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How will you die? Maybe you'll die in your sleep. Maybe in a car accident. Or maybe, like this guy, you'll impale yourself on an ornate kitchen chair |
(97) |
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The newest booming market among DIY professionals? Providing services to step in and finish the job after you've already tried and FUBARed it |
(96) |
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Pahrump, Nevada passes law forbidding display of foreign flags, including Mexico, East Asia, and Oceania |
(225) |
| (Worcester Telegram) |
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Man robs bank where his grandmother works as a teller. But he's not an inconsiderate shiat; he checked with her first so he could schedule the robbery on her day off |
(19) |
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Not News: A flock of wild chickens is slowly dying out. News: Poisoning suspected. Fark.com: The chickens live on a busy roundabout |
(39) |
| (Some Happy Farker) |
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Fark Party Arlington, TX. J Gilligan's Bar and Grill. December 9th. 8pm. Be there...or not. But all the cool kids will |
(92) |
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Oil falls to under $57 a barrel on the news of Opie and Anthony doing another 55 Gallon drum challenge |
(70) |
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Heidi Fleiss hires convicted rapist Mike Tyson to be her "big stallion" at her new brothel for women. What could possibly go wrong? |
(189) |
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Photoshop these jellyfish. Difficulty: No peanut butter |
(92) |
| (WBIR.com) |
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Tennessee state senator feeds suspected teenage thieves cookies . . . at gunpoint |
(57) |
| (celeb slap) |
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Divorce has a geeky side to it: Britney Spears and K-Fed deleted each other off their myspace friends list |
(83) |
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For those of you in Lowell Indiana, I-65 is closed so you will have to find another route to escape the toxic cloud of sodium hydrosulfite |
(30) |
| (whotv.com) |
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Pope Benedict 16th defrocks two Des Moines priests, which means they can no longer identify themselves as priests on their myspace page or in chat rooms |
(51) |
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Lawyer tries to argue that sex with deer is legal by citing both a dictionary and Billy Crystal in The Princess Bride. O RLY? YA RLY |
(173) |
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China unblocks Wikipedia after year-long ban. Er, correction: Wikipedia was never blocked in China |
(45) |
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When you have only 10 PS3s to sell and 50 customers waiting outside, just put ten chairs in the parking lot and have everybody race for it. What could possibly go wrong? |
(171) |
| (officer.com) |
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Woman placed in police squad shoots self with concealed gun. After the fact, police added charges for the gun and crack pipe they didn't find while searching her |
(25) |
| (Same Guy) |
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Law states it is ok for a lady to post a sign in her yard urging a convicted sex offender to leave her neighborhood. No word if convicted sex offender has a sign in his yard stating he was convicted of a sex crime |
(139) |
| (Daily Bulletin) |
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Guy who was supposed to be on Yankee Corey Lidle's plane dies in plane crash. Waylon Jennings unavailable for comment |
(97) |
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Apparently, taking a cab to meet an underage girl online for sex while your pockets are full of pot hasn't gotten old in Arkansas |
(63) |
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Study says Date Rape Drug use not widespread. Most who think they were drugged just drank too much |
(128) |
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Democrats enjoying ability to piss off Republicans, move to have minimum wage raised another two bucks |
(900) |
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Amount of crap produced by amateurs will soon exceed the amount of crap produced by professionals on the web, Google says. Here's some more crap from an amateur to clog the tubes |
(48) |
| (WRAL.com) |
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Cops bag three-foot suspect and friend at motel |
(32) |
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Milton Friedman has died at 94. Funeral services will be held as market forces dictate |
(157) |
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Christian politician defends the right of 17 year old girls to run around school in their underwear |
(192) |
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Man joins the 'Inordinate Amount Of Cash With Mysterious Files On Laptop' Club |
(92) |
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Everything's bigger in Texas, including the discrepancies between voters and number of votes cast |
(149) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Good news: Four bodies now recovered in effort to locate missing couple. Bad News: Still no word on missing couple. Bonus: Best place to dump a body found |
(86) |
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L.A. hospital charged with dumping homeless patients on Skid Row. Sebastian Bach unavailable for comment |
(62) |
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Saga of the Missing Toddler takes a more surprising twist than sex photos -- the child's father is giving Nancy Grace credit after new developments in the case |
(71) |
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Cat gives birth to puppies? Your dog wants fish |
(152) |
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Deer clog state and national parks. Homeless and Hungry clog streets. Prisoners have little skills and need to learn a trade. Put them together and... |
(74) |
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"He slit the throat of a goat, a small snake and stabbed a black crow in the chest, stirred their blood with spice and broccoli before drank the "potion" and smeared some on his face." Man, this guy really hates Bush |
(81) |
| (Dayton News Journal) |
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Mayor's advice to citizen: If you're going to fire a gun near school grounds don't tell anyone. Headline may seem misleading, but remember: it's Florida |
(14) |
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Dorks protest in London to pressure United Nations to recognize 'Jedi' as a religion (with DorkPic goodness) |
(179) |
| (Daily Bulletin) |
