This week's question comes from a guy who keeps breaking up and getting back together with the same girl. Should he finally call it quits?
reader’s question
Hey Doc,I’ve known Candace for about eight years. In all that time, we’ve dated off and on constantly. Every time we get together, things are fantastic for a month or two, and then Candace shuts down emotionally and becomes very closed up. Our conversations then tend to become very shallow and don’t go much beyond what happened at work that day, and then they disappear altogether. As you might imagine, this is enormously frustrating. Eventually, it leads to our breaking up because I simply can’t communicate with the girl.
on again, off again
Before we got back together the last time, Candace spent some time thinking things over to avoid the past mistakes that led to our splitting up. However, after about four months, we ended up breaking it off again. This time, I was the one who initiated it. At that point, I was beyond frustrated and tired of pretending that we had a real relationship.Doc, to put it bluntly, I’m too old for this. However, there has always been some sort of deep emotional connection between Candace and me that always brings us back together. It just seems like she gets afraid when things are good, so she shuts down and things end up going bad. At least that’s how I see it from where I stand.
is there any hope?
Now I’m wondering if I did the right thing. I waited three weeks to contact Candace, apologized for my stupidity and tried to get her to talk to me. So far, she has not responded. Now I don’t know if this is the same cycle playing itself out and our deep connection is still there or if it’s really over this time and I should just let her go and try to get on with my life.What do you think, Doc? Any insight whatsoever would be greatly appreciated.
Riles - who wonders if his time has finally run out
doc love’s answer
Hi Riles,Candace doesn’t really shut down emotionally after she’s been around you for a while. You’re rationalizing her odd behavior, which as you’d know if you’d studied my material, is a major no-no. The truth of the matter is that this girl does a perfect imitation of a clam because she just gets tired of faking high Interest Level.
Know why you can’t talk to Candace? Because it takes two people to have a conversation and you have her mixed up with somebody who wants to communicate. It’s really a very simple matter, pal. Like Woody Allen says, “I’ve got a better relationship with my shrink, and she only says two words per session.”
she's not interested
Candace’s true past mistake was that she spent time with a guy who she had only 45% Interest Level in. Remember what I’ve told you guys over and over again: When her Interest Level is in the 40s, she’ll hang around with you, but don’t make the mistake of believing that you have any kind of legitimate hold on her, because you don’t.How to break the breakup cycle and more relationship advice... Next >>
