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This week's question comes from a guy whose girlfriend dumped him before leaving the city, and now that she's back, she wants him back.
reader’s question
Hey Doc,
I’m 23 and I started reading "The System" two years ago. My older brother, who had just recently married, gave me his copy of your book after his wedding and told me to read it and learn from it. At the time, I was involved with Lisette and thought, “Why the heck do I need a dating book?” But I read it and found it really interesting. The principles worked and things seemed to be going just fine between us. I was a Challenge. We both had our own circle of friends and kept things fresh.
I started dating Lisette when I was 21 and she was 18. It was young love. She always talked about marriage and she even wanted me to move in with her when we were both attending university in the same city. I thought we were too young, and told her it was best to take things slow and put an emphasis on school first.
she broke it off
About nine months ago, Lisette decided that she wanted to try new things, and since she was moving away for a university work term, she decided we needed some time apart and to see other people. I was floored. Since then, I’ve been using "The System" extensively and have had real success with it. I am enjoying the company of plenty of nice women. The problem is that Lisette is home and she wants me back. I know your rule is to never go back with an “ex.”
she wants him back
When Lisette split, she still wanted to be friends, but I declined and eliminated her from my life. It was tough, but we never spoke from the day she broke up with me, until a few weeks ago when she came back to town. She wanted to go out for coffee and I said “no.” Then I got an e-mail from her pouring her heart out, saying she didn't date anyone else when she was away and that she made the biggest mistake of her life.
What should I do, Doc? I know that the rule is to never go back with an ex, and I also know that you warn us about young girls. My life is good, and I don’t have bad memories from my relationship with Lisette, except the sour taste from the breakup. Should I delete her e-mail? Or should I go for coffee and see for myself?
Dirk - who has to admit he’s curious
doc love’s answer
Hi Dirk,
Let me tell you something: My book is not just about dating -- it’s also about keeping a man’s wife happy. Why your brother gave you his copy of my book I’ll never understand. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, “I sure hope your brother knows what the heck he’s doing!”
Find out if Dirk should take his ex back... Next >>
Well for one thing, you two were YOUNG, but doesnt mean she never really thought about it before you two broke up. She knew you two were busy with your school and that it was getting less interest because of it. I think she really gave it consideration now that she knows that she has true feelings for you. Possible? yes.. or no. Maybe she couldnt find a man that was like you, treated her right and focused on your own life like you do. I dunno, I had an ex cheat on me, got preg, then the father found out she was preg, left her and she begged me to take her back even thought she broke up with me. I told her no. But a High School Sweetheart wanting to get back together because we were going to two different colleges thousands of miles apart isnt a BAD break up. If you two had a mutual break up, then sure id give it another shot... but if it was a one dump the other, dont do it.
Sun, Dec.31st 2006
RATING:
Ryan says:
I agree with Doc Love, for the most part. I think getting back with an ex may be okay if enough time has passed that the two of you have both moved on and want to start something new. But no relationship will work if you try to rekindle what once was. Doc is right though...you have to be TOUGH. Don't get back together if you have any lingering feelings from the first time around.
Sat, Dec.30th 2006
RATING:
M says:
Hey... think these advise isn't relevant here. Many women there are not out to screw up men and vice versa. men and women alike are real people with feelings and possibly lack relationship decisions and the wisdom to do things right all the time in the midst of emotional confusion. there is really no fast rules here. Besides, having a forgiving heart frees each other and a burden free journey in life.
Fri, Dec.29th 2006
RATING:
Chris says:
Doc love was absolutely right on the issue with an EX. Once it�s over, cut all the BS and this will save yourself some sanity. Especially you are the one who�s got dumped. I made so many mistakes in the past by hanging around and �staying as friends�, and hoped maybe the �chemistry� or her interest level will come back. It never works out because it is a lose-lose battle since by hanging around, we gave all our male power away and acting needy which is against the principle in the system.
The reason why we, males, found it harder to move on is our ego. We let the past dominate the present. Think about the one you dated 5 years ago who dumped you at that time, how did you get over it? You met someone new, right?
In the old Chinese philosophy, once you broke a glass, even you put all the broken pieces together, it will never be looked the same. So get a new glass for Christ sake!
Chris, who read the system as the male bible.
Thu, Dec.28th 2006
RATING: n/a
Lenny Sweetwood says:
Taking an ex back is like buying a used car that you once owned! It' makes no sense. There are SO many woman out there to deal with someone that doesn't appreciate you enough to stick around. In other words...NEXT
Tue, Dec.26th 2006
RATING: n/a
TONY says:
im not so sure about this one. I dated my ex when we were 17 ( im24) she left me basically to whore around. i didnt see her for 5 years, and i ran into her. We started dating again and i was in complete control. Unfortunatly, she was more commited the second time around than i was, i ended up breaking up with her. This was 2 years ago, and i regret never seizing the opportunity the second time we dated to have something special. I messed up, now i kick myself in the head... ha!
Mon, Dec.25th 2006
RATING:
Alain says:
Never even give her the chance to hear you to say the "no!" word. you should disapear as soon as you can and how can you guys let a girl hurt your ego? wake up, guys! a woman who truely loves you will never even consider to hurt your feelings...
Mon, Dec.25th 2006
RATING: n/a
Paul says:
Eh, I don't know how you could base a decision like this on an advice column on the internet. This from a guy who insists on getting a girl's "home phone number." Most of the girls (ok, maybe because I'm in Israel) I know don't even ANSWER their home phone because it's all cell phones these days. Is it 1991?
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