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Cucamonga motorcyclist falls victim to "Death By YouTube" |
(133) |
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New study finds that purses can sicken owners. God, we don't ask for much, but please smite Paris Hilton |
(23) |
| (Chattanoogan) |
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Tennessee wildlife agency hired private firm to increase sales of hunting licenses. What could possibly... BANG ...go wrong? |
(11) |
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U.S. military declares high-tech war on insurgent Times Square pigeons after plastic owl forced to cut and run. "By the third day I swear the pigeons wanted to mate with it" |
(34) |
| (Daily Bruin) |
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UCLA students demonstrate that if you lean far enough Left, you end up Right |
(123) |
| (NYDN) |
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How New York students 'skirt' the school ban on cells: "It isn't hard for girls at all ... You take the cell battery out, put it in your book bag, then you stick your phone where the sun don't shine" |
(194) |
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Hundreds of residents "living like animals" after apartment complex renovators fail to consider possibility of rain |
(18) |
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Is a Magazine Worth $2.4 Billion? (p. 198) |
(76) |
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MI5, Britain's domestic intelligence service, explains that James Bond "owns a cat named Hoogli" |
(33) |
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God REALLY hates ice-skating preschoolers |
(95) |
| (heraldonline.com) |
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Rogue sea lion bites at least 14 people around San Francisco, prompting city to temporarily close area to swimmers. In other news, people are swimming around San Francisco in November |
(60) |
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Queen Elizabeth to visit US for Jamestown anniversary. Reggie Jackson ordered to keep 500 feet away at all times |
(81) |
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A couple of grannies rob a student on a commuter train, said to assault you by pinching your cheeks and then your wallet |
(20) |
| (Las Cruces Sun-News) |
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New Mexico State to start selling alcohol at basketball games. "We asked our season ticket holders, boosters and students, and one of the things that consistently came up was they'd be interested in drinking a beer..." |
(57) |
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Tennessee paper publishes names of people in the state that the IRS wants to refund money to. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this |
(24) |
| (WSMV Nashville) |
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Thousands of people attempting to vote for Mario Lopez on Dancing with the Stars instead ended up talking to a woman on her cellphone in Grandview, MO |
(41) |
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David Gest pitches a tantrum when hotel can't get him zebra milk, rejects offers of cow, goat, sheep, and soya. The Sun is there |
(103) |
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Three hundred terrified residents sign petition demanding near-blind driver not be allowed to get his beginner's license after a string of crashes while trying (w/ pic that would have you signing the petition too) |
(96) |
| (Daily Camera) |
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Stop me if you've heard this one: Boulder county, dead child, parents refuse to talk to police, no arrests, incompetent DA, growing national spotlight |
(75) |
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Good news: second body found in search for couple lost in reservoir. Bad news: neither body was from missing couple. Bonus: plane helping with search effort crashes |
(82) |
| (Financial Times) |
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You think US politics are bad, try being the guy who is "running" against Hugo Chavez |
(82) |
| (NBC) |
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Residents near Andrews Air Force Base report seeing big cats. Air Force denies suspected breaches at its Liger Breeding Facility |
(55) |
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Spain unveils Mideast peace plan, pulls out playbook from late 1400s for reference |
(183) |
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Pakistans amended rape law not going very well with the fundies. Mass protests vowed to demand the stonings back. Awesome fiery footage expected for the news at 11 |
(197) |
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If you're a serial rapist attacking a woman and grab her phone while she's talking to police do ask them to send a cab. They will most certainly send someone to give you a lift |
(48) |
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House Democrats officially name Nancy Pelosi (D-Eerinheadlights) as speaker-elect |
(458) |
| (petetownshend) |
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Photoshop this aging rock god |
(85) |
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Current holder of endurance grape-catching record attempts to set speed record, catching 116 grapes in his mouth in 3 minutes |
(25) |
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Taco Bell to cut use of trans fats to cater to all three of its health-conscious customers |
(72) |
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Life size Lego Batman and other toys that you can't afford for your kid |
(61) |
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UCLA police officer shocks student with stun gun at a campus library after student refuses to show ID. The fact that his name was Mostafa Tabatabainejad and not Bob Smith probably had something to do with it |
(896) |
| (NBC5) |
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Five shot in Detroit shooting spree, manhunt underway |
(133) |
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Today's story of a cunning armed robbery foiled because there was only enough gas in the getaway car to go 800 metres brought to you be Romania and these half-wits |
(10) |
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Sacha Baron Cohen gives first ever interview on Borat out of character, says the joke is not on Kazakhstan but on the people who believe the Kazakhstan he describes could actually exist |
(260) |
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Man escapes from jail by digging his way out a la Shawshank Redemption |
(69) |
| (Some Guy) |
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One minute you're canoeing along the river, the next you're punching an enraged Zambezi shark in the face. See kids, this is why you don't help people |
(57) |
| (Star Bulletin) |
