March 18, 2005 - March Madness is a time to reflect, not only on the insanity of the upsets on screen, but how everybody is trying to make a buck at the expense of the kids. Why is it the only ones not making a dime off this tournament are the players?
Anyway, in honor of school spirit, and the spirit of greedy schools, we present you with our list of five of the goofiest gifts you can buy for your favorite (or least favorite) fan.
Dick Vitale Alarm Clock
Ever wish you could wake up to the sounds of "You're a real diaper dandy!" or "It's awesome baby!"? Then you need some serious mental help. But before they come and throw the straight jacket on you, you can order the official Dick Vitale Alarm clock for only $19.99. You can even add it to you wedding registry if you're so inclined, just don't expect your fianc� to show up at the wedding. And here's a hint, she didn't oversleep.
Buy it now!
Illinois Brass Finish Doorknocker
Nothing says #1 in the country like a $50 brass doorknocker. Better yet, nothing says you need a life more than the free engraving they give you so everybody knows what super fan lives at the orange house on the corner. The 3 inch by 7 � inch "Antique Brass Finish" doorknockers can even be engraved with a school phrase if so desired. But with all of the upsets that typically happen during March Madness, don't buy the National Champs engraving before they actually win it. Then again, you could always knock on wood.
Buy it now!
Alabama Cheerleader Ornament
Like the team, this ornament is made of glass, making it the perfect gift for anyone still upset about Alabama's first round loss to Wisconsin-Milwaukee (you know the basketball powerhouse that is Wisconsin-Milwaukee, right?). To top things off, the $29.99 ornament is "handmade in Poland". What do people in Poland know about cheerleaders in Alabama? Sounds like a bad bar joke, but really, it's a serious question.
Buy it now!
Wake Forest Executive Table Lamp
What industry tycoon wouldn't want this "executive" lamp to light up the office while watching old tapes of Tim Duncan on the plasma? And at $229.99 a lamp, you better hope the Demon Deacons come through and win the office pool, or you're going to be left sitting in the dark, dreaming of this "Tiffany-style" stained glass accessory.
Buy it now!
Duke Santa Figure
Forget red, Santa is a Blue Devil at heart, and this figurine proves it. Complete with an elf holding up the Duke banner, I never knew the North Pole was so full of front runners. I guess this explains all those gift shots Christian Laettner made against Kentucky. But when is it in the holiday spirit to step on an opponent's chest?
Buy it now!
Dick Vitale Alarm Clock
Ever wish you could wake up to the sounds of "You're a real diaper dandy!" or "It's awesome baby!"? Then you need some serious mental help. But before they come and throw the straight jacket on you, you can order the official Dick Vitale Alarm clock for only $19.99. You can even add it to you wedding registry if you're so inclined, just don't expect your fianc� to show up at the wedding. And here's a hint, she didn't oversleep.
 |
Buy it now!
Illinois Brass Finish Doorknocker
 |  | |
Nothing says #1 in the country like a $50 brass doorknocker. Better yet, nothing says you need a life more than the free engraving they give you so everybody knows what super fan lives at the orange house on the corner. The 3 inch by 7 � inch "Antique Brass Finish" doorknockers can even be engraved with a school phrase if so desired. But with all of the upsets that typically happen during March Madness, don't buy the National Champs engraving before they actually win it. Then again, you could always knock on wood.
Buy it now!
Alabama Cheerleader Ornament
|  | |
Like the team, this ornament is made of glass, making it the perfect gift for anyone still upset about Alabama's first round loss to Wisconsin-Milwaukee (you know the basketball powerhouse that is Wisconsin-Milwaukee, right?). To top things off, the $29.99 ornament is "handmade in Poland". What do people in Poland know about cheerleaders in Alabama? Sounds like a bad bar joke, but really, it's a serious question.
Buy it now!
Wake Forest Executive Table Lamp
 |
What industry tycoon wouldn't want this "executive" lamp to light up the office while watching old tapes of Tim Duncan on the plasma? And at $229.99 a lamp, you better hope the Demon Deacons come through and win the office pool, or you're going to be left sitting in the dark, dreaming of this "Tiffany-style" stained glass accessory.
Buy it now!
Duke Santa Figure
 |
Forget red, Santa is a Blue Devil at heart, and this figurine proves it. Complete with an elf holding up the Duke banner, I never knew the North Pole was so full of front runners. I guess this explains all those gift shots Christian Laettner made against Kentucky. But when is it in the holiday spirit to step on an opponent's chest?
Buy it now!
