. "Even those people who wanted to 'build community' and organize company-wide capture the flag games have the need to break up. We just want to ensure that the appropriate cross section of diversity is allowed to participate in the URKOBOLD's business enterprise. We have the commerce clause and the 'chidren' to think of here."

URKOBOLD was unavailable for comment.

URKOBOLD's DisHarmony. Now accepting applications. First come, first broken hearted. Remember, with URKOBOLD's DisHarmony, you can go from this:



to this:








(not legal in CA, FL, IN, MI, TX, UT. All rights reserved. Credit the artists. H/T D.A.R)

URKOBOLD's Health Beat

THIS JUST IN

Mr. Steven Crane, minion of URKOBOLD is a-okay. Successful 409 and Nehi therapy, along with a nice, new collar means that he'll be back up to normal any day now.

"We have made sure Mr. Crane will be comfortable, and that his nether regions will be kept secure from further irritation and potential damage," said a spokesperson for the local care center. "He proved to be an extremely cooperative, intelligent, and well-informed patient. For example, he did understand that 'analgesic' pills are to be taken orally."

Good prognosis.

"We are confident that Mr. Steven Crane will be back in the saddle again soon. But please join us in wishing him well."


His people released the following picture of Mr. Crane upon discharge from the care center.





(credit the artist)

highnumber's smallface Raises a Glass to Proto Libertate

It is not obvious in this photo, but he has, disturbingly, grown a mullet naturally.

Startling Footage From the Birth of Mr & Mrs ProGLib's Daughter

Happy Monkey Tuesday!

The Miracle of Childbirth

In honor of ProGLib and his baby's mama, enjoy this classic Penn Jillette radio show. In this episode from May 22, 2006 Penn abruptly leaves the studio in a rush to the hospital to attend his son's birth. Penn continues the show on his cell phone while avoiding traffic at 90 MPH.

Thanks to pennfans.net for archiving the entire run of the show here.

ZOD 2008

via Doktor T who, despite his best efforts, is still a physicist. URKOBOLD will snack on his whithered innards all in good time [evil laughter* wheeze. koff koff* damned allergy season* more controlled evil laughter]

hier is
UNpartisan und its citation.

(h/t Doktor T. And credit the artists)

Don't forget the sign the petition!

Piefkes Can Have Fun, too

Who says Germans can't have fun? Gabelstaplerfahrer Klaus demonstrates!

(credit the artist)

The Ultimate Troll? (with respect to Urkobold®, of course)

Could this be the pinnacle of trollishness?

Most trolls will try to defend their views with senseless rhetoric, but at least they allow you to counter. Not these guys! They make their point in the process of dying...how can you argue with that?!

Urkobold®, were you behind this?

Florida Burning

Check out this map showing current wildfires in the State of Florida.

I came home for lunch, turned on the news, and the headline at the moment: "Division of Forestry increases wildfire alert level to 5"

Gee, guys, thanks for the info. The entire top half of Florida is covered in smoke; who woulda thunk we're more prone to fires right now? What would we do without these officials keeping an eye out on behalf of us dumb-folk?

GOP Presidential Debate

Just finished watching the debate. I have only one thing to say about that:

They can all suck a big fatty! Except Dr. Paul, of course.

SUCK IT!




Photo credit to source and models...

bad news for bibertarians.

If you have purchased a baby bib from Wal-Mart in the past three years, listen up -- the superstore is recalling "Baby Connection" bibs(made exclusively for the chain by Hamco Inc.) due to unsafe levels of lead. At first, the recall was just for the state of Illinois, but is now nationwide. The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has weighed in on the matter as well, stating that "there is a potential risk of lead exposure from baby bibs with cracked or peeling vinyl surfaces."

from chicagoist.

however, mr. pibbertarians had this to say about the subject:

crazy delicious, man. crazy delicious.

Bibertarians for Biberty

There are those who wish to free men's minds and bodies. Those we call libertarians.

There are those who wish to enslave men's minds and bodies. To protect them. Those we call. . .

BIBERTARIANS.

Fight for your biberty, my brothers and sisters! You have nothing to lose but your hassles!