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In a warning to the entire cast of Lost, Hawaiian driver sentenced to five years in PMITA for drunk driving |
(49) |
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Golden Gate Bridge's board of directors mulling corporate sponsorship, despite increased tolls and parking fees. "This poorly-managed national treasure brought to you by the highest bidder" |
(56) |
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Remember that chimp that pulled a fire alarm two months ago? She's at it again |
(43) |
| (ABC 7) |
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Ric Romero discovers that credit card numbers are sometimes stolen and sold online |
(105) |
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Idaho town passes ordinance that says all residents must own a gun at home in case they are overrun by refugees from the Gulf Coast |
(169) |
| (Newsradio88) |
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9 months later, Vivi the California show-dog's excellent NY search for steak adventure continues |
(30) |
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Meet the latest member of the underachieving 2006 hurricane season: Sergio. He sucks more than he blows too |
(23) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Just when you thought it couldnt get more ridiculous: Dinosaurs really were in the Bible, because made up creatures it mentions kinda sorta maybe could be Dinosaurs |
(too many) |
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Woman who drank 5,000 litres of Coca-Cola sues the company for making her sick, claiming she became "addicted" to its malted ass-flavored goodness. And wins her case |
(102) |
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In a surprising turn of events that could not have been foreseen by anybody, supplies of the newest videogame consoles are expected to fall well short of demand |
(252) |
| (Albany Times Union) |
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Reporter discovers that kids can be picky eaters. Ric Romero can't believe he got scooped on this one |
(41) |
| (Metrowest Daily News) |
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Police unsure why man dumped so much water throughout his apartment that it leaked through the floor, but suspect his high level of intoxication may have had something to do with it |
(16) |
| (NY Daily News) |
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True sign of the holiday season in NYC? Rockettes dancing on 6th Ave, Lord & Taylor opening their window display or the Rockefeller Tree going up? Nope, it's the first Gridlock alert |
(30) |
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Police stop strip show at the quarterly meeting of the International Order of Old Bastards. In other news theres an International Order of Old Bastards |
(49) |
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Nerds riot while camping outside in anticipation of the newest PlayStation 3. They reportedly ran out of Mountain Dew, Doritos, and there was something about problems with "sloppy seconds" and "inflatable girlfriends" whatever that' |
(145) |
| (Bloomberg) |
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Oil prices fall below $59/barrel on news of Emmitt Smith winning Dancing with the Stars |
(38) |
| (Whiotv.com) |
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Bush goes on trip to reassure Asian allies. Had to first undergo three hours of "'Asian,' not 'Oriental'" coaching |
(154) |
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The new law banning Internet gambling may allow the island of Antigua to legally flout U.S. copyright law. I'll see your Disney DVDs and raise you a copy of Windows Vista |
(83) |
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Hours after NOAA cancels tsunami warning, 6-ft tsunami hits Crescent City CA causing $700,000 in damage |
(74) |
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Montreal Police advised not to send female cops to deal with men whose religion forbids them to deal with women as equals |
(251) |
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Turns out the Dead Sea is only...mostly dead. Needs more than a chocolate-coated pill to be revived, though |
(72) |
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Lawyers debate whether roadkill is an "animal" or just another notch on your bumper. Time to wake up, deer |
(52) |
| (WRAL) |
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Mother who left her kid in a running car only to have said car stolen, shocked, SHOCKED when cops want to chat about her parental skills |
(45) |
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Bird flu "mutating into a human virus which could kill 50 million people." When it's time to scaremonger, The Sun is there |
(68) |
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Beauty queen trading tiara for flak jacket |
(284) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this beach couple |
(43) |
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Insurance companies tell people suffering from eating disorders to "Man up skinny girl" as they stop paying for treatment |
(127) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Kindergartener suspended after using his Swiss Army knife to open his lunch at school |
(104) |
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Target tries to buy off the Salvation Army with a cool million |
(75) |
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Growing numbers of Japanese women are afflicted with an illness that gives them orgasms almost 24 hours a day. These poor women hardly know if they're coming or going |
(92) |
| (farktography) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 80: "flower power II" |
(239) |
| (WRAL) |
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Homeless hired to stand in line to buy PS3 |
(94) |
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McCain throws his hat into the Presidential ring |
(247) |
| (Gazette) |
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Stabby day on Fark.com continues as workers at J.C. Penny in Gaithersburg take time out of cutting prices to do the same to each other |
(31) |
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Australian church organises national rain prayer, God responds with cricket ball-sized hail |
(28) |
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Communists learn how cool capitalism is, as they spend U.S. funds for democracy in Cuba on crab meat, cashmere sweaters, computer games and chocolates |
(35) |
| (thestar.com.my) |
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Teachers lifting up school girls' skirts to find out who is menstruating is just plain wrong. Period |
(126) |
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The Saga of the Missing Toddler takes a surprising twist again, it looks like he may still be with us |
(40) |
